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Post by angelashly on Feb 6, 2018 10:21:28 GMT -6
hawkward, I have been pushing the eat only until your full and not so full your belly hurts, but full and satisfied. I also have had to ask her if she was really still hungry or did she just want a bite of my food because it was mine. It is hard to navigate with kids that young because you want them to know and be aware, but also not eat cookies because they think that is what makes them fat.
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hawkward
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Loss, Infertility
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Post by hawkward on Feb 6, 2018 10:21:58 GMT -6
miawallace , I think I struggle with a bit because the truth is, on my medication, I can work for health but this is my body now. And it seems like my body is a nightmare for other people, which can sting a little bit. But then we're back to eyes on your own paper. My sister once told me she'd rather die than weigh X weight. I was in HS (she was in college), and although I'm sure now she wasn't thinking about my body, I very much absorbed it as knowing my sister would rather die than look like me. Now as an adult I can process it as what she meant for herself, and we're built differently- that weight would look very different on her than on me, but you can imagine what it did to a 17 yo cross country runner who already didn't look like the other girls on the team.
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pobre
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Post by pobre on Feb 6, 2018 10:22:48 GMT -6
I guess I am not understanding the eyes on your own paper thing at all. I am also ok with that and I really don't want to rehash last week. I feel a lot of people really opened themselves up and posted true feelings in the best ways they knew how to articulate so if you didn't get it then I don't feel you will today or you don't want to. You picked and pulled pieces and I don't have the kind of patience needed for that today.Agreed. This is why I said that conversation was loaded and full of projection, as it always will be.
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pobre
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Post by pobre on Feb 6, 2018 10:23:34 GMT -6
thisbitch , you have the strangest world view re: diet and exercise of maybe anyone I've ever come across. It blows my mind on a weekly basis. eta: I don't mean that in a bad way
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brux
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Post by brux on Feb 6, 2018 10:32:11 GMT -6
I think I need a journal of things I find motivating in the moment, so I can come back to them to remind me what my end game is. Because punching DJT in the nose and running away sounds so perfect, hawkward.
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Post by leatherpants on Feb 6, 2018 10:35:07 GMT -6
thisbitch , you have the strangest world view re: diet and exercise of maybe anyone I've ever come across. It blows my mind on a weekly basis. eta: I don't mean that in a bad way I would second this. And I don't mean it in a bad way either thisbitch. I've found it extremely helpful in so many ways over the last couple of years. It has both inspired me but also made me stop and really think about my views on diet and exercise. I'll save most of it for therapy, but I think you've made it much more accessible for me.
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McBenny
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Post by McBenny on Feb 6, 2018 10:36:28 GMT -6
I guess I am not understanding the eyes on your own paper thing at all. I am also ok with that and I really don't want to rehash last week. I feel a lot of people really opened themselves up and posted true feelings in the best ways they knew how to articulate so if you didn't get it then I don't feel you will today or you don't want to. You picked and pulled pieces and I don't have the kind of patience needed for that today.Agreed. This is why I said that conversation was loaded and full of projection, as it always will be. I am really sitting here and I guess dumb founded is the best word. It just dawned on me that no matter what is said or how it is said. No matter how plain or how few words are used, people are going to hear different things because of their baggage they bring with them and are still carrying.
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dc2london
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Post by dc2london on Feb 6, 2018 10:37:24 GMT -6
miawallace, you much more eloquently said what I was trying to get out re: shoe sizes. People's bodies are genetically different and health is going to look differently on different people. It shouldn't be about one specific standard of beauty because for one thing, it is extremely ethnocentric, and for another...that isn't how it works. Yet...here we are. Just like you can't WHole30 your way from a size 10 shoe to a size 7 shoe....it isn't always possible to whole30 from a size whatever pant to a size 0 pant. That concept is often lost. Yesss. I have some birthing hips. It does not matter how fit I am, I will never wear a size 4 jeans. Because my bones don't shrink when I lose weight.
