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Post by helenahhandbasket on Jun 15, 2018 12:02:38 GMT -6
I do think there are legitimately some kids that don't tantrum. There are some kids that are just more laid back. Maybe more rare. But I am sure they exist. DD has had exactly 1 tantrum. She was maybe 2.5. It was at the beach , she didn’t want to leave so she pitched the most epic fit -screaming, arched back, snot steaming down her face. I tried to carry her but she was flailing so I dropped her. Like just literally dropped her, not put her down, and started walking off. Luckily we were with my dad so he stayed with her while he screamed, but I think I was more traumatized than she was. Never happened again .
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Post by GhoatMonket on Jun 15, 2018 12:02:43 GMT -6
Fitting in with others only helps your self-esteem if you place value on fitting in with others. Everyone in human society puts some value on fitting in with others, making friends, surrounded by family, getting married, holding a job are all part of "fitting in" to society around you. I don't want my kid to be made fun of, and I don't want my kid to be all alone in his world. There is a happy medium here, ya know?
So you think shoving a square peg in a round hole and clearly trying to be someone they aren't will keep them from being made fun of? IME, the exact opposite happens.
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PinkFreud
Opal
Anecdotes Police-Retired
Posts: 9,898 Likes: 59,707
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Post by PinkFreud on Jun 15, 2018 12:02:58 GMT -6
you forgot the smiley face ![]() This came up as a blank response on my computer.
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AmyG
Ruby
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Post by AmyG on Jun 15, 2018 12:03:15 GMT -6
Well I have this nephew in a batman cape. in college.....
you forgot the smiley face He has learned to leave the cape home sometimes and to smile about it sometimes But it meant some very harsh growing up for him, lots of time without friends, and dealing with some depression and therapy
Yes I know this is an extreme example. But if mitigating your kid's strangeness = squashing their love of sleeping with cat food= squashing their self esteem and ability to be a genius = extreme examples swaying in the wind around here.
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Post by GhoatMonket on Jun 15, 2018 12:03:42 GMT -6
This came up as a blank response on my computer. I fixed it. You shush.
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AmyG
Ruby
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Post by AmyG on Jun 15, 2018 12:05:00 GMT -6
Everyone in human society puts some value on fitting in with others, making friends, surrounded by family, getting married, holding a job are all part of "fitting in" to society around you. I don't want my kid to be made fun of, and I don't want my kid to be all alone in his world. There is a happy medium here, ya know?
So you think shoving a square peg in a round hole and clearly trying to be someone they aren't will keep them from being made fun of? IME, the exact opposite happens. Leaving the cat food home from daycare is putting a square peg into a round hole? that's a leap.
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thatgolfb
Unicorn
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Post by thatgolfb on Jun 15, 2018 12:05:02 GMT -6
I haven't read all of the thread but I just remembered this one from a couple weeks ago. The house across from us is for sale and it is probably going to go to someone very rich that likes to entertain. It isn't a kid friendly house at all. Back in March the realtor had an open house and asked my kids who were playing in my yard to go inside. I was super pissed off but let it go. Well the house never sold and she has been replaced. She came by to get her sign and I just happened to be outside watering. She waved hello as she was getting in her car and I said "Bye Bitch" and flipped her off. She probably had no idea what it was in reference to but I felt better. ![](https://media.giphy.com/media/a4K7jjmwg0DyE/giphy.gif)
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Post by GhoatMonket on Jun 15, 2018 12:06:18 GMT -6
So you think shoving a square peg in a round hole and clearly trying to be someone they aren't will keep them from being made fun of? IME, the exact opposite happens. Leaving the cat food home from daycare is putting a square peg into a round hole? that's a leap.
JFC, we have moved on from the cat food. Look who's obsessed about cat food now.
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thatgolfb
Unicorn
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Post by thatgolfb on Jun 15, 2018 12:06:19 GMT -6
N has been breezy overall. I am so scared this next one is going to be a honeybadger. I've been told some people have two relatively easy kids. At least that's the hope that I've been clinging to for dear life. ::raises hand:: I mean, the second is only 7 months old, though. She may need time to lean into being difficult.
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Post by GhoatMonket on Jun 15, 2018 12:07:01 GMT -6
I've been told some people have two relatively easy kids. At least that's the hope that I've been clinging to for dear life. ::raises hand:: I mean, the second is only 7 months old, though. She may need time to lean into being difficult. Well you are fucked now for saying that.
