Eames
Platinum
Posts: 1,893 Likes: 9,220
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Post by Eames on Jan 15, 2019 12:31:06 GMT -6
I am working from home today, which is delightful. Called into a conference call, and my webcam showed up live! Gah! Let's just say I was not dressed for work. Nothing inappropriate, but crazy hair, sweatpants, no makeup, etc. I don't think anyone actually saw me, but I stuck one of my daughter's stickers over the camera just in case. 😂
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Tlex
Ruby
Posts: 22,759 Likes: 154,991
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Post by Tlex on Jan 15, 2019 20:09:38 GMT -6
Does anyone have any suggestions for getting the yellow stains out of packed away clothing? Some of my favorites are stained presumably from spit up or milk. They weren't stained when I packed them away. The Pinterest magic stain remover recipe has never failed me on baby clothes. It’s a combo of peroxide, baking sofa and blue dawn. I don’t recall the exact ratios but it’s pretty easy to find online, I just make it by feel now haha.
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Post by lemondrop on Jan 16, 2019 12:16:44 GMT -6
Anyone have a toxic parent that they want to vent about? Or know of a forum that might be helpful?
I just cut out my mother again (cut her off in early 2017 because she was trashing me on FB, recently I tried to reengage because my kid will be her first grandchild and I felt guilty - just found out she's again been trashing me on FB).
I've got a call into a new therapist. I'm not even angry anymore. Just resigned to the fact that we'll never have a normal relationship.
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bex15
Gold
Posts: 519 Likes: 1,187
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Post by bex15 on Jan 16, 2019 12:22:07 GMT -6
I’m so sorry lemondrop, I can only imagine how hard that is, especially right now.
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Post by lemondrop on Jan 16, 2019 12:28:21 GMT -6
Thanks bex15. On the positive, my H is awesome.
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pambee
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Posts: 958 Likes: 2,016
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Post by pambee on Jan 16, 2019 12:50:07 GMT -6
I'm so sorry lemondrop. It sucks when a parent can't be a parent :/ no advice, but feel free to vent here as much as you need!
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Post by lemondrop on Jan 16, 2019 13:30:23 GMT -6
Thanks pambee, I just don't want to clog what should be a happy and informative space with the shitshow that is my mother.
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Post by haleyscott on Jan 16, 2019 13:48:30 GMT -6
lemondrop, I'm sorry you're going through this. I haven't, but two of my best friends have (they're twins) and I've seen how hard it can be. If you need to talk, we are here. I hope your therapist gets back to you!
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Tlex
Ruby
Posts: 22,759 Likes: 154,991
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Post by Tlex on Jan 16, 2019 14:10:38 GMT -6
Oh lemondrop I’m so sorry. Yes, I have a very toxic mother (diagnosed with borderline personality disorder but life has been very hard with her long before that diagnosis explained why). I had to cut her out completely last Christmas, I’m just past the one year mark. She doesn’t even know I’m pregnant (though likely has heard through the Family grapevine). It’s very painful to have cut her off, still, but it’s also been so much better for my mental health and all my other relationships. I’m here if you need to vent (although about to go pick up my kids from preschool, but in the general sense of it, I’m here!). Therapy is 100% a good plan. It’s the main topic of my own therapy. It’s really hard to enter the space of motherhood while rejecting the toxic mom of your own childhood.
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Post by lemondrop on Jan 16, 2019 14:31:49 GMT -6
Thanks Tlex, I appreciate that. I vent to H but he comes from normalcy, so he just kind of nods along with his eyes wide. Your last sentence is exactly how I'm feeling right now.
