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Post by blueskiessmiling on Aug 5, 2017 20:25:28 GMT -6
I'm so so sorry for your loss notmoose. Sending healing thoughts and prayers your way.
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Post by benandjerrys on Aug 5, 2017 20:42:10 GMT -6
I'm glad you got some kind of answers, though I'm upset at the way your ob handled this. Come back any time. You are in our thoughts and prayers.
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Post by flippinchica on Aug 6, 2017 7:01:58 GMT -6
Just wanted to send you more love. I'm glad you finally got definitive word from your ob but upset you got such a run around. That feeling of limbo is just awful. All your feeling are normal and expect them to ebb and flow. I hate that the loss boards are so slow now. I hope you can feel ok with posting here or finding somewhere for support (you aren't bothering us but I know it is sometimes hard to interact with ladies with a similar Edd). This is your thread and post here as much as you want. Sending hugs and love. It is ok to wallow for a while.
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notmoose
Amethyst
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Post by notmoose on Aug 6, 2017 10:30:26 GMT -6
I have basically been drunk for 2 days. I know it's not a long term solution but it makes things easier right now.
My sister and I were due 2 months apart. We got matching outfits for our babies and were going to get pictures done with them together. We talked about how they'd be so close and be best friends. Now that's all gone. Idk how I can even face her now. Or how I can see her baby when he's born.
I feel ashamed or embarrassed or something. I can't see people because I feel ashamed.
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sarahh
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Post by sarahh on Aug 6, 2017 13:35:26 GMT -6
notmoose all of your feeling are completely valid. I hid out for a week with DH and DD last summer after my loss and luckily my boss didn't mind. I get the needing to be alone thing because that's exactly how I was. I've been thinking of you and I hope that things get better as time goes on.
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Post by helloerrbody on Aug 6, 2017 14:59:27 GMT -6
I have basically been drunk for 2 days. I know it's not a long term solution but it makes things easier right now. My sister and I were due 2 months apart. We got matching outfits for our babies and were going to get pictures done with them together. We talked about how they'd be so close and be best friends. Now that's all gone. Idk how I can even face her now. Or how I can see her baby when he's born. I feel ashamed or embarrassed or something. I can't see people because I feel ashamed. Don't feel ashamed. Different situation, but I felt the same way when my SIL got pregnant at the height of our infertility struggle. Over time, you will feel better about your sister's pregnancy and baby. Just let yourself grieve and heal now, and don't be hard on yourself for how you are feeling right now.
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notmoose
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Post by notmoose on Aug 6, 2017 20:51:22 GMT -6
My mom is lecturing me about pushing my sister away and "punishing" her because she's pregnant and I'm not. I feel like she just kicked me in the stomach. I can't believe she doesn't understand why I wouldn't want to talk her right now. It's only been a few days. I haven't talked to anyone except a couple texts to my mom. I don't think I'll be talking to anyone again.
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Post by benandjerrys on Aug 6, 2017 21:00:02 GMT -6
What the fuck notmoose 's mom. Honestly it is totally normal to push everyone away! Especially with all the mixed emotions of your sisters pregnancy. I just don't understand why your mom would be more sympathetic to your sister than to you right now. Want me to punch her?
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Post by jessijean on Aug 6, 2017 21:56:13 GMT -6
WTF notmoose 's mom!? I'm sure that hurt to hear. I'm sorry she's not being more supportive... you are not being unreasonable. It's not like you've disowned your sister, you're just not comfortable with being around her right now.
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ajetter
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Post by ajetter on Aug 6, 2017 22:06:02 GMT -6
notmoose man I'm so sorry. My loss was slightly similar, in that I found out one of my best friends and I were due two weeks apart. I've typically delivered 2-3 weeks early, her 1, and so we figured our babies would nearly share birthdays. There were so many other things that made that pregnancy 'perfect' and then it was all gone so quickly. It was hard to see her, hard to talk to her. It wasn't family, so we didn't have any outside pressure pushing us to be together, so I imagine that is so much harder for you. Time helped. And I'm lucky in that I was pregnant again before she delivered. But still, holding her brand new baby, wishing I had his little girlfriend with to take pictures and oogle them together, etc. it still hurt. I can handle my emotions now, but I could feel the sting. Your mom clearly doesn't understand. This has nothing to do with your sister. The life you imagined isn't the one you get to live. Letting go of that is so hard. And she is a constant reminder of what you had. I'm so so sorry.
