|
Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2018 19:37:29 GMT -6
What made you finally go to therapy? What made you ask your doctor for medication? Was it sudden? Gradual? How did you feel before? After?
I don't have much to add personally. Thank you for sharing. I'm trying to process.
|
|
rvasc
Emerald
Posts: 14,313 Likes: 82,568
|
Post by rvasc on Apr 3, 2018 19:40:28 GMT -6
For me, I had a panic attack that was so bad MH called 911. He wasn’t home and had only spoken to me on the phone, and I was alone with DD, who was a baby at the time.
I realized I wasn’t able to be who my family needed me to be, and I needed professional help to fix it.
Hugs.
|
|
kmkd
Amethyst
Posts: 6,897 Likes: 28,678
|
Post by kmkd on Apr 3, 2018 19:43:25 GMT -6
I don’t remember what actually got me to therapy. Medication came much later. That was about 6 months after my first baby. I just could not cope with anything. Like I would meltdown because we were at a restaurant and he needed to be changed and there was no changing table. Stuff like that. My anxiety level was so high all the time anything minor would set me off. I was crying all the time.
|
|
rvasc
Emerald
Posts: 14,313 Likes: 82,568
|
Post by rvasc on Apr 3, 2018 19:44:40 GMT -6
Also I was in therapy for a long time before going on medication. I just couldn’t ever shake the anxiety. Honestly, after a couple weeks it was like I came out of a fog I didn’t even know I’d been in.
|
|
|
Post by misskilljoy on Apr 3, 2018 19:47:11 GMT -6
I started looking for solutions when I realized that I was going through every day just existing, no particular emotions standing out over the course of the day. I was never very angry, sad, happy - I felt blank. In a moment of lucidity, I suddenly felt very scared by how empty I felt. I knew I was sick because I had been self-harming for 7 years at that point, so my overall descent into mental illness/depression was gradual, but after a series of traumatic events it became much worse very abruptly.
When I made it through to a place where I could look back with a clear head, I was struck by just how sick I had been for a long time. I hadn't realized how sick I really was until I was able to feel emotions again. I had a period where everything felt really overwhelming and hard to process because I hadn't felt anything significant in a long time.
10 years from my "holy shit I need to do something about this" realization, I'm in a much better place. I have some lingering anxiety, but I've learned strategies to cope with it in the moment.
|
|
jsgrl
Platinum
Posts: 2,240 Likes: 9,682
|
Post by jsgrl on Apr 3, 2018 19:50:17 GMT -6
What made you finally go to therapy? What made you ask your doctor for medication? Was it sudden? Gradual? How did you feel before? After? I don't have much to add personally. Thank you for sharing. I'm trying to process. I spent an entire weekend in bed, and every time I got up, I cried and then went back to bed, my husband had had enough, and he made me an appointment. For me, I had always had some anxiety and depression, but it increased after my son was born, then things would go up and down but never bad enough to worry me. Then other major life stressors happened (my father had cancer, my sister had a complete breakdown, some other things) and things got really bad in my head and then one day I couldn't get out of bed. I just always felt like I could manage, but years later I realize I was doing a shitty job for most of my life. I was so nervous going to the doctor that he wouldn't let me leave without an EKG because my heart rate was so crazy high. I felt so much relief having a plan even before the medicine kicked in. And once the meds started working I was shocked at how shitty I had been managing myelf for years. I started some therapy more recently because I found myself slipping again, which helped, and I went back to the doctor for med adjustments. Sorry so long. The point really is that I really think it is a journey. But I can say, regardless of anything else, I wish I had started this process sooner. It's not like I'm always 100% okay, but I don't feel trapped anymore. My doctor said to me a month ago, "if this doesn't work, we'll try something else. You don't have to suffer this way, and we'll keep trying until we find what's right for you." Which is maybe kind of duh, but it helped to hear it. I've had some wine so I'm especially wordy but I will answer any questions you have about my specific stuff it you have any you want to ask.
|
|
|
Post by heybulldog on Apr 3, 2018 19:50:35 GMT -6
I had a horrible panic attack the week before sleep away summer camp started. I was already up there because I was Junior Counselor. It was so bad I ended up going home. I started therapy less than a week after that. I was 16 and have been in therapy and on meds ever since.
As an adult: I gradually realized that it was getting harder and harder for me to pull myself out of negative spirals. And my down moments were getting more intense and harder to move on from. I was finding myself overwhelmed by things that hadn’t overwhelmed or made me anxious or depressed in years. As soon as I realized I was “going backwards”, I talked to my therapist (who is amazing). He increased my meds and I feel normal again.
|
|
tater
Emerald
Posts: 10,940 Likes: 49,454
|
Post by tater on Apr 3, 2018 20:05:17 GMT -6
I tried to deal with my anxiety on my own for the better part of a decade. I finally called a therapist when I was having multiple panic attacks in one week without having identifiable triggers. MH and my mom pushed me to talk to someone.
