brux
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Post by brux on Feb 5, 2018 13:14:58 GMT -6
DS was invited to a party at a daycare (Pre-K) friend's house. 4 and 5 year olds.
While the invitation doesn't say it, the host has made mention of having kids over for playdates or parties to "give parents a break," so I assume she's expecting kids to get dropped off at their house. I don't really know the mom other than hellos and goodbyes and minor small talk at parties over the last few years.
I haven't even begun to have any stranger danger conversations with DS or talks about potentially creepy adults or talking through his options in unsafe situations when mom and dad aren't around.
So I'm feeling like I don't want to drop DS off at this party (though he's really excited about it). Am I over reacting? If I am, how can I get past that "uhhh" feeling I'm having?
At what point to you drop your kid off at someone's house, basically sight unseen, and hope for the best?
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Post by Deleted on Feb 5, 2018 13:18:11 GMT -6
I wouldn’t drop DS at someone’s house I didn’t know well. If I were you I’d be that awkward parent that hangs around during the party. 🤷♀️
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Post by GhoatMonket on Feb 5, 2018 13:18:22 GMT -6
Definitely not at preschool age.
I let him go to one this year (1st grade) that I left for most of it. And tried to not look like a creeper as I drove through the neighborhood but not directly past the house for an hour.
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Sundae
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Post by Sundae on Feb 5, 2018 13:19:08 GMT -6
Only when I know the parents well. I have done drop off for the bigger kids (8 and 9), but at public place parties. My little dude will be 5 thus summer and I’m not there yet for him.
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hawkward
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Post by hawkward on Feb 5, 2018 13:19:30 GMT -6
I wouldn’t drop DS at someone’s house I didn’t know well. If I were you I’d be that awkward parent that hangs around during the party. 🤷♀️ +1
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Cher
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Post by Cher on Feb 5, 2018 13:20:11 GMT -6
If you’re not comfortable, you’re not comfortable.
Stay true to your creep self and linger at the party in the background.
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Post by justbecause on Feb 5, 2018 13:22:47 GMT -6
We have a preschool party every year. While I had one parent drop off, the majority stay. I certainly would stay unless I knew the parents well and ds2 was ok with it.
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Post by hiafromwassie on Feb 5, 2018 13:25:25 GMT -6
For me 4/5 yrs is a little young. I'd be willing if I knew and were comfortable with the family. I'd probably hang for a few minutes making sure all felt right and then definitely be back earlier than their pickup time. I don't think you are over reacting
Now I'm trying to remember when we did start doing drop off parties probably closer to 8 or 9? oh my gosh, how old am I? how long ago was that? why can't I remember that all the sudden it seems really important that I remember. I'm going to ask my 2 oldest!
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Post by angelashly on Feb 5, 2018 13:26:23 GMT -6
My kid is 7 and I haven't dropped her off at a party yet except for girl scouts, but my mom is her leader so I would say stay.
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tmg
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Post by tmg on Feb 5, 2018 13:28:17 GMT -6
Our first drop off party was this year, in 1st grade. I know the parents and birthday girl well and felt comfortable with it.
I stayed at the parties when she was preschool age.
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Post by leatherpants on Feb 5, 2018 13:28:20 GMT -6
Definitely not at preschool age. I let him go to one this year (1st grade) that I left for most of it. And tried to not look like a creeper as I drove through the neighborhood but not directly past the house for an hour. Oh man, what a glimpse into my future this is. I wouldn't feel comfortable at that age either, brux. Maybe she means a "break for the parents" in that the kids can all play together while the adults can sit on the couch and eat cupcakes.
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brux
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Post by brux on Feb 5, 2018 13:30:47 GMT -6
She's used that phrase a few times - "a break for the parents" - in mentioning that she has kids over so the other parents can clean or run errands.
In theory that sounds like a nice offer, but it's the offer itself that freaks me out. I don't need to use another parent's free labor so I can get a pedicure.
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brux
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Post by brux on Feb 5, 2018 13:31:49 GMT -6
I happen to have a haircut during the party, so I'm going to have to see if H will take DS and stay at the party.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 5, 2018 13:31:51 GMT -6
#regional
I wouldn’t leave my 4/5yo at someone else’s home unless I knew them well. Sometimes at that age, we were invited to “parents can stay and hang out or drop off and pick up” get togethers, and I just always stayed.
My oldest is in first grade now, and we have been at the same school, and I know the other parents and kids better, so I would feel more comfortable dropping her off, depending on the situation.
Her bday party is this weekend, and I invited all of the parents to drop off or stay and visit. No idea which they will choose, but some of the parents are friendly and some I have never met, and I want everyone to be comfortable, no matter what that means to them - comfortable drinking wine or comfortable running errands.
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tater
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Post by tater on Feb 5, 2018 13:34:08 GMT -6
I have not dropped DS (7) off at a party yet. His last birthday party was at a bowling alley and a Mom called to ask me if it was drop off. I told her whatever made her comfortable (she stayed with the other moms).
