pobre
Ruby
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Post by pobre on Feb 6, 2018 13:56:06 GMT -6
My mom ate whatever she wanted and was always thin. She didn't work out, either. Like, she ate as much as my dad who weighed 100 lbs more than she did. Idk, there are definitely people who have insane metabolisms. And I hate them, lol.
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brux
Diamond
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Post by brux on Feb 6, 2018 14:12:02 GMT -6
I agree with what you're saying in broad strokes, scoutboo. But no, I am not at a state of complete satisfaction with my body and what it can/cannot do. I also recognize that my diet and exercise are not where they should be in terms of cardiovascular health. It's easy to bury my head in the sand and keep eating desserts and dinners of only french bread. I mean, I don't hate myself. I'm at a state of being OK with where I am. But I saw something a few weeks ago and it was asking you what you would do if you were give a brand new car at 16 and told that was the only car you'd ever have for the rest of your life. How would you take care of that car? It's kind of nagging at me ever since. Am I treating my body the same way I would that car? The deep dark truth is no way, no how. And I need to do better.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2018 14:12:40 GMT -6
Did anyone read the I’m always thin in my mind article? it was linked in one of the articles HE posted. That’s how I feel sometimes. Like in my head, I’m thin and then I see myself in a mirror or a picture and I am surprised at how I look. OK I hate to break it to you, but I have met you and you are also thin IRL. I think this is really nice. According to my PCP, I am 20lbs overweight, and at a size 10/12, I don’t feel as if meet conventional standards of thinness.
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RedLine
Gold
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Post by RedLine on Feb 6, 2018 14:13:30 GMT -6
I wasn't here for the Friday thing but I have so many thoughts and feelings about basically all of this and I'd like to participate in this discussion. But alas, I received a concussion yesterday and the idea of breaking down all those thoughts into words seems a little much right now.
However sharing part of my own experience is much more feasible... I was in great shape up until I had kids. My body, health, and life changed after that though and I gained over 100 lbs. I also have some lifelong health conditions and am exercise intolerant due to heart issues. It makes weight loss difficult.
I ended up treating and being prescribed meds for 2 of my health conditions which had long been ignored. This lead me to basically feeling like an actual human being again which helped me be able to achieve weight loss.
I have currently lost over 80 lbs and am rapidly approaching numbers I haven't seen on the scale in nearly a decade. It's been amazing but it's been a lot of hard work getting to this point. And I've also had huge road blocks due to random health problems and excessive family emergencies, etc.
People, even friends, know this but they still make passive aggressive comments like "I wish I could just take some magic pill like you to make me lose weight".
It enrages me so much. This was no effortless, magic weight loss remedy. This was fucking 2 years of work. And my body is constantly working against me bc of my heart. I don't have the option of taking up running or working out at the gym.
It really bothers me and reduces all of the effort I have put into my health down to "luck" or "magic".
Im not 100% sure of the point I'm actually trying to make or if that point is even relevant to the discussion. Lmao. If it's not, I blame the head injury.
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Post by miawallace on Feb 6, 2018 14:21:42 GMT -6
I don't think anyone mentioned letting themselves go on purpose because it was too much pressure to keep doing the diet thing
I think people are just saying it's okay to chill on that part if it's really not making you emotionally happy.
I feel like this is where we get frustrated because we think the opposite of wanting to lose weight is letting yourself go on purpose. I don't think it is. At least not from what people have shared here.