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Post by marygracerich on Aug 7, 2017 4:52:29 GMT -6
I'm sorry your mom is not being understanding. You are punishing your sister and she should recognize that. 😞
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amesie
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Post by amesie on Aug 7, 2017 6:20:52 GMT -6
Wow wtf to your mom notmoose!!! I'm so sorry she isn't being more understanding about this. You most certainly are not punishing your sister by taking some space for yourself to get through this difficult time
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Post by hiimjamie on Aug 7, 2017 8:02:29 GMT -6
Oh no I'm so so sorry. Take care of yourself.
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notmoose
Amethyst
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Post by notmoose on Aug 7, 2017 11:32:33 GMT -6
What the fuck notmoose 's mom. Honestly it is totally normal to push everyone away! Especially with all the mixed emotions of your sisters pregnancy. I just don't understand why your mom would be more sympathetic to your sister than to you right now. Want me to punch her? Yes, please. I told her I wouldn't be talking to any of them then. MH told me to tell her to f off if I wanted to. If they won't leave me alone, I am thinking about blocking their numbers.
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notmoose
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Post by notmoose on Aug 7, 2017 11:39:55 GMT -6
notmoose man I'm so sorry. My loss was slightly similar, in that I found out one of my best friends and I were due two weeks apart. I've typically delivered 2-3 weeks early, her 1, and so we figured our babies would nearly share birthdays. There were so many other things that made that pregnancy 'perfect' and then it was all gone so quickly. It was hard to see her, hard to talk to her. It wasn't family, so we didn't have any outside pressure pushing us to be together, so I imagine that is so much harder for you. Time helped. And I'm lucky in that I was pregnant again before she delivered. But still, holding her brand new baby, wishing I had his little girlfriend with to take pictures and oogle them together, etc. it still hurt. I can handle my emotions now, but I could feel the sting. Your mom clearly doesn't understand. This has nothing to do with your sister. The life you imagined isn't the one you get to live. Letting go of that is so hard. And she is a constant reminder of what you had. I'm so so sorry. This. This is exactly how I'm feeling. She is a reminder of all the things we planned and hoped for. She gets to keep her happiness and she gets a baby in a couple months. I have nothing but heart ache and anger and nothing to look forward to but more pain. She feels like a constant reminder of what was taken from me. I know it's not her fault. She didn't take my baby from me. But it hurts too much right now. And my mom saying that makes me feel worse.
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notmoose
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Post by notmoose on Aug 7, 2017 11:43:12 GMT -6
My stepdad told MH he and my sister were going to be up here this weekend. Like, idk if they think they're staying at my house or...
I thought I've made myself pretty clear about not wanting to see or talk to them. I told MH he needs to tell them they can't be here or else I'm leaving.
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aprilz81
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Post by aprilz81 on Aug 7, 2017 11:45:09 GMT -6
notmoose man I'm so sorry. My loss was slightly similar, in that I found out one of my best friends and I were due two weeks apart. I've typically delivered 2-3 weeks early, her 1, and so we figured our babies would nearly share birthdays. There were so many other things that made that pregnancy 'perfect' and then it was all gone so quickly. It was hard to see her, hard to talk to her. It wasn't family, so we didn't have any outside pressure pushing us to be together, so I imagine that is so much harder for you. Time helped. And I'm lucky in that I was pregnant again before she delivered. But still, holding her brand new baby, wishing I had his little girlfriend with to take pictures and oogle them together, etc. it still hurt. I can handle my emotions now, but I could feel the sting. Your mom clearly doesn't understand. This has nothing to do with your sister. The life you imagined isn't the one you get to live. Letting go of that is so hard. And she is a constant reminder of what you had. I'm so so sorry. This. This is exactly how I'm feeling. She is a reminder of all the things we planned and hoped for. She gets to keep her happiness and she gets a baby in a couple months. I have nothing but heart ache and anger and nothing to look forward to but more pain. She feels like a constant reminder of what was taken from me. I know it's not her fault. She didn't take my baby from me. But it hurts too much right now. And my mom saying that makes me feel worse. I'm sorry your Mom doesn't understand. It will get better though. People who have had babies since we lost Ava give me little pangs of what might have been, but the more distance between losing her and other babies being born means the pain gets less with each one. Friends of ours had a little boy just 3 weeks after Ava's due date and I cried the first time I held him knowing that they would have been in kindergarten together. Those feelings are understandable but the intensity does pass with time. Be easy on yourself these first few weeks and keep whatever distance you need.
