redbears
Sapphire
Posts: 4,562 Likes: 13,210
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Post by redbears on Sept 25, 2018 10:22:39 GMT -6
I don't know. If I have to spend over 1000 to travel for a wedding, I really don't want to also give a gift.
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
Posts: 52,186 Likes: 296,694
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Post by McBenny on Sept 25, 2018 10:28:30 GMT -6
If I am close with them I would venmo cause I know they wouldn't care etc
If I am not close I would not use app.
If I am being honest, at this point I wouldn't send anything.
Judge away.
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Post by truckerhat on Sept 25, 2018 10:31:02 GMT -6
I don't know if it's common but I'm just like.. fuck wedding gifts. Specifically for international destination weddings. Or second weddings. If it's your first wedding and you are getting married domestically I will give a gift. Is it because of the cost involved of going to a DW? And for a 2nd wedding because you already gave a gift at the 1st wedding? Just curious your reasoning, not judging. I tend to agree about not gifting at DW. Man, we end up spending thousands of dollars just to get there.
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soup
Platinum
Posts: 2,145 Likes: 19,661
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Post by soup on Sept 25, 2018 10:41:14 GMT -6
A wedding gift via Venmo sounds awesome.
I agree that, if they did an Evite, they would happily accept that.
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Foxy
Platinum
Like in life... IDK what I am doing
Posts: 2,131 Likes: 8,765
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Post by Foxy on Sept 25, 2018 10:43:27 GMT -6
If they are sending evites just venmo. They may even be thankful because it will be easy to remember what and how much you gave them for thank you notes. I’m suspecting if they did paperless invitations that a paper thank you note is probably not going to happen. I 100% had that thought as I was posting my comment but I didn't want to assume.
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soup
Platinum
Posts: 2,145 Likes: 19,661
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Post by soup on Sept 25, 2018 10:45:12 GMT -6
Also I think most "etiquette" is bullshit.
I see little reason to continue doing things the way old white ladies did 200 years ago.
It's just not relevant to me.
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Foxy
Platinum
Like in life... IDK what I am doing
Posts: 2,131 Likes: 8,765
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Post by Foxy on Sept 25, 2018 10:49:14 GMT -6
I also like when people have their registry information available. I hate having to search for it. I'm all for paperless. OK, I am sure this was the source of countless knot wars, but technically it is tacky to have the wedding registry info coupled with the invite so I don't know if the paperless invite solves for that better. A wedding website lets you put it out there without people having to play amateur investigator. I didn't include it on my wedding invites for that exact reason but I like it when it's on invites I get or evites. I hate having to search for it. What are you supposed to do for a baby shower?
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emma
Ruby
Posts: 18,827 Likes: 86,503
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Post by emma on Sept 25, 2018 10:50:26 GMT -6
I'd venmo or at this point probably do nothing
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maybe
Sapphire
Posts: 3,636 Likes: 28,247
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Post by maybe on Sept 25, 2018 10:53:12 GMT -6
OK, I am sure this was the source of countless knot wars, but technically it is tacky to have the wedding registry info coupled with the invite so I don't know if the paperless invite solves for that better. A wedding website lets you put it out there without people having to play amateur investigator. I didn't include it on my wedding invites for that exact reason but I like it when it's on invites I get or evites. I hate having to search for it. What are you supposed to do for a baby shower? I feel like baby showers are different and you have to include the registry because showers are definitely gift occasions and often they cross-pollinate friends and family so it's harder to call people to get the scoop. I agree that it's a pain in the ass to search in any scenario and the etiquette probably needs to evolve. Like I said before, I just have a mental barrier on weddings and veering too far off from the etiquette. I am just more uptight in this arena.
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maybe
Sapphire
Posts: 3,636 Likes: 28,247
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Post by maybe on Sept 25, 2018 10:55:18 GMT -6
Also I think most "etiquette" is bullshit. I see little reason to continue doing things the way old white ladies did 200 years ago. It's just not relevant to me. Etiquette is definitely a traditionalist viewpoint but all cultures have different etiquette and norms. In your case maybe it's an old white lady that set the rules. In my case it's a bit more varied.
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maybe
Sapphire
Posts: 3,636 Likes: 28,247
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Post by maybe on Sept 25, 2018 10:56:03 GMT -6
All that to say, this all goes out the window once I get an evite invitation. It's totally what you feel like then. My other posts really have nothing to do with an evite invitation.
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Post by lucilleaustero on Sept 25, 2018 10:58:12 GMT -6
The more wedding posts I read, the more I realize that Long Island weddings are a little island with it's own set of OTT wedding rules/ standards and expectations.
