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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2018 11:14:29 GMT -6
Did anyone read the I’m always thin in my mind article? it was linked in one of the articles HE posted. That’s how I feel sometimes. Like in my head, I’m thin and then I see myself in a mirror or a picture and I am surprised at how I look.
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McBenny
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Post by McBenny on Feb 6, 2018 11:14:45 GMT -6
I think if this were any other topic people would be better able to see the too much factor. If diet was replaced with work and someone was always talking about work and all about work and work this and work that. I think it would be much clearer to see.
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McBenny
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Post by McBenny on Feb 6, 2018 11:15:18 GMT -6
Nutella is nasty.
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Post by yoginikiki on Feb 6, 2018 11:16:17 GMT -6
I think what we are circling around is that loving yourself doesn't equal eating whatever you want/living a sedentary lifestyle nor does it mean dieting/exercise and health.
It is its very own concept-- for many, physical aesthetics is more heavily weighted than personality/work achievements. For some it isn't.
Ultimately it would be great if physical appearance wasn't a roadblock to self love. For some it is, for some it isn't. Also- we all agree physical appearance =/= health.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2018 11:16:41 GMT -6
thisbitch , you have the strangest world view re: diet and exercise of maybe anyone I've ever come across. It blows my mind on a weekly basis. eta: I don't mean that in a bad way This is one of those statements that makes me want to ask what you mean, but in truth, I am too afraid of the answer, so I shall not ask. I will undoubtedly find myself pondering the idea more than once.
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Post by yoginikiki on Feb 6, 2018 11:18:05 GMT -6
I actually almost put an ETA on that post because I know there are nutella feels.
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McBenny
Unicorn
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Post by McBenny on Feb 6, 2018 11:21:40 GMT -6
I think if this were any other topic people would be better able to see the too much factor. If diet was replaced with work and someone was always talking about work and all about work and work this and work that. I think it would be much clearer to see. That's an interesting question. And I think it's very cultural or regional, because work is often seen as a virtuous thing to talk about. I mean here. I am talking about here today and us. This group that posts here.
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
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Post by McBenny on Feb 6, 2018 11:22:30 GMT -6
Or fucking Or watching TV
if you can't bring your mind to replace it with work
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emma
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Post by emma on Feb 6, 2018 11:33:12 GMT -6
I'll admit i've been in a bit of a funk since last Friday's conversation. I was obviously feeling down on my body at the time and talking about it made it kind of worse. I liked how i felt about myself when i was working out regularly but i don't have time now so i don't know how to fix my feelings but telling myself daily that i have noce teeth and eyes isn't going to do shit.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2018 11:35:40 GMT -6
I'll admit i've been in a bit of a funk since last Friday's conversation. I was obviously feeling down on my body at the time and talking about it made it kind of worse. I liked how i felt about myself when i was working out regularly but i don't have time now so i don't know how to fix my feelings but telling myself daily that i have noce teeth and eyes isn't going to do shit. My LT is an “I understand” and “I hear you”. I’m not going to lie that I had a very bad feeling of not being able to think of a single good thing about myself after that convo. Woof.
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Post by yoginikiki on Feb 6, 2018 11:38:34 GMT -6
@heartbot, yeah. In some circles it very much is.
