Yogurt
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Post by Yogurt on Nov 3, 2017 20:32:46 GMT -6
Oh nikkipal, that's such a shitty feeling. I totally, totally get it. My husband runs hot and cold on ttc and I had to work on him for like a year to get him on board. I'm sorry you are left questioning and hoping he is on the same page as you. I really get it.
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cara
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Post by cara on Nov 13, 2017 11:59:37 GMT -6
I haven't been here in a while. Mostly because I'm just struggling so much to even talk about it. We're going on a year of trying and I'm freaking out. Last month my husband and I went through fertility testing and everything checked out just fine. I was diagnosed with unexplained secondary infertility. I don't know how to feel about that because there's nothing to fix. Technically everything should be working just fine which leads me to believe I have egg quality issues.
I don't know what to do. We're open to assistance but I'm not sure if we'd go for IVF. I keep seeing ads on FB for an AVA fertility bracelet. I'm so desperate I'm considering buying one. Has anyone ever heard of it?
Also, I'm 13dpo and have been having pain down by left ovary for about 5 days. At first I got excited that it could be implantation but I've only gotten BFN's. It almost feels like a side stitch. I'm afraid it's a cyst. FML. I've reached out to my OB (who is a fertility specialist) to talk about it and also start looking at assistance. This sucks so bad.
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MsG
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Post by MsG on Nov 14, 2017 10:28:01 GMT -6
I haven't been here in a while. Mostly because I'm just struggling so much to even talk about it. We're going on a year of trying and I'm freaking out. Last month my husband and I went through fertility testing and everything checked out just fine. I was diagnosed with unexplained secondary infertility. I don't know how to feel about that because there's nothing to fix. Technically everything should be working just fine which leads me to believe I have egg quality issues. I don't know what to do. We're open to assistance but I'm not sure if we'd go for IVF. I keep seeing ads on FB for an AVA fertility bracelet. I'm so desperate I'm considering buying one. Has anyone ever heard of it? Also, I'm 13dpo and have been having pain down by left ovary for about 5 days. At first I got excited that it could be implantation but I've only gotten BFN's. It almost feels like a side stitch. I'm afraid it's a cyst. FML. I've reached out to my OB (who is a fertility specialist) to talk about it and also start looking at assistance. This sucks so bad. I actually just bought one for the same reason. I've only had it a little over a week, but honestly, so far I like it. I bought it coming off a MC so it isn't predicting my fertile days yet (since I have no CD 1 to put in), but seeing the graphing of so much information is helpful. And I already knew from my fitbit that my heart rate was linked to my cycle, and this is just an easier way to track that and some other metrics. Side note, if you do decide to buy one, add it to your cart and then walk away before completing the purchase. They'll email you a $20 off coupon to use.
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cara
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Post by cara on Nov 14, 2017 14:09:11 GMT -6
I'm so sorry for your loss @ MsG ! I appreciate your feedback. You'll have to keep me posted on how you're liking it. Sorry, everyone. I know I probably sounded super whiny in my post. I've been struggling a lot and I don't really talk to anyone about it IRL so it all comes out in word vomit here.
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MsG
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Post by MsG on Nov 14, 2017 15:01:42 GMT -6
cara, I didn't think you sounded whiny at all. It's so hard, and no one ever talks about it! I for one am grateful we can express our frustrations to each other. For what it's worth, DH and I went through testing right before we got our last BFP. Based on what his tests turn up, we were basically told we'd need IVF to conceive. And like you, I wasn't sure I could do it - weighing the physical, emotional and financial toll of that was overwhelming. And then before we could even wrap our minds around that, everything had changed. It took us a year after our first MC to get KU again, so hang in there. It flipping sucks and seeing the months tick by while TTC is excruciating. Even as I look ahead to starting that process over, I'm depressed as hell about it. And I'll definitely keep you posted on the AVA. I plan to keep using OPKs the first month to see how it matches up, but if it works well, I'm hoping I can stop peeing in a cup eventually. I am so over that.
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cara
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Post by cara on Nov 14, 2017 15:36:53 GMT -6
I'm sorry you've had a tough journey as well MsG. I can relate to reeling over a loss. Just thinking of how to proceed going forward is exhausting. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts! The not having to temp and pee in cups is appealing in itself.
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Yogurt
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Post by Yogurt on Nov 14, 2017 20:56:22 GMT -6
I'm so sorry for your loss @ MsG ! I appreciate your feedback. You'll have to keep me posted on how you're liking it. Sorry, everyone. I know I probably sounded super whiny in my post. I've been struggling a lot and I don't really talk to anyone about it IRL so it all comes out in word vomit here. Hugs. This thread is for venting just like this! I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. I am about 6 months in to tfas and I know I feel, so I think you're totally justified. I would totally get that ava bracelet, so if that's in your budget, go for it!
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Yogurt
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Post by Yogurt on Nov 16, 2017 21:50:37 GMT -6
There was this one cycle where I really thought I was pregnant and on my bmb for my dd the day I got my bfn, 3 girls got bfps. Those people are having or about to have their 20 week scans and when I see the pictures I am so in my feels.
