byjove
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Post by byjove on Jun 1, 2023 13:36:02 GMT -6
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byjove
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Post by byjove on Jun 1, 2023 13:53:55 GMT -6
Update on DD1- this is long, sorry.
We have DD1's 2nd IEP writing meeting tomorrow. We met last week for several hours (while I was sick, I ran out of steam) and the school is proposing to offer her a weekly counseling session and they had wanted to send a sped teacher into her math class 2x a week for 15 minutes to show her how to use math aids and to "observe" her. DH and I did not agree and the school said ok, we can add in a 3rd 15 minute session. We've been advised we should be looking at pull out math instruction in 30-45 minute chunks several days a week.
Meanwhile, DD had an extremely high anxiety week last week which included a panic attack Monday night, featuring scratching to the point of bruising (which we now know is self harm), and Tuesday, after the SOL, she was so stressed after the SOL, she didn't eat lunch because she wanted to be in a safe place (i.e. home in bed) and didn't tell anyone and then was a wreck in the evening. Clara had been with the guidance counselor during her SOL right before and she nor the teachers report any odd behavior, though Clara was obviously highly distressed. She also came home from school upset on Thursday because there was a substitute teacher for math (a school employee she said she'd been with for small group testing previously) and there seemed to be a miscommunication of the task and Clara was punished by having her computer taken away so she couldn't do part of the math activity.
Also, our psychiatrist dumped us last week- we made an appointment because we are concerned with escalating symptoms despite everything we are doing, and we thought maybe we could try a different medication and the psych went nuclear and said this was out of his realm (what?) and that he wanted us to take her to a mental health ER for a second opinion and that he'd be willing to support us over the next 10 days while we find new care, and "be well." I called the place he wanted us to take her and explained the woman started laughing and asked if the psych was actually trained in children and that they wouldn't see anyone her age anyway. Also to point out that at the time of the call, DD was completely fine and my friend who does a lot of legal work representing children locally said the hospital probably would have called CPS on us. SO THAT'S ALL WONDERFUL.
I finally found a new psych, who we will see in the next couple of weeks- small miracles. DH and I also started seeing the $$$ counselor we saw for a while ago last year, who was amazing, for a few sessions to help guide us. DD is a different kid in the summer, so we are all just trying to make it to then. Also, all of Clara's care providers are increasingly questioning if this school environment is appropriate for her and causing harm instead of nurturing, which it feels like is increasingly the former.
So, we go back tomorrow and we have an advocate coming with us. If the school doesn't budge, I don't know what we are going to do. I asked DD what she thought about their proposed plan and she thought it sounded great because it would be really just ignore the teacher and NOT DO MATH! (she has already progressed to outright refusing math instruction).
DD is also non-functional without her emotional support stuffed bunny (she takes it with her around school all day) and I gently broached the topic if something might be used as an alternative (to start slowly rotating in over the next year) to which DD said NO NEVER I'm going to college with this bunny!, so we have next year (5th grade) to sort things out or I think we are really going to have look at an alternative school for MS, which start at $40k, and we have no way of affording. WHEEE fun times!
*I would like to asterisk this that everything above occurred while I was the sickest I'd been in years with strep. Naturally.
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dc2london
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Post by dc2london on Jun 1, 2023 14:53:02 GMT -6
That is a whole lot byjove. Your poor sweet DD!! I am so sorry that you are going through this. The school should be able to make reasonable accommodations to make school a safe place for her. If they truly can't, you can ask the state for tuition assistance at a school that can. I'm so glad you got an advocate.
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dc2london
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Post by dc2london on Jun 1, 2023 14:58:21 GMT -6
Happy Pride!!! 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️
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byjove
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Post by byjove on Jun 1, 2023 15:16:31 GMT -6
That is a whole lot byjove . Your poor sweet DD!! I am so sorry that you are going through this. The school should be able to make reasonable accommodations to make school a safe place for her. If they truly can't, you can ask the state for tuition assistance at a school that can. I'm so glad you got an advocate. Is that different assistance than getting the school district to pay for it? It seems like after tomorrow we may have to be switching gears to start building that case. I just want to not have to think about anything for a while. lol@me
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Minerva
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Post by Minerva on Jun 1, 2023 15:17:55 GMT -6
byjove, that is sooo much. I hope that the 2nd IEP meeting goes better. It sucks that they are pushing back so hard on the recommendations for pull-out math when they are supposed to be working WITH you to make school a safe place for her to learn via accommodations and services. And I hope that summer gives your DD some time to heal and grow. It’s so good that she has camp and other summer activities where she feels in her element.