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Post by yoginikiki on Feb 6, 2018 11:52:38 GMT -6
@heartbot , yeah. In some circles it very much is. As I said before, I literally have no reference for this. I've never met anyone say that there is no value at all in a healthy diet and exercise. Maybe our culture's obsessive focus on it for the express purposes of weight loss to look good is without value (which I would agree with), but not on the notion that health generally is important or that to some extent eating healthy and being active are necessary to achieve those goals. It isn't so much the bolded as...people who are very unhealthy (legitimate medical issues either already in progress or looming) rejecting medical advice /accusing medical professionals of "fat shaming" when prescribing lifestyle changes under the guise of "body positivity" and "self love" The "you are fine the way you are" and "all sizes are beautiful" are both sentiments I agree with; however, real and serious health issues come into play at some point (which is different for every person and involves way more than appearance and can not be diagnosed by a layperson) and at those stages body positivity alone is not a cure for heart disease. I think the issue is the conflation of "you need to lose weight for your health" with "you need to lose weight to be aesthetically pleasing to me" ETA: This post sounds not how I want it to and I am trying to figure out why/how to fix it but I'm struggling.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2018 11:53:08 GMT -6
At one of my past jobs employees use to sit together for lunch. But lunchtime was almost always diet and body talk. We were all women there. I also was the only Hispanic in that company. One time this one chick said "nothing will ever feel as great as skinny feels". I was close to punching her in the face and getting fired. I just internalized that convo because I was probably the heaviest there. I wasn't on a diet either. I was just trying my best each day. She had one of those exercise balls in her office too. I just couldn't relate back then either. Anyway, I started eating outside in the lawn or my car because I hated having those talks all the time. Ot was making me anxious. Obviously because of my history with dieting. But I just couldn't do it all the time. Like I would have welcomed poop talk at some point. I wouldn't have wanted to sit with them either. Also...that whole "nothing feels as great as skinny feels" is bullshit. Not only on just a philosophical level, but also because biologically, when you start exercising a lot and cutting calories in order to lose weight, your body actually starts to fight it, makes you crave food. Dieting can lead to depression, even when you're "successfully" hitting/maintaining whatever your weight goals are. If skinny was the most amazing feeling in the world, no one would be overweight. The reason so many people struggle with weight is because eating, honestly, is more pleasurable for our bodies, and our bodies *demand* calories in. For instance, my body is demanding a Twix rn.
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thatgolfb
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Post by thatgolfb on Feb 6, 2018 11:53:59 GMT -6
This is a really interesting conversation. Most of you know I'm currently working to get the baby weight off, and I've kind of latched on to the bikini body mommy plan, both in terms of exercise and in terms of eating. Briana may be annoying, but her attitude is pretty on point. Her meal plans are great: nourishing healthy foods with room for treats. Exercise is fun for me and something I enjoy doing, so that part wasn't as much of an obstacle for me. My ultimate goal is equally to drop the weight to get to a happy place (not necessarily skinny) and to feel strong again. It is already heading in the right direction.
I lost a lot of weight in high school by counting calories. This was before apps, so I wrote down everything I ate every single day. I eventually did learn to eat better, but I also was very obsessive about it, almost to an unhealthy level in hindsight. One thing I like about BBM is that she doesn't focus on the number of calories, but stresses healthy, filling foods. Now, I am still logging in MFP because I know that ultimately calories in vs. Calories out is important, but I've realized that with these filling foods I am almost always hitting my calorie goal. And I feel a LOT better eating this way, which is actually bittersweet, because I just love foods of all kinds and want to still eat them (and I do still on occasion).
I am with most of you that want to keep up with the kids. I want to set a good example for my daughters. Right now DD1 does "workouts" with me using her paw patrol stuffed animals as weights which is adorable. We all go to the gym together; it is a family affair. We talk about how vegetables make us strong, etc. So hopefully we are focusing on the right things.
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thatgolfb
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Post by thatgolfb on Feb 6, 2018 11:54:12 GMT -6
That was quite a ramble. Lol.
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Minerva
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Post by Minerva on Feb 6, 2018 12:01:11 GMT -6
I've been in my feelings since Friday if I'm honest. but that's for me to deal and process. I'm also coming st this with a history of disordered eating, so a lot of my current thoughts on this has a lot to do with that and where I am now with that. I'm sorry if i sounded dismissive. I also agreed very much with some of what CestLaVie said about creating your own standard. None of my family is thin. None of my relatives are thin. None of my close friends are thin. my best friend is on the heavier side, but she's a trainer at a gym. I consider her super fit. Shes beat physically skinny chicks on swimmig laps, push ups, etc. She's always working out. But she's not thin at all. My endocrinologist once told me my genetics and heritage means I will always be on the heavier side. Not that I can't change that, but its a default of sorts. Plus I don't have a thyroid. So my metabolism is crap too. At some point, and i don't know when exactly, but I stopped fighting all this. I was miserable. This is just me and my journey. But it made the difference with how I see myself and finally accept myself. I still work on myself all the time. I didn't just say, I'm going to let myself go and cross my fingers. But I stopped trying to pursue the European standard of healthy. I don't know what I'm trying to say, other than I'm not against or judge people for trying to feel their best. Im still working on my holiday weight. I don't like it when jeans fit tighter. I get that. I also can't relate to the standards of beauty here or the rest of the country sometimes. I believe that's valid too. So I can see why some of the comments hurt me too and how I look. Sorry if this is long. You just said almost everything I have been thinking about last week’s conversation, including the conversation with my endo that genetics and autoimmune disease mean I will never be truly thin without disordered eating/exercise or surgery. I enjoy being active and am trying to lose some of the weight that I’ve put on while BFing to maintain my health, but I’m also striving to be happy in my skin regardless of my size.
