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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 13:53:47 GMT -6
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Post by imapenguin on Sept 18, 2020 13:53:47 GMT -6
I need to be cuddled and talked to after sex. Same, if I don’t get my cuddles and pillow talk I’m definitely offended.
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rvasc
Emerald
Posts: 14,311 Likes: 82,564
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 13:55:21 GMT -6
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Post by rvasc on Sept 18, 2020 13:55:21 GMT -6
We have two joint accounts because I am the sort of asshole who will say, “you’ve been wasting a lot of money by buying snacks at the gas station,” and it’s really just better if I don’t have that level of insight into what he’s doing. I mean, when I log in, his account is there under mine, but I do not typically look at every purchase.
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 13:57:37 GMT -6
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Post by SweetPotato on Sept 18, 2020 13:57:37 GMT -6
If we had separate finances I would have no spending or saving money. My H makes significantly more than I do That was our situation for a while but he paid all the bills and my money was all to spend/save as I wanted. Those were the days, man!
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wasabi
Moderator
Posts: 18,832 Likes: 119,760
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 13:58:12 GMT -6
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Post by wasabi on Sept 18, 2020 13:58:12 GMT -6
Initiated afternoon sex and renegotiated cuddle days - 4 with out, 3 with. Lol, I would just feel so weird if I was your H- cuddling a person who does not want to cuddle
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rvasc
Emerald
Posts: 14,311 Likes: 82,564
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:00:03 GMT -6
Post by rvasc on Sept 18, 2020 14:00:03 GMT -6
My H is a very, like, aggressive cuddlier? It’s not my favorite thing to do with him. It’s like he’s trying to save me from falling into an abyss or something.
My kid is much better at cuddling.
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:00:06 GMT -6
Post by fikafairy on Sept 18, 2020 14:00:06 GMT -6
I don't know if this is confession-worthy but it's relevant. We have joint accounts only, but functionally speaking it's really managed all by me. I could probably move all the money to new accounts and it would take a long time for H to notice. This is us also. My H pays zero attention to our accounts or bills. This isn't strictly true for us, he needed to manage his car payment (before we paid it off), he has to write the checks for daycare and drop them off, and he manages the water/sewer bills. But he so rarely goes into the account to check things that it might as well be zero attention there, and I originally put just about everything minor on autopay for my own sanity. Turns out that I'm way better at managing the personal finances despite the fact that he manages a company's finances at work.
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Kida
Emerald
Posts: 11,645 Likes: 40,582
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:01:01 GMT -6
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Post by Kida on Sept 18, 2020 14:01:01 GMT -6
God. COVID or no, my confession is I need my kid to go back to school SOON. I am actually shaky from how badly he has been behaving this week with this home school business.* *No, I don't want to actually risk his health. He's just not dealing well with all of this. I mean this out of love, have you looked into getting help for your stress and anxiety? I feel like most of your posts are about being at a level 10 anxious.
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emma
Ruby
Posts: 18,819 Likes: 86,482
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:01:37 GMT -6
Post by emma on Sept 18, 2020 14:01:37 GMT -6
yeah, again lazy. I'm not interested in figuring out to the $$ if i pay the mortgage you ned to pay XYZ to make it equal and then adjust every time the gas goes up or the daycare comes down. We discuss big financial purchases but don't stop each other from buying small things here and there, that would change if one of us had an out of control shopping habit but we spend pretty evenly H and I have separate checking accounts (for bills) and a joint savings account (for emergencies and big purchases). We’ve never sat down and figured out who’s paying how much or made sure someone is paying an equal share. Generally, H pays more for joint bills because I pay so much for my student loans. If he’s ever short a month on a bill, he just asks me to pay it. There’s no science to it for us. No one’s keeping score. 🤷🏻♀️ yeah this would not work for me.
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:03:13 GMT -6
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Post by Deleted on Sept 18, 2020 14:03:13 GMT -6
I need to be cuddled and talked to after sex. Same, if I don’t get my cuddles and pillow talk I’m definitely offended. Yes. Yes. Me too.
