Settle A Debate

[redbears]

Is it tacky to venmo cash for a wedding gift after the event?  Or should we mail a check?

Relevant info: Invitation was an E-vite.  Husband's cousin's wedding.  Wedding was out of town, husband went without me, but with lots of family members.  For whatever reason, he did not bring a card with cash to the wedding.  Wedding was 2 weeks ago.

PDQ

[gussie]

Well, I was going to say it’s tacky but a wedding evite is also tacky so I don’t know...I would probably mail a check with a card to be safe.

[longtrail]

Mail a congratulations card with a check.

[ktg]

I'd send it. Wedding etiquette actually gives you like a month after the wedding to send your gift. I understand why you think it might be tacky, but I think it's fine.

And by "send it" I mean venmo is fine.

[earlybirdz]

Mail a check with a card.

[Lormor]

I'm sure they don't care - money is money.

[Pistol]

If it was an evite then I’d say they are embracing the digital age and Venmo it. They broke the etiquette rules first with the evite if you want to get technical about it all.

[redbears]

Sept 25, 2018 5:47:43 GMT -6 Pistol said:

If it was an evite then I’d say they are embracing the digital age and Venmo it. They broke the etiquette rules first with the evite if you want to get technical about it all.

This is what I'm thinking.  Like, why should I send you a card when you didn't send me an invitation?  It's petty, but I really don't like getting evites for weddings and it seems to be the norm now.

[Pistol]

Sept 25, 2018 5:51:03 GMT -6 redbears said:

Sept 25, 2018 5:47:43 GMT -6 Pistol said:

If it was an evite then I’d say they are embracing the digital age and Venmo it. They broke the etiquette rules first with the evite if you want to get technical about it all.

This is what I'm thinking.  Like, why should I send you a card when you didn't send me an invitation?  It's petty, but I really don't like getting evites for weddings and it seems to be the norm now.

I got a text invite once. It was also a potluck reception. They got zero gift. I only went because it was H’s cousin and we wanted to see the shit show between her family and his.

[pearbear]

I'd mail a card with a check. Never have heard of a wedding evite.

[shan-ah-doo]

Mail a check with card. I mean, it’s really not that inconvenient to slap a stamp on an envelope.

[sweetp]

I'd mail a card with a check.

[piratecat]

I would mail a check with a card.

[Deleted]

I'd Venmo. I agree with PP money is money and they're obviously embracing the digital age and throwing olden days etiquette to the wind.

I also would not ever mail a check with a card because I try to not ever write checks because I do not like to rely on people to cash/deposit my checks because I need that $ out of my account. So there's that.

Basically for me it'd be Venmo or nuffin.

[calendula]

I'd mail a card with a check. Its tacky to evite but also tacky to venmo. Let other people be tacky.

[flamingo]

Sept 25, 2018 6:30:21 GMT -6 calendula said:

I'd mail a card with a check. Its tacky to evite but also tacky to venmo. Let other people be tacky.

This. No need to throw social graces out the window just because someone else did it first.

[Pizzaslut]

I would absolutely venmo. And I don't think e-vites are tacky. I wish people around me would embrace the digital age more and stop wasting paper and stamps. This couple clearly agrees and will be excited to get the cash.

[maybe]

Sept 25, 2018 6:35:51 GMT -6 Pizzaslut said:

I would absolutely venmo. And I don't think e-vites are tacky. I wish people around me would embrace the digital age more and stop wasting paper and stamps. This couple clearly agrees and will be excited to get the cash.

I would at least have done a Paperless Post invite over e-vite. I just have a mental hurdle around weddings and think they should be a little distinctive. I could do with less paper on other matters too. 

[thatgolfb]

Sept 25, 2018 5:46:39 GMT -6 Lormor said:

I'm sure they don't care - money is money.

This, but I would personally mail a card and check.

[Foxy]

If they are sending evites just venmo. They may even be thankful because it will be easy to remember what and how much you gave them for thank you notes.

[CestLaVie]

Sept 25, 2018 6:41:55 GMT -6 maybe said:

Sept 25, 2018 6:35:51 GMT -6 Pizzaslut said:

I would absolutely venmo. And I don't think e-vites are tacky. I wish people around me would embrace the digital age more and stop wasting paper and stamps. This couple clearly agrees and will be excited to get the cash.

I would at least have done a Paperless Post invite over e-vite. I just have a mental hurdle around weddings and think they should be a little distinctive. I could do with less paper on other matters too. 

I got my first paperless post invite for a baby shower recently and I loved it. It was beautiful, but also nice to be able to RSVP right there, look at the map, she who else is going, etc. I thought it was awesome.

[Foxy]

Sept 25, 2018 8:20:55 GMT -6 CestLaVie said:

Sept 25, 2018 6:41:55 GMT -6 maybe said:

I would at least have done a Paperless Post invite over e-vite. I just have a mental hurdle around weddings and think they should be a little distinctive. I could do with less paper on other matters too. 

I got my first paperless post invite for a baby shower recently and I loved it. It was beautiful, but also nice to be able to RSVP right there, look at the map, she who else is going, etc. I thought it was awesome.

I also like when people have their registry information available. I hate having to search for it. I'm all for paperless.

[truckerhat]

Venmo is fine here but I think a handwritten card is a nice gesture.

[Pizzaslut]

Sept 25, 2018 9:37:46 GMT -6 HilarityEnsued said:

I would send nothing. I'm anti wedding gifts lately so I haven't given anything to weddings I've been to recently.

WHAT?

Is this common in your circle?

[Bubblegum]

I would send card with a cheque but I wouldn't think it would be horrible to Venmo cash if it was an evite.

I always thought that destination weddings did not require gifts, your presence is the present. I've never been to a second wedding so I don't know about gifting and have not thought about it.

[Deleted]

Sept 25, 2018 8:14:16 GMT -6 Foxy said:

If they are sending evites just venmo. They may even be thankful because it will be easy to remember what and how much you gave them for thank you notes.

I’m suspecting if they did paperless invitations that a paper thank you note is probably not going to happen.

[chriskoo]

I would totally venmo the money - I don’t think it’s tacky especially given the invitation was sent online. Personally I find cheques to be a pain both to give and receive. I would, however, also mail a handwritten card with your congratulations.

[maybe]

Sept 25, 2018 9:23:15 GMT -6 Foxy said:

Sept 25, 2018 8:20:55 GMT -6 CestLaVie said:

I got my first paperless post invite for a baby shower recently and I loved it. It was beautiful, but also nice to be able to RSVP right there, look at the map, she who else is going, etc. I thought it was awesome.

I also like when people have their registry information available. I hate having to search for it. I'm all for paperless.

OK, I am sure this was the source of countless knot wars, but technically it is tacky to have the wedding registry info coupled with the invite so I don't know if the paperless invite solves for that better. A wedding website lets you put it out there without people having to play amateur investigator. 

[maybe]

Sept 25, 2018 9:44:40 GMT -6 HilarityEnsued said:

I don't know if it's common but I'm just like.. fuck wedding gifts. Specifically for international destination weddings. Or second weddings. If it's your first wedding and you are getting married domestically I will give a gift.

I agree on the second marriage point. On the international destination, I believe you still owe a gift, even if it 's more modest and they are loaded or whatever. I know the scale of money is different here but that reminds me of my FIL complaining that he couldn't go to restaurants if he is expected to do a 20% tip. My response to that is don't go if you can't do the full shebang. 

[maybe]

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