Talkative Tuesday

[xolastunicornxo]

I’m just popping in to tell vino dh is at a work happy hour and I’m starting Sierra burgess is a loser

[klong11]

mwhip perhaps the mom got a new job and so this dude is supposed to be watching her. Maybe he doesn't realize 6/7 year olds can't really watch themselves.

My mom has a neighbor whose 2 girls used to come over all the time to just hang out with her. They didn't have a mom, so my mom used to bake and do art projects and such with them.

...actually the same thing happened to my dad. The neighbor's granddaughter would come over to his house to play cards and puzzles with him. He taught her multiplication and cursive writing.

So maybe it's the age. You tell them to go play and they inevitably end up at a neighbor's house.

[mwhip]

The moms car is there. Both of their cars are always there in the evenings.

I want my house to be a safeplace, somewhere kids can come and play. Just not every evening, when evie is too tired already from her day...maybe in like a year or 2. :-)

[klong11]

Just talk to her. Let her know that E is younger and just started school so she is usually tired in the evenings. Tell her that MAYBE E can play on the weekend and that you'll let her know.

[vino]

Sept 11, 2018 20:54:35 GMT -6 xolastunicornxo said:

I’m just popping in to tell vino dh is at a work happy hour and I’m starting Sierra burgess is a loser

Oh it’s cute! I prefer To All the Boys but it is still cute. And of course Noah.. 😉

[vino]

mwhip It’s great that she wants to play and include E!! Set some boundaries and give direction, she’ll listen and follow them. Klongoria had great advice, just explain it to her, she’ll get it.

I will say that having neighbours for the kids to play with is pretty awesome, it takes a while to earn that trust and ensure that the kids are playing nice together, but we’re at the point of drop offs in house or backyards, the 4 kids play nice and I can be around but do what I want.

[mwhip]

Would it be rude of me to give her a note with my phone number, and to tell her to have her parents text me first, to see if its a good time?

[vino]

Sept 11, 2018 21:33:14 GMT -6 mwhip said:

Would it be rude of me to give her a note with my phone number, and to tell her to have her parents text me first, to see if its a good time?

What about just going over with the kid and introduce yourself, then offer up your number. You’ll get a feeling, either good or bad, in the first meeting.

[vino]

kim22 I hope it was a one off and she feels better tomorrow.

I would like you to start an email address for your kids and write these stories down for them, and you, for later. They are absolutely priceless.

[wineallthetime]

Sept 11, 2018 18:09:30 GMT -6 tgrimes said:

wineallthetime That’s my worst nightmare. Did they make you pay for the ones you broke? Did anyone help you?

I was buying wine and they gave me a box to put it all in. (Don’t judge the #of bottles I bought to need a box.). I lifted it from the counter to my cart and the bottom of the box broke and the bottles went everywhere.

By some grace of god, none of them broke. I was still horrified though.

No judgment, I also had a box for my bottles! They were sooo nice and immediately jumped in to clean it up and I didn't have to pay for them!

[jewels]

Sept 11, 2018 21:28:45 GMT -6 vino said:

mwhip It’s great that she wants to play and include E!! Set some boundaries and give direction, she’ll listen and follow them. Klongoria had great advice, just explain it to her, she’ll get it.

I will say that having neighbours for the kids to play with is pretty awesome, it takes a while to earn that trust and ensure that the kids are playing nice together, but we’re at the point of drop offs in house or backyards, the 4 kids play nice and I can be around but do what I want.

I think that is great ! And what i miss here (our neighbors don’t have small kids). But I think it’s odd that it’s being done without any initial involvement from the parents! If my kid kept wandering over to the neighbors, I’d go introduce myself!

[jewels]

Sept 11, 2018 21:54:18 GMT -6 vino said:

Sept 11, 2018 21:33:14 GMT -6 mwhip said:

Would it be rude of me to give her a note with my phone number, and to tell her to have her parents text me first, to see if its a good time?

What about just going over with the kid and introduce yourself, then offer up your number. You’ll get a feeling, either good or bad, in the first meeting.

Yes. I should have read further before posting. This is what I would do

[mwhip]

Sept 12, 2018 5:36:31 GMT -6 jewels said:

Sept 11, 2018 21:54:18 GMT -6 vino said:

What about just going over with the kid and introduce yourself, then offer up your number. You’ll get a feeling, either good or bad, in the first meeting.

Yes. I should have read further before posting. This is what I would do

I may do that this weekend.  I just have a feeling this kid is going to be ringing my doorbell every evening.  If my inlaws stay for dinner tonight, I have a good excuse for her not to play.

I think the other thing that bothers me is that I've caught her lying.  The first time she came over, I mentioned something about how we were going to be eating dinner soon, so she'd have to leave.  She told me she already ate dinner, so she could stay and play, then a few minutes later, she came out with Evie and asked me if she could stay for dinner.  And when they came inside initially, she said she was hungry, so Evie showed her our pantry and they both got fruit snacks out.  She pointed to some cheese and peanut butter crackers and I told her no, the fruit snacks should be fine (not wanting to spoil E's dinner).  I told them to eat them at the dinner or coffee table, not to take them to the playroom.  After they ate them, they played hide and seek and she must have snuck into our pantry and got the crackers, because she was walking around the house eating them, then left the wrapper and 2 crackers on the coffee table when she left.