When I started therapy I told him that I wanted to try to avoid medication at first. I have been going to therapy once every three weeks and I feel like I have techniques that work for curbing some of my anxiety.
I know my anxiety will never go away, but I feel like I can manage it better.
|
|
origami
Amethyst
Posts: 6,461 Likes: 46,806
|
Post by origami on Apr 3, 2018 20:06:46 GMT -6
Therapy: my life was in shambles (dad died very slowly over the course of a year, husband left me simultaneously for his bartender). I don't recommend waiting until that point. It was a gradual shamble tho. I will go back in a heartbeat if I deem I need it again. It was one of the best decisions I ever made.
Meds: pretty sudden, I was having panic attacks. First PPA related, then stressor life related. I'm no longer on meds but will use them again if I need them. My anxiety has always been situational (or postpartum), not general disorder.
|
|
|
Post by GhoatMonket on Apr 3, 2018 20:08:09 GMT -6
The realization was sudden. The process was gradual. For some reason it just sunk in that I just didn't care about anything. I did online therapy. It was a really good fit for me.
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2018 20:11:52 GMT -6
I'm not sure I'll be able to put words together about this tonight, but I wanted to thank you all for sharing. I'm reading every word.
|
|
Minerva
Ruby
Posts: 15,381 Likes: 67,036
|
Post by Minerva on Apr 3, 2018 20:17:01 GMT -6
It was a long time coming for me. Grad school did a job on my mental health, normalizing unhealthy attitudes about anxiety and work-life balance. Adding a baby pushed my symptoms over the edge of what was manageable on my own, but it still took a few years for me to seek help. I finally broke down to my doctor when I started experiencing near daily panic attacks, insomnia, and physical symptoms of anxiety that left me unable to function for 1-2 weeks each cycle. Meds have helped immensely and allowed me to also access other coping mechanisms through behavioral therapy.
I really wish I had gotten help earlier. I actually brought my anxiety up with my doctors several times, but didn’t honestly let them know how much shit was impacting me until I was at the edge of crisis.
|
|
McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
Posts: 52,189 Likes: 296,706
|
Post by McBenny on Apr 3, 2018 20:19:58 GMT -6
My standard work answer is when it affects your activities of daily living.
Such as personal grooming, preparing meals, household chores, social interactions, shopping, managing finances, completing tasks, concentration, handling stress, sleeping, eating, sex libido etc.
|
|
|
Post by pianolove on Apr 3, 2018 20:20:12 GMT -6
My first time in therapy was for ppd with my second baby, and I knew I needed to go because I had it with my first but it was untreated. I am now back in therapy because it hit me two weeks ago that I have somehow become an extremely negative, anxious, and stressed out person over the last year or so. I didn't recognize who I was anymore and it was really affecting my relationship with my H and my parenting relationship with my kids.
I hope you are able to find what you need.
|
|
wisco
Bronze
Posts: 229 Likes: 527
|
Post by wisco on Apr 3, 2018 20:24:53 GMT -6
I’m mostly just a GD lurker, but if my story can help anyone... I want to share it.
Meds: I’ve had anxiety issues since high school, and a slew of family mental health issues. Mild anxiety attacks in college and law school. It got really bad my first year out of law school. Regular panic attacks, couldn’t eat, lost 25 pounds... went to see my GP who was so great and we spent about 6 months tweaking SSRI types and doses until we found something that works for me (Zoloft, which I’ve stayed on throughout pregnancy). Taking that first step was hard, but I was so relieved when I finally did it. She also prescribed Xanax which got me through those first few months as it gave me the ability to actually get restful sleep which was so helpful.
Therapy: I tried therapy at the same time I started meds, but only went to 4 or 5 sessions. I didn’t totally click with my provider and I was so busy that I just didn’t prioritize it. And I wasn’t ready to really open up and be honest. TW WARNING: I started therapy again last spring after the death of our daughter. I have a lot of past trauma to deal with, and this time I sought a referral from a trusted friend who is a therapist. The person she recommened was a perfect fit. He has helped me so much, and I am positive I wouldn’t have been able to survive pregnancy again without his help. We do a combination of talk therapy and some other methods of trauma therapy.