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hawkward
Global Moderator
Loss, Infertility
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Post by hawkward on Feb 6, 2018 14:22:35 GMT -6
One of the things that has also shifted that I think is awesome is the notion that "strong is the new skinny". In a lot of media, there is a shifted focus on strong, athletic bodies and workouts versus waif thin silhouettes. To me that's really inspiring because ultimately what I'm after is a body that works for me and can keep up with my kids, and also looks pretty decent naked on top of my husband. TMI? I don't know where we are in this thread, so if we're fighting, I apologize, but this spoke to me. My biggest bother is the fact that I have lost all this weight but DON'T think I look good naked because of all the extra skin. Unfortunately, it's not something I can afford to handle. It's a bit frustrating at times to have worked this hard but have a part of which I can't be rid. For the first time in my adult life, I like the way my legs look in jeans. ...and I hate them naked because of the loose skin. Same with my stomach but I'm less self-conscious about it because I already had ridiculous stretch marks from pregnancy so I guess I've just had more time to get used to that. An example of Mother Nature's cruelty- I got vertical stretch marks with DS1. They were pretty bad, so I went into pregnancy again with the "at least it can't get worse" mindset. Except with DS2, they were horizontal. You could play tic tac toe on my abdomen. I know there's nothing to do about the stretch marks, but I'm hoping the loose skin gets a little better with time.
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msdrdg
Platinum
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Post by msdrdg on Feb 6, 2018 14:23:26 GMT -6
I couldn't read all this an not comment. I felt like a major creeper. I don't know if this will make any sense or just be incoherent rambling, but.... For me, it is like scoutboo, said. Overcoming the mental hurdles to "diet & exercise" is more detrimental to my health right now than my weight. I'm fat. There are no two ways about it. I don't want to be fat. I know I will never be "skinny", but someday I would like not to be fat. But, just the thought of diet and exercise depresses me. I've tried. Sweet Jebus, I've tried. For a year, I went to the gym 3 times a week, I walked my poor dog miles. I restricted my calorie intake. I lost 10lbs. My depression got 100000% worse. I wanted to depression eat, but then I knew that I couldn't and that made me so much more depressed. I hated myself so much more. I hated every single moment I was at that gym, I hated every fucking step I took. I hated my husband as he stood in the kitchen happily chowing down on a bagel with peanut butter without a damn care in the world. I hated everything. I had to quit. Trying to loose weight was detrimental to my mental health. I'm fat. I will never be skinny. Maybe someday, I will have the mental and physical fortitude to get less fat. I have declared 2018 the year I fix me. So far that has just meant that I think about fixing me. But, I will find a doctor. I will make an appointment. I will have blood work done and see if maybe I wasn't a failure, maybe there is a medial reason I nearly killed myself and lost basically nothing. I will ask for anti anxiety and anti depression drugs. I will get better....I hope.
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Minerva
Ruby
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Post by Minerva on Feb 6, 2018 14:23:41 GMT -6
I missed the thread on Friday so I'm lacking a little context here. I assume it was the usual "some of you seem obsessed with your weight and dieting" thing. It started with an AE asking how to tell/help her spouse to lose weight. So actually fairly different from talking about one’s personal weight loss experience imo. 🤷🏻♀️
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Post by Lord Disick on Feb 6, 2018 14:26:37 GMT -6
I missed the thread on Friday so I'm lacking a little context here. I assume it was the usual "some of you seem obsessed with your weight and dieting" thing. It started with an AE asking how to tell/help her spouse to lose weight. So actually fairly different from talking about one’s personal weight loss experience imo. 🤷🏻♀️ I guess I should have read.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2018 14:27:28 GMT -6
I feel like this is where we get frustrated because we think the opposite of wanting to lose weight is letting yourself go on purpose. I don't think it is. At least not from what people have shared here. It is the closer to 40 I get. ::sobs loudly:: I kid. Kind of.
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Post by mrsrgosling on Feb 6, 2018 14:27:31 GMT -6
I'm jumping in to say this is exactly how I live my life. I have a food scale on my desk at work and it makes me nuts when people walk in as I'm weighing my food and they have to comment on it usually in a negative light...even though they are "joking". I'm not dieting, not that it matters if I was, I'm living my lifestyle that I've been living for years. It's healthy, it works for me, it ensures I'm getting enough protein to sustain my muscle gain, enough carbs for energy to sustain my workouts, and enough healthy fats to keep my hormones leveled out. It's also helped me learn and be more disciplined about micro nutrients. I can't stand the constant comments from the peanut gallery though. YES. The other day I took my scale into the kitchen at work to measure out my greek yogurt (again to make sure that I was getting enough to get the protein that I wanted) and this dude was like "omg are you weight your yogurt?!" I've 100% made it a point NOT to comment on what someone is eating or how they are eating it because of how many times I get comments. I want to say, "yeah, obviously it's how I have this rock solid body so get off my junk...", except the rock solid body isn't um....there.
