cp3
Opal
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Sept 18, 2020 14:52:33 GMT -6
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Post by cp3 on Sept 18, 2020 14:52:33 GMT -6
DH and I just divvied up the bills and we just manage our own shit. We talk about large purchases and make big decisions together but otherwise if I got Amazon coming, he has no idea. I have quite a few friends that do this and I don't say anything but there have been more than a few times that one in the couple has done something and the other had no clue cause they never knew when one paid something or some level of fuckery.
I don't say anything IRL.
I just can't do the I don't know if it's been paid, I don't know how much your pay was, I don't know how much is in this account life.
I need to know everything. All of it. It's my issue and baggage and not reflective of any relationship.
Same. I need to make sure all the bills are paid so not having access to the other accounts and being able to check that the mortgage has been paid would not work for me. But this is more from my history and how my mom got incredibly screwed financially by my dad.
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
Posts: 52,183 Likes: 296,686
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:54:33 GMT -6
Post by McBenny on Sept 18, 2020 14:54:33 GMT -6
I also refuse to do any auto payments. Well the fucking Netflix is the only one.
Refuse.
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
Posts: 52,183 Likes: 296,686
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:55:07 GMT -6
Post by McBenny on Sept 18, 2020 14:55:07 GMT -6
MH is not on my account but I did sign papers that he could access my account upon my death.
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rvasc
Emerald
Posts: 14,311 Likes: 82,564
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:55:17 GMT -6
Post by rvasc on Sept 18, 2020 14:55:17 GMT -6
The cars in the house are ours. I have some friends that their car is their car like he never drives it. She has to do all the car care etc. Again, I don't say anything but I find it odd. I am confessing it here. In the same vein, I do find the he always goes and gets gas for me arrangements odd too. Or maybe I am jealous. Bitch ain't pumped gas in 20 years and I just look like wow. Anyway, I am complex. All of our cars are H’s. 🤣 Not really, but my car is “our” car and his car is his car. He does wash both regularly. If he’s been using mine, he will also put gas in it. I do not drive his car after the tire incident of 2019.
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
Posts: 52,183 Likes: 296,686
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:56:16 GMT -6
Post by McBenny on Sept 18, 2020 14:56:16 GMT -6
I was big into budget planning so we would have monthly financial meetings to see how and where we are and goals.
We don't have them anymore cause of COVID-19 and I am moving us into a spend nothing we're in a global crisis and you don't know what could happen mode.
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beatch
Amethyst
My ass is self-sufficient
Posts: 7,072 Likes: 63,399
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:56:23 GMT -6
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Post by beatch on Sept 18, 2020 14:56:23 GMT -6
We have separate accounts, and a joint checking for bills. I like having my own money and autonomy over my spending and saving. I think the older and more established you are in life, probably the less likely people are to totally co-mingle finances. It makes sense for a young couple just building their lives, but it didn't make sense for H and me when we got married. It works fine, we frequently discuss goals and don't argue over money. I don’t think this is a fair assessment. I’m glad sespérate finances work for you but it doesn’t work for everyone. Established or not. Older or not. I can see it making more sense for older couples, but fair point. It's simply what we prefer.
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beatch
Amethyst
My ass is self-sufficient
Posts: 7,072 Likes: 63,399
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:58:49 GMT -6
Post by beatch on Sept 18, 2020 14:58:49 GMT -6
The right music in a COMMERCIAL can make me cry. Me catching the Pampers Christmas commercial.
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:59:52 GMT -6
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Post by Deleted on Sept 18, 2020 14:59:52 GMT -6
DH and I just divvied up the bills and we just manage our own shit. We talk about large purchases and make big decisions together but otherwise if I got Amazon coming, he has no idea. I have quite a few friends that do this and I don't say anything but there have been more than a few times that one in the couple has done something and the other had no clue cause they never knew when one paid something or some level of fuckery.
I don't say anything IRL.
I just can't do the I don't know if it's been paid, I don't know how much your pay was, I don't know how much is in this account life.
I need to know everything. All of it. It's my issue and baggage and not reflective of any relationship.
Well we have access to all bills, both of us. And we freely would allow each other access to each other's accounts. MH is a great saver and I'm a spender so it's better for us to split. And I'd rather not know how much exactly DH has saved cause I'd want to spend it. Like I've acknowledged in our relationship I have a spending problem. So for us our finances have always worked. I'd be more worried about over drafting if we had a joint account from not telling each other about our puddle spending like food and Amazon. We have a set up that works fantastic for us. We've lived together 9 years and never had a neglected bill.
