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Post by enchanted on Jul 14, 2021 8:00:40 GMT -6
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jkjacq
Ruby
Posts: 21,739 Likes: 94,325
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Post by jkjacq on Jul 14, 2021 8:16:43 GMT -6
hugs willow I hope you get some relief soon
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clucky
Opal
Posts: 7,821 Likes: 32,842
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Post by clucky on Jul 14, 2021 8:57:14 GMT -6
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willow
Ruby
Posts: 19,606 Likes: 125,125
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Post by willow on Jul 14, 2021 9:15:29 GMT -6
Thank you all, sincerely. I get wrapped up in feeling guilty for struggling so much when I actually have every reason to be happy and content with a wonderful husband, 3 healthy kids and steady income in a nice neighborhood. I recognize this and actually when I took the twins for a walk over the weekend, I was reflecting on how fortunate we are and how lovely our area is and then I started crying because I still couldn't get out of my mental fog despite knowing this. It reflects back into a lot of negative self talk for feeling so badly. overboard I have not pursued a psychiatrist yet. I do use medical cannabis at night which has virtually eliminated (with occasional exceptions) my sleep paralysis nightmares which are always the worst kind. I have not looked for other medication mostly because I am VERY hesitant to become reliant on medication. I do not have anything against medication for mental health, to be clear. But for *me* personally, I am trying to explore all routes before going that way. I am hopeful this new approach helps, and if not, trying EMDR which I have heard is highly successful.
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Post by lemondrop on Jul 14, 2021 9:58:41 GMT -6
I wanted to update everyone since y'all were so kind during late April/ early May when my dog was about 30 seconds from death. Ruby is kicking ass and taking names. Last week we found out that her red blood cells (PCVs) are up to 40%!!!!!!!! (they need to be between 35 and 55%). At her lowest, she was at 12%. So as of today, she is officially off prednisone, her blood thinner, an antibiotic and an ulcer med. She's going to be on her immunosuppressant for several more months, and it's kind of a waiting game to see if she relapses, but as of today, she's well on her way to getting back to healthy and happy. Her disease is called IMHA, which is immune mediated hemolytic anemia. Basically, her immune system wrongly tells her body to kill her red blood cells. It's a random disease that affects spaniels - we had never heard of this. Her treatment was unbelievably expensive (seriously, for what we spent this little shit better live to be 20) but it was worth it. She's doing great, and now we just have to get her to lean back up because prednisone eating made her gain like 12lbs And here is my little pain in the ass (look at those pink gums!!!! a great sign that she's not anemic):
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Post by lemondrop on Jul 14, 2021 10:00:37 GMT -6
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fatpony
Amethyst
Posts: 5,577 Likes: 30,790
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Post by fatpony on Jul 14, 2021 10:28:29 GMT -6
Hugs willow. I hope you find something that works for you. If not,
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klw
Opal
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Post by klw on Jul 14, 2021 11:44:06 GMT -6
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2021 12:17:10 GMT -6
Hugs willow. Our brains are complicated and not always logical. I hope you can release the guilt about your brain being a jerk. I’m a big reader so if you’d like some book recs let me know. I also really like EMDR. Do you get tingles from ASMR? That’s how I’ve felt during the couple EMDR treatments I’ve had so far. Like intensely relaxed. It’s great. I’m glad you have a good therapist working with you and that you’re trying so hard to get better. I know you’ll get there, hopefully soon. ❤️
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2021 12:18:21 GMT -6
lemondrop thanks for the pupdate. Love her smiling face. 😁 I hope she continues to improve and lives a long, not so fat life.
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willow
Ruby
Posts: 19,606 Likes: 125,125
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Post by willow on Jul 14, 2021 13:43:02 GMT -6
Well on a note that perked me up today, I got an email saying my application for an opening on our office's Inclusion, Diversity and Equity Alliance ("IDEA") committee was accepted so that is exciting. I look forward to being part of the group that is trying to make our office a welcoming environment and planning educational stuff for my colleagues too.
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Post by sherminator on Jul 14, 2021 21:50:45 GMT -6
I would just like to thank you all for enjoying Wisconsin. a nearly lifelong resident and I still havent been to the apostle islands. I will say, the Zoltan style machine with Trump inside to tell who knows what (Alec Baldwin’s impression was only slightly better) next to what looked like a porta potty. It was both bizarre and perfectly placed? I looove Zoltan. My dream is to find one for my future rec room..