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dc2london
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Post by dc2london on Jun 1, 2023 15:25:05 GMT -6
That is a whole lot byjove . Your poor sweet DD!! I am so sorry that you are going through this. The school should be able to make reasonable accommodations to make school a safe place for her. If they truly can't, you can ask the state for tuition assistance at a school that can. I'm so glad you got an advocate. Is that different assistance than getting the school district to pay for it? It seems like after tomorrow we may have to be switching gears to start building that case. I just want to not have to think about anything for a while. lol@me same thing. I really hope the advocate gets them to do something.
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Minerva
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Post by Minerva on Jun 1, 2023 16:00:48 GMT -6
That is a whole lot byjove . Your poor sweet DD!! I am so sorry that you are going through this. The school should be able to make reasonable accommodations to make school a safe place for her. If they truly can't, you can ask the state for tuition assistance at a school that can. I'm so glad you got an advocate. Is that different assistance than getting the school district to pay for it? It seems like after tomorrow we may have to be switching gears to start building that case. I just want to not have to think about anything for a while. lol@me The advocate should be able to help you with if/how to address this during the meeting, but I know that in FfxCo the process to get them to pay for private services/schooling is cumbersome and often involves a lawsuit, especially if those services technically can be provided in the public setting. People spend a lot of time gathering data to show that the school’s approach is insufficient for their kids. They also tend to start their kids in the private services and then get reimbursed later after their case has been decided, which can take a long time. Do you have a sense of why they are pushing back so hard against your requests? Is it coming from the SpEd teachers or the admin on the IEP team? It’s not an easy process, but it really shouldn’t be this frustrating to get small group instruction in math. Also, have you seen this VDOE website on education of students with disabilities in mathematics? The FAQ has lists of accommodations in math instruction that you should expect from your school for kids with various types of disabilities, including executive functioning, attention, and social-emotional disabilities. There are lots of other resources listed there as well. www.doe.virginia.gov/programs-services/special-education/specific-disabilities/learning-disability/learning-disabilities-in-mathematics
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Post by enchanted on Jun 1, 2023 16:55:07 GMT -6
That's so much, byjove. I hope the new psych is amazing and the next meeting goes much better. Hugs <3
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byjove
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Post by byjove on Jun 1, 2023 16:56:37 GMT -6
Is that different assistance than getting the school district to pay for it? It seems like after tomorrow we may have to be switching gears to start building that case. I just want to not have to think about anything for a while. lol@me The advocate should be able to help you with if/how to address this during the meeting, but I know that in FfxCo the process to get them to pay for private services/schooling is cumbersome and often involves a lawsuit, especially if those services technically can be provided in the public setting. People spend a lot of time gathering data to show that the school’s approach is insufficient for their kids. They also tend to start their kids in the private services and then get reimbursed later after their case has been decided, which can take a long time. Do you have a sense of why they are pushing back so hard against your requests? Is it coming from the SpEd teachers or the admin on the IEP team? It’s not an easy process, but it really shouldn’t be this frustrating to get small group instruction in math. Also, have you seen this VDOE website on education of students with disabilities in mathematics? The FAQ has lists of accommodations in math instruction that you should expect from your school for kids with various types of disabilities, including executive functioning, attention, and social-emotional disabilities. There are lots of other resources listed there as well. www.doe.virginia.gov/programs-services/special-education/specific-disabilities/learning-disability/learning-disabilities-in-mathematicsIt's the SpEd teacher and the VP. Part of it, which they admitted during the eligibility meeting, is that they don't really know what to do with her since she is not a conventional learning disability kid. Technically she doesn't have a math disability according to their testing, it's all math anxiety (we do think she is slower to learn math especially new concepts, but that can learn it eventually- which feeds the vicious cycle of math anxiety). Her anxiety is so bad that in math that she refuses instruction/to engage now. They think if they encourage math aids and lower her overall school anxiety (which one 30 minute counseling session a week to work on positive self talk, which she's already been doing for 5 months seems like it won't do much) will lower her anxiety enough to access math. They said while she's failing math, she's not doing the worst in math (math is bad for everyone right now), so they aren't particularly worried. We've requested some pull out math instruction and they are saying that is too restrictive, though the advocate and our no-longer psychiatrist both say for severe math anxiety like she has, that an environment away from peers to learn at her own pace and build confidence is more appropriate and supported by research. The school says "they will observe her" in the fall quarter during those 15 minute increments where they will encourage math aid use to see if there is anything more specific, but at that point it will be Christmas before anything happens, when they will probably request more testing, and we've already been at this over a year with the school. But let's let her keep getting farther behind. Meanwhile, every few months this past school year we've met with the 504/now IEP team to add more accommodations and her depression and anxiety are only getting worse. Her anxiety/depression aren't going to get better without addressing the math component as well. They are separate, but tied. If you ask DD, she will tell you the #1 thing that is the worst each day is math. The advocate says the report we sent her from the school has plenty of "data" to warrant more attention. Aside from the small group pull out, even if it's not technically sped, she said we should be writing math related anxiety goals, which the school hasn't touched. They've already implemented just about every math accommodation they have according to the school, aside from use of a calculator. I'm also thinking we are going to have to request an independent evaluation, but I don't know how that works if she already has an IEP.
