UO/Confessions/Whatever

[rvasc]

Anyway now I understand why when my mom sees the kid who was a traitorous mean girl to me in ninth grade, even though she turned out to be a really lovely person who has devoted her whole life to helping disabled kids get free access to therapy and safe care, she’ll be like, “that bitch alice was at Publix today. She’s not aging well.”

😂😂😂

(Her name isn’t Alice)

[lifesaverz]

Sept 6, 2024 8:49:04 GMT -6 rvasc said:

Oh here’s one.

My kid is in class with a kid from her third grade class who was her bestie until she decided she wasn’t and totally ditched her. DD started the year with letting the past be past and assuming people grow and change between third and sixth.

Well, the girl has started to openly target my exceedingly sweet child.

For example, a whole lunchtime rant about how her pet peeve is “people who are too polite” citing things that she WATCHED my kid do and then denying it was about her.

Asking her why she farted in the middle of a silent classroom.

Making fun of her clothes (which by the way was cute AF as if that matters anyway) and laughing at her.

All while pretending to be her friend.

And I am not proud of the feelings I have felt toward a child.

I think my kiddo is navigating it well, but my rage. My rage.

Ah man, this sucks. I feel for you, this is literally what I'm afraid of, as my kid will start 6th next year. I'd be feeling the exact same way! I'm sorry your DD is in that situation. Some kids/people suck.

[angelashly]

Sept 6, 2024 8:55:07 GMT -6 rvasc said:

Sept 6, 2024 8:52:18 GMT -6 Eagles said:

What a little asshole.

I wanted to tell my kid she was acting like that because DD is prettier, smarter, and more well-liked than she is, but I resisted that temptation.

We did talk about how nobody laughed at the fart thing, including the boys, and how that should tell DD that the class already has her number. Plus it means they think DD is a kind kid and didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

Oh I have 100% said this to dd 🤷‍♀️

[angelashly]

We are not Michelle Obama though in our house most of the time. We do not always go high when others go low

Yes dd knows that people have things going on and that is usually why they act out but that doesn’t mean we have to sit and take it either

[lifesaverz]

Sept 6, 2024 9:05:22 GMT -6 rvasc said:

Anyway now I understand why when my mom sees the kid who was a traitorous mean girl to me in ninth grade, even though she turned out to be a really lovely person who has devoted her whole life to helping disabled kids get free access to therapy and safe care, she’ll be like, “that bitch alice was at Publix today. She’s not aging well.”

😂😂😂

(Her name isn’t Alice)

😂😂 This is one of my favorite things about my mom too. She remembers that shit & has my back forever, I love it.

[lucilleaustero]

Sept 6, 2024 8:56:18 GMT -6 jaygee said:

I was just talking to a friend the other day about this. I feel a little bad but I’ve entered the stage where some kids are just not great. When they were little I hated labeling and thinking of bad kids but it’s clearer now. Some kids are assholes. Lots of reasons why and many are not their fault. But it doesn’t mean I’m not going to judge and steer my kid away from the assholes and towards the kids I think will be good, supportive friends to him. And I expect him to be that way in return.

Yep. DS is 10 and in 5th grade and he has had the same large circle of friends since K. Most of the boys (and the one girl) are awesome, but a few of the boys are just becoming dicks. And like, their parents are awesome and are trying to stop the behavior, but some people are just jerks. It has been interesting navigating this. 

[lucilleaustero]

Sept 6, 2024 9:15:06 GMT -6 angelashly said:

We are not Michelle Obama though in our house most of the time. We do not always go high when others go low

Yes dd knows that people have things going on and that is usually why they act out but that doesn’t mean we have to sit and take it either

Same. DD had an issue with a boy in her class last year and after months of him being a dick, she said something very nasty back to him and the principal and the kid's mother called me. I told them both the same thing. The kid is an asshole and DD had every right to say what she said. I also told the mom to do better since her son was known throughout the town as The Shit of the 7th grade.