Basically, I’m a walking and talking billboard for mental health intervention. I’ve learned that it takes work, and time to find the right combination of solutions. If you have questions, please ask! Or PM me. I’ll echo what everyone else has said about it not needing to be triggered by an event and certainly you don’t have to wait until things get “bad.” I think we could all benefit from regular mental health care, just like preventative medical care.
|
|
bobyn
Diamond
local baby-making menace
Posts: 27,900 Likes: 167,315
|
Post by bobyn on Apr 3, 2018 20:29:31 GMT -6
My MIL's cancer diagnosis hit me harder than I thought it would. When I wasn't able to eat or sleep due to anxiety, that's when I went to see my doctor. The meds were helpful within a week and I've since weaned off of them.
Thinking of you, girl.
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2018 20:36:12 GMT -6
I always wait too long. I rationalize everything as “normal” until I can’t anymore. Everyone worries, everyone gets panic attacks, everyone is stressed, everyone feels numb, everyone hates themselves a little. And my brand of self hate convinces myself that I can pull through and admitting I can’t is weakness and failure. So, that sucks. 😉
I’ve been several times, but here is one:
When I finally got on medication was at the end of our adoption wait. We had two more months before DS (then just our match) was going to be born and I also had some physical heath stuff going on that was looking like surgery a month before he was born. I was nervous all the time. Every little thing seemed like the straw that broke the camels back. I just couldn’t handle my life like I needed to and I thought I was doing ok, but I was starting to crack on the outside too. I didn’t want to live like that with a newborn. I had waited so long for DS to come home and now I was just going to be miserable. So I talked to my doctor. She wanted me to go to therapy and I said I just didn’t have time and I needed help now. It was so hard to say those words, but I’m so happy I did.
The next time was a couple years later and that time it was depression in addition to my anxietyI don’t even remember all that led up to it, but I know it was bad and I know I have forgotten a lot to protect my heart. I was just wasting my life and not ever happy or comfortable. I lost all motivation to do anything besides the basics. We started by upping my meds and trying to see if I had any physical problems, which I did. Then I was in therapy for over a year. Again, it was so worth it, but so hard.
I don’t know what’s going on, but pm me if you need to talk.
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2018 20:40:03 GMT -6
If you are looking for a “low commitment” therapy to see if it feels right, I recommend accessing your EAP through work as that is usually over the phone sessions (and usually free for a couple) or a service like Talk Space, which is all virtual. You don’t have to stick with those, but if you like talking to someone maybe it will inspire you to make the bigger commitment of finding someone in person to talk to.
|
|
|
Post by donnamoss on Apr 3, 2018 20:50:34 GMT -6
I’ve attended therapy off and on since I was in grad school. I needed perspective and an opportunity to air some things out. I find therapy to be so helpful. It’s the thing I reach for first when things seem “off.”
I was also diagnosed with PPD after DD1. I didn’t know anything was wrong wrong for a long time...but lordy bee, 5 days on Zoloft convinced me that I had some major PPD going on.
I’m grateful for both options—therapy and meds. In my life, I’ve needed one or the other, and sometimes both.
I hope you find the support you need.
|
|
|
Post by AnnPerkins on Apr 3, 2018 21:07:47 GMT -6
I was crying on the floor of the bathroom when I saw my 7m old looking at me curiously from my bedroom. I decided we both deserved better.
After starting meds, it was like, so this is what normal people feel like? Why did I wait so long?
|
|
mb3
Sapphire
Posts: 4,500 Likes: 20,802
|
Post by mb3 on Apr 3, 2018 21:42:21 GMT -6
I should have been on meds 5 weeks after I gave birth. I did go to therapy though. I learned good coping techniques there and they were helpful but the stressors in my life kept building. Finally in 12/16 I was in a bad car accident. After the whiplash wore off and I no longer needed the muscle relaxants for it I discovered I was completely incapable of sleeping without being medicated. After 2 days I called and explained this and got started on Zoloft that night with Xanax to take to sleep while the Zoloft took time to kick in. I felt like a new person after that and when I noticed this fall that the medicine was not quite working anymore it was much easier to ask for the dosage increase than it was to ask for medicine in the first place.
|
|
|
Post by 4PrivetDrive on Apr 3, 2018 22:34:49 GMT -6
I had tried going to Therapy a couple times before in my life but i never stuck with it because i convinced myself that i didn’t need it. Then I found myself pregnant with my second and trying to convince myself that I could make my extenely unhealthy marriage work and everything was great. 6 months-ish PP I realized that I was probably going to die if I didn’t get help as i didn’t want to leave my kids without their mom and I needed to be happy and healthy for the three of us. I had some pushing form some very good friends who had also been through some of the same too. It took me awhile to actually get on meds, but I can tell I’m much better being on them than off. I’ve been seeing my therapist regularly for almost four years now and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
|
|
|
Post by emmilally on Apr 4, 2018 1:19:12 GMT -6
I was unable to do anything new without feeling frightened/frustrated. I was also compulsively doing things because I didn't trust myself. like going out to the parking lot multiple times a day to be sure I had not left my kids in the car even though I also took a picture of them at daycare drop off. I started meds and I just feel like a better version of myself. Good luck!
|
|
|
Post by roseinbloom on Apr 4, 2018 2:36:27 GMT -6
I second, third, fourth, hundreth everyone who said that it's worth taking inititative before you reach crisis point.
