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Post by catladymeow on Mar 5, 2018 17:55:41 GMT -6
As someone who has lived far away from both sides of our families for 17 years I honestly can't imagine what it's like to have all of these visitors! When DD was born it was just H and I and that was exactly what we wanted. My mom flew out 6 weeks later to visit and that was it. I honestly can't imagine a family member wanting to hang out in the waiting room (or me wanting to go to a waiting room if they were in labour). Close family relationships are so foreign to me!
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klw
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Post by klw on Mar 5, 2018 21:50:56 GMT -6
It's 10:50 and I am still awake. And without a nap. What's going on??
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Post by imapenguin on Mar 6, 2018 7:11:23 GMT -6
notmoose Have also cried over food, I can sympathize. I’d be so angry. My inlaws came for dinner on Friday and decided not to leave until Sunday afternoon. Pregnancy is hindering my ability to fake being nice and it was a struggle to get through the weekend. They mentioned coming to stay when the baby is born and I need to ensure that does not happen. Paralell lives! My ILs were here for a last minute visit over the weekend and my MIL mentioned she was banking her vacation time so she could come stay for a couple of weeks (plural!) after the babies are born. She only stayed for a weekend when DD was born and that was too much! She later cried (yes, literally cried) to MH about my reaction to that news which was a neutral as I could possibly make it. Also exactly why I don’t think she’ll be helpful post part since she prefers all things be about her.
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Post by goldenbird on Mar 6, 2018 7:17:00 GMT -6
imapenguin holy shit. I hope YH shuts that down before the babies get there.
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Post by goldenbird on Mar 6, 2018 7:20:37 GMT -6
Is it sad that I can think of a single person I would want to stay over to 'help' even if they really would help? I will enjoy handing baby off and napping for a couple hours, but during the day.
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Post by imapenguin on Mar 6, 2018 7:29:01 GMT -6
imapenguin holy shit. I hope YH shuts that down before the babies get there. There have also been comments about it being “her turn” to be in the delivery room since my mom was with me when DD was born. I actually laughed when she said that. Like no, I won’t be wearing pants for this, so you’ll have to wait in the hall. MH won’t not call them, but I won’t budge on being the only person who approves the guest list. They sat in the waiting room for 12 hours when DD was born even though I was clear that no one would be in the room with me except MH and my mom and there would be no visitors until I got to feed DD and myself.
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Post by imapenguin on Mar 6, 2018 7:35:58 GMT -6
Is it sad that I can think of a single person I would want to stay over to 'help' even if they really would help? I will enjoy handing baby off and napping for a couple hours, but during the day. My mom was very helpful. So was my grandmother. They cooked and did laundry and left the house to nap elsewhere when there was nothing left to do then came back at night so I only needed to be woken up when DD needed to eat. It was amazing. Then they left and my MIL came and only wanted to hold the baby, whined every time I didn’t let her give a bottle, and generally wanted to be a guest instead of helpful. Do not want WEEKS of that. No.
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Post by sugarkissed on Mar 6, 2018 8:35:59 GMT -6
imapenguin Do we have the same MIL?! Mine just wants to come and hold the baby too. When DD2 was born she was like “I’ll hold her while you go do whatever you need to get done.” I was recovering from a csection and what I NEEDED was for someone to play with my toddler and let me sit down with my newborn. I’m going to do my best to be less of a pushover this time around!
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Post by imapenguin on Mar 6, 2018 8:49:05 GMT -6
imapenguin Do we have the same MIL?! Mine just wants to come and hold the baby too. When DD2 was born she was like “I’ll hold her while you go do whatever you need to get done.” I was recovering from a csection and what I NEEDED was for someone to play with my toddler and let me sit down with my newborn. I’m going to do my best to be less of a pushover this time around! Same. I eventually got there last time, but here was a little bit of “she’s her grandmother, I need to let them bond, it’s good for her to love her” in my head. Finally I was like, “she’s her grandmother. She’s going to love her no mater what. I don’t need to sacrifice myself for that.”
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notmoose
Amethyst
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Post by notmoose on Mar 6, 2018 9:18:47 GMT -6
I'm selfishly glad my in-laws don't care to be involved. Idk how I'd deal with situations like y'all have described. I am selfish with my babies and don't like having people over.
My in-laws have so many grandkids I guess they're kind of over it. There's a new one (or three) every year. When DS was born only 2 of MH siblings visited at the hospital but didnt stay long.
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ohreally
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Post by ohreally on Mar 6, 2018 9:23:15 GMT -6
imapenguin, You have my sympathies. It's a good thing you're starting early with your expectations of delivery and postpartum. Holding the babies and not lifting a finger to help you with chores for two weeks is not helpful. It's not what any of you need. You need to form a bond with your babies, not your MIL. I'm just so astonished at how selfish people can be. My MIL accused us of withholding our children from her. Um, lady, if you want to see your grandkids, make an effort to come see us. Traveling with an infant and toddler(s) is not high on my priority list.