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Post by miawallace on Feb 6, 2018 14:35:40 GMT -6
I feel like this is where we get frustrated because we think the opposite of wanting to lose weight is letting yourself go on purpose. I don't think it is. At least not from what people have shared here. It is the closer to 40 I get. ::sobs loudly:: I kid. Kind of. Aww. hugs We are all basically just wanting to be the best version of ourselves however that looks like. I think it's a spectrum.
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Post by shan-ah-doo on Feb 6, 2018 14:39:42 GMT -6
My mom ate whatever she wanted and was always thin. She didn't work out, either. Like, she ate as much as my dad who weighed 100 lbs more than she did. Idk, there are definitely people who have insane metabolisms. And I hate them, lol. This was my mom. Plus she birthed 7 kids. I obviously did not get that gene.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2018 14:41:28 GMT -6
I’ve lost 20-30 pounds 3 times ( after college, and after both babies). The magic thing for me was always running. I’m slow AF but I did couch to 5k and made myself stick to it, then built up to half marathons. I have a sensitive runner’s stomach and in order to not want to die while running, I literally cannot eat anything heavy for hours beforehand. No one wants to throw up fast food while out for a jog. Therefore, I made myself stick to my running schedule (4 runs per week)and everything flowed from there. I never specifically limited anything and definitely ate what felt right on my non-run days, which was often several cookies or pizza . I wish running did this for me. I ran 4 half marathons and 5 other shorter races last year and managed to gain 10 pounds. I love running but running makes me hungry, and I have a tendency to think– I ran this long distance, so now I can treat myself! Running is great for making me feel positive about how strong my body is, but for me, it isn't the key to weight loss. I have to monitor what I eat for that. Late but this is my experience with running. Since DS turned a year (so 4 years ago ) I’ve done 7 half marathons, 2 full. And I’m 5lbs heavier. Or I was...I’ve cut way back on running. Am doing ww and BBM and finally seeing the scale move. At 30+ miles a week my body held on to every single thing And running and wanting to (1) be faster and (2) still be running at 80 and finally BQ is my reason for wanting to drop serious weight
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Post by GhoatMonket on Feb 6, 2018 14:49:04 GMT -6
I couldn't read all this an not comment. I felt like a major creeper. I don't know if this will make any sense or just be incoherent rambling, but.... For me, it is like scoutboo , said. Overcoming the mental hurdles to "diet & exercise" is more detrimental to my health right now than my weight. I'm fat. There are no two ways about it. I don't want to be fat. I know I will never be "skinny", but someday I would like not to be fat. But, just the thought of diet and exercise depresses me. I've tried. Sweet Jebus, I've tried. For a year, I went to the gym 3 times a week, I walked my poor dog miles. I restricted my calorie intake. I lost 10lbs. My depression got 100000% worse. I wanted to depression eat, but then I knew that I couldn't and that made me so much more depressed. I hated myself so much more. I hated every single moment I was at that gym, I hated every fucking step I took. I hated my husband as he stood in the kitchen happily chowing down on a bagel with peanut butter without a damn care in the world. I hated everything. I had to quit. Trying to loose weight was detrimental to my mental health. I'm fat. I will never be skinny. Maybe someday, I will have the mental and physical fortitude to get less fat. I have declared 2018 the year I fix me. So far that has just meant that I think about fixing me. But, I will find a doctor. I will make an appointment. I will have blood work done and see if maybe I wasn't a failure, maybe there is a medial reason I nearly killed myself and lost basically nothing. I will ask for anti anxiety and anti depression drugs. I will get better....I hope. Have you made a goal for when you will call by? That way you aren't waiting until 12/29? You did not fail. The combination of things you were doing was not the right combo for the outcome you were looking for at this time. Right now you have a good plan for this year. Just get through step one for now.