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Post by cyclegirl on Jul 15, 2021 4:38:09 GMT -6
I think we're narrowing it down to Connecticut, although we won't finalize things until the new year. Since it's such such huge move the plan is to do a short term rental first before buying to make sure we're sure about the area. But yeah, there's a town that is looking like a really good fit. I mean, nothing is perfect but at least I'm going to still have a Trader Joe's and a Costco close, you know, the important things. 😉 oh hello! CT is a small state so if you have any questions I'd be more than happy to answer them. I also know where all the best kid places/museums are. elle I’m also happy to help, especially if you have any questions about the town itself. I live in eastern CT now but grew up in western CT. The proximity to TJs and Costco is much important! They are actually putting in a new Costco in right near my TJs and I am beside myself.
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Post by cyclegirl on Jul 15, 2021 4:39:37 GMT -6
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fatpony
Amethyst
Posts: 5,577 Likes: 30,790
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Post by fatpony on Jul 15, 2021 6:39:01 GMT -6
I will say, the Zoltan style machine with Trump inside to tell who knows what (Alec Baldwin’s impression was only slightly better) next to what looked like a porta potty. It was both bizarre and perfectly placed? I looove Zoltan. My dream is to find one for my future rec room.. I dated a Zoltan. He was the literal worst.
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Minerva
Ruby
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Post by Minerva on Jul 15, 2021 9:27:37 GMT -6
Yeah, driving California bottom to top is something like 12-14 hours. In college I made the drive between SoCal and NorCal at the various holidays all the time so anything under 8 hours isn't that bad of a drive to me, ha. I’m such a baby about driving south. I think I’ve only done it maybe 5 times from the Bay Area and some trips only one way because I flew one way. I think H and I are the only ones rooting for that high speed train because we would totally take it. I’m used to the drive north to OR now but when I first started doing that I wanted to die. I am a very long car ride person though. Podcasts have helped but I really have to think hard about doing anything over 4 hours. H did some RA work on the high speed rail project in grad school. We were definitely routing for it when we lived out there.
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jaygee
Diamond
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Post by jaygee on Jul 15, 2021 9:29:51 GMT -6
I’m such a baby about driving south. I think I’ve only done it maybe 5 times from the Bay Area and some trips only one way because I flew one way. I think H and I are the only ones rooting for that high speed train because we would totally take it. I’m used to the drive north to OR now but when I first started doing that I wanted to die. I am a very long car ride person though. Podcasts have helped but I really have to think hard about doing anything over 4 hours. H did some RA work on the high speed rail project in grad school. We were definitely routing for it when we lived out there. It’s definitely a lightening rod out here and even I’m kind of over it because, I mean when is it going to happen? But I love high speed rail at heart and would love it to be available.
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Minerva
Ruby
Posts: 15,381 Likes: 67,036
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Post by Minerva on Jul 15, 2021 9:34:09 GMT -6
Sending hugs willow. I am far too familiar with that feeling that you should be happy and grateful for having a great life, but actually struggling to feel joy and find motivation. I hope you find relief. ❤️
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Minerva
Ruby
Posts: 15,381 Likes: 67,036
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Post by Minerva on Jul 15, 2021 9:37:52 GMT -6
H did some RA work on the high speed rail project in grad school. We were definitely routing for it when we lived out there. It’s definitely a lightening rod out here and even I’m kind of over it because, I mean when is it going to happen? But I love high speed rail at heart and would love it to be available. It’s crazy to think that H was working on it ~10 years ago and they’re still arguing about it. The political will to get it done really does seem to have fizzled out. 😞
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byjove
Ruby
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Post by byjove on Jul 15, 2021 9:52:14 GMT -6
Word vomit ahead. I am feeling really stuck in life right now and really uninspired by work. I'm feeling frustrated with my job and a particular project I'm working on is really exacerbating my insecurities and I'm having such a mental block about it. There's a lot of BS happening with promotions and re-sectioning and I'm feeling left out/left behind, though my boss and his boss tell me all the time I'm doing great, but don't really have feedback. I'm feeling pretty limited on what my options are if I were to leave the job (with a healthy dose of imposter syndrome), but am trying to make a detail happen with a different org- which had looked promising and a potential out for me, but it seems to have fizzled, though I am not giving hope on that yet and a different opportunity might still open up. I think back to what my goals were in college and where I thought I'd be and feel disappointed. Not that I have gone off the rails, but I guess I thought I would feel more important and that my work mattered more. I really wanted to end up in science policy, and it's not a dead end yet- but I was pursuing a policy fellowship when I became pregnant with DD1 and it would have started when she was a few weeks old with a lot of mandatory trainings, and I just felt I couldn't make it happen. And then just a lot more of life happened. And if I were to do something similar now (I've looked into it), it would be a 25% pay cut and I am the breadwinner, so it's not really an option. I guess this a pretty typical start to the midlife crisis? I know I have friends from college feeling similar- mid career, approaching 40. If I was to do it all over, I'm not sure I would have studied what I did or chosen this career path. Idk. I feel better most of the rest of the year- but this damn project review is always this time of year and it makes me feel like shit. I want to do a good job. I don't want to embarrass myself. So #1 priority is not to have this program next year.