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Post by goldenbird on Mar 6, 2018 9:24:36 GMT -6
imapenguin holy shit. I hope YH shuts that down before the babies get there. There have also been comments about it being “her turn” to be in the delivery room since my mom was with me when DD was born. I actually laughed when she said that. Like no, I won’t be wearing pants for this, so you’ll have to wait in the hall. MH won’t not call them, but I won’t budge on being the only person who approves the guest list. They sat in the waiting room for 12 hours when DD was born even though I was clear that no one would be in the room with me except MH and my mom and there would be no visitors until I got to feed DD and myself. I can't imagine sitting in the hospital waiting room for 12 hours unless someone was dying. Good grief.
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Post by goldenbird on Mar 6, 2018 9:26:10 GMT -6
Is it sad that I can think of a single person I would want to stay over to 'help' even if they really would help? I will enjoy handing baby off and napping for a couple hours, but during the day. My mom was very helpful. So was my grandmother. They cooked and did laundry and left the house to nap elsewhere when there was nothing left to do then came back at night so I only needed to be woken up when DD needed to eat. It was amazing. Then they left and my MIL came and only wanted to hold the baby, whined every time I didn’t let her give a bottle, and generally wanted to be a guest instead of helpful. Do not want WEEKS of that. No. My mom would be helpful for real I'm sure. SMIL maaaaybe. I'm glad they were able to help you out!
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Post by imapenguin on Mar 6, 2018 9:27:40 GMT -6
There have also been comments about it being “her turn” to be in the delivery room since my mom was with me when DD was born. I actually laughed when she said that. Like no, I won’t be wearing pants for this, so you’ll have to wait in the hall. MH won’t not call them, but I won’t budge on being the only person who approves the guest list. They sat in the waiting room for 12 hours when DD was born even though I was clear that no one would be in the room with me except MH and my mom and there would be no visitors until I got to feed DD and myself. I can't imagine sitting in the hospital waiting room for 12 hours unless someone was dying. Good grief. I really think they thought if they were there I’d not be rude and change my mind. Hopefully they learned their lesson.
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Post by goldenbird on Mar 6, 2018 9:34:23 GMT -6
Can I just make a wants list from people? My mom-hold baby while I nap, please bring lasagna SMIL-hold baby while I nap, please bring baked goods That's all I've got so far. 😂 Lol.
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klw
Opal
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Post by klw on Mar 6, 2018 9:42:34 GMT -6
My sister lives in another state and when she came home for DD'S birth, she brought a cooler with 20 freezer meals that she had prepared. It was awesome. My parents would come to visit on the weekends and would always bring food for dinner plus leftovers. ILs would just come visit. Haha
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Post by PennyCandy on Mar 6, 2018 9:50:01 GMT -6
I'm glad I'm not alone on the non-helpful parent/in-laws department, but sorry it's a problem for so many. It's hard for me to understand that they really don't get what it's like having young children. We also get a lot of pressure to visit my in-laws six hours away. It's hard on DS and it's generally uncomfortable/miserable for me.
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Post by potatocakes on Mar 6, 2018 9:50:59 GMT -6
No visitors at the hospital until there is a baby is my rule. I only want people in the delivery room I can boss around (H). My mom is also squeamish and had pretty traumatic births with both me and my sister, and so would not be helpful.
My parents will be close by (they live 7 hours away, but likely will be nearby/here to watch DD when we go to the hospital), and they can come visit immediately (like they were in my recovery room waiting for me when I got wheeled in last time), but they were reasonable about staying for only a short time/bringing treats to make it ok/etc. I probably won't let any friends come visit this time, though. I was too uncomfortable stripping down out of my gown to nurse in front of them. I suspect I will feel way less shame about my naked boobs this time around!
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vvvvvfee
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Post by vvvvvfee on Mar 6, 2018 10:55:51 GMT -6
maternity jeans rant follows....
i am trying to find are dark wash/black/grey skinny jeans that i can wear to work, which has been no easy task.
i ordered 3 pairs from old navy and 2 are going back. one pair with the stretchy side panels were decent. they are a little saggy, but they have belt loops so i can wear a belt. the pair of "rockstar" skinny jeans i got from there are super-skinny in the legs and i feel like they'll be too tight in the thighs in another week. so those are going back. and there was a 3rd pair with a full panel in the front but a low panel in the back, which causes them to sag off my butt. so those are going back, too.
maternity jeans at the gap are $74.95!!! and even though they have a 40% off code on their website, of course they are excluded.
i found signature by levi's maternity skinny jeans on amazon for $30, so i ordered those and will report back.
if anyone has any leads on dark wash skinny jeans for under $40, LMK. i couldn't find anything in my size at kohl's or motherhood online, and all of target's seem to have holes in the knees.
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ohreally
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Post by ohreally on Mar 6, 2018 11:43:36 GMT -6
Can I just make a wants list from people? My mom-hold baby while I nap, please bring lasagna SMIL-hold baby while I nap, please bring baked goods That's all I've got so far. 😂 Lol. Yes! You have to make sure your needs are met, as well as your baby's
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Post by catspajamas2 on Mar 6, 2018 12:21:58 GMT -6
Ugh, they just called to cancel my ultrasound for tomorrow because of the snow storm. It has been moved to next Thursday.