[angelashly]

Sept 6, 2024 9:21:31 GMT -6 lucilleaustero said:

Sept 6, 2024 9:15:06 GMT -6 angelashly said:

We are not Michelle Obama though in our house most of the time. We do not always go high when others go low

Yes dd knows that people have things going on and that is usually why they act out but that doesn’t mean we have to sit and take it either

Same. DD had an issue with a boy in her class last year and after months of him being a dick, she said something very nasty back to him and the principal and the kid's mother called me. I told them both the same thing. The kid is an asshole and DD had every right to say what she said. I also told the mom to do better since her son was known throughout the town as The Shit of the 7th grade.

Yep

Dd is the sweetest and seriously just wants to be friends with everyone so she will take a lot of shit so we have always let her know it’s ok to call an asshole an asshole

[lucilleaustero]

Sept 6, 2024 9:23:58 GMT -6 angelashly said:

Sept 6, 2024 9:21:31 GMT -6 lucilleaustero said:

Same. DD had an issue with a boy in her class last year and after months of him being a dick, she said something very nasty back to him and the principal and the kid's mother called me. I told them both the same thing. The kid is an asshole and DD had every right to say what she said. I also told the mom to do better since her son was known throughout the town as The Shit of the 7th grade.

Yep

Dd is the sweetest and seriously just wants to be friends with everyone so she will take a lot of shit so we have always let her know it’s ok to call an asshole an asshole

Honestly, the zero tolerance thing really only protects the bad kids. They are going to do it regardless and now the kids that are the victims have no recourse. 

[Eagles]

Sept 6, 2024 9:05:22 GMT -6 rvasc said:

Anyway now I understand why when my mom sees the kid who was a traitorous mean girl to me in ninth grade, even though she turned out to be a really lovely person who has devoted her whole life to helping disabled kids get free access to therapy and safe care, she’ll be like, “that bitch alice was at Publix today. She’s not aging well.”

😂😂😂

(Her name isn’t Alice)

OMG this is my mom. And to be fair I consider grudge holding to be one of my strengths, so...got it from her I guess?

[Eagles]

I feel like kids who I grew up with and went to school with who became assholes started demonstrating those personality traits around 5th to 7th grade. And they were asshole teenagers and from what I hear and see on FB, asshole adults.

Some people are just born pricks, I think.

[rvasc]

Sept 6, 2024 9:50:49 GMT -6 Eagles said:

I feel like kids who I grew up with and went to school with who became assholes started demonstrating those personality traits around 5th to 7th grade. And they were asshole teenagers and from what I hear and see on FB, asshole adults.

Some people are just born pricks, I think.

This is true.

The “Alice” in my case just went along with the crowd instead of standing up for me, her best friend. Which is different when you are a 14 year old girl.

The kid targeting my DD is not going along with the crowd. She’s being a jerk on her own on purpose.

[Eagles]

Sept 6, 2024 9:53:55 GMT -6 rvasc said:

Sept 6, 2024 9:50:49 GMT -6 Eagles said:

I feel like kids who I grew up with and went to school with who became assholes started demonstrating those personality traits around 5th to 7th grade. And they were asshole teenagers and from what I hear and see on FB, asshole adults.

Some people are just born pricks, I think.

This is true.

The “Alice” in my case just went along with the crowd instead of standing up for me, her best friend. Which is different when you are a 14 year old girl.

The kid targeting my DD is not going along with the crowd. She’s being a jerk on her own on purpose.

Exactly. She's trying to assert dominance over someone she perceives as weak when in fact, your kid is an all around good human who's gonna go far in life.

And that's why she's an asshole.

[Eagles]

I learned recently that friend drama never really ends.

I'm on a group chat with a few friends from high school, we were really close back then but now with geography and kids and activities the easiest way to stay connected is sharing memes and reels and links. Anyway, the chat is hopping daily. We keep saying we need to get together. Then a few weeks ago there was a post on IG of the 3 others out to dinner and damn were my feelings hurt at being left out. Next day, memes and jokes are flying again. Nary a word about the get together.

