danib
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Jun 19, 2017 13:37:42 GMT -6
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Post by danib on Jun 19, 2017 13:37:42 GMT -6
We have forward motion!!!!! It's acombo of inch-worm and army crawl, and only a few inches, so I'm not calling it yet, but I will soon have a crawler!
Edit: wrong thread. Oh well, leaving it.
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Cheshie6
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Post by Cheshie6 on Jun 20, 2017 21:55:09 GMT -6
It's 11:46pm and he is getting worse!?! How is he getting worse? L dozed off at 9pm, was awake by 10 and has been crying bloody murder ever since. It doesn't look like he's teething and he didn't do this for his 1st 2 teeth, he seems gassy but then he passes gas and keeps crying, He only seems happy with me holding him in a sitting up position and I can't sleep like that on my own when I had shoulder tendonitis. I'd never sleep with him like that for fear I'd accidentally roll over and smother him. He's been fed, I changed his diaper, he's in a safe place and I'm typing this not in my cool bedroom but my less than comfortably warm living room. Of course I'm alone, and I won't have anyone here with me for 2 weeks and 2 days.
I'm 90% sure he's just over tired and is suffering from FOMO and now he thinking I'm trying to do something without him.. yeah kid! I'm trying to sleep. I put him down in his cosleeper just to rearrange pillows that's what set him off! If I can't put him down at night for a second, this isn't going to work, I have to let the dogs out, I can't sleep on my back, grrrr /vent
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waitwhat
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Post by waitwhat on Jun 21, 2017 3:45:47 GMT -6
Oh Cheshie6 that's rough. What about putting a shirt or something that smells like you in the co sleeper with him? I hope he was able to settle down and that you are both sleeping now.
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danib
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Post by danib on Jun 21, 2017 4:48:36 GMT -6
I'm sorry Cheshie6 that's so hard. Can you stay with your hand on his chest for a few minutes after you lay him down? That always worked for C to reassure him I was still there and allow him to settle back into a deeper sleep so I could move again.
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kleigh
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Post by kleigh on Jun 21, 2017 5:57:50 GMT -6
jubilantsquirrel I'm curious if you've had continued luck with rearranging food times to be further from sleep? Or was it that one night only that it seemed to help? Cheshie6 Yep I have no idea what the deal is, but it's tough on and off right now. I am SO sorry L was giving you a go last night. I hope you were able to get him and yourself to sleep. sophiegrace 👋🏻 Hi. How is sleeping lately?
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Post by jubilantsquirrel on Jun 21, 2017 6:14:02 GMT -6
kleigh, his sleep was a lot better Friday night through Monday night. Last night was really bad, but I think he's cutting his 2nd tooth.
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Cheshie6
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Post by Cheshie6 on Jun 21, 2017 6:37:42 GMT -6
danib, kleigh, waitwhat, by the time I got back up to the room, he put himself to sleep. He woke at 5am to eat and promptly went back to sleep, when I set him down in cosleeper, he fussed for a second and stayed asleep. It's just not how I wanted to do it! He doesn't seem mad at me this morning or totally traumatized, so he's rested and I feel awful.
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hangry
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Post by hangry on Jun 21, 2017 6:56:18 GMT -6
Nothing to feel awful about Cheshie6. As you said, he's rested and doesn't seem (and is not) traumatized. You can only do so much. And maybe what he needed last night was some space to figure it out. Now get some extra cuddles in today to make that guilt melt away!
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waitwhat
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Post by waitwhat on Jun 21, 2017 7:13:37 GMT -6
Cheshie6 mom guilt is strong. When J wouldn't let me put him down I was so frustrated I left him in the crib to figure it out. He was fed, changed, not sick, so I knew he would be fine. He fell asleep after 23 minutes. And from then on his sleep has improved dramatically. And he woke up all smiles! Don't beat yourself up!
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Post by sophiegrace on Jun 21, 2017 7:20:00 GMT -6
Cheshie6 you are such an amazing Mom! Please don't feel awful. I'm wondering...separation anxiety starting?
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Cheshie6
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Post by Cheshie6 on Jun 21, 2017 7:27:34 GMT -6
sophiegrace, he's had separation anxiety for a while, he gets fussy if he can't see me, he follows me around the main floor in his walker and gets upset if I go where he can't follow i.e. Upstairs! How do I combat that? I'm rarely away from him but it's just him and me. At the YMCA he's fine with the child watch people.
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Post by sophiegrace on Jun 21, 2017 7:33:07 GMT -6
kleigh she's...ok. We haven't had any middle of the night five hour parties and I'm so thankful. Still waking up a ton during the night, but she's not hungry. I think she's hot because she's waking up soaked. And I can't blame her for not being able to settle because who can fall back to sleep covered in cold sweat? I guess it's a REM cycle thing, and not a way we're dressing her thing. Annoying. I was supposed to switch her to her crib this week, but when she started falling right back to sleep again I chickened out. It was actually more of a feeling of sick dread to have her out of sight. That combined with H's non support of having her somewhere else and we've tabled that for another time.
