Confessions

[tallb]

cagoldi me too on staying home. Opposite situation, but my dad left my mom and she was staying home. They sold their huge house they had built and she went to grad school and became a teacher.. definitely a huge lifestyle adjustment. It was a bit weird for me too, living with my mom who was the queen of frugal, and then my dad/sm living a much fancier lifestyle.

[chrisy01]

I will say I know if anything t ever goes wrong I can always fall back in my family. While my mom and I don't see eye to eye she has my back.

I know for a fact I could not live on my own out here. Not with 2 kids and a job with crazy hours. I would have to get a nanny and they are expensive.

[kim22]

We are discussing whether or not I should stay home permanently or at least for the foreseeable future and now you are all making me nervous.

[tallb]

Aug 13, 2018 20:30:09 GMT -6 kim22 said:

We are discussing whether or not I should stay home permanently or at least for the foreseeable future and now you are all making me nervous.

You teach, right? I'd be more open to taking a break if I we're still teaching bc you have a better chance of hopping back into it if needed if you keep your certification up. In tech, not so much😕.

[tgrimes]

Aug 13, 2018 20:49:30 GMT -6 tallb said:

Aug 13, 2018 20:30:09 GMT -6 kim22 said:

We are discussing whether or not I should stay home permanently or at least for the foreseeable future and now you are all making me nervous.

You teach, right? I'd be more open to taking a break if I we're still teaching bc you have a better chance of hopping back into it if needed if you keep your certification up. In tech, not so much😕.

What she said.

My sister stopped teaching when she had her first kid. 12 years later she went back to teaching.

[kim22]

Aug 13, 2018 20:49:30 GMT -6 tallb said:

Aug 13, 2018 20:30:09 GMT -6 kim22 said:

We are discussing whether or not I should stay home permanently or at least for the foreseeable future and now you are all making me nervous.

You teach, right? I'd be more open to taking a break if I we're still teaching bc you have a better chance of hopping back into it if needed if you keep your certification up. In tech, not so much😕.

Yeah, my masters is in math and I have special ed certification too so I should be able to get another job. I just have a good thing going now where I’m in the same district as my kids and I’m out 20 minutes before them and have all the same breaks. I just go in early and H did drop off but he’s looking to move up and he probably won’t be able to do that forever. I need to talk to my accountant too because we paid more in taxes than I made last year so it may not be worth it.

[flamingo]

Aug 13, 2018 20:30:09 GMT -6 kim22 said:

We are discussing whether or not I should stay home permanently or at least for the foreseeable future and now you are all making me nervous.

I think if you (general you) have professional certifications you can keep up, it’s important to do so in case you ever need them.

I’m not saying it’s right for everyone, or negating the opinions/thoughts of other ladies on here, but I’m a SAHM, and I don’t feel trapped. I keep credit in my own name, and have a retirement account that we contribute to. I have a field I could re-enter if needed, whether that’s because of a divorce, or God forbid something happening to my H.

WRT some of the other stuff being discussed upthread, I think you also have to know yourself and your situation. Obviously there are no guarantees and any number of things can happen in life, but I feel solid about my marriage, my H in general, and our current and future finances. My H feels the same. If I had a rocky marriage, or my H’s career/industry was shaky, yeah, I’d be a lot more reluctant to give up my career (whether permanently or temporarily). I’m open to re-evaluating, but right now and for the foreseeable future, this works for us.

[guster]

I agree with most/all of what flamingo said. I don't plan to reenter the teaching field, but I know that I have the ability to do so. We also have the opportunity to tutor if you'd like to make some extra fun money here and there. I'm pretty sure your area, like mine, is pretty pricey for an hour of tutoring (and I think math is far more in demand than English is). I think that's what I might do when the kids are in school full-time. Two hours a day will not eat up the time I have in my schedule to do other things, but could provide a little extra vacation or shopping money.

[nam2013]

I really wish I could be a Sahm for a few years, aside from finances, this is just not something that is often done over here within my field. I guess I should count my blessings just being part time.

[dapostrophe]

I am not currently working much, but I do outsource some client work to another designer. It means I don't make a ton of money on it and I'm not bringing in new client work at this time, but my business is still active even while I'm not working. I enjoy my work and having a bit of a safety net for whatever may come in life, so I do plan to return to it in some capacity, but being a SAHM for now is what is right for our family. In some ways, it's made our marriage stronger and more collaborative, because we aren't both just trying to keep our head above water with work and the kids/house.

I have a bit of a "survivors mentality" from having raised a kid on my own. It doesn't always serve me well because I can be a bit overcautious, but if anything ever happened with/to my H, I feel confident I would survive. With that said, having been divorced and having navigated the courts and custody (plus experiencing the havoc it's wreaked on my family in the later years with my parents) it would be a last resort for me and mean things were absolutely irreparable between us.