I didn't say anything but backed off the chat quite a bit. That's my confession, I didn't address it. I just feel lonely and sorry for myself.

[sweptaway]

Sept 6, 2024 8:56:18 GMT -6 jaygee said:

I was just talking to a friend the other day about this. I feel a little bad but I’ve entered the stage where some kids are just not great. When they were little I hated labeling and thinking of bad kids but it’s clearer now. Some kids are assholes. Lots of reasons why and many are not their fault. But it doesn’t mean I’m not going to judge and steer my kid away from the assholes and towards the kids I think will be good, supportive friends to him. And I expect him to be that way in return.

Yes. And the kid I knew was an asshole in 3rd grade is a menace now in 7th. He was a "friend" of DS's and it was so hard watching DS learn that he wasn't really a friend but I'm also super proud he figured it out and navigated it. Yes lots of kids have reasons for behaving badly but it doesn't mean others need to open themselves up to it.

But also there was a similar troublemaker who I *think* has evolved. It is hard letting them all figure this stuff out on their own.

[jaygee]

The problem I’m currently having with DS is that he doesn’t understand gentle teasing. I think some of it is because he doesn’t have a sibling and randomly a lot of the kids in his grade have older siblings. So they are hanging out and these kids talk to him how their siblings talk to them and he cries bully at the slightest teasing. Obviously I take bullying very seriously but when he describes the situation I’m thinking “this is just teasing”. I try to talk to him about his part in the interaction (like what happened before they said the thing that upset you) and half the time it’s just back and forth and then one part offends him. It’s tough because I want him to get a little tougher skin but I don’t want him to turn into a jerk. Like be sensitive but also take a joke. I’m sure he’ll get there but the frequent cries of so and so is bullying me is a bit exhausting.

[sweptaway]

One of the worst guys I went to high school with is a behavioral therapist now and I just marvel at that transition. Did he learn from his mistakes and is trying to make amends? Or is he a sociopath? I will never know.

Sometimes I have a random steamy dream about him. There's your confession. Damn brain.

[jaygee]

Sept 6, 2024 10:06:45 GMT -6 Eagles said:

I learned recently that friend drama never really ends.

I'm on a group chat with a few friends from high school, we were really close back then but now with geography and kids and activities the easiest way to stay connected is sharing memes and reels and links. Anyway, the chat is hopping daily. We keep saying we need to get together. Then a few weeks ago there was a post on IG of the 3 others out to dinner and damn were my feelings hurt at being left out. Next day, memes and jokes are flying again. Nary a word about the get together.

I didn't say anything but backed off the chat quite a bit. That's my confession, I didn't address it. I just feel lonely and sorry for myself.

Ugh. I’m sorry. It’s human nature to get hurt when you feel left out.

Give yourself some space to process. I do recommend saying something if you are still feeling hurt after a week or so. Because you should be able to be honest with your close friends and if you don’t say anything it might fester for you. I like to think - even if the outcome is the same (ie I drift away from these friends) at least I was honest and true to myself for saying how I felt.

[icedcoffee]

Sept 6, 2024 9:50:49 GMT -6 Eagles said:

I feel like kids who I grew up with and went to school with who became assholes started demonstrating those personality traits around 5th to 7th grade. And they were asshole teenagers and from what I hear and see on FB, asshole adults.

Some people are just born pricks, I think.

💯 my older two are 7th and 6th and they pretty much know who to avoid by now

My oldest doesn't like the way a friend has been treating her and she dialed wayyy back on the friendship and I am so proud and in awe of her. She is so self assured (I def was not at her age) and said she deserves to be treated better by friends.