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Minerva
Ruby
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Post by Minerva on Jun 15, 2018 12:08:31 GMT -6
I really wish we could stop saying mitigate the strangeness. Like...what if your kid just *is* the weird kid? It's OK to be fucking weird and I'd hope a parent wouldn't be like "dammit I failed at mitigating your strangeness" as if being the weird kid is something bad. I'm sure I'm just reading wrong or reading into something that isn't there but it is making me feel something that I'm not quite sure how to articulate. I ❤️ you. This will always be my kid to some degree. He is a really funny, cool kid with good friends. I want to teach him the rules of society and how to behave appropriately since he struggles to pick this stuff up on his own but I certainly don’t want to mitigate him in any way. I think the reason the word is raising some hackles is that for a long time, people did terrible shit to people who weren’t neurotypical to try to get the weird out. Mitigating the people, not the behaviors, kwim? I trust that no one here is cool with that shit, so ultimately a lot of this is semantics (as usual). I try to walk a balance of mitigating harmful or inappropriate behaviors and embracing my kid’s weirdness. I never want to send him the message that there is something wrong w/ him or that he is less than because he is different. I do want to set him up w/ a skill set that will allow him to succeed.
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quinn
Amethyst
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Post by quinn on Jun 15, 2018 12:09:44 GMT -6
My confession is that I got my family all Incredibles shirts to wear to the new movie tomorrow. It started with getting MH an "Incredible Dad" shirt for Father's Day. Then I saw they had shirts for the kids too. So I figured I might as well get myself one. I bought myself an "Incredible Mom" shirt. ![](https://i.imgur.com/RjBQV.gif)
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Minerva
Ruby
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Post by Minerva on Jun 15, 2018 12:09:56 GMT -6
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Post by ladybrienne on Jun 15, 2018 12:10:35 GMT -6
So you think shoving a square peg in a round hole and clearly trying to be someone they aren't will keep them from being made fun of? IME, the exact opposite happens. Leaving the cat food home from daycare is putting a square peg into a round hole? that's a leap.
You have made a lot of leaps here, and while yes I am a big girl who posted this knowing some would be like U serious ladyb? You are really starting to piss me off. My kid is 2 years old and still in diapers. Please stop projecting. Jesus Christ.
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quinn
Amethyst
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Post by quinn on Jun 15, 2018 12:10:42 GMT -6
I haven't read all of the thread but I just remembered this one from a couple weeks ago. The house across from us is for sale and it is probably going to go to someone very rich that likes to entertain. It isn't a kid friendly house at all. Back in March the realtor had an open house and asked my kids who were playing in my yard to go inside. I was super pissed off but let it go. Well the house never sold and she has been replaced. She came by to get her sign and I just happened to be outside watering. She waved hello as she was getting in her car and I said "Bye Bitch" and flipped her off. She probably had no idea what it was in reference to but I felt better. should've told her to fuck off the moment she told you to take your kids inside
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Post by helenahhandbasket on Jun 15, 2018 12:11:13 GMT -6
you forgot the smiley face He has learned to leave the cape home sometimes and to smile about it sometimes But it meant some very harsh growing up for him, lots of time without friends, and dealing with some depression and therapy
Yes I know this is an extreme example. But if mitigating your kid's strangeness = squashing their love of sleeping with cat food= squashing their self esteem and ability to be a genius = extreme examples swaying in the wind around here.
Oh you were serious.
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thatgolfb
Unicorn
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Post by thatgolfb on Jun 15, 2018 12:11:35 GMT -6
I took video games away from my seven year old for a month. Mean mom indeed. I read this as you took away video games from your seven month old. LOL.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2018 12:12:05 GMT -6
Fitting in with others only helps your self-esteem if you place value on fitting in with others. Everyone in human society puts some value on fitting in with others, making friends, surrounded by family, getting married, holding a job are all part of "fitting in" to society around you. I don't want my kid to be made fun of, and I don't want my kid to be all alone in his world. There is a happy medium here, ya know?
There will always be someone to make fun of you even if you "fit in" and there is a mate/friend for everyone so why worry about trying to make your kid normal? Maybe you are the one projecting.
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thatgolfb
Unicorn
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Post by thatgolfb on Jun 15, 2018 12:12:21 GMT -6
I’m a lot like my mom. She wasn’t a yeller, she just gave you THE look and you knew you fucked up. Like we were scared of her but didn’t quite know why. I say it every time, but if I achieve this, I will know I have reached my personal mom goal. Seems to be sort of working with DD1, but she is stubborn AF and has tried to use her own look on me. Won't work, kid.
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Post by GhoatMonket on Jun 15, 2018 12:12:46 GMT -6
Leaving the cat food home from daycare is putting a square peg into a round hole? that's a leap.
You have made a lot of leaps here, and while yes I am a big girl who posted this knowing some would be like U serious ladyb? You are really starting to piss me off. My kid is 2 years old and still in diapers. Please stop projecting. Jesus Christ. Are you at least finding some irony in the fact that the person that has stated many times that she does not fit in here is droning on and on about conforming and fitting in?
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Post by cdnfarmgirl on Jun 15, 2018 12:12:50 GMT -6
I just took a shower with clary sage essential oils because a friend who believes this shit told me it induces labor. This stage of pregnancy has made me very dumb. I let my massage therapist rub it on my feet during my massages the last 3 ones I had (I went 12 days overdue) Spoiler:it did not help and I smelled like a flower.