[klong11]

mwhip, sounds like not much parenting is going on at her house.

[klong11]

I'm also currently reading "A Boy Called It", so if you could casually examine her and make sure there aren't any unexplainable bruises or injuries, that would be great. Ask her about when she last ate and what her bedroom looks like.

[mwhip]

Sept 12, 2018 7:40:35 GMT -6 klong11 said:

I'm also currently reading "A Boy Called It", so if you could casually examine her and make sure there aren't any unexplainable bruises or injuries, that would be great. Ask her about when she last ate and what her bedroom looks like.

I'll do this next time she's at our house, likely this evening.  I know Sunday, I didn't notice anything, but I was also trying to leave her and Evie to play by themselves and get my own stuff done.

[dapostrophe]

Sept 11, 2018 19:56:58 GMT -6 cagoldi said:

Interesting information, dapostrophe. Glad you found it helpful. X is sensory seeking with some input and defensive/avoids others. It definitely seems paradoxical. LMK how she likes the wiggle seat, I've been thinking about getting one.

Does she play with kinetic sand? The boys love it.

I have not gotten kinetic sand yet, but it sounds like a great birthday gift. Thanks!

[cagoldi]

I'm with klong11, mwhip.

At this point I'm a little worried she is being neglected.

[flamingo]

mwhip oooh the plot thickens. I would mortified if my kid snuck into someone's pantry. But I was a very mind-your-Ps&Qs, rule-follower type so I expect the same from my kid. Some kids are just naturally...ahem, precocious.

I have sympathy for the girl b/c kids only know what they are taught, and sounds like she isn't being taught all that well. With that said, I totally get not wanting someone's child on your doorstep every day, esp. weeknights when everyone is tired and your time is already short. If it's a kid I'm not particularly fond of, all that goes double. I would try to meet the parents and figure out what the deal is. Hopefully everything is on the up and up but I would also worry a bit that she is being left to her own devices so much, and what else is going on.

Maybe you implement a rule that E can only play on weekends or something, at least for the time being.

[vino]

What? Neglected. Because there is an outgoing kid that wants to play with a neighborhood girl that is around her own age, and helps herself to a couple crackers from a pantry. That didn't even cross my mind.

I agree that it is a little much that she is helping herself to food, but neglect? IMO that's a stretch. Maybe let's take time time to meet the parents and get a feel of the home and family, before jumping to stories.

[klong11]

Sept 12, 2018 8:28:42 GMT -6 vino said:

What? Neglected. Because there is an outgoing kid that wants to play with a neighborhood girl that is around her own age, and helps herself to a couple crackers from a pantry. That didn't even cross my mind.

I agree that it is a little much that she is helping herself to food, but neglect? IMO that's a stretch. Maybe let's take time time to meet the parents and get a feel of the home and family, before jumping to stories.

Like I said, I'm currently reading A Boy Called It. I'm jumping to ALL the conclusions.

[joelies]

Sept 12, 2018 8:35:03 GMT -6 klong11 said:

Sept 12, 2018 8:28:42 GMT -6 vino said:

What? Neglected. Because there is an outgoing kid that wants to play with a neighborhood girl that is around her own age, and helps herself to a couple crackers from a pantry. That didn't even cross my mind.

I agree that it is a little much that she is helping herself to food, but neglect? IMO that's a stretch. Maybe let's take time time to meet the parents and get a feel of the home and family, before jumping to stories.

Like I said, I'm currently reading A Boy Called It. I'm jumping to ALL the conclusions.

I have no knowledge of that book and the sneaking food thing still rang alarm bells. 


Which is also kind of ironic seeing as I was a bottomless pit as a kid. 

[cagoldi]

Sept 12, 2018 8:28:42 GMT -6 vino said:

What? Neglected. Because there is an outgoing kid that wants to play with a neighborhood girl that is around her own age, and helps herself to a couple crackers from a pantry. That didn't even cross my mind.

I agree that it is a little much that she is helping herself to food, but neglect? IMO that's a stretch. Maybe let's take time time to meet the parents and get a feel of the home and family, before jumping to stories.

That, coupled with not seeming to know (or care) where she might be. I'm reading it as "I'm not getting much attention at home" more than I am that she's out going.

[klong11]

Sept 12, 2018 8:45:10 GMT -6 joelies said:

Sept 12, 2018 8:35:03 GMT -6 klong11 said:

Like I said, I'm currently reading A Boy Called It. I'm jumping to ALL the conclusions.

I have no knowledge of that book and the sneaking food thing still rang alarm bells. 


Which is also kind of ironic seeing as I was a bottomless pit as a kid. 

I didn't think anything could be as bad as the horror stories I had to read about in my social services class in college. Then I read this book.

There really should be a test to be allowed to be parent. Many, many tests on both the mental and emotional well being of people before ever having a child, then after each subsequent child.