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Post by sophiegrace on Jun 21, 2017 7:34:29 GMT -6
sophiegrace, he's had separation anxiety for a while, he gets fussy if he can't see me, he follows me around the main floor in his walker and gets upset if I go where he can't follow i.e. Upstairs! How do I combat that? I'm rarely away from him but it's just him and me. At the YMCA he's fine with the child watch people. If you figure out a way, let me know!! I vacuum with this 22 pound chick on my hip.
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waitwhat
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Post by waitwhat on Jun 21, 2017 8:05:10 GMT -6
The first nap of the day used to be so easy. I would either shush and pay his butt and he would be out within minutes or I could nurse him and that would always put him out. Now he flat out refuses. I just left him in the crib and he's rolling around, on all 4's, playing with his lovey etc. He's been up since since 6:45 and it's 10 so it's been well over 3 hours. I know he is tired. vino I need your magic.
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tgrimes
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Post by tgrimes on Jun 21, 2017 8:10:47 GMT -6
The first nap of the day used to be so easy. I would either shush and pay his butt and he would be out within minutes or I could nurse him and that would always put him out. Now he flat out refuses. I just left him in the crib and he's rolling around, on all 4's, playing with his lovey etc. He's been up since since 6:45 and it's 10 so it's been well over 3 hours. I know he is tired. vino I need your magic. Some days they'll just be jerks and not do what we want them to do.
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vino
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Jun 21, 2017 10:06:23 GMT -6
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Post by vino on Jun 21, 2017 10:06:23 GMT -6
The first nap of the day used to be so easy. I would either shush and pay his butt and he would be out within minutes or I could nurse him and that would always put him out. Now he flat out refuses. I just left him in the crib and he's rolling around, on all 4's, playing with his lovey etc. He's been up since since 6:45 and it's 10 so it's been well over 3 hours. I know he is tired. vino I need your magic. Lol, my magic includes walking away and going for a shower so I don't hear her. I come out and BAM she's asleep! That's a good amount of time to be up, did he settle in?
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waitwhat
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Jun 21, 2017 10:43:55 GMT -6
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Post by waitwhat on Jun 21, 2017 10:43:55 GMT -6
The first nap of the day used to be so easy. I would either shush and pay his butt and he would be out within minutes or I could nurse him and that would always put him out. Now he flat out refuses. I just left him in the crib and he's rolling around, on all 4's, playing with his lovey etc. He's been up since since 6:45 and it's 10 so it's been well over 3 hours. I know he is tired. vino I need your magic. Lol, my magic includes walking away and going for a shower so I don't hear her. I come out and BAM she's asleep! That's a good amount of time to be up, did he settle in? Finally. I left him in there for a bit and it just pissed him off. And I think he worked himself up crying so when I picked him up he settled and fell asleep and I was able to put him down.
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kleigh
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Jun 21, 2017 13:24:12 GMT -6
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Post by kleigh on Jun 21, 2017 13:24:12 GMT -6
The first nap of the day used to be so easy. I would either shush and pay his butt and he would be out within minutes or I could nurse him and that would always put him out. Now he flat out refuses. I just left him in the crib and he's rolling around, on all 4's, playing with his lovey etc. He's been up since since 6:45 and it's 10 so it's been well over 3 hours. I know he is tired. vino I need your magic. Lol, my magic includes walking away and going for a shower so I don't hear her. I come out and BAM she's asleep! That's a good amount of time to be up, did he settle in? God I envy you. I want so badly to be able to put them down (if fed, clean, proper temp, not in pain/sick) and walk away if they're doing the crazy shit but I just get so annoyed and feel SO SO obligated to sit there and try to rectify it. That upsets me more bc whatever I'm doing usually doesn't work. Were you always able to do it or did that come with time and being a STM? How do I know if I'm scarring them? I really freaking need some semblance of life back. I go in the bedroom wth AV say 6/6:30 and that's my night. I sit there in the dark (black out curtains) until I'm sufficiently tired and fall asleep (or tend to her). If I leave, she inevitably gets up, sees I'm not there, freaks out and then doesn't want to go back to sleep for a while. A lot of times I don't eat dinner or see H for more than 10 mins. It's dark so not like I can read or do anything either. I need to find or grow a pair of balls.
