Sunny41
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Post by Sunny41 on Dec 6, 2018 20:42:47 GMT -6
This is kind of a "last christmas before empty best" kid of year. For the last 12yrs (9 for me) we have scheduled the holidays with our custody of SD. We assume very little after she leaves for college. I will have plenty of years for E to wake up at home but this year will be nice for all of us to wake up at MIL. It means the absolute world for someone to wake up the on Christmas morning.
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Post by flamingo on Dec 6, 2018 20:44:50 GMT -6
This is what we do, too, and I agree about the display of gifts. Growing up, Santa didn't wrap ours, but he would assemble the big stuff, so it was neat to come in and find the Barbie dream house waiting (or whatever), all ready to be played with. This year, our dilemma is the toy kitchen C is receiving; after much debate we decided it would be dumb to assemble it in FL and then have to get it back to VA, OR have Santa deliver this giant box that she can't actually open. So we decided we will secretly assemble it here and take pictures of it in front of our tree/fireplace or whatever, and leave the photos with a note from Santa explaining that the gift would be waiting for her at home. It'll probably make more of an impression on B but oh well! We are leaving town friday and returning Christmas afternoon. I am making a lego table from Santa and it will be here as a surprise when we get home because it was too large to leave at grandma's. But everything else Santa will leave at my mil tree. He's going to love that! I figure as long as there is some other stuff to open, it'll all work out, plus the surprise at home kind of extends the holiday a bit  |
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Post by cheeksmum on Dec 6, 2018 21:08:49 GMT -6
Since we’re discussing Christmas... can someone tell me if I’m wrong or just being greedy...
Our normal Christmas for the past 4yrs has been as follows;
Wake up at home - do gifts w/my parents (because we live with them)
Get the three of us ready and head over to the ILs for 10am (BIL and his family meet us there)
Open gifts at ILs and then DHs extended family comes for Christmas lunch
Around 5 we head back home for Christmas dinner with my family
Then we head back to ILs because they do guitars and play cards, sometimes charades as the evening goes on.
This year now that our house is done we want to do Christmas dinner with the entire family (DHs extended family and my family). We asked MIL if she would mind if we take over dinner and she said no problem. We asked if she would be willing to bring everything to our place and then BIL and his family could come there and we could do one big Christmas morning. She refuses. She wants her morning with her grandkids still at her house.
So now we’re doing presents at home, rush there for 10am and then back to our house to help my parents cook and get dinner ready for 3pm.
One of my reasons for doing dinner was to cut out the chaos... this just feels as chaotic or worse.
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Sunny41
Sapphire
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Post by Sunny41 on Dec 6, 2018 21:22:04 GMT -6
cheeksmum that's a tough one. Can you make dinner later so it isn't so rushed?
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Post by cheeksmum on Dec 6, 2018 21:30:26 GMT -6
cheeksmum that's a tough one. Can you make dinner later so it isn't so rushed? BIL has to be at SILs parents house for 6... |
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Post by flamingo on Dec 6, 2018 21:34:45 GMT -6
cheeksmum I see no problem with you and your H saying, "We want to be in our own house this year, we have the new baby and the kids will have their Santa gifts; we are hosting dinner and have a lot to do to get ready. You are welcome to join us on Christmas morning (if that's true:), but we're going to stay put this year. Next Christmas when things aren't so hectic we can maybe do things differently." That is what I'd do, anyway. eta: sometimes I think it's tougher when both sets of ILs are local, b/c there is more of feeling the need to split time on the actual day, and thus lots of craziness with driving back-and-forth, etc. But I think grandparents need to learn to adjust, share, and realize that it's the grown children's turn to host, make traditions, etc., and they need to be flexible, since ostensibly they had that opportunity when they were raising their own families.
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Post by cheeksmum on Dec 6, 2018 23:25:21 GMT -6
flamingo, thank you. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell H but he doesn’t want to upset MIL because she’s been doing it this way for 12yrs (since the first grandchild was born)
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inthekitty
Emerald
My eyes are up here.