[klong11]

While I do look at rentals in our area, I also look at bigger houses as well. Mh and I are doing ok at the moment, I just like to know what my options are in both directions.

[cagoldi]

The kids aren't vegan ATM. Not even vegetarian, either.

[peachsmama]

With @cagoldis confession: I've been contemplating eating meat again but dont want to deal with the backlash I'll get from my family. Or the "I knew you couldn't do it"

[vino]

Aug 14, 2018 7:54:02 GMT -6 klong11 said:

While I do look at rentals in our area, I also look at bigger houses as well. Mh and I are doing ok at the moment, I just like to know what my options are in both directions.

We're the same.  We've been talking about life plans for the next 5 years and we're doing good, but in my situation the ball is in his court to improve and have self awareness so if that doesnt happen I have options.

[joelies]

Aug 14, 2018 8:15:03 GMT -6 peachsmama said:

With @cagoldis confession: I've been contemplating eating meat again but dont want to deal with the backlash I'll get from my family. Or the "I knew you couldn't do it"

What's making you consider going back? Only curious because I was a vegetarian for about 8 years and my reasons for starting and stopping are a little foggy at this point.

[jewels]

Aug 14, 2018 8:09:29 GMT -6 cagoldi said:

The kids aren't vegan ATM. Not even vegetarian, either.

I was wondering about this with X feeding issues if they had suggested broadening his options.  But I wasn't sure how you would feel about it.  Are you uncomfortable with it?  Do you plan to return them to being Vegan at a later date?  Also, I thought (from what you've posted here) that A was pretty passionate about animal rights like you are.  Does he know/understand what he's eating?

Sorry for all the questions.  I know you've always been an open book about your beliefs but if I've crossed the line with my questions, I apologize.   Honestly no judging whatsoever, you're just the only person I really know who is vegan with young children.  I can imagine it is a hard road to navigate.  

[slenle]

Aug 14, 2018 8:09:29 GMT -6 cagoldi said:

The kids aren't vegan ATM. Not even vegetarian, either.

What’s changed? That’s surprising to hear with how sensitive A is towards animals. Obviously no judgment, just curious how that switched.. are they offered meat at daycare?

[kim22]

@dapostrope this is exactly where we are at now and probably my number one fear of going back.

In some ways, it's made our marriage stronger and more collaborative, because we aren't both just trying to keep our head above water with work and the kids/house.

[cagoldi]

Aug 14, 2018 8:15:03 GMT -6 peachsmama said:

With @cagoldis confession: I've been contemplating eating meat again but dont want to deal with the backlash I'll get from my family. Or the "I knew you couldn't do it"

Annoying.

I feel like people don't do this if you're on some other diet but the minute there's some ethical component to your lifestyle everyone wants to say "gotcha!"

[cagoldi]

Aug 14, 2018 8:32:13 GMT -6 jewels said:

Aug 14, 2018 8:09:29 GMT -6 cagoldi said:

The kids aren't vegan ATM. Not even vegetarian, either.

I was wondering about this with X feeding issues if they had suggested broadening his options.  But I wasn't sure how you would feel about it.  Are you uncomfortable with it?  Do you plan to return them to being Vegan at a later date?  Also, I thought (from what you've posted here) that A was pretty passionate about animal rights like you are.  Does he know/understand what he's eating?

Sorry for all the questions.  I know you've always been an open book about your beliefs but if I've crossed the line with my questions, I apologize.   Honestly no judging whatsoever, you're just the only person I really know who is vegan with young children.  I can imagine it is a hard road to navigate.  

It is because of X's feeding issues but it isn't something they suggested, although I imagine they would have if I was trying to hold a firm line on it, you know?

So yeah when I recognized he was not eating an age appropriate diet I decided to introduce more items, specifically, animal based foods, to see if it changed anything. It mostly hasn't helped, but when he's having this problem I just can't expect him to fall on that sword for my beliefs. I have an ethical duty when it comes to animals but it can't supersede my responsibility to do what's best for the kids.

It makes me uncomfortable and some tears were shed at first but I've made peace with it at this point.

As they get older, I don't feel I can make them "return" to being vegan. That window has closed and they'll need to make that decision for themselves at some point.

WRT A, he is offered what I feed X but I do need to approach it differently because he is aware that eating animals is hurting them. So he still asks "is this plant fish/turkey/chicken" etc. I tell him "this is a cow, this is a fish, this is an egg from a chicken, etc. but if that upsets you then you don't need to try it."

He has been eating cheese and eggs, but will not eat meat as of yet. I think the concept of eggs and milk production harming animals is kind of abstract for them at this age.

ETA: Dude transitioned to eating vegan right before his second birthday (same age X is now), and was offered meat up until that time but hardly ever touched it at all.

ETA 2: I'm not offended by any of these questions, jewels. No worries.