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tgrimes
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Post by tgrimes on Jun 21, 2017 13:55:53 GMT -6
Lol, my magic includes walking away and going for a shower so I don't hear her. I come out and BAM she's asleep! That's a good amount of time to be up, did he settle in? God I envy you. I want so badly to be able to put them down (if fed, clean, proper temp, not in pain/sick) and walk away if they're doing the crazy shit but I just get so annoyed and feel SO SO obligated to sit there and try to rectify it. That upsets me more bc whatever I'm doing usually doesn't work. Were you always able to do it or did that come with time and being a STM? How do I know if I'm scarring them? I really freaking need some semblance of life back. I go in the bedroom wth AV say 6/6:30 and that's my night. I sit there in the dark (black out curtains) until I'm sufficiently tired and fall asleep (or tend to her). If I leave, she inevitably gets up, sees I'm not there, freaks out and then doesn't want to go back to sleep for a while. A lot of times I don't eat dinner or see H for more than 10 mins. It's dark so not like I can read or do anything either. I need to find or grow a pair of balls. Not vino, but it comes with being a 2nd time mom. With M, I was a basket case. Everytime she cried I'd pick her up. My sister kept telling me to chill, which used to piss me off. When I started sleep training her, I was crying behind the door. The sleep sense program said to give her 10 min before going in, or to specify your amount of time. I went in every 3 min. LOL. Then she got a little older and the tantrums started. There's nothing you can do when that happens. Now she fake cries. Still real tears, but she's just doing it for attention. I've definitely don't pick H up every time he cries or fusses now. You're not going to ruin them, I promise. It's okay if they cry, especially if they're full, not sick, safe, etc. You'll get there eventually. I've only laid H down awake a few times. It's just too easy to get him to go to sleep, lol. ::knocks on all the wood:: I know I need to though. Wouldn't it be nice to do your bedtime routine, put them in the crib awake, walk out of the room and eat dinner with YH and watch tv?
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kleigh
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Jun 21, 2017 14:08:17 GMT -6
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Post by kleigh on Jun 21, 2017 14:08:17 GMT -6
tgrimes 😪😪😪 Yes! I miss my husband. I miss sitting and reading a book for five minutes. I miss tv oddly enough. I miss summertime! I wish I could put her down and say to H, ok she's falling asleep she should be fine, I'm going to run to the grocery store/coffee shop/pharmacy/bar (lol). I didn't realize it would take me this long (plus) to start feeling like "it's ok" or that they could work on it themselves. I thought I'd be ready by now and I'm realizing I'm such a wuss. They cry such sad cries it totally breaks me. This whole process is getting worn out though. And she's not even the worst, like there are nights she just goes right down on her own and only wakes up twice. But I can't step away from her, she needs to be able to reach out and touch me. And the requiring two adults for bedtime is getting a bit much bc how does anyone watch them if we need to attend something, want a date night, have a wedding, graduation (we missed his sisters last night) etc etc (we've been doing date night 4p-6p so we're back for bedtime).
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tgrimes
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Post by tgrimes on Jun 21, 2017 14:42:43 GMT -6
kleigh MH & I tag team bed time, so there's nothing wrong with that. Are there nights where one of us does both bedtimes? Yes. I did both last night. But if it's taking forever for you to put them to sleep, then it,s probably not feasible to allow someone else to do bed time. I know exactly how you feel about the crying, believe me. It's really tough to do that as a FTM!
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waitwhat
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Jun 21, 2017 14:55:40 GMT -6
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Post by waitwhat on Jun 21, 2017 14:55:40 GMT -6
kleigh what tgrimes said. I picked up B every time he cried. It killed me to hear him cry. He became so dependent on me. Then I got KU and realized there was no way in hell I'd have the patience to wait until he was completely asleep each night before putting him down. Now I just sit him in the crib and walk out. Because I know we are at this point with him, I cannot wait to get to this point with J. As a STM I have less patience I guess. If J cries, I always give him a good 10 minutes to figure it out. It sounds awful but the crying doesn't bother me anymore like it did with B. I'm just over it I guess.