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AmyG
Ruby
Posts: 15,354 Likes: 33,942
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 15:08:45 GMT -6
Post by AmyG on Sept 18, 2020 15:08:45 GMT -6
All this money talk and I feel very fortunate that I can freely shop the grocery store without calculating if I’ll have enough money for the food we need/want. I wish
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AmyG
Ruby
Posts: 15,354 Likes: 33,942
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 15:12:40 GMT -6
Post by AmyG on Sept 18, 2020 15:12:40 GMT -6
At any point in time I can tell you the balance in all of my accounts. Upcoming bills, expected savings for the current period and cumulative YTD savings. Everything. 1 year outlook, 5 year outlook. Scenarios for different life events. Every thing. I could not function in my life being financial ignorant. And that is why all the money goes in one pot. So I can see it all. I manage all the household expenses and income, because otherwise well, dh will see a bill for like car insurance that is due in 2 months and he will freak that there isn't enough $ right this minute to pay it, and I'd be like, but we get paid 4 times before this is due, no need to panic. After a few years of him panic at every.single.bill I took over doing our finances and bills. He harped on 401k and investing out of his check and I paid every other thing when due and managing the rest.
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snowyowl
Amethyst
Posts: 6,805 Likes: 31,100
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 15:12:52 GMT -6
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Post by snowyowl on Sept 18, 2020 15:12:52 GMT -6
snowyowl Yes, my H has all the logins and apps he needs for each bill and account. I don't even remember when it all transitioned to me handling it all. Perhaps it's my love of budgets and spreadsheets. H and I have been together since we were 20. So I think if just evolved naturally from his “Eh, I’ll check it tomorrow” breeziness and me being the complete opposite. There are things in my life I can handle letting him deal with in his meandering way. Money isn’t one of them.
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AmyG
Ruby
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 15:20:32 GMT -6
Post by AmyG on Sept 18, 2020 15:20:32 GMT -6
I also refuse to do any auto payments. Well the fucking Netflix is the only one. Refuse. I do very few auto payments. Netflix, my cell phone and internet cause I get a bigger discount with auto pay. And my house payment because they didn't have any other way to pay except mail a check that would always show up late with a late payment fee even if mailed on time. I hate auto pay. I also hate electronic bills. If I get a paper bill I look at it, review and catch sooo many errors, like I didn't get the multiplan discount, you charged me for something I didn't get, you randomly changed the due date. blah blah. but ebill I never seem to focus on it.
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AmyG
Ruby
Posts: 15,354 Likes: 33,942
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 15:22:54 GMT -6
Post by AmyG on Sept 18, 2020 15:22:54 GMT -6
MH is not on my account but I did sign papers that he could access my account upon my death. My discover card that I've had since freshman year of college, dh is NOT a signer on it. My kids are signers on it tho. they use it only for school expenses preauthorized. It was my emergency plan in case he was a butt head I could move out and have a credit to my very very own.
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maybe
Sapphire
Posts: 3,636 Likes: 28,247
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 15:28:48 GMT -6
Post by maybe on Sept 18, 2020 15:28:48 GMT -6
We each have our own cars but any time we go anywhere he drives (regardless of which car we use). And my car is the more kid friendly one so we always take that as a family. I don't enjoy driving and am very glad he does. Hi Life Twin.
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maybe
Sapphire
Posts: 3,636 Likes: 28,247
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 15:29:37 GMT -6
Post by maybe on Sept 18, 2020 15:29:37 GMT -6
I don't like to pump gas very much and never pump gas at night if I can avoid it so MH usually does all the gas stuff. His love language is acts of service and it works for me.
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FlightView
Sapphire
Resident Alaskan
Posts: 4,455 Likes: 18,222
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Post by FlightView on Sept 18, 2020 15:32:05 GMT -6
All this money talk and I feel very fortunate that I can freely shop the grocery store without calculating if I’ll have enough money for the food we need/want. I wish This is very new for us... so I get it.
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piratecat
Diamond
Posts: 36,004 Likes: 143,829
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Post by piratecat on Sept 18, 2020 15:33:48 GMT -6
I would rather walk across one of these long ass bridges that people are scared of than cuddle. 😂
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maybe
Sapphire
Posts: 3,636 Likes: 28,247
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 15:39:36 GMT -6
Post by maybe on Sept 18, 2020 15:39:36 GMT -6
I think mine stems more from anxiety. Maybe trust isn’t the word we’re looking for. Either way we’re on the same page. Shit can hit the fan in an instant, and I’m not about to be left penniless. Especially with kids. Yes that’s a significant part. I have a child that I’m literally solely responsible for. Obviously I’d expect my husband to treat her as she is his but if need be, I need to be able to support her regardless. I am reading backwards and saw your other posts and was thinking that my calculations would be so different than what they actually were if I already had a kid. I hear you and glad you are thinking as you do on some things.
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maybe
Sapphire
Posts: 3,636 Likes: 28,247
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 15:41:09 GMT -6
Post by maybe on Sept 18, 2020 15:41:09 GMT -6
Trust may not be the best word, but I just don’t see why we would need all of our money commingled. I don't need MH seeing how much I spend on waxing or nails or my hair or even girls trips/vacation. I don't want to know what he is doing at that level either.