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jorkzy
Emerald
Posts: 13,771 Likes: 73,437
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:03:30 GMT -6
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Post by jorkzy on Sept 18, 2020 14:03:30 GMT -6
Live music moves me. I have shed tears at every concert I've ever attended. Live music does this to me too. Like shivers and lump in my throat, even if I have no connection to the music itself. So weird. Like this happens when the HS marching band goes by in the local small town parade. I have no control over it 🤷♀️
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:05:02 GMT -6
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Post by Deleted on Sept 18, 2020 14:05:02 GMT -6
My H is a very, like, aggressive cuddlier? It’s not my favorite thing to do with him. It’s like he’s trying to save me from falling into an abyss or something. My kid is much better at cuddling. I feel you. I feel very engulfed and overwhelmed. My kid is a very chill cuddler 😆
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:05:58 GMT -6
Post by fikafairy on Sept 18, 2020 14:05:58 GMT -6
I'm scared to move our "don't touch" savings to a higher interest yielding account because the idea of moving it is unnerving. I'm also not finance-savvy in this sense because I don't know what to do with it in a way that makes the most sense for us. I also am really against the idea of paying an advisor for advice.
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:07:25 GMT -6
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Post by Deleted on Sept 18, 2020 14:07:25 GMT -6
Live music moves me. I have shed tears at every concert I've ever attended. Live music does this to me too. Like shivers and lump in my throat, even if I have no connection to the music itself. So weird. Like this happens when the HS marching band goes by in the local small town parade. I have no control over it 🤷♀️ This is cute and I love it. Marching band quads do that for me. The sound of the drums. I also used to be in a marching band so I already have that connection but I feel you. I have looked up and listened to half time marching band shows before, especially the drum line.
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Post by mothafuckinteatime on Sept 18, 2020 14:09:39 GMT -6
Initiated afternoon sex and renegotiated cuddle days - 4 with out, 3 with. This is good but I would’ve bartered with a “no waking my ass up early”
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:13:03 GMT -6
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Post by sweptaway on Sept 18, 2020 14:13:03 GMT -6
I need to be cuddled and talked to after sex. Same, if I don’t get my cuddles and pillow talk I’m definitely offended. Lol I'm always like, "ok get off me now"
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Pistol
Diamond
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:17:46 GMT -6
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Post by Pistol on Sept 18, 2020 14:17:46 GMT -6
If we had separate finances I would have no spending or saving money. My H makes significantly more than I do That was our situation for a while but he paid all the bills and my money was all to spend/save as I wanted. Those were the days, man! This is where we are right now. There's such a difference in income right now and truthfully I'm making pennies and its seasonal so not something that can be relied on all year. Granted I have used my money to cover things coming in that would overdraw the account or buying groceries or something when we over spend for that pay period and that way its not always coming out of the savings to cover stuff like that.
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snowyowl
Amethyst
Posts: 6,805 Likes: 31,100
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:21:09 GMT -6
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Post by snowyowl on Sept 18, 2020 14:21:09 GMT -6
I don't know if this is confession-worthy but it's relevant. We have joint accounts only, but functionally speaking it's really managed all by me. I could probably move all the money to new accounts and it would take a long time for H to notice. This is us also. My H pays zero attention to our accounts or bills. Same. I can do anything I want with our money and he has no idea. I actually refinanced our mortgage recently and I can’t remember if I ran it by him first? I think I probably did, but he probably gave me a “sure, whatever you want.” Occasionally I’ll let him know if things are tight and he needs to cool it on unnecessary spending, but that’s about it. FTR he has all the logins for our accounts, so he could go in there if he wanted, he just doesn’t bother. He better hope I’m around forever I guess!
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:22:18 GMT -6
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Post by Deleted on Sept 18, 2020 14:22:18 GMT -6
The idea of not knowing our financial situation re: not checking the accounts gives me palpitations.
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FlightView
Sapphire
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Post by FlightView on Sept 18, 2020 14:26:43 GMT -6
All this money talk and I feel very fortunate that I can freely shop the grocery store without calculating if I’ll have enough money for the food we need/want.
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
Posts: 52,183 Likes: 296,686
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:36:16 GMT -6
Post by McBenny on Sept 18, 2020 14:36:16 GMT -6
I can’t wrap my head around my entire check going into a joint account. Oh let me clarify - the all the money goes into one pot is figuratively. My money goes into my account. I control all the money in the whole house.
We tried joint and may have one for a purpose but I am not running behind someone about what that card swipe was.
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Bluebird
Amethyst
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:36:47 GMT -6
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Post by Bluebird on Sept 18, 2020 14:36:47 GMT -6
I would rather walk across one of these long ass bridges that people are scared of than cuddle.