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cara
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Post by cara on Nov 17, 2017 7:54:36 GMT -6
There was this one cycle where I really thought I was pregnant and on my bmb for my dd the day I got my bfn, 3 girls got bfps. Those people are having or about to have their 20 week scans and when I see the pictures I am so in my feels. I feel you. Me and a friend from my DS's bmb got a bfp on the same month. Mine resulted in a loss and she delivered her LO last week. It's really tough. I'm sorry
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Yogurt
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Post by Yogurt on Nov 17, 2017 8:38:43 GMT -6
There was this one cycle where I really thought I was pregnant and on my bmb for my dd the day I got my bfn, 3 girls got bfps. Those people are having or about to have their 20 week scans and when I see the pictures I am so in my feels. I feel you. Me and a friend from my DS's bmb got a bfp on the same month. Mine resulted in a loss and she delivered her LO last week. It's really tough. I'm sorry Oh cara! That so understandably sad! That would honestly probably be painful in some way forever. I am so sorry for your loss.
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Yogurt
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Post by Yogurt on Nov 18, 2017 17:27:47 GMT -6
This is going to sound extra extra, but whatever. We are doing family pictures tomorrow and I let myself fantasize about finding out I was pregnant yesterday or today and being able to use these as some kind of reveal pics down the road. But alas, nope.
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Post by expatmama11 on Nov 19, 2017 7:26:43 GMT -6
This is going to sound extra extra, but whatever. We are doing family pictures tomorrow and I let myself fantasize about finding out I was pregnant yesterday or today and being able to use these as some kind of reveal pics down the road. But alas, nope. I went through through this exact same thing not too long ago. I found out I was pregnant when I booked our photo shoot. It ended up being a CP. We just took our pictures and I couldn’t help but think about how I thought I would be pregnant during them. It isn’t extra at all and I’m sorry you have to feel the disappointment too.
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Post by expatmama11 on Nov 19, 2017 7:30:34 GMT -6
cara I feel like I could have written a lot of what you did. We are doing all of our fertility testing now and I’m finding it so overwhelming. I kind of disappeared from this world because I have been having a hard time processing everything. We are also not sure if we will go the IVF route or not either. Big hugs
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Yogurt
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Post by Yogurt on Jan 9, 2018 12:37:27 GMT -6
Bumping because I'm in the land of deep feels. Just so tired of all the ttc emoshuns.
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sammysam
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Post by sammysam on Jan 9, 2018 15:19:56 GMT -6
Right there with you Yogurt . And our timing has sucked the last 2 cycles too so I just feel like we're wasting time.
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akwild
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Post by akwild on Jan 9, 2018 20:45:36 GMT -6
I’m deep in the feels. I threw myself a pitty party before work today. Just straight up crying which I haven’t done since August. So that was a good way to start the day.
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Yogurt
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Post by Yogurt on Jan 10, 2018 9:29:32 GMT -6
Hugs sammysam and akwild. I feel so stuck in this ttc loop. I don't want to be temping every fucking day until I'm 45.
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Post by teambrink on Jan 10, 2018 19:51:55 GMT -6
I'm with you guys Yogurt, sammysam and akwild. I keep trying to tell myself that nothing is wrong, but with the trauma that was the birth of DD I can't help but think that I'm broken even if we've only been trying since the summer.
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Yogurt
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Post by Yogurt on Jan 10, 2018 20:38:54 GMT -6
teambrink I'm sorry your first birth was scary. That's hard. You probably have some ptsd going on. I know I had some feelings about my preemie that took me to a bad place.
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remi
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Post by remi on Jan 11, 2018 10:58:52 GMT -6
Big hugs to everyone who needs them.
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remi
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Post by remi on Jan 11, 2018 11:03:28 GMT -6
This month looks like another bust. I’ve been on antibiotics for 9 days and have been battling a yeast infection I can’t treat adequately. I’m so angry.
And deep in my feels about how much longer the age gap would be between DD (5) and a new baby would be. We waited so long to even think about trying because I suffered with PPD pretty severely after DD. And it took a year before I got help with it. So I’ve just gotten to the point emotionally and mentally where I feel like I could handle another baby, and I still feel like I’m screwing up.
Sorry if that didn’t make any sense, it’s hard to nail down and put words to everything I’m feeling.
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Yogurt
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Post by Yogurt on Jan 11, 2018 11:26:58 GMT -6
Oh remi, please be gentle on yourself. You weren't ready before so you were wise to wait. None of us are fortune tellers and had no way of knowing that things might take a while or not go smoothly. You aren't fucking up, all this is so out of our hands.
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remi
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Post by remi on Jan 11, 2018 12:14:46 GMT -6
Oh remi, please be gentle on yourself. You weren't ready before so you were wise to wait. None of us are fortune tellers and had no way of knowing that things might take a while or not go smoothly. You aren't fucking up, all this is so out of our hands. You’re so kind, thank you for your words. ❤️
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Yogurt
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Post by Yogurt on Jan 11, 2018 12:50:30 GMT -6
Do you ladies have any mantras or pep talks you give yourself when you are feeling your feels about ttc? Similar to PGAL mantras, but obviously different. I need some kind of positive affirmation or something.