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dc2london
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Post by dc2london on Feb 6, 2018 10:41:20 GMT -6
It's interesting to hear about what motivates people. That's as varied as what works for helping people stick to a weight loss plan. The motivation thing is something that I have spent a long time looking for, for my own personal journey. "Feeling good" or "how I feel" was never enough to carry me more than a few days, mostly because I don't currently feel like shit. Or, maybe I don't have a good enough yardstick for this "I feel great when I work out" situation to recognize that I do feel like shit? I don't know. In the day to day of my life, this nebulous nirvana of "feeling great" was not enough for me to plow forward. The numbers and metrics, coupled with monetary incentive, has been my combination that works for ME PERSONALLY. I don't have that money now, and I will have it in the future if I stick to my plan, so that's a clear incentive to me. I am horrified at the number on the scale now, and the size of clothing that I wear, and if I stick to my plan, that will change. It's all about the metrics and numbers to me. I know that the feeling good and looking more how I want to will just come along with that, but it's not my driving factor. Take that as you may. It is what it is. I was a life long soda drinker and I decided to give it up about 8 years ago. After a few weeks I allowed myself a Coke as a treat and I felt AWFUL. I had no idea that soda makes me feel crappy bc it was just always in my body, making me feel crappy. My point is that you will probably get to a point where you can feel the difference clearly when you are active vs not. And knowing how different that feels can be really motivating, so it's a good feedback loop.
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McBenny
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Post by McBenny on Feb 6, 2018 10:44:15 GMT -6
When I say I don't understand the eyes on your paper thing, I mean for me that was never an issue. I don't compare myself to other people. I don't subscribe to what some people call standards of beauty. I look at my own paper and see what I want to change and know to change it is on me etc.
I just feel I am around people who are constantly talking about their paper. Constantly. I tried to say maybe that is a cultural norm for some? I tried to be clear that in my saying that it was to maybe open some eyes that you know what? Some people don't talk about their paper all the time. Some people's day is not about the paper.
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Post by SweetPotato on Feb 6, 2018 10:46:12 GMT -6
Just like you can't WHole30 your way from a size 10 shoe to a size 7 shoe....it isn't always possible to whole30 from a size whatever pant to a size 0 pant. That concept is often lost. I would do so many W30s if it would shrink my size 10s
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Pizzaslut
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Post by Pizzaslut on Feb 6, 2018 10:46:27 GMT -6
Supposedly, you won't have to count calories and track what you eat forever and ever. The goal is to get where you want to be and after doing it for so long, you just know what to eat. You can have cheat meals and treats but then you just go back to your regularly scheduled, healthier eating lifestyle. This is what I hear anyway, I still like to shove pizzas in my face. I think for me the "for so long" has to be years, not months. I get it. I have never gotten over that hurdle.
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Post by yoginikiki on Feb 6, 2018 10:51:14 GMT -6
I think "eyes on your own paper" has multiple meanings to multiple people....as does everything else in this thread lol.
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Post by leatherpants on Feb 6, 2018 10:53:01 GMT -6
When I say I don't understand the eyes on your paper thing, I mean for me that was never an issue. I don't compare myself to other people. I don't subscribe to what some people call standards of beauty. I look at my own paper and see what I want to change and know to change it is on me etc. I just feel I am around people who are constantly talking about their paper. Constantly. I tried to say maybe that is a cultural norm for some? I tried to be clear that in my saying that it was to maybe open some eyes that you know what? Some people don't talk about their paper all the time. Some people's day is not about the paper. I don't know if its cultural or not, but I feel like I've absorbed the comparison aspect my whole life and now I'm trying to break it. That's what the self-love thing is for me. I want to lose weight and I want to look better but sometimes I want it for me and sometimes I want it so I fit in better with my peers so I can hold ground with my peers, so to speak. But what I've found, for me, is that when I do it because I'm comparing myself and coming up short to others, that feels unhealthy. When I do it because I want to do it for myself and I'm enjoying it, it feels healthy AF. But damn, that motivation feels like it can swing with the slightest breeze. Its a daily fight. Like the actions are the same (ie, eating well and being active), but the underlying motivation feels different. And the comparison part feels tainted. Truly the thief of joy.
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Post by yoginikiki on Feb 6, 2018 10:53:57 GMT -6
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dc2london
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Post by dc2london on Feb 6, 2018 10:54:21 GMT -6
I think maybe the "body positive" thing can (as with anything) be taken too far and be harmful. I want naturally thin and naturally curvy women and every other shape and size to feel good embracing the body nature gave her. But I don't think that should be construed as, "Dietary choices and exercise regiments are an assault on your psyche."