My middle though, sometimes I worry about her because she is the sweetest and kindest and I don't want anyone to take advantage of her

[lucilleaustero]

Sept 6, 2024 10:10:46 GMT -6 sweptaway said:

One of the worst guys I went to high school with is a behavioral therapist now and I just marvel at that transition. Did he learn from his mistakes and is trying to make amends? Or is he a sociopath? I will never know.

Sometimes I have a random steamy dream about him. There's your confession. Damn brain.

The nastiest girl in my high school wrote a fb post about how her daughter was being bullied and how she could not understand how kids could be cruel. This is a woman that caused one girl to drop out of high school due to her bullying. I feel bad for her kid, for sure, but this is a woman who destroyed other girls and she does understand kids being cruel?

[jaygee]

Sept 6, 2024 10:08:23 GMT -6 sweptaway said:

Sept 6, 2024 8:56:18 GMT -6 jaygee said:

I was just talking to a friend the other day about this. I feel a little bad but I’ve entered the stage where some kids are just not great. When they were little I hated labeling and thinking of bad kids but it’s clearer now. Some kids are assholes. Lots of reasons why and many are not their fault. But it doesn’t mean I’m not going to judge and steer my kid away from the assholes and towards the kids I think will be good, supportive friends to him. And I expect him to be that way in return.

Yes. And the kid I knew was an asshole in 3rd grade is a menace now in 7th. He was a "friend" of DS's and it was so hard watching DS learn that he wasn't really a friend but I'm also super proud he figured it out and navigated it. Yes lots of kids have reasons for behaving badly but it doesn't mean others need to open themselves up to it.

But also there was a similar troublemaker who I *think* has evolved. It is hard letting them all figure this stuff out on their own.

The amount of times I’ve said “hmmm…that doesn’t sound like the way a friend should treat you” and just left it alone after that is not small.

[angelashly]

Sept 6, 2024 10:06:45 GMT -6 Eagles said:

I learned recently that friend drama never really ends.

I'm on a group chat with a few friends from high school, we were really close back then but now with geography and kids and activities the easiest way to stay connected is sharing memes and reels and links. Anyway, the chat is hopping daily. We keep saying we need to get together. Then a few weeks ago there was a post on IG of the 3 others out to dinner and damn were my feelings hurt at being left out. Next day, memes and jokes are flying again. Nary a word about the get together.

I didn't say anything but backed off the chat quite a bit. That's my confession, I didn't address it. I just feel lonely and sorry for myself.

😡😡😡

I’ll fight someone

[angelashly]

Sept 6, 2024 10:08:41 GMT -6 jaygee said:

The problem I’m currently having with DS is that he doesn’t understand gentle teasing. I think some of it is because he doesn’t have a sibling and randomly a lot of the kids in his grade have older siblings. So they are hanging out and these kids talk to him how their siblings talk to them and he cries bully at the slightest teasing. Obviously I take bullying very seriously but when he describes the situation I’m thinking “this is just teasing”. I try to talk to him about his part in the interaction (like what happened before they said the thing that upset you) and half the time it’s just back and forth and then one part offends him. It’s tough because I want him to get a little tougher skin but I don’t want him to turn into a jerk. Like be sensitive but also take a joke. I’m sure he’ll get there but the frequent cries of so and so is bullying me is a bit exhausting.

H always was worried about this with dd being an only so started early teaching her about joking with people and they would have crack offs

[sweptaway]

Eagles I'm sorry. That's a really shitty feeling and it's 100000% on them. I hate it.

[melohdy]

Sept 6, 2024 10:12:00 GMT -6 icedcoffee said:

Sept 6, 2024 9:50:49 GMT -6 Eagles said:

I feel like kids who I grew up with and went to school with who became assholes started demonstrating those personality traits around 5th to 7th grade. And they were asshole teenagers and from what I hear and see on FB, asshole adults.

Some people are just born pricks, I think.

