vino
Opal
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Post by vino on Aug 20, 2018 10:56:06 GMT -6
Um no, that'd be a terrible idea. It'd be a hard no from me, for sure. I wouldn't want to go/do it again but I would feel guilty not going to a major event and would still end of going tgrimes . Maybe have a grocery delivery waiting for you at your hotel next time. And my grocery I mean wine. Guilty? When it is awful for two kids and the Mom but 'looks' good? No, not in my lifetime. I believe in drawing lines. I'd send MH and call it a day. #wayharsh |
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chrisy01
Emerald
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Post by chrisy01 on Aug 20, 2018 10:59:16 GMT -6
I wouldn't want to go/do it again but I would feel guilty not going to a major event and would still end of going tgrimes . Maybe have a grocery delivery waiting for you at your hotel next time. And my grocery I mean wine. Guilty? When it is awful for two kids and the Mom but 'looks' good? No, not in my lifetime. I believe in drawing lines. I'd send MH and call it a day. #wayharsh No not to look good but if this was the last Birthday with her I would feel bad that the kids and H missed the opportunity. I know I regret not taking LO out to MN for my aunts last holiday. I thought it would be too much for him to fly out for thanksgiving then come home for his 1st birthday. No one in my family disagreed with my decision so there was no guilt from them just my own internal guilt. |
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wedding
Emerald
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Post by wedding on Aug 20, 2018 11:00:39 GMT -6
Sounds like a trip for M and your DH yo go alone tgrimes. |
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vino
Opal
Posts: 9,054 Likes: 56,450
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Post by vino on Aug 20, 2018 11:06:23 GMT -6
I appreciate your perspective chrisy01, it's just hard for me to relate, that's all. |
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chrisy01
Emerald
Posts: 11,008 Likes: 51,904
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Post by chrisy01 on Aug 20, 2018 11:07:34 GMT -6
I appreciate your perspective chrisy01, it's just hard for me to relate, that's all. I get your perspective too. I guess it really depends on how close they are to the grandma. |
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guster
Emerald
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Post by guster on Aug 20, 2018 11:25:22 GMT -6
There be no way I do that trip again. We say no to a lot of things because we know how disruptive it would be to our kids. Sometimes it feels selfish, but our goals are for us try to remain happy and stress-free.
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Post by dapostrophe on Aug 20, 2018 11:57:09 GMT -6
I think I understand where chrisy01 is coming from. For me, it's less about appearances and more about the fact that I want to teach my kids that it's important to show up to family events. That is something I wish were more of a priority in my own family, and I can say it's a virtue of H's that I admire. Also, life does not run on my children's schedule and if I waited until they were all old enough to travel well, we would never leave home and would miss out on a lot of meaningful experiences. That being said, I will definitley adjust the itinerary if necessary, to maximize everyone's sanity. I would also send H and one or two kids to an event that I did not think it was important for us all to attend, or that I was just not up to attending. We have done this with weddings, birthday parties, etc. Sometimes that's the best we can do and I am ok with it. |
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Post by lahdeedah on Aug 20, 2018 14:00:38 GMT -6
After her experience, I probably would opt out, too. I would give MH the option to take M, or go alone. I 100% get the showing up for family, but when you live so far away, it can be complicated with small kids. This past year, we've skipped out on a wedding and I opted out of a family gathering in ATL with my ILs. If it's something important to those that I/MH are close too, then I'm more than willing to put in the effort. If it will be more stress, than enjoyment, then that's a no for me at this stage in my life. We travel to see family quite a bit, but on my terms if I can help it.
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guster
Emerald
Posts: 11,536 Likes: 67,147
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Post by guster on Aug 20, 2018 14:05:20 GMT -6
After her experience, I probably would opt out, too. I would give MH the option to take M, or go alone. I 100% get the showing up for family, but when you live so far away, it can be complicated with small kids. This past year, we've skipped out on a wedding and I opted out of a family gathering in ATL with my ILs. If it's something important to those that I/MH are close too, then I'm more than willing to put in the effort. If it will be more stress, than enjoyment, then that's a no for me at this stage in my life. We travel to see family quite a bit, but on my terms if I can help it. This is said far more eloquently than I said earlier, so I agree with the sentiment here. Sometimes we have to split as a family and take one kid, sometimes we have to say no outright. I hope our families and friends understand. |
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