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Post by mrsweasley on Jun 1, 2023 17:14:50 GMT -6
I'm so sorry byjove I hope she can have a restorative summer and the advocate can help you get the services she deserves. All kids deserve the learning environment that works best for them
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Minerva
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Post by Minerva on Jun 1, 2023 19:10:12 GMT -6
I’m sorry, byjove. I know the whole process has been incredibly frustrating for your family. It doesn’t have to be this hard and it makes me angry that they are using Least Restrictive Environment lingo to avoid giving your DD the supports she needs.
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jkjacq
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Post by jkjacq on Jun 1, 2023 20:49:48 GMT -6
Oh byjove. I’m sorry that’s a whole LOT.
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klw
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Post by klw on Jun 1, 2023 21:06:57 GMT -6
I hope your meeting goes well tomorrow byjove. ❤️
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Post by cakewench on Jun 2, 2023 7:31:30 GMT -6
Sending all the hugs your way today byjove - hope everything goes well <3
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gymngemini
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Post by gymngemini on Jun 2, 2023 7:59:05 GMT -6
Good luck today byjove! You're doing great for your daughter and your whole family.
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trueblue
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Post by trueblue on Jun 2, 2023 11:36:43 GMT -6
I hope your meeting went as well as it could have and you guys are now relaxing byjove!
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byjove
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Post by byjove on Jun 2, 2023 13:25:57 GMT -6
Just got back from the IEP meeting and we made some progress. From their original 2 15 minute sessions per week, they went up to 20 minutes daily (so from 30-100 minutes) and they won't pull her out, but we'll meet in October and see how she's doing. They added in a few other things, and I think took our concerns a little more seriously, so I guess that's that for now. I do think having the advocate there helped. I'm not really convinced anything they are doing is going to help. We also emphasized that she doesn't have anyone she feels safe opening up to at school.
The Special Education teacher at one point said that it was too bad the IEP wasn't signed so she couldn't be in the classroom observing her this last week and half and maybe all of those things wouldn't have happened if I did... And I saw red, I was about to get up and walk out. I said this is no way has anything to do with my not signing, and the sped teacher was like that's not what I said, but yeah, it was. And DH took it exactly the same way. Not a fan.
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AmyG
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Post by AmyG on Jun 2, 2023 16:00:31 GMT -6
byjove, love tit for some progress, but arg
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Post by carmensandiego on Jun 2, 2023 17:09:36 GMT -6
byjove, while I'm glad you made some progress, it's so frustrating. It shouldn't have to be this way. What a week for your family. ❤️
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AmyG
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Post by AmyG on Jun 2, 2023 20:46:07 GMT -6
Didn't update you guys. So the medicaid untangle from pandenic has started. AZ is going to recheck everyone on the rolls, aiming for 100k people a month. We got our renewal info and dh makes too much money. sent back paperwork just to be sure cause they disallow a couple small things. With Dh's social security raise this year of 8.3% or whatever that % was, he now makes $56 more dollars than is allowed in a month. arg So off to the health care.gov to find a plan. Sure there are $0 per month plans for our income with subsidies.
Deductible is only $15 k for the plan we got, and only $50 to see a doc and $100 for a specialist. Most of the no monthly fee with subsidy plans didn't cover dr at all until you meet deductible [except that once a year check up free] so I guess I chose well. sure hope so.
of course I already have scheduled several appts that are not that free once a year check ups.
so that extra $56 a month we make will be eat up with the first dr visit. not to mention that while I used to take a Motrin occasionally and a multivitamin, I'm now the proud owner/ require to exist comfortably? 8 wonderful prescriptions. at the tune of $25 each except some are $50 each. amazing so much fun. I know some of you are in same boat/worse boat, but I just needed to complain a bit.
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mc13
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Post by mc13 on Jun 6, 2023 5:01:12 GMT -6
I’m the pta president at our K-2 elementary school. Last night we had our first for two kindergarten orientations.