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Post by photomama2013 on Jan 16, 2019 16:34:20 GMT -6
DS2 (3.5) is sick with a cough and low grade fever. DS1(6) also has a cough, but at least I can give him meds. I'm over here trying not to catch the plague at 33+4! 😷
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Post by orangehibiscus on Jan 16, 2019 18:36:04 GMT -6
I hope you don’t get sick photomama2013! Sorry for the issues with your mom lemondrop. I have cut one brother out of my life, and I don’t speak to the other. My mom also has borderline personality disorder (which Tlex knows is freaking awful). I haven’t cut her out of my life yet, but I’m still basically ignoring her since the end of October when we had a huge blow up (over the brother I cut out of my life). She doesn’t understand why I don’t want him in my life, and she thinks we should be a happy family. I live far away from my family, and I very much prefer it that way! ETA: I’m worried about having a daughter because of the way my relationship was/is with my mom. I don’t want us to not have a good relationship, but I’m kind of worried that I will ruin her life because I don’t know what a mother/daughter relationship “should” be. I’m so thankful for my awesome H, who grew up pretty normally. I think he’ll be able to help me.
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Post by lemondrop on Jan 16, 2019 20:33:54 GMT -6
Thanks orangehibiscus - I’ve worried about the same thing . Parenting when I don’t know what good parenting actually looks like. I cut out my father in 2011 because he was a bipolar narcissist, and he died in 2013. I was really hoping she would get her shit together to be a grandma, but evidently I was very wrong. Again.
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Tlex
Ruby
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Post by Tlex on Jan 16, 2019 20:50:42 GMT -6
orangehibiscus I cried so much when we found out our first was a girl because I was just so sure I was incapable of not recreating that awful dynamic I grew up with. I am not even close to a perfect parent now and I’m sure I have some trauma scars that will inform how I parent and how my relationship with my daughters’ evolves, but my heart is always in the place of breaking the cycle of abuse. My girls and I are very close and I now see it as the universe giving me a chance to right everything I’ve always sworn was wrong. It’s been healing to choose to be different. It will come in time, but the great thing about tiny babies is their sex is very much a non-factor in how you parent them at that age and that helps to bond with them in spite of your fears. You’re going to do just fine because you’re aware that you want it to be different. Same to you, lemondrop. As much as I don’t have a great framework for “normal” I am also a blank slate and get to decide from scratch what the next generations of my family will think of as normal.
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Post by lemondrop on Jan 17, 2019 5:26:33 GMT -6
Whelp, that made me cry, Tlex. I’ve never thought of myself as a blank slate. I kind of love that. I also just keep reminding myself that H will be a great dad, and I can model some of what I do off of him.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 17, 2019 7:52:40 GMT -6
lemondrop, I'm sorry, that's so hard. I have little to no relationship with my stepdad, and it has affected my relationship with my mother for sure. Hugs to you.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 17, 2019 7:56:05 GMT -6
orangehibiscus, Tlex, I had a similar reaction because I was sure I would have no idea how to parent a girl and she would end up not wanting to spend time with me. I see the problems in my relationship with my mom and I want things to be different with my daughter, so I'm always a bit aware of that.
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Post by lemondrop on Jan 17, 2019 8:11:55 GMT -6
@ges072115, orangehibiscus, Tlex, I'm actually encouraged by the amount of self-reflection in this post. Like, we're all just trying to do our best here. We're all able to acknowledge the shortcomings we grew up with, and trying to not recreate those in our kids.
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Wicket
Bronze
Posts: 195 Likes: 641
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Post by Wicket on Jan 17, 2019 12:52:23 GMT -6
photomama2013 my two are sick as well and husband. It has felt like a long week. I am hoping I stay healthy. I hope you don't get sick!
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Wicket
Bronze
Posts: 195 Likes: 641
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Post by Wicket on Jan 17, 2019 13:23:22 GMT -6
lemondrop I am sorry your mom did that to you again. I have had to cut off a few toxic family members/friends. You just have to do what is best for you and your family. Take care.
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Post by orangehibiscus on Jan 17, 2019 21:12:48 GMT -6
Sorry so many of us are worried about the same things, but it makes me feel better to know I’m not alone. Hugs lemondrop and @ges072115! Thank you Tlex! That gives me hope!
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Post by Deleted on Jan 18, 2019 8:26:13 GMT -6
Anyone here using/used a pregnancy support/belly band? Which kind did you get? I'm carrying SO low (even my nurse remarked yesterday that she was surprised how low I'm carrying), and it's starting to give me some lower back pain. She suggested getting a band but I have no idea where to start!