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Post by sheilathetank on Feb 6, 2018 12:05:06 GMT -6
I really need to work on what I say and the comments I make in front of DD. MH and I joke about being fat a lot. It's been our way of coping with our expanding waist lines, but it's not healthy. The thing upthread about second graders thinking they are fat is eye opening.
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Post by Lord Disick on Feb 6, 2018 12:06:42 GMT -6
"I really like these pants, and they’ve gotten too tight. I don’t want to be out of breath when I chase my 2-year-old up the block. And I’d like to stop wanting to avoid being in pictures because I don’t like how I look. " That is like...99% of the reasons I would like to lose the rest of the weight I am holding on to, in a nutshell. Same and this is a total shift from why I dieted in my 20s. Now, it's more for practical health reasons and just being able to enjoy life than wanting to look a certain way.
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Post by GhoatMonket on Feb 6, 2018 12:08:43 GMT -6
I really need to work on what I say and the comments I make in front of DD. MH and I joke about being fat a lot. It's been our way of coping with our expanding waist lines, but it's not healthy. The thing upthread about second graders thinking they are fat is eye opening. <iframe width="17.680000000000064" height="3.5600000000000023" style="position: absolute; width: 17.68px; height: 3.56px; z-index: -9999; border-style: none; left: 0px; top: 0px;" id="MoatPxIOPT0_23995614"></iframe> <iframe width="17.680000000000064" height="3.5600000000000023" style="position: absolute; width: 17.68px; height: 3.56px; z-index: -9999; border-style: none; left: 826px; top: -138px;" id="MoatPxIOPT0_4750396"></iframe> <iframe width="17.680000000000064" height="3.5600000000000023" style="position: absolute; width: 17.68px; height: 3.56px; z-index: -9999; border-style: none; left: 10px; top: -14px;" id="MoatPxIOPT0_10789891"></iframe> <iframe width="17.680000000000064" height="3.5600000000000023" style="position: absolute; width: 17.68px; height: 3.56px; z-index: -9999; border-style: none; left: 826px; top: -14px;" id="MoatPxIOPT0_19389306"></iframe> DS said something about him being fat in preK. We also try to avoid skinny comments toward him. But when he outgrows things he will comment about being fat. No, you are 7 and you grew dude.
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hawkward
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Post by hawkward on Feb 6, 2018 12:11:46 GMT -6
I really need to work on what I say and the comments I make in front of DD. MH and I joke about being fat a lot. It's been our way of coping with our expanding waist lines, but it's not healthy. The thing upthread about second graders thinking they are fat is eye opening. DS said something about him being fat in preK. We also try to avoid skinny comments toward him. But when he outgrows things he will comment about being fat. No, you are 7 and you grew dude. DS1 has said similar things about growing-- "I'm too fat for my pants" and saying he hopes he doesn't get as big as H (and H is by no means too heavy). I'm always reminding my mom to not make food into a "thing" with the kids when they're going through a no food phase.
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Post by sheilathetank on Feb 6, 2018 12:11:53 GMT -6
I really need to work on what I say and the comments I make in front of DD. MH and I joke about being fat a lot. It's been our way of coping with our expanding waist lines, but it's not healthy. The thing upthread about second graders thinking they are fat is eye opening. <iframe width="17.680000000000064" height="3.5600000000000023" style="position: absolute; width: 17.68px; height: 3.56px; z-index: -9999; border-style: none; left: 0px; top: 0px;" id="MoatPxIOPT0_23995614"></iframe> <iframe width="17.680000000000064" height="3.5600000000000023" style="position: absolute; width: 17.68px; height: 3.56px; z-index: -9999; border-style: none; left: 826px; top: -138px;" id="MoatPxIOPT0_4750396"></iframe> <iframe width="17.680000000000064" height="3.5600000000000023" style="position: absolute; width: 17.68px; height: 3.56px; z-index: -9999; border-style: none; left: 10px; top: -14px;" id="MoatPxIOPT0_10789891"></iframe> <iframe width="17.680000000000064" height="3.5600000000000023" style="position: absolute; width: 17.68px; height: 3.56px; z-index: -9999; border-style: none; left: 826px; top: -14px;" id="MoatPxIOPT0_19389306"></iframe> DS said something about him being fat in preK. We also try to avoid skinny comments toward him. But when he outgrows things he will comment about being fat. No, you are 7 and you grew dude. pre-K!? Jaysus I thought I wouldn't have to deal with this until middle school at least and by then I'd be worldly and wise so I'd know what to say/do.