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vino
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Jun 21, 2017 15:26:02 GMT -6
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Post by vino on Jun 21, 2017 15:26:02 GMT -6
kleigh Please dont be so hard on yourself, being a Mom is hard and those cries are a killer. Dont get me wrong there are some times, mostly MOTN, that i give her 2-3 minutes max and i go to her. But for nap times and the start of bedtime, it's time for sleep and I have shit to do. I made the decision very early on that I couldn't repeat how I was with B. It took a long time for me to realize and pinpoint my feelings, let me get my flame suit, but when B was about 8-9 months old I started to resent him. I had no life, i was tired and miserable all the time. MH and I barely spent any time together, when we did I was too exhausted to talk to him. B was my whole world, in every sense. It took me going back to work after a year to realize that life had to include B not revolve around him, if that makes sense. This is getting long... Anyway, with J I snuggled and coslept until she was 5 months old, then she needed her crib and I needed to have some me time. I knew what it was like to put a kid to bed and have down time in the evenings now that B was older and i liked it. Also, a thread on Parenting once had all these suggestions on how to put a baby down and a poster popped in and said, wait what if they dont need all those props and crutches to go to bed, it was a huge eye opener. J had never taken a soother, hated to be swaddled, does her own thing, rarely cuddles and pretty much leans and falls into her bed at night. clearly she needed space, so her crying is just her getting comfy and yelling a little but I know she's ok. She evens protests when I pat her bum at night. Ok I'll stop...dont feel pressure to change your routine because others are but if you truly want to change it and want some help, I can cheer you on and offer tips, because lets be honest I love my kids more than the world but damn if I dont like my 90 minutes of me time at the end of the day to recharge and chill the fuck out.
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Post by tjanca22 on Jun 22, 2017 7:32:09 GMT -6
kleigh I'm going to echo vino tgrimes and waitwhat said because they are wise wise women. Some of this comes with being a STM and learning that having your kid cry won't scare them. What's great about kids is that they don't know. They don't know when we mess up, they don't know when we try something new and fail miserably. My motto is, you won't know until you try it. If it fails, guess what, you learn to not do that again and try something different the next night! What if they cry for 15 mins? Maybe they will put themself to sleep and maybe they won't? But have you tried it? If the goal is to have 1 parent able to handle both bedtimes, figure out a plan that might work and try it. If it doesn't go well, the next night is just another opportunity. Also your the parent here. You decide what that routine can look like. Yes, the kids will influence the routine slightly, but work with what you've got. When we worked out our bedtime routine with E, it would take sometimes an hour. I realized that if I wanted time to myself, I needed bedtime to be no longer than 15 mins. I had to enforce only 2 mins of playtime, 2 books then cuddle, rock and put him in the bed. Just because he whined after play was over or after the 2nd book was done didn't mean he got more. Did he cry when I left the room, yes, but that was the routine and routine is good for everyone! I set the limits because for my own sanity, I needed my me time. Sorry, this got much longer than I intended it to be! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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tgrimes
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Post by tgrimes on Jun 22, 2017 7:47:34 GMT -6
tjanca22 Good point about the bedtime routine not taking too long. I learned that the hard way with M. I thought she needed the extra down time before bed so we'd read several books before getting into bed....but she doesn't.
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tgrimes
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Post by tgrimes on Jun 22, 2017 7:51:21 GMT -6
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Post by tjanca22 on Jun 22, 2017 10:07:56 GMT -6
tjanca22 Good point about the bedtime routine not taking too long. I learned that the hard way with M. I thought she needed the extra down time before bed so we'd read several books before getting into bed....but she doesn't. Yes! E will push his limits every damn night if I let him. It took me a long time time realize he will never stop asking and I just need to say no! Duh! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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vino
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Jun 22, 2017 10:38:39 GMT -6
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Post by vino on Jun 22, 2017 10:38:39 GMT -6
Good call on setting limits tjanca22, wthin the last 6 months we've had to reinforce it with B, we now use a 3 minute timer on my phone and that's all I stand for in his room, it was getting to upwards of 45 minutes. Ain't nobody got time fot that
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tallb
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Jun 22, 2017 21:22:03 GMT -6
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Post by tallb on Jun 22, 2017 21:22:03 GMT -6
kleigh I totally had the feeling of trapped inside with DS and missing life. I remember going outside at night in the summer for something after bedtime and honestly being surprised to be out, after dark..since it had been months since I'd done that. Not ideal and I'm not letting that happen this time. Lately I've been going for walks after bedtime and enjoying the evening since I know MH can give N a bottle if she wakes up). I still need to sleep train, but I'm mostly confused about how to do it since we also need to transition her into her brothers room and I don't want to wake the neighbors in our building..
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hangry
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Post by hangry on Jun 23, 2017 6:30:43 GMT -6
kleigh I totally had the feeling of trapped inside with DS and missing life. I remember going outside at night in the summer for something after bedtime and honestly being surprised to be out, after dark..since it had been months since I'd done that. Not ideal and I'm not letting that happen this time. Lately I've been going for walks after bedtime and enjoying the evening since I know MH can give N a bottle if she wakes up). I still need to sleep train, but I'm mostly confused about how to do it since we also need to transition her into her brothers room and I don't want to wake the neighbors in our building.. oh god tallb, that is my issue here. Dd is in DS's room now and I kinda do partial sleep training but can't fully commit bc I don't want to screw him over. Is there anyone else who's kids are sharing a room? I know flamingo is right now and starbuck was going to but maybe not anymore with a bigger house. If there's more people, I could have a thread just about this.
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