💯 my older two are 7th and 6th and they pretty much know who to avoid by now

My oldest doesn't like the way a friend has been treating her and she dialed wayyy back on the friendship and I am so proud and in awe of her. She is so self assured (I def was not at her age) and said she deserves to be treated better by friends.

My middle though, sometimes I worry about her because she is the sweetest and kindest and I don't want anyone to take advantage of her

I wish my 6th grade DD was more self-assured. She really wants to be liked and some of the kids just aren't nice. We spend a lot of time talking about the friends that build her up and fill her bucket. She also has a hard time not engaging in the drama, when she should just walk away (or, ideally, stand up for herself)

[lifesaverz]

I will say, I am really proud of both my kids so far of how they navigate social issues & potential bullying situations or drama. They're 8 & 10, & both are so much stronger than I ever was as a kid & heck, young adult, at standing up for themselves. They have a natural confidence & an understanding that it's okay to stand up for themselves, & I was that sweet nice one that was absolutely terrified of conflict, & took FOREVER to learn to stand up for myself. I'm really grateful to see that their natural dispositions are already so much better at it than I was.

[lifesaverz]

Sept 6, 2024 10:06:45 GMT -6 Eagles said:

I learned recently that friend drama never really ends.

I'm on a group chat with a few friends from high school, we were really close back then but now with geography and kids and activities the easiest way to stay connected is sharing memes and reels and links. Anyway, the chat is hopping daily. We keep saying we need to get together. Then a few weeks ago there was a post on IG of the 3 others out to dinner and damn were my feelings hurt at being left out. Next day, memes and jokes are flying again. Nary a word about the get together.

I didn't say anything but backed off the chat quite a bit. That's my confession, I didn't address it. I just feel lonely and sorry for myself.

Ugh, that hurts, I'm sorry.

[Pizzaslut]

Sept 6, 2024 10:08:41 GMT -6 jaygee said:

The problem I’m currently having with DS is that he doesn’t understand gentle teasing. I think some of it is because he doesn’t have a sibling and randomly a lot of the kids in his grade have older siblings. So they are hanging out and these kids talk to him how their siblings talk to them and he cries bully at the slightest teasing. Obviously I take bullying very seriously but when he describes the situation I’m thinking “this is just teasing”. I try to talk to him about his part in the interaction (like what happened before they said the thing that upset you) and half the time it’s just back and forth and then one part offends him. It’s tough because I want him to get a little tougher skin but I don’t want him to turn into a jerk. Like be sensitive but also take a joke. I’m sure he’ll get there but the frequent cries of so and so is bullying me is a bit exhausting.

In DS' second grade class last year, they had daily "roasting" sessions. It's a very fine line between friendly teasing and being mean, and it's also very hard to tell what would hurt someone else's feelings. My son still wears his hair down over his forehead because someone said he had a big forehead. Little jerks.

[snowyowl]

I’m sorry Eagles, that’s a sucky feeling.
I will say, I recently ended up at a last minute gathering where I looked around and realized that there were only four of us, when usually we hang as a group of five. I definitely would have said something if I’d realized only J didn’t get invited. I think it was purely oversight, not deliberate.
Is there someone you are closest to that you could ask, to see if there is an issue or just a glitch?

[bobyn]

Sept 6, 2024 10:06:45 GMT -6 Eagles said:

I learned recently that friend drama never really ends.

I'm on a group chat with a few friends from high school, we were really close back then but now with geography and kids and activities the easiest way to stay connected is sharing memes and reels and links. Anyway, the chat is hopping daily. We keep saying we need to get together. Then a few weeks ago there was a post on IG of the 3 others out to dinner and damn were my feelings hurt at being left out. Next day, memes and jokes are flying again. Nary a word about the get together.

I didn't say anything but backed off the chat quite a bit. That's my confession, I didn't address it. I just feel lonely and sorry for myself.

I was excluded from a holiday lunch two years in a row with an old group of friends and decided then and there I was done with them, so I unfriended all of them without saying a word. Fuck all of them.