It's not uncommon for people to have some hits and misses when it comes to meds and therapists, and it can be really crushing and disillioning if you finally reach out at your breaking point and then hit another hurdle. I'd say even just window-shopping therapists as peace of mind planning for a potential issue down the line is really worth it. Especially if you think it might be difficult to find someone you think will "get" you or your situation. Or someone that you would be willing to and would trust opening up to about whatever is going on.
So often people worry whether they are really "bad enough" to warrant reaching out. And those who take meds for long-term chemical imbalances often still feel guilty that they don't work hard enough, don't deserve meds, or are weak for taking them in light of our societal pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps attitude. It can be really hard to give yourself the kindness and compassion you might give to a friend. You deserve to be happy; you are worthy of it.
I wish you good luck whichever way you choose to go. And just a reminder to all that we do have a MW board with some truly amazing and supportive people.
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2018 4:15:34 GMT -6
I had been regularly having panic attacks at work for over a year. I could not focus on work because all I could think about was not being good enough and getting fired and spiraling on that. I gained a ton of weight and just did not care. Really my mind was just a monologue of anxious thoughts at all times and it was all I could think about. I had to check locks and the stove multiple times a day and would text SO from work to make sure the stove was off. The phone ringing or getting mail would make me spiral.
I knew I needed to do something but the thought of making an appointment was paralyzing. I had been on medication previously several years ago and had a horrible experience (worsened anxiety and weight gain). I finally went to the dr in fall 2016, they put me on a different medication and after a couple months/dose adjustments I felt like myself again. I still battle anxiety now but it is very manageable and attacks are very rare.
I have accepted that this is how I am so I need to do things to take care of myself. It won’t just handle itself and that does not make me a lesser person. For some reason that is something I struggled with even though I have had anxiety since I was a child.
Hugs.
|
|
|
Post by ilovelamp on Apr 4, 2018 5:26:48 GMT -6
It took having a meltdown for me to finally go to therapy and get medicated. I was in denial for years. I love therapy it took me out of the dark place. Medication worked for a while until I developed an allergy to them and then I had to cut them out completely. I’m now just in therapy. I’m doing much better than I ever did before though and it’s because I have the tools I need to cope.
|
|
|
Post by justbecause on Apr 4, 2018 5:39:29 GMT -6
I went to the doctor when I developed a stress/anxiety rash all over my arms and face. Good times.
It was really hard to bring up but I was glad I did. I just felt harried and on “high alert” every second and that’s no way to live.
|
|
|
Post by Uncaripswife on Apr 4, 2018 6:04:37 GMT -6
At 24 I started having intense panic attacks. At the time it seemed "out of the blue" but in hindsight I know I had been dealing with anxiety and depression and had just been muddling through. I was in crisis, went to the ER once in the middle of the night when I thought I was dying, followed up with my gp and she gave me zoloft immediately and I started cognitive behavioral therapy. After a couple years I felt good and weaned off the zoloft and stopped therapy. Since then, I've gone back to therapy periodically when I've felt I needed it, due to whatever is going on with life in that moment. But I haven't had a panic attack in probably 15 years.
Thanks to everyone for sharing. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who turns into a raging bitch due to anxiety, or that I'm not the only one with impostor syndrome.
|
|
|
Post by wildflower on Apr 4, 2018 6:15:43 GMT -6
When I realized I was not safe around my children.
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2018 6:23:07 GMT -6
My issues were from post partum depression and anxiety. PDQ and TW - what made me go to therapy finally, was when I had thoughts of suicide while holding my crying baby. I had been fighting it for months that I was dealing with something serious, brushing my husband and mom aside when they voiced their concerns. I remember sitting there in my bed, staring straight at the wall, thinking that I could just take a bunch of pills and it would be over. And then something in me sort of jolted (thank God). I called my husband and mom and told them to leave work immediately. I put the baby down and stayed near by until they got home and I called my family doctor whom I trust. She brought me in right away. I was put on Lexapro - it was an absolute game changer. I also went to therapy. The combination of the two is what helped me. I felt like a failure. I felt like because of my damn daddy issues and everything else that had happened that I wasn't wired correctly to be a mom. I failed at BF, I failed at being able to console him, I failed at wanting to be a Mom. After going on meds and talking to someone, I had the same sentiment as AnnPerkins , why did I wait so long?
|
|