It would depend on how well I knew the parents. I’m just now starting to get to know DS’ friends parents, but I don’t know if I’m 100% comfortable with drop off just yet.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 5, 2018 13:34:23 GMT -6
I just did this this year in 2nd. And even then I called DDs gizmo (it was on silent ) and spied in about every 5 minutes
We did drop off play dates in K once I knew parents better. But a party with a ton of kids just has too much potential to go wrong. There was a drop off option party around 4:5 in preK and I’d say most parents stayed
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ripper
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Post by ripper on Feb 5, 2018 13:40:35 GMT -6
The only time we did drop off at 5 years old was when he went to an art studio for a party and there was really no where to BE. It was so small and there was no where to wait around. We are good friends with the hosts, who encouraged us to leave (for the same reason), so we did. I am more comfortable dropping off little ones at a public place than at someone's house.
But now that he is almost 7 and in 1st grade, we do drop off. But again, none of these parties are ever at home (how people can afford these parties, I don't know, but that's another thread). I guess I feel comfortable enough? My neighbor has boys who are often invited to the same parties. Even she drops off and she is the most extra-helicopter parent, so I figure I'm good if she's good.
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jorkzy
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Post by jorkzy on Feb 5, 2018 13:41:43 GMT -6
I wouldn't mind if I knew the kid/parents somewhat. DD's first drop off party was for a 5yo birthday (she was 4.5 at the time). DS was almost 3 at his first one but it was the kid of one of his daycare teachers. Then he had another one last summer at 3.75y. My DD's 5th birthday was drop off optional but none of the parents stayed (one of the dads picked up early so he could have cake though, ha)
Will he know lots of kids there? I would imagine you are more nervous than him in this situation. But in any case, do what you and he feel most comfortable with.
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Post by shambam08 on Feb 5, 2018 13:45:22 GMT -6
I would stay. My oldest is in 1st grade and I still stay at some parties with her.
I would recommend starting to have those talks with your DS now. I had the talk with my girls and my oldest still didn’t tell me when something happened (it was an older cousin, but he is still a child). In hindsight I wish I would have talked to her more often and even earlier. I just never thought I had anything to worry about.
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brux
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Post by brux on Feb 5, 2018 13:47:17 GMT -6
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kmkd
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Post by kmkd on Feb 5, 2018 13:52:39 GMT -6
The only way I would do it at that age is if I either knew the parents really well, or knew another parent who was staying really well.
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Post by shan-ah-doo on Feb 5, 2018 13:52:54 GMT -6
I just started letting her go across the street to the neighbors house for an hour at most without me. It took over a year for me to be comfortable with it so I say you’re not overreacting. 4,5 and 6 is still very young for me. I honestly don’t know at what age I’d be comfortable dropping her off at a party.
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daisy
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Post by daisy on Feb 5, 2018 13:55:19 GMT -6
Hang around! Parents stay for most parties here, even if not specified. However, DD was invited to one this fall (at age 4, in 4K) for a girl that was drop-off or stay. I was SO GLAD I STAYED. It was crazy! It was really a family party and they just added in the friends. It was completely unsupervised with no planned activities other than a piñata. Kids were upstairs some of the time in a playroom with no adults other than me and another mom who stayed. We broke up fights, moved a slide away from the stairs, kept a toddler from falling, etc. Kids ranging from toddlers on up. I would have been horrified if DD were there on her own.
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jbm
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Post by jbm on Feb 5, 2018 14:01:54 GMT -6
DS was invited to his first drop off party next weekend, for a 5th birthday. The only reason I’m going to do it is because a) I’m friends with the parents to the point of having exchanged texts, had meals together, etc and b) it’s just a couple blocks from our house. If neither of those were true, I would not be ready yet. Maybe next year in kindy. Who knows.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 5, 2018 14:04:18 GMT -6
I wouldn’t drop DS at someone’s house I didn’t know well. If I were you I’d be that awkward parent that hangs around during the party. 🤷♀️ Same.
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Post by shambam08 on Feb 5, 2018 14:04:41 GMT -6
Thank you. I’m just thankful she told her friend and the friend told her mom. She was in preschool at the time. It really made me realize you can’t stress enough about keeping private parts private and to always tell Mom or Dad if someone wants to look at your privates or touch them, even if that person tells you not to tell.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 5, 2018 14:04:48 GMT -6
I might be more on board with it if it were at a party venue vs. a house. For some reason an unstructured home party with parents I don't know just seems like a much bigger hurdle to me.
But probably not for a couple more years unless I know the parents well. DD is almost 5.
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Post by billyhorrible on Feb 5, 2018 14:05:41 GMT -6
She's used that phrase a few times - "a break for the parents" - in mentioning that she has kids over so the other parents can clean or run errands. I do this with friends and our kids (like I hosted a playdate for my 2.5 year old and his best friend while the mom went to the grocery store, she's taken my older kid to the museum so I could work). But we've known them for years and years, have had a ton of playdates with parents present, and go out together almost weekly. Would not do this with families I didn't know well.
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ripper
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Post by ripper on Feb 5, 2018 14:07:35 GMT -6
brux - Here's some advice you didn't ask for: stranger-danger conversations should have started by now. There are lots of great books to address the subject n an age appropriate way. I got what I needed at the library and we revisit the conversation (and update it) often.
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Post by shitsngiggles on Feb 5, 2018 14:16:25 GMT -6
At 4 my kid still occasionally needed help in the bathroom. I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving him at that age. He went to his first drop-off party this year in 1st grade and really that was only because DH and I had football tickets and the ILs couldn't stay for the whole party. MOTY here, I know.
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