Am I a bitch? Update.

[shan-ah-doo]

My brother is hosting an 8th grade graduation for his twin kids. So that's not one money envelope but two that we and the rest of the guests will be giving. Anyway, they made it a byob and having others bring side dishes.

I texted my sister (who shares a house with my brother) and told her that it was tacky to have guests supply booze and food when most are already giving generous gifts. She basically tried to paint a picture of me as if I were shaming them for being poor. That was not at all what I was saying but I've also been known to be a blunt bitch so I could have come off as being insensitive.

Am I wrong?

Update********

My sister apologized and agreed she took it way too far and was being overly sensitive.

[theseaword]

You're not wrong. It's rude to ask your guests to supply food and drink for your party. Hosting 101.

[imapenguin]

I would be ok with this setup coming out of high school when kids need money to pay for college or move out, but why do kids need money to go to high school?

[Tlex]

I think maybe this boils down to whether or not you find the entire concept of potlucks/byob tacky. Some find them uncomfortable, some can't imagine why.
What is mysterious to me here is that you guys are siblings and I would think you'd been raised similarly in regards to those kinds of events so that's interesting.

[sweptaway]

Are 8th grade graduation parties a thing now?

Yeah if they specifically said you need to bring stuff then yes it's tacky.

If you said hey can I bring something that's different.

I won't judge the byob becuase it can be hella expensive to provide booze for a party and maybe they really can't afford it?

But you're not a bitch for questioning it.

[Tlex]

I am actually more "??" about giving a cash gift to a kid for graduating 8th grade. Not something I'm used to or would think to do.

[justhorsinaround]

I agree with others here and you.

1. Its an 8th grade grad. Not high school grad.

2. IMO, its EITHER pot luck/byob and no gifts OR gifts and hosts supply food and drinks. Not both.

[silverspoon]

I don't think potlucks/Byob get togethers are tacky themselves.

That's not really hosting a party though. I also cannot fathom why 8th graders need a graduation party with gifts. That's, well, ridiculous is the word that comes to mind.

[summerdays]

May 29, 2017 19:55:19 GMT -6 shan-ah-doo said:

My brother is hosting an 8th grade graduation for his twin kids. So that's not one money envelope but two that we and the rest of the guests will be giving. Anyway, they made it a byob and having others bring side dishes.

I texted my sister (who shares a house with my brother) and told her that it was tacky to have guests supply booze and food when most are already giving generous gifts. She basically tried to paint a picture of me as if I were shaming them for being poor. That was not at all what I was saying but I've also been known to be a blunt bitch so I could have come off as being insensitive.

Am I wrong?

The gift giving makes this seem tacky, especially because it is an 8th grade graduation. I would think it odd having any gift giving party for finishing middle school. Just a BYOB cook out with family and friends seems fun, but expecting gifts makes it side eye-worthy to me.

[vigorousbabymama]

May 29, 2017 20:00:26 GMT -6 Tlex said:

I think maybe this boils down to whether or not you find the entire concept of potlucks/byob tacky. Some find them uncomfortable, some can't imagine why.
What is mysterious to me here is that you guys are siblings and I would think you'd been raised similarly in regards to those kinds of events so that's interesting.

This

[GhoatMonket]

May 29, 2017 20:00:26 GMT -6 Tlex said:

I think maybe this boils down to whether or not you find the entire concept of potlucks/byob tacky. Some find them uncomfortable, some can't imagine why.
What is mysterious to me here is that you guys are siblings and I would think you'd been raised similarly in regards to those kinds of events so that's interesting.

This. Potluck/BYOB is pretty par for the course here. 

Graduation parties are an exception. And an 8th grade one should have just been nothing more than a casual gathering. WTF to gifts. 

[wasabi]

May 29, 2017 20:02:33 GMT -6 Tlex said:

I am actually more "??" about giving a cash gift to a kid for graduating 8th grade. Not something I'm used to or would think to do.

Uh. Yeah. +1

Although now that I know it's a thing, I'll be looking forward to that cash money in 7 years.

[kclause]

May 29, 2017 19:56:55 GMT -6 theseaword said:

You're not wrong. It's rude to ask your guests to supply food and drink for your party. Hosting 101.

Agree. They chose to host so they need to supply. It seems odd to me that they would throw a party but ask others to bring items.

[justhorsinaround]

Yeah...i think I'm more SMH a little at gift giving expectation for an 8th grade graduation. Im usually all for potlucks.

[elodin]

I'm kind of WTFing a party for an 8th grade graduation in general. They are being tacky asking for all that.

[imapenguin]

Yeah, you can't ask for gifts and for people to bring their own party. That is tacky, you are not a bitch.

[AnnPerkins]

Potlucks for gift giving occasions are weird.

[wasabi]

So yeah I don't think you're a bitch

[ironegg]

If it's is a family thing, I don't think BYOB is strange. But I have never actually been to a grad party for middle school, so idk.

But no, I don't think you're a bitch for questioning it to your sister. It's not like it's your neighbor that you never see; it is your sister.

[shan-ah-doo]

May 29, 2017 20:02:33 GMT -6 Tlex said:

I am actually more "??" about giving a cash gift to a kid for graduating 8th grade. Not something I'm used to or would think to do.

That is the norm around here.

[Deleted]

Is there an actual graduation ceremony?

[misskilljoy]

I am confused about why there is a family-hosted gathering for a grade 8 graduation at all. Is this a thing people do? I have never heard of a family party for graduating anything - elementary, high school, university. Pretty much no one but my parents cared that I graduated from whatever level of schooling. 

[shan-ah-doo]

May 29, 2017 20:09:51 GMT -6 AnnPerkins said:

Potlucks for gift giving occasions are weird.

Yes. I don't frown on pot lucks but it's weird for a gift receiving party.

[shan-ah-doo]

May 29, 2017 20:10:46 GMT -6 @rocksforludo said:

Is there an actual graduation ceremony?

Yep

[Deleted]

May 29, 2017 20:09:51 GMT -6 AnnPerkins said:

Potlucks for gift giving occasions are weird.

This.

[shan-ah-doo]

I had no idea this was a regional thing. TIL. I've been to a hundred 8th grade graduations.

[ironegg]

I have seen pre-k grad, kinder grad, and elementary grad. I have never seen a middle school grad.

Is it formal? That may dictate my gift giving. The above are all just glorified awards assemblys here.

[misskilljoy]

May 29, 2017 20:12:42 GMT -6 shan-ah-doo said:

May 29, 2017 20:09:51 GMT -6 AnnPerkins said:

Potlucks for gift giving occasions are weird.

Yes. I don't frown on pot lucks but it's weird for a gift receiving party.

This is where I am. The BYOB thing isn't weird to me even for a gift-giving occasion, especially if money is tight, but potluck AND BYOB AND gift is a bit much.

[wasabi]

I've heard of an 8th grade graduation, but not individual graduating students getting a party with gifts.

[justhorsinaround]

May 29, 2017 20:16:12 GMT -6 wasabi said:

I've heard of an 8th grade graduation, but not individual graduating students getting a party with gifts.

This.

I remember having a pretty legit 8th grade graduation. Ceremony and all. But definitely don't remember having a graduation party, receiving gifts and all that.