Posts: 10,685 Likes: 69,756
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Post by inthekitty on Dec 6, 2018 23:30:34 GMT -6
This is the worst. The last Christmas we went to MH's family, his Mom stayed up until 2am wrapping and putzing around the house Christmas Eve, and we had to wake her lazy ass up before we could do presents, it was near 11am before she waltzed into the living room and she was moaning and groaning cause she was 'tired'....gah I really dislike that lady... Fuck that. I would have opened gifts without her. She wants to sleep in, that’s her loss. Same. I can't imagine sleeping in until 11 when I had guests Christmas or not. (Hell, I cant imagine sleeping in until 11 period.) |
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trtlcrzy
Moderator 
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Post by trtlcrzy on Dec 6, 2018 23:34:45 GMT -6
Since we’re discussing Christmas... can someone tell me if I’m wrong or just being greedy... Our normal Christmas for the past 4yrs has been as follows; Wake up at home - do gifts w/my parents (because we live with them) Get the three of us ready and head over to the ILs for 10am (BIL and his family meet us there) Open gifts at ILs and then DHs extended family comes for Christmas lunch Around 5 we head back home for Christmas dinner with my family Then we head back to ILs because they do guitars and play cards, sometimes charades as the evening goes on. This year now that our house is done we want to do Christmas dinner with the entire family (DHs extended family and my family). We asked MIL if she would mind if we take over dinner and she said no problem. We asked if she would be willing to bring everything to our place and then BIL and his family could come there and we could do one big Christmas morning. She refuses. She wants her morning with her grandkids still at her house. So now we’re doing presents at home, rush there for 10am and then back to our house to help my parents cook and get dinner ready for 3pm. One of my reasons for doing dinner was to cut out the chaos... this just feels as chaotic or worse. Could you go to MIL’s right away when you get up so that you can get home a little earlier? |
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inthekitty
Emerald
My eyes are up here.
Posts: 10,685 Likes: 69,756
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Post by inthekitty on Dec 6, 2018 23:35:33 GMT -6
I'm team flamingo on the issue cheeksmum. Honestly the back and forth was so exhausting for me reading that I can't imagine how crazy the day feels. I'm protective of my holidays and have done a lot of boundary setting over the years for that very reason. |
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nam2013
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Post by nam2013 on Dec 7, 2018 0:00:48 GMT -6
snip eta: sometimes I think it's tougher when both sets of ILs are local, b/c there is more of feeling the need to split time on the actual day, and thus lots of craziness with driving back-and-forth, etc. But I think grandparents need to learn to adjust, share, and realize that it's the grown children's turn to host, make traditions, etc., and they need to be flexible, since ostensibly they had that opportunity when they were raising their own families. And this is why we have two official Christmas days in Holland 😉. Christmas Eve and morning is for our nuclear family, the 25th we’re heading to my in-laws for dinner and secret Santa. The 26th we have secret Santa at my parents (including my sisters and BIL) and around six the whole family is coming over for dinner at our place. |
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Post by cheeksmum on Dec 7, 2018 0:31:40 GMT -6
trtlcrzy, we would still have to wait for BIL to come after they open their gifts at home. But our nephew is 12, almost 13 and our niece is 8 so they’re getting older. Our kids are the young ones now and I’m hoping next year I’ll be able to get MIL to agree to come to our place in the morning. I’ll give her this year, but I’m hoping she will see how hectic it is that she agrees next year. She’s making one of the turkeys so the rush to get over to our place will be on her as well. Just DH kept acting like I was being selfish or expecting too much...
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nam2013
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Post by nam2013 on Dec 7, 2018 2:36:22 GMT -6
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guster
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Post by guster on Dec 7, 2018 5:28:57 GMT -6
It’s funny that I want it to be loud and crazy for thanksgiving, but I want peace on Christmas Day. It must be because Christmas Eve is always extra and it’s a late night one, too. So it always feels like too much togetherness.
When I was growing up (and even into my 20s), it was Christmas eve together usually at our house, Christmas breakfast at 10ish (with ter our house or one aunt)and then Christmas dinner together (at one of two aunts houses) around 4. It was a lot, but i guess it was fun when I was younger. Things just feel different now with my parents gone.
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guster
Emerald
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Post by guster on Dec 7, 2018 5:42:07 GMT -6
cheeksmum I see no problem with you and your H saying, "We want to be in our own house this year, we have the new baby and the kids will have their Santa gifts; we are hosting dinner and have a lot to do to get ready. You are welcome to join us on Christmas morning (if that's true:), but we're going to stay put this year. Next Christmas when things aren't so hectic we can maybe do things differently." I would try to go this route, as well. |
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Post by wineallthetime on Dec 7, 2018 7:24:15 GMT -6
We do a mix Christmas day. The morning is just us and I love it. We have dinner and presents at my parent's house and it's load and crazy. We all spend the night too |
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