**TW** I think this is goodbye for me

[notmoose]

I had my ultrasound this morning. The tech wont/can't tell me anything, but i saw the screen. I know what it's supposed to look like and it's not supposed to be empty.

****GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION****
I already knew what I would see, or not see I guess. I had severe cramps and then passed a couple clots the size of my hand last night and was gushing blood.

**end description**

I am absolutely devastated. We waited and hoped and prayed for this baby for 7 months. I was ecstatic when I got my bfp. And now that is ripped away from me. I honestly didn't know it would feel this bad.

Thank you for all the thoughts and prayers and words of advice. I wish you all a happy and healthy rest of your pregnancies.

[pinkcat]

Sending so many hugs your way notmoose. I'm so very sorry.

[amesie]

Oh no notmoose I am so so terribly sorry to read this... I've been checking back for an update from you and this just broke my heart. I'm so sorry for your loss. Please reach out if you want to talk about it ❤️ My loss was very similar to yours. It really helped taking to other loss mom's getting through those first few weeks. I'll be thinking of you

[smores]

notmoose I am so, very sorry. My heart breaks for you and your family. It feels bad... and it will for a while. Give yourself all the time you need to feel every way you need to feel. I am always here if you ever, ever need someone to talk to. Sending you thoughts, prayers, and all the hugs in the world during this difficult time.

[Deleted]

I am so, so sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself.

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[rebeccabunch]

Oh no, Notmoose, this is not what we were all hoping for.

I'm really sorry this is where you find yourself. This happened to me in March and I know it's just awful and confusing and all consuming. I kept reminding myself that I had been pregnant before with a different outcome and that can happen to me again. Be kind to yourself, spend time with your family and forgive yourself if you aren't feeling like doing normal things for a bit. I went through some rough hormonal swings that I wasn't expecting and I needed to give myself permission to not be everything to everyone.

You will always have a place here with this group. It may be easier to not look back but we are always here for you no matter what/when. My O17 board helped me through some rough times and we are here to do that for you if you need us.

[marygracerich]

I posted this on our other bmb but I am sorry. 😞

[sunfrogger]

Oh no notmoose.. I am so, so sorry for your loss. Please, take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[aprilz81]

I'm so, so sorry. I've experienced two losses one early at 5 weeks and Ava at 32. ALL your feelings (no matter what they are) are normal. If you need to talk PM me.

And while I understand a tech can't give you answers I'm furious on your behalf if they let you leave your appointment without a doctor seeing you and telling you the news. That's not cool if that is what happened, not cool at all.

[jessijean]

I'm so so sorry to hear this update. We are here for you if you need anything.

[sarahh]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it is heartbreaking. Take all the time you need to grieve and take care of yourself.

[sweetsurprise]

I'm so very sorry. I wish I could undo this for you. It's not fair.

Hugs.

[easternshoregirl]

Oh no. I am so so sorry, my heart broke when I read your thread title. Nobody should have to experience this, it is horrible.
I can also unfortunately relate to lying there getting an ultrasound and seeing nothing. Please feel free to come back to this thread to chat. If it is too painful to return to the BMB I hope you check out the loss boards here, or seek out support IRL.

[acarpediem]

I am sooo sorry! Sending you positive thoughts during this hard time.

[dragonflyinn]

I said this on our other board but again, I'm so so sorry and agree that you will always have a place here!

[stephne]

notmoose I am so sad that you are experiencing the pain of loss. Please know that it does get easier, not necessarily better, just easier. I don't know if you are religious or not but this quote helped me through when I had bad days:

Dear God, I've tried my best, but if today I lose my hope please tell me that your plans are better than my dreams

So many hugs to you!

[watermelonseed]

So sorry to read this. Take care of yourself and be kind. We are here for you!


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[notmoose]

I did not get to speak to a doctor today after my appointment or at all. I called the office earlier and the nurse said "oh, the doctor isn't here on Thursdays. You'll have to call tomorrow or Monday." I just hung up. I already know the answer but I just need to hear him say it. Idk why, but I do. I feel like the nurse was really insensitive, but maybe I'm just overly sensitive.

[notmoose]

Thank you for the kind words, they really mean a lot. I'm sad I won't get to be on a BMB with y'all. I already love it here with you all.

I'm supposed to host my sister's baby shower on Saturday. I was actually getting more stuff at hobby lobby when the bleeding started yesterday. Idk how I can even go to her shower let alone host it. That probably makes me a shitty sister.

[mrsp84]

I am so incredibly sorry to hear this, notmoose. My heart is breaking for you. Like others, I have been through this before, unfortunately. So please reach out to any of us for support. You'll continue to be in my thoughts. ❤️


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[ironunicorn]

notmoose, I am incredibly sorry for your loss. I have been there more than once, and my heart breaks for you. Sending you lots of love and strength.

FWIW, I do not think for one moment you'd be a shitty sister for cancelling or asking someone to host the shower in your place. That is a lot to handle on a good day, and you need to take some time to sit in your feelings. I hope you can navigate a solution.

[girlonabike]

I am so very sorry.

[benandjerrys]

Oh no notmoose, I have been thinking of you but I'm just getting online now. I'm so sorry. I can't believe the insensitivity the obs office treated you with.

Please talk to your sister. I would not be able to host if I was in your situation. It doesn't make you a shitty sister or weak in any way. This is such an awful thing to go through. All our love.

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[hedwig]

I'm so sorry notmoose. Hugs and prayers being sent your way.

[easternshoregirl]

Not a shitty sister. At all. Your sis will understand (I hope). If she has never felt this loss she might not really get it but anyone that's been there understands completely.

[flippinchica]

I'm sorry. That is shitty that they won't give you more information. I would need to (and needed to) hear the official word before I felt closure. Definitely find someone you can talk to who understands. Ttcal was my lifeline and in hindsight I should have pursued professional help because I was not in an ok place for a while.

[clm585]

Praying for you. I am so, so sorry.


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[ajetter]

I am so so very sorry for your loss. The nurse sounds like a jerk. And you are not a shitty sister. Take care of yourself. There are so many women around who would be more than willing to let you vent, cry, whatever you need. Don't hesitate to reach out. Thinking of you.

[sparky85]

I'm so sorry for your loss. **hugs**

[pippiann]

I am soooo sorry. We are still here if you need us! 😘


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