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Post by GhoatMonket on Feb 6, 2018 10:55:08 GMT -6
When I say I don't understand the eyes on your paper thing, I mean for me that was never an issue. I don't compare myself to other people. I don't subscribe to what some people call standards of beauty. I look at my own paper and see what I want to change and know to change it is on me etc. I just feel I am around people who are constantly talking about their paper. Constantly. I tried to say maybe that is a cultural norm for some? I tried to be clear that in my saying that it was to maybe open some eyes that you know what? Some people don't talk about their paper all the time. Some people's day is not about the paper. Cultural to some extent, I'm sure. But it also varies by your interests as well. It is a very big issue in lifting. People go nuts trying to copy what someone else is doing to try to get their results and then get pissed when it doesn't happen. I'm not exaggerating much when I say there are people that downright fangirl/boy some of the elite lifters and attempt to copy their every move. "On Tuesdays he drinks 30 oz of egg white protein shakes 2.3 hours before lifting and wears blue underwear backward. So we have to do that on Tuesdays." I'm only making up the color part. People see someone that has achieved success at what they want to achieve and they attempt to copy what they are doing without taking into account that no two people will respond the same and that those people didn't get there overnight or by following one program the entire time.
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Post by yoginikiki on Feb 6, 2018 10:55:56 GMT -6
I think maybe the "body positive" thing can (as with anything) be taken too far and be harmful. I want naturally thin and naturally curvy women and every other shape and size to feel good embracing the body nature gave her. But I don't think that should be construed as, "Dietary choices and exercise regiments are an assault on your psyche." This.
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Post by shan-ah-doo on Feb 6, 2018 10:56:25 GMT -6
I need to figure out a way to not care about what works for everyone else and focus on what works for me. I...don’t know how to do that.
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Post by yoginikiki on Feb 6, 2018 10:57:47 GMT -6
I need to figure out a way to not care about what works for everyone else and focus on what works for me. I...don’t know how to do that. This is where I am at. I believe brux and I are starting a club. Lol. But really, I mentioned up thread something along these lines. Every time I deviate, and try to do what is working for someone else, it blows up in my face.
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Pizzaslut
Ruby
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Post by Pizzaslut on Feb 6, 2018 10:59:27 GMT -6
Also I have this reverse body image problem. I look at myself in the mirror and I'm like "I look good. That number on the scale must just carry well on my body". Then I see a picture of myself. Or a video. And I'm just speechless at what I look like. So I just need to inhabit, in real life, the body that I have in my head. I am sort of like this as well. I don't know if it is some body dysmorphia or what. I look at myself in the mirror at 150 lbs, 160 lbs and 180 lbs and I cannot tell a difference. Most of the time, I don't like what I am seeing but I am amazed that by just looking at myself, I can't pick out what looks different at these different weights. And not just the different weights, but when I'm very active versus not active at all. It takes looking at pictures and putting on jeans that used to fit for me to really notice the changes.
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Post by GhoatMonket on Feb 6, 2018 11:00:41 GMT -6
I need to figure out a way to not care about what works for everyone else and focus on what works for me. I...don’t know how to do that. Time. Practice. Failing at it miserably and trying again.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2018 11:00:52 GMT -6
Honestly, that’s why I was a little bummed after last week. You and I have more in common than not. We just have different personalities and neither of us are right or wrong. We are both pretty happy right now, so why were we butting heads over this topic? For me it was because I felt judged, but then when I stepped back, that wasn’t what you were doing. You were sharing your pov and I was sharing mine and they are just different at this juncture. And that is 1000% ok. Come in for a hug, boo. Honestly, I felt like we all were saying the same thing from different points. Which is why I have been in my feels about this. I was also going to reach out to you at some point because I really appreciate you and I felt like I was being read wrong. And vice versa. I was just giving myself time to process. But I luff you. And value you. I love you so much and appreciate you.
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Post by yoginikiki on Feb 6, 2018 11:01:56 GMT -6
I need to figure out a way to not care about what works for everyone else and focus on what works for me. I...don’t know how to do that. Time. Practice. Failing at it miserably and trying again.Just thought this part was worth highlighting.