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pobre
Ruby
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Post by pobre on Feb 6, 2018 14:54:03 GMT -6
I just do not understand this pressure to feel bad about yourself. At the basis that is my disconnect. Anyway, yes we can disagree on takeaways. I will sit on your bench on this one.
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pobre
Ruby
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Post by pobre on Feb 6, 2018 14:55:19 GMT -6
OK but the 20 lbs thing came in way later than your comment, scoutboo. So that's not really fair.
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Post by yoginikiki on Feb 6, 2018 14:56:46 GMT -6
I didn't realize it was 20 lbs until....like the end. I thought it was 100 or so.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2018 14:59:07 GMT -6
I am admittedly an all or nothing type of gal and that hasn’t served me well in the past. I used to be like “I’m going to get healthy by cutting out every thing I like and exercising to the extreme” and it would work for a short while but I’d be a bitch and hate life. Any time I would try to start back up after falling off the wagon I’d be like “oh my god, you can’t even stick to this plan for like a week, you suck, why do you even try”.
When I restarted this time, I tried to do things differently. Not deprive myself but track and be accountable. Not go zero to half marathon training and get injured or quit.
It’s still a struggle, mostly on the food side. One cheat meal, does easily turn into several back to back cheats for me. Once my favorite unhealthy foods are in my house, I will eat them all. I struggle with moderation, but it’s getting better. Slowly.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2018 14:59:54 GMT -6
I didn't realize it was 20 lbs until....like the end. I thought it was 100 or so. All my responses were based on the idea that it was “significant weight gain”, which I do not define as 20 lbs.
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Cher
Global Moderator
BMB, GD, Special Interests
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Post by Cher on Feb 6, 2018 15:03:31 GMT -6
Didn’t the AE say 20-50 or 20-75? I thought they gave a range.
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msdrdg
Platinum
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Post by msdrdg on Feb 6, 2018 15:06:50 GMT -6
I couldn't read all this an not comment. I felt like a major creeper. I don't know if this will make any sense or just be incoherent rambling, but.... For me, it is like scoutboo , said. Overcoming the mental hurdles to "diet & exercise" is more detrimental to my health right now than my weight. I'm fat. There are no two ways about it. I don't want to be fat. I know I will never be "skinny", but someday I would like not to be fat. But, just the thought of diet and exercise depresses me. I've tried. Sweet Jebus, I've tried. For a year, I went to the gym 3 times a week, I walked my poor dog miles. I restricted my calorie intake. I lost 10lbs. My depression got 100000% worse. I wanted to depression eat, but then I knew that I couldn't and that made me so much more depressed. I hated myself so much more. I hated every single moment I was at that gym, I hated every fucking step I took. I hated my husband as he stood in the kitchen happily chowing down on a bagel with peanut butter without a damn care in the world. I hated everything. I had to quit. Trying to loose weight was detrimental to my mental health. I'm fat. I will never be skinny. Maybe someday, I will have the mental and physical fortitude to get less fat. I have declared 2018 the year I fix me. So far that has just meant that I think about fixing me. But, I will find a doctor. I will make an appointment. I will have blood work done and see if maybe I wasn't a failure, maybe there is a medial reason I nearly killed myself and lost basically nothing. I will ask for anti anxiety and anti depression drugs. I will get better....I hope. Have you made a goal for when you will call by? That way you aren't waiting until 12/29? You did not fail. The combination of things you were doing was not the right combo for the outcome you were looking for at this time. Right now you have a good plan for this year. Just get through step one for now. I'm hoping to find an office that is accepting new patients and make that call this month. I still have that stupid gym membership, so I'm trying to figure out when I can try to go back there and at least try to be a bit more active. I know that my workouts before were "good". As much as I hated it, I was doing the right things there, at least according to the trainer who watched me and commented on my work out. Maybe I just wasn't doing enough? I'm sure that I did not do the right things food wise. Food will always be my stumbling block. Food triggers depression for me, so I am going to have to be extremely careful about how I approach "dieting" in the future.