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Post by tiffrobot on Aug 7, 2017 11:49:21 GMT -6
I'm so sorry to read all your updates and see what all you've been going through. More hugs and best wishes and take it easy on yourself when you can ❤
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smores
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Post by smores on Aug 7, 2017 16:40:24 GMT -6
I've been thinking of you today. I'm so sorry that your mom does not understand and is making this more difficult for you. It is perfectly reasonable that you would need some space to process this and work through your feelings. Don't let anyone make you feel otherwise. I know right now it feels so raw and consuming, but I promise, time does make it better. You'll never forget, and you'll never stop wishing that things would have happened differently, but it won't always hurt the way that it does now.
Can your husband call your stepdad or sister and explain (or re-explain) to them that you both are still grieving and trying to process this and are not ready see anyone yet/have house guests? Maybe he could reaffirm to them that it's not about them, and that the best way for them to help right now is to give you both some space.
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Post by sunfrogger on Aug 7, 2017 17:58:39 GMT -6
I'm just sending you so many big creepy internet hugs right now. ❤️
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Post by helloerrbody on Aug 8, 2017 10:51:58 GMT -6
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Post by watermelonseed on Aug 8, 2017 10:53:43 GMT -6
Thinking of you 💕
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Post by sweetsurprise on Aug 9, 2017 19:50:49 GMT -6
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notmoose
Amethyst
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Post by notmoose on Aug 9, 2017 20:06:40 GMT -6
I think I'm firmly in the anger side of grief most of the time. I spend a lot of my day thinking "shut the fuck up" at people who talk to me, FB people, or just the tv. Everything irritates me.
Today was a rough one. It's been 1 week. DS was pushing my buttons and I wasn't dealing well. I had to have MH take him out to work with him. I drank while de-cluttering and crying.
The only time I feel fairly normal is when I'm with MH. But I married a workaholic so that's been hard. He's trying, but he can't drop everything all the time.
Thank you for your thoughts ladies. I think I am very slowly getting better.
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snowyowl
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Post by snowyowl on Aug 9, 2017 20:53:15 GMT -6
I'm glad you are feeling a bit better. It's not an easy process but it does get easier to carry as time goes by. I'm thinking of you guys.
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Post by tiffrobot on Aug 9, 2017 22:55:52 GMT -6
I'm glad to hear you think you are starting to feel better. Take it easy on yourself, I'm sure even as days get better that some will randomly be worse again so don't be too hard on yourself if that happens. Thinking of you.
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cake
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Post by cake on Aug 10, 2017 5:04:02 GMT -6
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I know the pain will never go away but I hope it gets a little bit more manageable with each passing day.
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Post by sunfrogger on Aug 10, 2017 5:46:28 GMT -6
Hugs, notmoose. Please be easy on yourself. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
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Post by jessijean on Aug 10, 2017 7:55:58 GMT -6
Grief is such a shitty process to go through. Unfortunately many of us on the board can relate in some way. So sorry you are having to go through this.
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ajetter
Platinum
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Post by ajetter on Aug 10, 2017 12:13:48 GMT -6
I experienced that too, mostly only feeling sane with my husband around. I hated that he still freaking had to go to work. I wanted him to just stay home and keep me from completely losing it.
Big big hugs. One week will turn into two, into another, into a month, and suddenly it just won't hurt as much. ❤️
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