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Post by fancynewbeesly on Jun 15, 2018 12:13:18 GMT -6
Can we all please remember he's not even 3 yet? My gosh. Also when we arrived at daycare, the kids, including the older ones, swarmed him per usual and the older ones said "awe Nick has cat food that's so cute!!" These are kids that know him and have been with him since he started going there when he was 3 months old. If I thought for one second he'd be made fun of, we wouldn't be having this conversation. Not all kids are dicks. I realize we are very lucky with the kids he is with every day, and it will not always be that way. I am just trying to put this situation into better context. This past Halloween, DD was 6. Her number one costume want for Halloween was to be slime. She thought of the idea herself, designed and crafted her idea together. DH and I BOTH explained to her that many, many kids in school may not know what she was for Halloween and she may get questions about her costume all day long. She didn't care. She went to school. A lot of the older kids--4th and 5th graders asked her what her costume was, and when she explained it they were impressed. Kindness AND confidence can go a long way.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2018 12:14:04 GMT -6
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PinkFreud
Opal
Anecdotes Police-Retired
Posts: 9,898 Likes: 59,707
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Post by PinkFreud on Jun 15, 2018 12:15:15 GMT -6
You have made a lot of leaps here, and while yes I am a big girl who posted this knowing some would be like U serious ladyb? You are really starting to piss me off. My kid is 2 years old and still in diapers. Please stop projecting. Jesus Christ. Are you at least finding some irony in the fact that the person that has stated many times that she does not fit in here is droning on and on about conforming and fitting in? This was also my takeaway
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Post by sheilathetank on Jun 15, 2018 12:15:34 GMT -6
I consider myself a weird person. Mh is a weird person. So are my friends. You go through shit in the beginning but then find others that match your weirdness as you get older. Lid for every pot kind of thing. AmyG, all this talk of making your kid "fit in" is giving me some crazy flashbacks to middle and high school. It led me down a dark as fuck path in my youth. All those people trying to "mitigate" my "problem" just made it worse. Embrace the weird. Fuck the haters.
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PinkFreud
Opal
Anecdotes Police-Retired
Posts: 9,898 Likes: 59,707
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Post by PinkFreud on Jun 15, 2018 12:16:25 GMT -6
I secretly wish I could find a person with a foot fetish to send pictures of my feet so they would buy me shoes
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Post by sheilathetank on Jun 15, 2018 12:16:37 GMT -6
I just took a shower with clary sage essential oils because a friend who believes this shit told me it induces labor. This stage of pregnancy has made me very dumb. I let my massage therapist rub it on my feet during my massages the last 3 ones I had (I went 12 days overdue) Spoiler:it did not help and I smelled like a flower. This is funny given your avatar.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2018 12:16:41 GMT -6
Can we all please remember he's not even 3 yet? My gosh. Also when we arrived at daycare, the kids, including the older ones, swarmed him per usual and the older ones said "awe Nick has cat food that's so cute!!" These are kids that know him and have been with him since he started going there when he was 3 months old. If I thought for one second he'd be made fun of, we wouldn't be having this conversation. Not all kids are dicks. I realize we are very lucky with the kids he is with every day, and it will not always be that way. I am just trying to put this situation into better context. This past Halloween, DD was 6. Her number one costume want for Halloween was to be slime. She thought of the idea herself, designed and crafted her idea together. DH and I BOTH explained to her that many, many kids in school may not know what she was for Halloween and she may get questions about her costume all day long. She didn't care. She went to school. A lot of the older kids--4th and 5th graders asked her what her costume was, and when she explained it they were impressed. Kindness AND confidence can go a long way. Thanks for saying what I was failing to say. And cute story. 😊
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Post by helenahhandbasket on Jun 15, 2018 12:17:33 GMT -6
Last week I had lunch out with my one co-worker friend.
She has a 12 year old DD that goes to school a few blocks from the office, and sometimes the girl comes here after class and sits in an empty office to do homework. (co worker is a single mom, so the boss allows it).
So we go to lunch, and then co-worker tells me that she has to swing by to pick up her kid because she had a half day. OK cool.
Kid gets in the car. 30 Seconds pass, and it smells like a fart, but I don't say anything. Co worker asks, "kid, did you fart?" Kid says no I didn't (she did) and now co worker thinks I did. I obviously wasn't going to call her kid out for lying, but I wanted to say IT WASN'T ME EITHER!!!
Instead co worker shrugged, said "no big deal, it's natural" and we rode back to the office in silence.
I am really killing it at work.
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PinkFreud
Opal
Anecdotes Police-Retired
Posts: 9,898 Likes: 59,707
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Post by PinkFreud on Jun 15, 2018 12:17:39 GMT -6
And when I find the foot fetish person I am going to be so glad their caregivers didn't stifle their fetish just to fit in....
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