At the end of the parent portion, 5 of the 10 parent questions were about what security and safety measures the school has. A few about allergies/packing lunches, 2 about classroom placement and being ready, 1 about the ymca after school care.
The overwhelming concern, about sending their kids to school, is how safe they will be. I know we have some educators in here and this won’t be a surprise but gosh, f all these people worried about banning books and get us some gun laws.
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overboard
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Post by overboard on Jun 6, 2023 9:26:53 GMT -6
byjove we’ve been through a lot of the same things this year, including an ambulance ride for a severe panic attack at school during math, wheeeeee. This shit is so hard. I hope the new psych helps along with the summer break.
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lion
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Post by lion on Jun 6, 2023 12:35:37 GMT -6
I’m the pta president at our K-2 elementary school. Last night we had our first for two kindergarten orientations. At the end of the parent portion, 5 of the 10 parent questions were about what security and safety measures the school has. A few about allergies/packing lunches, 2 about classroom placement and being ready, 1 about the ymca after school care. The overwhelming concern, about sending their kids to school, is how safe they will be. I know we have some educators in here and this won’t be a surprise but gosh, f all these people worried about banning books and get us some gun laws. When we moved to a new district, we had already pulled from our old school and were homeschooling for safety reasons -I checked with the new school to ask how safe my gender non conforming kiddos would be after a horrific experience at our old school. Principal invited me to the school so I went and she gave me a tour of the facilities and their bullet proof glass locked entry that had to have the secretary buzz people in, and started talking about lockdown drills. I thought it was weird when she said something about "I saw your safety concerns in your email." she read right past the bullying issues and automatically assumed I was worried about my children being gunned down in the building. It wound up being a great school that keeps my kids safe and treats them well. But it was a horrifying moment.
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Post by mrsweasley on Jun 7, 2023 23:29:21 GMT -6
I went to a thing at our county's Dem group about running for office on Monday. It was super helpful and I'm leaning strongly towards running for school board. The first thing I need to do is start collecting signatures to get my name on the ballot. I'm trying to decide if it would be weird to do that on Fri at DD's robotics demonstration to wrap up her week of robotics camp. The camp is put on by the school district so it would probably be my target demographic. I need to think of a little blurb to say too. This is a little outside my comfort zone
There has been no chatter about anyone else running besides one current member (2 seats are up) and I'm really hoping the local GQP isn't planning on running someone. A total wackado tried to run last time, all anti-mask, anti-crt, basically anti-school, but I think she started off all on her own. I'm in a pretty red area but I don't think the local GQP is very organized. Unfortunately they don't have to be because so many people will just vote for the R 🙄
I need a minimum of 150 signatures, 2-3x that is recommended, and I think I'd like to play this close to the chest as possible so hopefully nobody in the GQP gets wind of it. Signatures are due in 2 months. I wish I had made up my mind before school was out so I could catch parents I "know"
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lion
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Post by lion on Jun 8, 2023 17:31:39 GMT -6
One thing candidates here do-granted it's more for districts that span counties or something-but they'll leave signature sheets with people they know and ask them to take them to dem friends. As long as you have a flyer or blurb with the issues to introduce yourself they can take with them, then they return the signatures to you to take to the SOS Office by the deadline. Only problem with doing that is not knowing how many signatures you have at any given time waiting for sheets to come in, but as long as you're in touch with everyone with a sheet I think it could be helpful.
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Post by mrsweasley on Jun 8, 2023 22:55:37 GMT -6
One thing candidates here do-granted it's more for districts that span counties or something-but they'll leave signature sheets with people they know and ask them to take them to dem friends. As long as you have a flyer or blurb with the issues to introduce yourself they can take with them, then they return the signatures to you to take to the SOS Office by the deadline. Only problem with doing that is not knowing how many signatures you have at any given time waiting for sheets to come in, but as long as you're in touch with everyone with a sheet I think it could be helpful. I was reading all the rules tonight and I can do that, so plan to reach out to a couple people for help. Each 2 page petition can hold 20 signatures so I'll probably need to fill around 15 of then. Obnoxiously they have to be on legal sized paper so I need to run out and get some of that too
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byjove
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Post by byjove on Jun 12, 2023 13:29:02 GMT -6
It's MH's 7th re-birthday today!
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jkjacq
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Post by jkjacq on Jun 12, 2023 19:24:21 GMT -6
Ok I don’t think this is real but it’s funny as heck
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klw
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Post by klw on Jun 13, 2023 15:08:38 GMT -6
I made it through my last day at my school and only got teary eyed 2x! My principal is so sweet and said "When I hate it there, I am welcome to come back."
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