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Post by lemondrop on Jan 18, 2019 10:13:52 GMT -6
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Post by Deleted on Jan 18, 2019 14:03:39 GMT -6
Thanks lemondrop! I'll check out that one from Walmart. There are just so many to choose from!
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Post by lemondrop on Jan 18, 2019 14:09:01 GMT -6
@ges072115, good luck! Seriously, I got instantly overwhelmed by the amount of options. I just want something that is going to get my baby off my bladder
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nmom
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Post by nmom on Jan 18, 2019 19:10:33 GMT -6
I’m so sorry I recently went to therapy this year I was helpful for venting and such. My rocky relationship is with my dad and my ILs though. My dad I went 9 years not talking to him. Had my first daughter- felt guilty let him in then that lasted a few months before cutting him out completely. I felt guilty but then having my own child made me wonder how could he be the way he was?! I would do anything for my child I couldn’t imagine being the type of parent he was. My ILs its just a giant awful mess that started after my daughter was born and that’s what made me go to therapy. I’m sorry your going through this it’s not easy at all.
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Post by lemondrop on Jan 19, 2019 3:24:16 GMT -6
. I felt guilty but then having my own child made me wonder how could he be the way he was?! I would do anything for my child I couldn’t imagine being the type of parent he was. . So much this. In my case, it’s a mix of needing to be a victim and social media. I’ll be honest in that she got a raw deal in the divorce from my father 11 years ago (he was cheating, never paid child support for my 16 year old sister, had lost a business that destroyed their credit) but I think the “oh you poor poodle”s she got during that time became an addiction. Now she just haaaaas to be the victim in every scenario and can never take responsibility for her own actions. The rise of Facebook means she can bitch and complain about everything on social media and get immediate instant gratification head pats and “poor you”s without having to be concerned with accurate reporting. This has just made me so much more strict on the thought of posting anything about my kid on SM - good or bad. I don’t need that kind of drama in our lives.
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nmom
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Posts: 520 Likes: 988
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Post by nmom on Jan 19, 2019 5:52:44 GMT -6
. I felt guilty but then having my own child made me wonder how could he be the way he was?! I would do anything for my child I couldn’t imagine being the type of parent he was. . So much this. In my case, it’s a mix of needing to be a victim and social media. I’ll be honest in that she got a raw deal in the divorce from my father 11 years ago (he was cheating, never paid child support for my 16 year old sister, had lost a business that destroyed their credit) but I think the “oh you poor poodle”s she got during that time became an addiction. Now she just haaaaas to be the victim in every scenario and can never take responsibility for her own actions. The rise of Facebook means she can bitch and complain about everything on social media and get immediate instant gratification head pats and “poor you”s without having to be concerned with accurate reporting. This has just made me so much more strict on the thought of posting anything about my kid on SM - good or bad. I don’t need that kind of drama in our lives. Absolutely. I keep my FB locked down. Maybe 40 of my friends can even see what I post and I don’t post any pictures of her and maybe some cute stories of things she says but typically not that either. A stranger would look at my FB and think I’m not a mother.
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Eames
Platinum
Posts: 1,893 Likes: 9,220
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Post by Eames on Jan 19, 2019 11:35:35 GMT -6
FYI Target is having a deal today and tomorrow where if you spend $100 on diapers, wipes, or formula you get a $20 gift card. The only catch is you need to ship it or do store pickup. I think we're going to stock up on some disposables! www.target.com/c/baby/-/N-5xtly
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Post by haleyscott on Jan 20, 2019 7:22:17 GMT -6
I had planned on making a thread about a vbac2 or rcs... and then I had my consult and am waiting to hear back on the date for my c-section. Hah.
The doctor went over all the risks for trying after two c-sections and I was like “yeah, I’m not a risk taker.” So it’ll be either March 10,11, or 12. I should hear back on Tuesday!
I did cry over never experiencing labor to MH Friday night but I’ve moved on and I know I’m making the right decision for myself and to get the baby out safely.
Also my niece was born yesterday morning!
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