[mwhip]

I don't know...based off physical appearances, she seems fine. Just odd. But like flamingo, I would be very embarassed if my kid did this at someone's house I don't know.

I also realize kids are kids, they tell stories, little lies, seek out attention, etc.

I think my biggest issue lies with her parents and the fact that they don't care where she is or who she's with. I like the idea of only playing on weekends, I mean, Evie's 4. She skips naps most days, so bathtime is, at the latest, 7:30. Which means by the time I get home around 5, I have 2 1/2 hours to talk to her, get dinner on and cleaned up, prepare for the next day, etc. So I think I may put a stop to the weeknights, unless she sees us out front playing, then she's welcome to come over. And me and H going over to there house and formally introducing ourselves. I also want to see if she has a brother, like she told me she did Sunday, who she said is 2 (although she wasn't sure how old he was), but I've never seen.

[vino]

I mean, I get it. But my mind just didnt go there, and honestly isnt going there at all. Girl wants to play and have some company, could she be bored at home, sure, but neglected and lack of care, I'm just not seeing it.

Super unhelpful anecdote is that when I was a kid living on my small town street, we all went in an out of each others houses all the time to play, eat whatever. It wasnt unusual to have a friend over for dinner on a random Tuesday, play over at Jeffrey's when he was over at Michael's. So I'm very shruggy guy over this.

[jewels]

Sept 12, 2018 8:45:10 GMT -6 joelies said:

Sept 12, 2018 8:35:03 GMT -6 klong11 said:

Like I said, I'm currently reading A Boy Called It. I'm jumping to ALL the conclusions.

I have no knowledge of that book and the sneaking food thing still rang alarm bells. 


Which is also kind of ironic seeing as I was a bottomless pit as a kid. 

Eh... I've caught S sneaking food before and he is definitely fed.  I think that's just typical behavior for some kids.  I remember at a party my friend found her then 3 year old hiding in a closet with his 5 and 6 year old cousins and about 8 empty juice boxes.  They knew they weren't allowed to have them and they were hiding to not get in trouble.  I do think there's something odd about the kid, but it may just be that she's an odd kid.

Although you can never be too careful.  I'm sure, like vino said, you will get a feel when you meet the parents.  

[flamingo]

Sept 12, 2018 8:46:13 GMT -6 cagoldi said:

Sept 12, 2018 8:28:42 GMT -6 vino said:

What? Neglected. Because there is an outgoing kid that wants to play with a neighborhood girl that is around her own age, and helps herself to a couple crackers from a pantry. That didn't even cross my mind.

I agree that it is a little much that she is helping herself to food, but neglect? IMO that's a stretch. Maybe let's take time time to meet the parents and get a feel of the home and family, before jumping to stories.

That, coupled with not seeming to know (or care) where she might be. I'm reading it as "I'm not getting much attention at home" more than I am that she's out going.

Agreed--I didn't jump to abuse, just a lack of supervision and probably attention, for whatever reason. 

[flamingo]

Sept 12, 2018 9:11:56 GMT -6 vino said:

I mean, I get it. But my mind just didnt go there, and honestly isnt going there at all. Girl wants to play and have some company, could she be bored at home, sure, but neglected and lack of care, I'm just not seeing it.

Super unhelpful anecdote is that when I was a kid living on my small town street, we all went in an out of each others houses all the time to play, eat whatever. It wasnt unusual to have a friend over for dinner on a random Tuesday, play over at Jeffrey's when he was over at Michael's. So I'm very shruggy guy over this.

as kids we also went to a lot of neighbors' homes to play, and I can remember being invited to stay for dinner, or having friends stay to eat after playing (usually in the summer or weekends, not on school nights). With that said, my parents knew all the kids' parents and vice versa, and were at least friendly if not good friends. Obviously that is not the case here, so I think as the current circumstances stand with Mwhip's situation, it's a bit much at this point. 

[vino]

Sept 12, 2018 9:16:20 GMT -6 flamingo said:

Sept 12, 2018 9:11:56 GMT -6 vino said:

I mean, I get it. But my mind just didnt go there, and honestly isnt going there at all. Girl wants to play and have some company, could she be bored at home, sure, but neglected and lack of care, I'm just not seeing it.

Super unhelpful anecdote is that when I was a kid living on my small town street, we all went in an out of each others houses all the time to play, eat whatever. It wasnt unusual to have a friend over for dinner on a random Tuesday, play over at Jeffrey's when he was over at Michael's. So I'm very shruggy guy over this.

as kids we also went to a lot of neighbors' homes to play, and I can remember being invited to stay for dinner, or having friends stay to eat after playing (usually in the summer or weekends, not on school nights). With that said, my parents knew all the kids' parents and vice versa, and were at least friendly if not good friends. Obviously that is not the case here, so I think as the current circumstances stand with Mwhip's situation, it's a bit much.

I agree.  All the parents knew each other and were all comfortable with the situation.  I'm just feeling a way about jumping to conclusions and stories on the complete other end of the spectrum when, again, the parents havent met.