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Post by miawallace on Feb 6, 2018 11:03:42 GMT -6
At one of my past jobs employees use to sit together for lunch. But lunchtime was almost always diet and body talk. We were all women there. I also was the only Hispanic in that company. One time this one chick said "nothing will ever feel as great as skinny feels". I was close to punching her in the face and getting fired. I just internalized that convo because I was probably the heaviest there. I wasn't on a diet either. I was just trying my best each day. She had one of those exercise balls in her office too. I just couldn't relate back then either.
Anyway, I started eating outside in the lawn or my car because I hated having those talks all the time. Ot was making me anxious. Obviously because of my history with dieting. But I just couldn't do it all the time. Like I would have welcomed poop talk at some point.
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Post by colliebabe on Feb 6, 2018 11:04:00 GMT -6
Strong is the new skinny is barely an improvement IMO. For one the models generally associated with that are- wait for it- skinny. And extremely lean which is achieved through diet anyway. Anything Fitspo is basically crap and needs to go away. I was thinking the same exact thing about the 'strong is the new skinny' pictures that usually go along with the quote. It's rarely/never a picture of an actual powerlifter that accompanies the saying.
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Post by leatherpants on Feb 6, 2018 11:05:00 GMT -6
I think maybe the "body positive" thing can (as with anything) be taken too far and be harmful. I want naturally thin and naturally curvy women and every other shape and size to feel good embracing the body nature gave her. But I don't think that should be construed as, "Dietary choices and exercise regiments are an assault on your psyche." And this is where I struggle but I inherently feel this. Bear (bare?) with me here because this will come out wrong I'm sure. I don't disagree with you by any means. But it gets really complicated. I feel like body positive and self love concepts only apply to a certain level. Like if you are slightly overweight or naturally curvy, its good to be body positive. If you are obese and have 100+ pounds to lose, there is a lot less wiggle room for body positivity and self love. Like, it is a lot harder to have support to love yourself. Regardless if you want to lose weight or not and regardless of your health. And I'm not talking about overtly like IG posts that we see, its a much more subtle feeling. So it feels like there is this message of "love yourself and love who you are because that's when you'll really feel changes and be a better person - except for you. You need to lose 60 lbs before you can fit in the category". I felt this most acutely after I lost 45 lbs and felt really good in my body. Really good. And I was damn healthy. But I still had a lot to lose (like 60-80lb range) and so I was feeling good and loving myself and yet, I still don't fit into that category. I don't know. Its crazy making honestly because is that my own disordered thinking or is it a societal pressure and I've settled on that its a little bit of both.
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Post by yoginikiki on Feb 6, 2018 11:06:01 GMT -6
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Pizzaslut
Ruby
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Post by Pizzaslut on Feb 6, 2018 11:09:14 GMT -6
So we shouldn't follow the advice of Kate Moss? The epitome of a healthy woman?
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Post by GhoatMonket on Feb 6, 2018 11:12:25 GMT -6
I think maybe the "body positive" thing can (as with anything) be taken too far and be harmful. I want naturally thin and naturally curvy women and every other shape and size to feel good embracing the body nature gave her. But I don't think that should be construed as, "Dietary choices and exercise regiments are an assault on your psyche." And this is where I struggle but I inherently feel this. Bear (bare?) with me here because this will come out wrong I'm sure. I don't disagree with you by any means. But it gets really complicated. I feel like body positive and self love concepts only apply to a certain level. Like if you are slightly overweight or naturally curvy, its good to be body positive. If you are obese and have 100+ pounds to lose, there is a lot less wiggle room for body positivity and self love. Like, it is a lot harder to have support to love yourself. Regardless if you want to lose weight or not and regardless of your health. And I'm not talking about overtly like IG posts that we see, its a much more subtle feeling. So it feels like there is this message of "love yourself and love who you are because that's when you'll really feel changes and be a better person - except for you. You need to lose 60 lbs before you can fit in the category". I felt this most acutely after I lost 45 lbs and felt really good in my body. Really good. And I was damn healthy. But I still had a lot to lose (like 60-80lb range) and so I was feeling good and loving myself and yet, I still don't fit into that category. I don't know. Its crazy making honestly because is that my own disordered thinking or is it a societal pressure and I've settled on that its a little bit of both. You can still love yourself as you are and want to improve something about yourself. They aren't mutually exclusive. Ideally everyone would have both going on. And yes, there is absolutely a double message that is sent based on how much overweight you are.
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