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ripper
Opal
Posts: 8,601 Likes: 30,205
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Post by ripper on Sept 25, 2018 11:07:07 GMT -6
I haven't read the responses yet but I would not be concerned with the tackiness of it if these people used evite for wedding invitations.
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Post by truckerhat on Sept 25, 2018 11:12:48 GMT -6
Is it because of the cost involved of going to a DW? And for a 2nd wedding because you already gave a gift at the 1st wedding? Just curious your reasoning, not judging. I tend to agree about not gifting at DW. Man, we end up spending thousands of dollars just to get there. I guess partly the cost, but not even all monetary. Like I only have so much PTO. I'm cashing in that PTO, making extensive arrangements in my personal life since my kids were not invited to your overseas wedding, and then traveling all the way to another continent to see you get married, I just don't feel overly inclined to give a gift. Also, because gift giving is sort of a love language for me, I find myself really unmotivated to just buy some shit like a 3-piece nonstick bakeware set as a gift. Or a turkey roaster. Or whatever other random shit, especially to my friends who I'm well aware have all the shit they ever would need and are quite well off. It's just the weirdest sentiment for me. I totally get you. I REALIZE people make their own choices about their wedding but man, sometimes I'm like really guys? A wedding in Paris when the majority of your friends have young kids and a lot of your friends frankly do not have the kind of money to travel like that.
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Post by mothafuckinteatime on Sept 25, 2018 11:12:55 GMT -6
::Scratches hilarity off my wedding invite list...::
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Post by sweetc129 on Sept 25, 2018 11:16:34 GMT -6
My old self gut reaction is mail, but as Rose would say “times they are a changin’ ”, so would not be surprised by the direction of e-transfer for gifts as a norm
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brux
Diamond
Posts: 35,340 Likes: 282,560
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Post by brux on Sept 25, 2018 11:20:25 GMT -6
Is it because of the cost involved of going to a DW? And for a 2nd wedding because you already gave a gift at the 1st wedding? Just curious your reasoning, not judging. I tend to agree about not gifting at DW. Man, we end up spending thousands of dollars just to get there. I guess partly the cost, but not even all monetary. Like I only have so much PTO. I'm cashing in that PTO, making extensive arrangements in my personal life since my kids were not invited to your overseas wedding, and then traveling all the way to another continent to see you get married, I just don't feel overly inclined to give a gift. Also, because gift giving is sort of a love language for me, I find myself really unmotivated to just buy some shit like a 3-piece nonstick bakeware set as a gift. Or a turkey roaster. Or whatever other random shit, especially to my friends who I'm well aware have all the shit they ever would need and are quite well off. It's just the weirdest sentiment for me.
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brux
Diamond
Posts: 35,340 Likes: 282,560
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Post by brux on Sept 25, 2018 11:22:03 GMT -6
Donald Trump probably doesn't give gifts for second weddings either.
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Cher
Global Moderator
BMB, GD, Special Interests
Posts: 57,553 Likes: 442,342
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Post by Cher on Sept 25, 2018 11:25:33 GMT -6
I just give everyone a check for their wedding. Buy blow or a blender with it. I give no fucks.
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piratecat
Diamond
Posts: 36,035 Likes: 143,914
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Post by piratecat on Sept 25, 2018 11:28:26 GMT -6
I also find that a lot of gift registries are very antiquated in nature. Like sure, if two young 20-somethings are getting married and starting their lives together, then let's get them spoon and forks and cups and pots and pans because they probably don't have all that shit. Two established professionals who are well into their 30s? No I'm not buying you a $600 blender. I actually like the idea of a honeyfund because cash is king, but I won't participate in the one for the wedding I'm going to because it's her second wedding and I went through a ridiculous dog and pony show the first time around. Hello I'm currently in a salty state about second wedding obligations. Don't @ me I'm not begrudging anyone the right to have a blow out second wedding. I'm specifically cranky about the one I'm involved in right now. Yea, I mostly expect people to just pay for their own shit. Plan a wedding you can afford to pay for and don't tell me that you don't own measuring cups or a rolling pin.