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thatgolfb
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Post by thatgolfb on Feb 6, 2018 12:14:21 GMT -6
Side note, I want to commend my mom for how she talked with me as an overweight kid. When I was about 15, she had a CTJ with me. I think I was on the cusp of a binge eating disorder, it was getting that bad. I would sneak food. This is all really hard for me to write, by the way, because I'm so embarrassed by it. I dont know how I let it get so bad.
Anyway, she sat down with me one day and just said hey, this isn't healthy, how can I help you get healthier? It was a more elaborate conversation than that, but tl;Dr we both cried and I started my weight loss journey at that point, which ended up being successful.
Now that I have daughters, I cannot imagine how difficult that conversation was for her.
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hawkward
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Post by hawkward on Feb 6, 2018 12:15:50 GMT -6
@heartbot, I fell into a rabbit hole on IG with the overlap in the PCOS/bopo community. I was very surprised at the "this is what my body is and fuck you" attitude about seeking healthcare with it. So then that led my into a deeper rabbit hole of the medical advice=fat shaming idea. It was hard for me to digest because to me, PCOS is a disease for me to fight and not "just who I am." Anyway, tangential, but yes, it's very much a thing and I was surprised to discover it too.
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thatgolfb
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Post by thatgolfb on Feb 6, 2018 12:17:34 GMT -6
I think you guys can probably tell by my posts that moderation is... Not easy for me. I'm still learning even 16 years later.
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Post by yoginikiki on Feb 6, 2018 12:18:05 GMT -6
Size is in no way indicative of character. Neither are eating habits or exercise habits. I think that is sometimes lost and it becomes problematic when the two are connected either by the individual themselves or other people.
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Pizzaslut
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Post by Pizzaslut on Feb 6, 2018 12:20:49 GMT -6
Side note, I want to commend my mom for how she talked with me as an overweight kid. When I was about 15, she had a CTJ with me. I think I was on the cusp of a binge eating disorder, it was getting that bad. I would sneak food. This is all really hard for me to write, by the way, because I'm so embarrassed by it. I dont know how I let it get so bad. Anyway, she sat down with me one day and just said hey, this isn't healthy, how can I help you get healthier? It was a more elaborate conversation than that, but tl;Dr we both cried and I started my weight loss journey at that point, which ended up being successful. Now that I have daughters, I cannot imagine how difficult that conversation was for her. This is awesome of your mom. I tried to get my mom to have us join weight watchers in middle school but she didn't want to spend the money (which I understand). I think her mom made her feel crappy growing up because she was the chubby sister and her older sister was so skinny all the time. My grandma is obsessed with weight and even now it's frustrating to listen to her talk about it. I also have trouble with anything in moderation. Being pregnant is not helping.
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Post by GhoatMonket on Feb 6, 2018 12:23:00 GMT -6
I think you guys can probably tell by my posts that moderation is... Not easy for me. I'm still learning even 16 years later. I think that is the case for most people who have struggled with either end of the spectrum.
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Minerva
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Post by Minerva on Feb 6, 2018 12:23:50 GMT -6
I do think there’s also some pressure to find fault with yourself. Like, it’s not ok socially to say “nah, homeostasis achieved, honestly.” A+ use of homeostasis. 😁
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Pizzaslut
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Post by Pizzaslut on Feb 6, 2018 12:23:54 GMT -6
I also notice it is the old school Italian women in my family who focus the most on being skinny. My grandma is awful about her comments. My MIL also makes some comments (although she never will outright say anything rude to anyone). One example from my MIL is when she was talking to BIL's fiance and she said, oh you had a child and you were still able to stay so skinny, that's wonderful. The fiance is not healthy, smokes, etc and meanwhile, I'm here 10-15 pounds to lose, but have run half marathons and work out 4-6 times per week. The only time she says anything is when she's noticed I've lost weight. She's not doing it to be mean at all, it's just ingrained somewhere deep down within her.
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Pizzaslut
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Post by Pizzaslut on Feb 6, 2018 12:24:22 GMT -6
I'm just babbling at this point.
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