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pobre
Ruby
Posts: 22,376 Likes: 203,355
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Post by pobre on Feb 6, 2018 15:08:30 GMT -6
pobre fine, I apologize for using the specific amount, as the specific amount was never actually my point. The original comment was made, and I responded to it. And that is fair, since that's what happened. And yes, HilarityEnsued , that was the crux until it was turned into something else, through projection and misreading on all sides. Oh ffs. Your comment was fine, but that is what happened. It's in black and white. And I don't even think your comment was 0.0001% of the problem with that thread.
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pobre
Ruby
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Post by pobre on Feb 6, 2018 15:10:22 GMT -6
shan-ah-doo asked if we thought our attraction would wane if our SO gained a significant amount of weight. People responded. Later OP clarified they guessed it was 20-50 lbs.
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Pizzaslut
Ruby
*it’s a joke. get some hobbies.
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Post by Pizzaslut on Feb 6, 2018 15:11:04 GMT -6
My mom ate whatever she wanted and was always thin. She didn't work out, either. Like, she ate as much as my dad who weighed 100 lbs more than she did. Idk, there are definitely people who have insane metabolisms. And I hate them, lol. I have said many times that I hope DD has H's metabolism (but my hair). I wish I didn't have to worry about it, but it isn't the world we live in.
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
Posts: 52,186 Likes: 296,694
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Post by McBenny on Feb 6, 2018 15:21:27 GMT -6
Someone commented that if a woman came in here saying her husband said this about her, we'd be burning shit down. Then brux made the (very valid in my opinion comment) that after the initial broohaha over that had subsided, we'd probably turn the conversation towards whether or not there was basis for that kind of thing, had the person gained weight, etc. There was also dissension over that. And shan-ah-doo asked about people losing attraction to their SO with significant weight gain. People commented on that. I did dissent. I believe I was the lone voice. The reason being is because I have seen it happen before. Not about weight.
I was the one that asked whether or not there was a basis and people freaked the fuck out. So based on that experience I said I don't agree with Brux's comment.
I feel it would come down to the husband being an inconsiderate asshole and one or both of them needing to go to counseling on how to move further in the marriage.
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
Posts: 52,186 Likes: 296,694
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Post by McBenny on Feb 6, 2018 15:24:42 GMT -6
When I say I don't understand the eyes on your paper thing, I mean for me that was never an issue. I don't compare myself to other people. I don't subscribe to what some people call standards of beauty. I look at my own paper and see what I want to change and know to change it is on me etc. I just feel I am around people who are constantly talking about their paper. Constantly. I tried to say maybe that is a cultural norm for some? I tried to be clear that in my saying that it was to maybe open some eyes that you know what? Some people don't talk about their paper all the time. Some people's day is not about the paper. It's hard for me to translate that to this place, because, outside of the dreaded Randoms thread, we gather here for topical discussions... under boards that have headers literally naming those topics. Yes, this was purposely done.
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wasabi
Moderator
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Post by wasabi on Feb 6, 2018 15:29:37 GMT -6
(I'm coming in here without reading. On this topic, again, so I apologize)
I don't know if anyone has brought up anything besides weight, but I have this thought often about women who have stopped shaving because FUCK THE PATRIARCHY. And I'm like, um, I would shave no matter what. I don't like hair, boyfriend or nah.
(I don't care who shaves or not, I'm just saying I would whether dudes were into it or not)
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
Posts: 52,186 Likes: 296,694
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Post by McBenny on Feb 6, 2018 15:32:47 GMT -6
(I'm coming in here without reading. On this topic, again, so I apologize) I don't know if anyone has brought up anything besides weight, but I have this thought often about women who have stopped shaving because FUCK THE PATRIARCHY. And I'm like, um, I would shave no matter what. I don't like hair, boyfriend or nah. (I don't care who shaves or not, I'm just saying I would whether dudes were into it or not) This is odd. I mean dropping this in here.
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pobre
Ruby
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Post by pobre on Feb 6, 2018 15:33:42 GMT -6
lol
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