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Cher
Global Moderator
BMB, GD, Special Interests
Posts: 57,553 Likes: 442,342
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Post by Cher on Sept 25, 2018 11:35:19 GMT -6
I also find that a lot of gift registries are very antiquated in nature. Like sure, if two young 20-somethings are getting married and starting their lives together, then let's get them spoon and forks and cups and pots and pans because they probably don't have all that shit. Two established professionals who are well into their 30s? No I'm not buying you a $600 blender. I actually like the idea of a honeyfund because cash is king, but I won't participate in the one for the wedding I'm going to because it's her second wedding and I went through a ridiculous dog and pony show the first time around. Hello I'm currently in a salty state about second wedding obligations. Don't @ me I'm not begrudging anyone the right to have a blow out second wedding. I'm specifically cranky about the one I'm involved in right now. Yea, I mostly expect people to just pay for their own shit. Plan a wedding you can afford to pay for and don't tell me that you don't own measuring cups or a rolling pin. Huh. I don’t give my friends a gift because I think they can’t afford their wedding.
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Pizzaslut
Ruby
*it’s a joke. get some hobbies.
Posts: 22,728 Likes: 131,010
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Post by Pizzaslut on Sept 25, 2018 11:40:11 GMT -6
Yea, I mostly expect people to just pay for their own shit. Plan a wedding you can afford to pay for and don't tell me that you don't own measuring cups or a rolling pin. Huh. I don’t give my friends a gift at their wedding because I think they can’t afford their wedding. So I wasn't supposed to rip open the envelopes and pay the venue straight from the gifts. Huh.
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Pizzaslut
Ruby
*it’s a joke. get some hobbies.
Posts: 22,728 Likes: 131,010
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Post by Pizzaslut on Sept 25, 2018 11:40:26 GMT -6
That was a joke people.
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Pizzaslut
Ruby
*it’s a joke. get some hobbies.
Posts: 22,728 Likes: 131,010
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Post by Pizzaslut on Sept 25, 2018 11:41:22 GMT -6
Very few people here do actual gifts for weddings. It's all cash. At my wedding there was one single gift on the gift table. The shower is when you get physical gifts. I'm sure we discussed this before.
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piratecat
Diamond
Posts: 36,035 Likes: 143,914
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Post by piratecat on Sept 25, 2018 11:43:42 GMT -6
Yea, I mostly expect people to just pay for their own shit. Plan a wedding you can afford to pay for and don't tell me that you don't own measuring cups or a rolling pin. Huh. I don’t give my friends a gift at their wedding because I think they can’t afford their wedding. They are not necessarily related but I think there are a lot of people that stretch their budget and with some expectation that they will make some of that back in cash or household gifts. My mother who tried to convince my sister to invite all of her friends to the wedding because they will give enough cash for my sister to "make a profit". (But then also tried to argue that she should get that money because they are her friends, which is a whole different topic.)
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Post by angelashly on Sept 25, 2018 11:44:01 GMT -6
:::writes Cher down on any potential wedding invite list:::::::
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Post by angelashly on Sept 25, 2018 11:44:55 GMT -6
I also find that a lot of gift registries are very antiquated in nature. Like sure, if two young 20-somethings are getting married and starting their lives together, then let's get them spoon and forks and cups and pots and pans because they probably don't have all that shit. Two established professionals who are well into their 30s? No I'm not buying you a $600 blender. I actually like the idea of a honeyfund because cash is king, but I won't participate in the one for the wedding I'm going to because it's her second wedding and I went through a ridiculous dog and pony show the first time around. Hello I'm currently in a salty state about second wedding obligations. Don't @ me I'm not begrudging anyone the right to have a blow out second wedding. I'm specifically cranky about the one I'm involved in right now. Yea, I mostly expect people to just pay for their own shit. Plan a wedding you can afford to pay for and don't tell me that you don't own measuring cups or a rolling pin. I am confused? Isn't this 2 different things?
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Cher
Global Moderator
BMB, GD, Special Interests
Posts: 57,553 Likes: 442,342
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Post by Cher on Sept 25, 2018 11:45:12 GMT -6
Huh. I don’t give my friends a gift at their wedding because I think they can’t afford their wedding. So I wasn't supposed to rip open the envelopes and pay the venue straight from the gifts. Huh. “Way to cheap out, Grandmom! Now who’s going to pay the florist?”
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Cher
Global Moderator
BMB, GD, Special Interests
Posts: 57,553 Likes: 442,342
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Post by Cher on Sept 25, 2018 11:46:34 GMT -6
:::writes Cher down on any potential wedding invite list::::::: I remind all you not-yet-married ladies every time this comes up, I give a good gift and I’m on the dance floor all night long. Invite me to all your parties!
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Post by angelashly on Sept 25, 2018 11:48:36 GMT -6
:::writes Cher down on any potential wedding invite list::::::: I remind all you not-yet-married ladies every time this comes up, I give a good gift and I’m on the dance floor all night long. Invite me to all your parties! But are you willing to travel to the midwest?
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