And TW/ my grandmother who just saw last month in AZ (who lives with my parents and bipolar sister) died very unexpectedly by suicide a couple of weeks ago and it's definitely amplified a lot of these feelings. I don't need hairpats or anything, it's just tough right now.
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Post by greykitty on Jul 15, 2021 11:10:38 GMT -6
Ok, this is the kind of news re electric cars that makes me pat my 2001 Saturn on the hood and say 'hang in there'. I'd be more than annoyed to be told to park outside and not charge overnight. Unless a full charge took all of 5 minutes. ...U.S. auto safety regulators on Wednesday urged about 50,000 owners of General Motors electric Chevrolet Bolt vehicles that were recalled last year to park outside and away from homes and other structures after charging because of fire risks.... link
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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2021 11:20:10 GMT -6
It’s definitely a lightening rod out here and even I’m kind of over it because, I mean when is it going to happen? But I love high speed rail at heart and would love it to be available. It’s crazy to think that H was working on it ~10 years ago and they’re still arguing about it. The political will to get it done really does seem to have fizzled out. 😞 No way! H has been working on this nonstop since it started, and the Merced to Fresno section is currently under construction. It’s going to take a long ass time to get it all built at this pace, but it’s a very active project.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2021 11:23:10 GMT -6
I’m sorry byjove about your grandma and the job. Suicide is devastating no matter the circumstances. And I always get in my head at review time too. I’m sure you are doing your best and I hope you can take a breather this weekend to recenter. ❤️
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Post by cakewench on Jul 15, 2021 11:32:49 GMT -6
Sending hugs, byjove. I'm hitting the 4-0 milestone in like two weeks, and have been dealing with a lot of similar feels about my job (we are also heading into review time). And all my love & prayers to you and your family.
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jkjacq
Ruby
Posts: 21,739 Likes: 94,325
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Post by jkjacq on Jul 15, 2021 11:45:21 GMT -6
byjove, sending good thoughts even you asked not to. I hit 50 last week and the midlife crisis is real for me (so I pierced my nose). Like i'm pretty entrenched with pay/benefits in my job and finding something else would be difficult.
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Post by greykitty on Jul 15, 2021 11:48:17 GMT -6
byjove, I'm sorry. And I think the late 30's-early 40's is a peak time of self-reflection and self-realization, and coming to grips that life is what happens while you're planning other things. Or so I recall John Lennon saying so.
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Minerva
Ruby
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Post by Minerva on Jul 15, 2021 11:55:40 GMT -6
byjove, I feel you on the midlife crisis. I feel like I went through mine a bit earlier than most, but maybe that was a 1/3 life crisis and I’ll get to have a 2/3 life crisis as well? I hope your detail eventually gets worked out and that it breathes new life in your current career path. And I’m sending so much love your way as you grieve for your grandma. 💔
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willow
Ruby
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Post by willow on Jul 15, 2021 12:01:54 GMT -6
I know you didn't ask but I am sending you support and my hand on your back, byjove. Both for your feelings about your career and for the tragic death of your grandma. Suicide is a beast. Feel free to PM me at any time if you want to talk more about it, I find it helpful to talk with others who have been survivors of suicide (as in the people left behind). <3
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Ls2012
Amethyst
Posts: 7,364 Likes: 32,621
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Post by Ls2012 on Jul 15, 2021 14:15:39 GMT -6
I'm so sorry for your loss, byjove, as well as the work/ life struggles. Gentle hugs as you process and work through this time.
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Post by lemondrop on Jul 15, 2021 14:25:16 GMT -6
byjove, Oh friend. Big hugs even if you didn't want them. I've had 3 relatives pass in a similar fashion. If you ever need to talk, I'm a PM away <3
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