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Post by baytosa2013 on Jan 11, 2018 12:58:00 GMT -6
Hi ladies I'm mostly a lurker on the main board and participate on my BMB. I stumbled across this post..not sure how or why considering we aren't TTC. That's why I'm having feels though. I want to and so does he but finances stop us. Like dead in your tracks at affording $1450 a month in daycare. I HATE that we basically can't afford another baby. And I'll be 40 this year so yeah times about up. Anyhow I hope you don't mind me busting in and I have hugs for all who need them.
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Yogurt
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Post by Yogurt on Jan 11, 2018 16:41:16 GMT -6
Hugs baytosa2013I'm sorry. I'd like to say that there must be some way, but I know that just not realistic. I hope you find peace with your decision or somehow find a way to make it work. I know it's just so difficult to afford all the costs.
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sammysam
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Post by sammysam on Jan 11, 2018 17:10:40 GMT -6
remi I completely understand. DD is 4 in 2 weeks and I have only recently felt like I could handle another. We just suffered a loss and now TTC is going terribly...and I'm 39 next month. I'm feeling like we should have started trying a long time ago but I just couldn't do it. I have only recently gotten over my PPA (since DD finally stopped nursing) so realistically I know I couldn't have done it any earlier but there's still this voice saying it's my fault if it doesn't happen for us again...even though I asked SO if he wanted another and he had to "think about it" for 2 years before deciding he definitely did (even though during all that time I definitely didn't want more). Plus last month I intentionally missed telling SO about my FW so we totally missed the window. And then immediately regretted it. I'm a ridiculous mess!
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Yogurt
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Post by Yogurt on Jan 20, 2018 14:29:26 GMT -6
This chemical pregnancy was such a huge tease. I'm so sad. I am trying to find the silver lining, I'm glad I lost the pregnancy now and not weeks or months from now, I'm glad I got pregnant period. But fuck, fuck, fuck. Damn it.
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bonzo
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Post by bonzo on Jan 22, 2018 22:06:39 GMT -6
I'm so sorry, Yogurt. Lots of hugs!
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purple
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Post by purple on Feb 15, 2018 17:18:18 GMT -6
I know this is an old thread, but I found my way back to HIH because of feelings, and although it's old I've found it helpful in an "I am not alone" way. akwild, if I'd known you were here I'd probably have felt less lonely on our BMB! I'm sorry you've had a difficult time. H and I have been together for eleven years, but during the early years of our marriage we had issues with depression and other health woes, so we didn't start ttc until 2012. It took 23 calender months to conceive L. We were actually diagnosed with unexplained infertility the day we conceived. I had a difficult pregnancy. I'm type II diabetic, and whilst I'm very well controlled outwith pregnancy, keeping my blood sugars under control during pregnancy was a constant battle. I threw up until five and a half months. To add to the complications, when I was five months, I was diagnosed with a double chambered left heart ventricle, which is so rare that when you Google it, all you find is case studies about individual cases. I had to have a planned section and I was taken straight from theatre to intensive care. My incision got infected with MRSA and I was on antibiotics for six weeks post partum. And I wasn't able to breastfeed, and I had no idea that was even possible. But it never occurred to either me or H that we wouldn't try for a second. I was 38 when L was born so we were always conscious of time, so we started tfas when she was eight months old. To our surprise, I fell pregnant that first month. We saw the heartbeat at six weeks. Early and frequent scans are a definite bonus of high risk pregnancy! As soon as I started spotting at ten weeks I knew we'd lost the baby. H didn't believe me. He kept pointing out that people bleed all the time during pregnancy. He's right, but so was I. I was given options for managing the miscarriage and I opted for natural miscarriage, since I'd already been bleeding for a week by this time. That was a Thursday. On the Monday, late afternoon, I suddenly heamorrhaged. I had to go away in an ambulance. I can still see L's face pressed against the window. I had never been away from her for more than an hour and she was only eleven months old. I had life saving surgery that night, and forty-eight hours later H was back at work and I was back to full time parenting. Not surprisingly, that summer I became extremely depressed. Politics didn't help, especially the Brexit fiasco. I had a chemical pregnancy in September 2016 and another in February 2017. We agreed to stop trying for a while after that, as we were moving house and had enough stress. When I fell pregnant anyway, it felt as though everything was falling into place. We were about to move into our dream house. My surprise bfp was the day before we went abroad for a fortnight, so my first scan wasn't as early as usual. It ended up being scheduled for my fortieth birthday, and that was when we found out that it was twins, and that it might not be a viable pregnancy. I lost them both a fortnight later. That was five babies lost in thirteen months. We were medically benched for a few months whilst they carried out investigations. No diagnosis. Apparently every single loss has just been "bad luck". We started trying again at the end of September. On January 3rd I had a BFP and on the fourth I started bleeding. Six babies lost in the two years since we started tfas. I'm so tired and sad. I've never written it all down like that before and it has been helpful. If you've read it all, thank you for listening.
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