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 15:49:03 GMT -6
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Post by Deleted on Sept 18, 2020 15:49:03 GMT -6
Trust may not be the best word, but I just don’t see why we would need all of our money commingled. I don't need MH seeing how much I spend on waxing or nails or my hair or even girls trips/vacation. I don't want to know what he is doing at that level either. Yes. This too. Very much so don’t need every detail of what and when I’m doing stuff to be on display.
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Pizzaslut
Ruby
*it’s a joke. get some hobbies.
Posts: 22,727 Likes: 131,010
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Post by Pizzaslut on Sept 18, 2020 16:10:15 GMT -6
Oh man, my dream man takes out the trash, fills up my car with gas, and doesn't try to cuddle me after sex. That's all I need. And is my personal bartender.
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willow
Ruby
Posts: 19,615 Likes: 125,176
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 16:21:45 GMT -6
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Post by willow on Sept 18, 2020 16:21:45 GMT -6
My H pays for house/utilities/entertainment bills. I pay for children everything (care, clothing, formula, etc) and all groceries. At first glance it may look like he pays more but boy let me tell you about childcare for 3 kids. Lol. I expect once all 3 kids are in elementary school we will be rearranging who pays for what.
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loony
Emerald
Posts: 12,584 Likes: 45,012
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 16:21:52 GMT -6
Post by loony on Sept 18, 2020 16:21:52 GMT -6
Oh man, my dream man takes out the trash, fills up my car with gas, and doesn't try to cuddle me after sex. That's all I need. And is my personal bartender. Mine just brought me a mug of beer while I was on a zoom call ::heart eyes::
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STP
Diamond
Posts: 43,332 Likes: 314,808
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Post by STP on Sept 18, 2020 16:26:49 GMT -6
I don’t care if he sees how much my pedicure costs. I’ll still get one if I want one.
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loony
Emerald
Posts: 12,584 Likes: 45,012
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 16:30:38 GMT -6
Post by loony on Sept 18, 2020 16:30:38 GMT -6
I don’t care if he sees how much my pedicure costs. I’ll still get one if I want one. I'll take the teasing, but he bought three of the same damn hat...that he hates...and is not returnable...so we at least have an understanding of no real judgement.
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TheoV2
Sapphire
Posts: 3,597 Likes: 20,374
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 16:32:58 GMT -6
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Post by TheoV2 on Sept 18, 2020 16:32:58 GMT -6
We buy what we each want within reason and the only time anything is questioned is when we want to make sure it's not a fraud purchase. Otherwise once bills are paid and savings is in its very you do you from the joint account.
We do discuss any large purchases.
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STP
Diamond
Posts: 43,332 Likes: 314,808
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Post by STP on Sept 18, 2020 16:34:12 GMT -6
I put my dog walking money in the joint pot as well. And take from it as I wish in keeping with our agreed monthly budget.
I won’t pretend there are never money scuffles, I like nice things and he’s a proud cheapskate. That would happen regardless, we need both incomes to pay our rent/expenses and still save/enjoy small luxuries, so it’s rather moot who put which dollar into what pot. It would all be coming out and excess spending from either party would fuck us over that month.
Sharing a bank account doesn’t mean you’re accounting for every penny to your partner. At least not for us. We’re both adults and treat each other as such.
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TheoV2
Sapphire
Posts: 3,597 Likes: 20,374
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 16:37:54 GMT -6
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Post by TheoV2 on Sept 18, 2020 16:37:54 GMT -6
I don't think my H and I have ever fought about money. We've worried about making ends meet before, but neither of us are big spenders in general.
I handle all of our finances and we discuss our overall budget plan twice a year.
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rvasc
Emerald
Posts: 14,311 Likes: 82,564
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 16:38:46 GMT -6
Post by rvasc on Sept 18, 2020 16:38:46 GMT -6
I put my dog walking money in the joint pot as well. And take from it as I wish in keeping with our agreed monthly budget. I won’t pretend there are never money scuffles, I like nice things and he’s a proud cheapskate. That would happen regardless, we need both incomes to pay our rent/expenses and still save/enjoy small luxuries, so it’s rather moot who put which dollar into what pot. It would all be coming out and excess spending from either party would fuck us over that month. Sharing a bank account doesn’t mean you’re accounting for every penny to your partner. At least not for us. We’re both adults and treat each other as such. I could maybe get there now. As a newlywed,..... oof. I was an asshole. It’s really better we keep our separate joint accounts.
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rvasc
Emerald
Posts: 14,311 Likes: 82,564
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 16:41:26 GMT -6
Post by rvasc on Sept 18, 2020 16:41:26 GMT -6
I was very young when I got married (25) and had a terrible model. I was not great at being married. I have grown a lot in 13 years and think I’m a great partner, but it’s a journey.*
*is this the appropriate use of journey?
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