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Diordra
Sapphire
Posts: 4,368 Likes: 18,191
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:38:59 GMT -6
Post by Diordra on Sept 18, 2020 14:38:59 GMT -6
snowyowl Yes, my H has all the logins and apps he needs for each bill and account. I don't even remember when it all transitioned to me handling it all. Perhaps it's my love of budgets and spreadsheets.
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
Posts: 52,183 Likes: 296,686
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:40:42 GMT -6
Post by McBenny on Sept 18, 2020 14:40:42 GMT -6
DHs family does like a fucking hug conga line at holidays and omg i try so hard to slip out. They know now and just make fun of me and skip me for hugs 🤷♀️ This is something.
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:40:50 GMT -6
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Post by Sweetjane on Sept 18, 2020 14:40:50 GMT -6
I'm scared to move our "don't touch" savings to a higher interest yielding account because the idea of moving it is unnerving. I'm also not finance-savvy in this sense because I don't know what to do with it in a way that makes the most sense for us. I also am really against the idea of paying an advisor for advice. Fidelity has amazing customer service, they are like the chic fil a of finance. So nice and helpful. All over the phone. For free.
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:46:54 GMT -6
Post by whatever on Sept 18, 2020 14:46:54 GMT -6
I guess my confession is that gainful employment is a non negotiable for me when I’m dating. I’ve settled into the fact that I would rather be single than to live a standard of life with my husband that’s not acceptable to me. I’ve also realized that it would not sit well with me to be the breadwinner in the house. heck yes! i would also need a certain level of income and his debt would need to be minimal in relation to his income/assets.
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
Posts: 52,183 Likes: 296,686
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:46:56 GMT -6
Post by McBenny on Sept 18, 2020 14:46:56 GMT -6
for me it's because i'm lazy. I don't want to have to manage multiple accounts and figure out where the mortgage comes from, or electric, gas, daycare... on and on the joint bills go. We tried separate accounts we pay ourselves into from the joint account and it fell by DH and I just divvied up the bills and we just manage our own shit. We talk about large purchases and make big decisions together but otherwise if I got Amazon coming, he has no idea. I have quite a few friends that do this and I don't say anything but there have been more than a few times that one in the couple has done something and the other had no clue cause they never knew when one paid something or some level of fuckery.
I don't say anything IRL.
I just can't do the I don't know if it's been paid, I don't know how much your pay was, I don't know how much is in this account life.
I need to know everything. All of it. It's my issue and baggage and not reflective of any relationship.
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:49:59 GMT -6
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Post by Deleted on Sept 18, 2020 14:49:59 GMT -6
At any point in time I can tell you the balance in all of my accounts. Upcoming bills, expected savings for the current period and cumulative YTD savings. Everything. 1 year outlook, 5 year outlook. Scenarios for different life events. Every thing.
I could not function in my life being financial ignorant.
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:50:48 GMT -6
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Post by goldenbird on Sept 18, 2020 14:50:48 GMT -6
I despise the scent of lavender. My H and I sleep in different rooms. Every morning after the kids get up, he gets in bed with me to cuddle. I HATE IT. He wakes me up and most days I can't fall back asleep. So I lay there pissed off for like an hour before my alarm goes off. Per my therapist suggestion, we've agreed that 2 days a week he will not do this. He has been good about respecting this, but today he came in (it's one of our off days) to cuddle and I elbowed him and got up. I cannot wait to have separate bedrooms from my husband. I love sleeping by myself. It's the best. Except MH is pretty messy with his room and that drives me a little nuts.
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
Posts: 52,183 Likes: 296,686
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:51:00 GMT -6
Post by McBenny on Sept 18, 2020 14:51:00 GMT -6
The cars in the house are ours. I have some friends that their car is their car like he never drives it. She has to do all the car care etc.
Again, I don't say anything but I find it odd.
I am confessing it here.
In the same vein, I do find the he always goes and gets gas for me arrangements odd too. Or maybe I am jealous. Bitch ain't pumped gas in 20 years and I just look like wow. Anyway, I am complex.
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pobre
Ruby
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FFFC
Sept 18, 2020 14:52:19 GMT -6
Post by pobre on Sept 18, 2020 14:52:19 GMT -6
Oh man, my dream man takes out the trash, fills up my car with gas, and doesn't try to cuddle me after sex. That's all I need.
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