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Post by goldenbird on Mar 6, 2018 12:25:24 GMT -6
Ugh, they just called to cancel my ultrasound for tomorrow because of the snow storm. It has been moved to next Thursday. I'm sorry, that sucks!
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cara
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Post by cara on Mar 6, 2018 12:32:26 GMT -6
Ugh, they just called to cancel my ultrasound for tomorrow because of the snow storm. It has been moved to next Thursday. Oh boo. I’m sorry 😞
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cara
Platinum
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Post by cara on Mar 6, 2018 12:34:56 GMT -6
The IL’s live far enough away and my parents are not concerned about about being there right away that we don’t have to worry about some of these things. With DS, they all came after he was delivered. This time, we’ve moved so they’re all farther away. I’m not even sure if we’d have any hospital visitors. We have friends here but no family. The friends we do have will probably wait until we get home.
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Post by cornflakegirl on Mar 6, 2018 12:51:24 GMT -6
I was really bad at asking for help with DS. My mom was great because she would come over on Fridays and clean my bathrooms, vacuum and throw some laundry in. I will most definitely ask for that again. I didn't ask my IL's for any help and this time will probably ask them to help watch DS (they live 5 minutes away) and maybe ask for some meals. DH works long hours so I'm already dreading being home with 2 and basically feeling like a single mom.
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Post by potatocakes on Mar 6, 2018 12:59:09 GMT -6
maternity jeans rant follows.... i am trying to find are dark wash/black/grey skinny jeans that i can wear to work, which has been no easy task. i ordered 3 pairs from old navy and 2 are going back. one pair with the stretchy side panels were decent. they are a little saggy, but they have belt loops so i can wear a belt. the pair of "rockstar" skinny jeans i got from there are super-skinny in the legs and i feel like they'll be too tight in the thighs in another week. so those are going back. and there was a 3rd pair with a full panel in the front but a low panel in the back, which causes them to sag off my butt. so those are going back, too. maternity jeans at the gap are $74.95!!! and even though they have a 40% off code on their website, of course they are excluded. i found signature by levi's maternity skinny jeans on amazon for $30, so i ordered those and will report back. if anyone has any leads on dark wash skinny jeans for under $40, LMK. i couldn't find anything in my size at kohl's or motherhood online, and all of target's seem to have holes in the knees. Try loft? They're $$ but currently $25 off (and also the maker of my favorite maternity pants to date). I also liked the pair stitch fix sent me, but I didn't need any pants that color. I'm sure if you went that route and asked for dark wash/black jeans they'd come through.
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Post by catspajamas2 on Mar 6, 2018 13:05:57 GMT -6
Thanks ladies, I'll deal just a bummer to have to wait longer.
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Post by catspajamas2 on Mar 6, 2018 13:13:31 GMT -6
We are "lucky" I guess that none of our family lives closer than a 12 hour drive/flight. My parents are actually really helpful when they visit but only get here a couple times a year. My ILs are difficult so I'm glad that them visiting isn't a frequent event.
I will say my mom has already asked me 3 times what day I think I'll have the baby so they can plan to come (which I want them to because they'll be with my older girls). And I have tried not to be too rude when I answer since I CLEARLY DON'T KNOW THE EXACT DATE.
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Post by goldenbird on Mar 6, 2018 17:02:08 GMT -6
maternity jeans rant follows.... i am trying to find are dark wash/black/grey skinny jeans that i can wear to work, which has been no easy task. i ordered 3 pairs from old navy and 2 are going back. one pair with the stretchy side panels were decent. they are a little saggy, but they have belt loops so i can wear a belt. the pair of "rockstar" skinny jeans i got from there are super-skinny in the legs and i feel like they'll be too tight in the thighs in another week. so those are going back. and there was a 3rd pair with a full panel in the front but a low panel in the back, which causes them to sag off my butt. so those are going back, too. maternity jeans at the gap are $74.95!!! and even though they have a 40% off code on their website, of course they are excluded. i found signature by levi's maternity skinny jeans on amazon for $30, so i ordered those and will report back. if anyone has any leads on dark wash skinny jeans for under $40, LMK. i couldn't find anything in my size at kohl's or motherhood online, and all of target's seem to have holes in the knees. Have you looked at Motherhood? They had some pretty dark wash ones. I think they were around $40.
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Post by goldenbird on Mar 6, 2018 17:04:17 GMT -6
We are "lucky" I guess that none of our family lives closer than a 12 hour drive/flight. My parents are actually really helpful when they visit but only get here a couple times a year. My ILs are difficult so I'm glad that them visiting isn't a frequent event. I will say my mom has already asked me 3 times what day I think I'll have the baby so they can plan to come (which I want them to because they'll be with my older girls). And I have tried not to be too rude when I answer since I CLEARLY DON'T KNOW THE EXACT DATE. I'm LOLing at letting her know what day you think you'll have the baby. 😂
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