[peachsmama]

Aug 14, 2018 8:23:40 GMT -6 joelies said:

Aug 14, 2018 8:15:03 GMT -6 peachsmama said:

With @cagoldis confession: I've been contemplating eating meat again but dont want to deal with the backlash I'll get from my family. Or the "I knew you couldn't do it"

What's making you consider going back? Only curious because I was a vegetarian for about 8 years and my reasons for starting and stopping are a little foggy at this point.

I just miss really good food. I make decent meals at home but dont have the time to really cook and make a great meal. And there are very few options for vegetarian restaurants in our area. I get tired of only having one thing to choose from at a restaurant.

[cagoldi]

Aug 14, 2018 8:32:22 GMT -6 slenle said:

Aug 14, 2018 8:09:29 GMT -6 cagoldi said:

The kids aren't vegan ATM. Not even vegetarian, either.

What’s changed? That’s surprising to hear with how sensitive A is towards animals. Obviously no judgment, just curious how that switched.. are they offered meat at daycare?

I pack their lunches so they've never been offered meat until I sent it.

DC has been really good about working with us and trying to incorporate some of the things they want us to do with feeding therapy.

DC does offer milk and they have both tried it and don't like it at all.

[cagoldi]

Aug 14, 2018 8:55:23 GMT -6 peachsmama said:

Aug 14, 2018 8:23:40 GMT -6 joelies said:

What's making you consider going back? Only curious because I was a vegetarian for about 8 years and my reasons for starting and stopping are a little foggy at this point.

I just miss really good food. I make decent meals at home but dont have the time to really cook and make a great meal. And there are very few options for vegetarian restaurants in our area. I get tired of only having one thing to choose from at a restaurant.

This is another reason it's annoying when people do "I knew you couldn't do it!"

I like this lifestyle but it's hard. It's very inconvenient. I have to pack my own snacks, a cooler, only eat fries and salad for days on end if I'm traveling and there's nothing else on offer.

Nobody knows how difficult it is to avoid all animal products unless they try it, then you see they're everywhere and in everything.

[peachsmama]

Aug 14, 2018 8:58:37 GMT -6 cagoldi said:

Aug 14, 2018 8:55:23 GMT -6 peachsmama said:

I just miss really good food. I make decent meals at home but dont have the time to really cook and make a great meal. And there are very few options for vegetarian restaurants in our area. I get tired of only having one thing to choose from at a restaurant.

This is another reason it's annoying when people do "I knew you couldn't do it!"

I like this lifestyle but it's hard. It's very inconvenient. I have to pack my own snacks, a cooler, only eat fries and salad for days on end if I'm traveling and there's nothing else on offer.

So many fries and salads.. A wanted to go to BW3's and I'm like uh and what can I eat there? Their salads suck and I dont just want fries. Especially when I'm trying to get in shape.

[jewels]

cagoldi, That all makes a lot of sense. I like that you are giving A all the information to make his choices.
I'd imagine this has been very hard for you.

[xolastunicornxo]

I’m in the same spot as guster and flamingo .i’ve been home for almost 7 years, and I don’t have a career to return to. I recently closed my bank account because it had like $11 sitting on it and my bank was changing and I was going to start getting fees. So all our accounts are now on dh and mines names, although I do have an amazon credit card that is only in my name. I have zero worries about my marriage, although sometimes I feel weird when I think too hard about that fact that I don’t have any of my “own” money. I think it’s so smart to have a plan if you have even an inkling if messing one. We do have a good life insurance policy, as well as retirement and other savings and investments, on dh and, god forbid, anything ever happened to him we have some plans in place.

[peachsmama]

Another annoying thing but yet I can't bring myself to complain: I always end up getting the one pasta item, no meat. But yet I'm paying full price. So 12.99 for 4 oz
Of pasta and some cream sauce. It's a rip off.

[cagoldi]

Aug 14, 2018 9:05:10 GMT -6 jewels said:

cagoldi, That all makes a lot of sense. I like that you are giving A all the information to make his choices.
I'd imagine this has been very hard for you.

It's not too terrible now but I was really upset at first, yes.

[cagoldi]

Aug 14, 2018 9:07:08 GMT -6 peachsmama said:

Another annoying thing but yet I can't bring myself to complain: I always end up getting the one pasta item, no meat. But yet I'm paying full price. So 12.99 for 4 oz
Of pasta and some cream sauce. It's a rip off.

A lot of places will sub beans or avocado for no charge but obviously that's nasty with pasta. I do that for tacos and salads though.

[tgrimes]

I'm a little depressed after going to my reunion. Everyone kept asking me if I was still dancing. It makes me sad that I'm not really involved in it anymore. I mean, I'm still on the board, but I'm not actively teaching/choreographing etc. I know turning down my dream job was the best thing for my family, but it just sucks.