A drop-off party for kids?

[brux]

Feb 5, 2018 14:07:35 GMT -6 ripper said:

brux - Here's some advice you didn't ask for: stranger-danger conversations should have started by now. There are lots of great books to address the subject n an age appropriate way. I got what I needed at the library and we revisit the conversation (and update it) often.

any recommended books off the top of your head?  I have a safety-themed one that we've read a few times.  It touches a bit on strangers and other safety stuff.  But I could use a better one or three.

[ripper]

Feb 5, 2018 14:20:56 GMT -6 brux said:

Feb 5, 2018 14:07:35 GMT -6 ripper said:

brux - Here's some advice you didn't ask for: stranger-danger conversations should have started by now. There are lots of great books to address the subject n an age appropriate way. I got what I needed at the library and we revisit the conversation (and update it) often.

any recommended books off the top of your head?  I have a safety-themed one that we've read a few times.  It touches a bit on strangers and other safety stuff.  But I could use a better one or three.

I haven't found one that was good for everything.  I try and get different ones all the time, so I'm covering my bases.  I also have my "It's OK to say NO" book from the 80s.  It's pretty creepy, but I think it does a good job at being clear.

This one:

[rvasc]

Feb 5, 2018 13:30:47 GMT -6 brux said:

She's used that phrase a few times - "a break for the parents" - in mentioning that she has kids over so the other parents can clean or run errands.

In theory that sounds like a nice offer, but it's the offer itself that freaks me out. I don't need to use another parent's free labor so I can get a pedicure.

This doesn’t throw any flags for me. I do this with a few of C’s friends, but we’ve always been to their house a few times and vice versa.

I would not drop off in this situation.

The bathing suit book is good. Plus during bath time a couple times a week, we just talk about who can touch her privates and in what circumstance. (Nobody unless she says it’s ok. Mom, dad, or a doctor if mom or dad is there and that person needs to for cleaning or because she’s hurt.) and what to do if it happens.

[rvasc]

I will say in general the stranger danger thing is meh. Tricky people is an easier word. And most importantly, adults and kids don’t keep secrets. Ever. Surprises are ok.

Oh, and if she’s lost, she is supposed to find a mom with kids.

[stringy]

I took DD1 to a 4th bday party at someones house last year, preschool class, didn't know parents other than brief hellos. All was well, parents stayed. I chatted with other parents, one conversation rooting around the dad's hunting hobby, notable by the trophies on the wall (we don't live in a big hunting area), and another about their teenage children who also lived in the house. Then all the preschoolers went upstairs to play - which I encouraged because my DD is so timid she barely leaves my side at this kind of thing. Then I thought about all those things I had just learned that were in the house, guns, teenagers unknown, unsupervised 3-4 yo's upstairs, and I had to do some calming breathing until they came back down. So, no to drop offs.

[Deleted]

Feb 5, 2018 14:30:53 GMT -6 rvasc said:

I will say in general the stranger danger thing is meh. Tricky people is an easier word. And most importantly, adults and kids don’t keep secrets. Ever. Surprises are ok.

Oh, and if she’s lost, she is supposed to find a mom with kids.

Also, grown ups don't need help from kids. e.g., random guy in the park doesn't need DS's help finding his dog.

[blablabirdie]

This is quite common where we live and is more based on how comfortable the kid is being left in a new place, than fears about what could happen. My kids have always been a bit skeptical so I have been the lone parent at a few parties. Recently my Feb13 kid was invited to a party for a classmate we hadn't been to before. About 30 minutes in he just kind of went 'YOU GO NOW MOM' (I had asked if he wanted me to stay several times and I was the lone parent there). So I left. It was fine. It took him awhile to work up the courage and then he was afraid he might change his mind so he wanted me gone.

At his parties we usually get 50/50 parents that stay or go. It's usually our friends that stay to socialize with us, people we don't know drop off.

There is usually a telephone list and we live close to most other families, so I can be there within 10 minutes if I get a call. It might be different if it was further away.

But if it makes you uncomfortable I don't think there is any harm in staying. I don't think you will be the only one.

[gussie]

I wouldn’t let my kid go without me to anyone’s house I didn’t know fairly well at any age. Maybe I’m extreme, but I was only allowed to go to the houses of friends that my parents knew well until I was 17/18 years old.

I assume for future birthday parties, I will know the parents from school and probably stick around at the beginning of the party to get a feel. But these whole class party things are foreign to me, I never did that growing up, so who knows. But this seems too young either way.

[gussie]

Hopefully those were coherent thoughts...

[Deleted]

I would stay until I knew how much supervision the parent provides, how hands on or off they are, how they'd handle any problems or discipline. And I would need to know my kid was mature enough to know how to call me if they needed me, and tell me anything that happened - even if that's "Jimothy hit Bobert and Mrs Smith didn't even say anything."

[fancynewbeesly]

We have done it at 5 but we knew the family well. I don’t think I would do it if we didn’t know the parents.

[Deleted]

Feb 5, 2018 13:44:32 GMT -6 HilarityEnsued said:

Feb 5, 2018 13:40:35 GMT -6 ripper said:

The only time we did drop off at 5 years old was when he went to an art studio for a party and there was really no where to BE. It was so small and there was no where to wait around. We are good friends with the hosts, who encouraged us to leave (for the same reason), so we did. I am more comfortable dropping off little ones at a public place than at someone's house.

But now that he is almost 7 and in 1st grade, we do drop off. But again, none of these parties are ever at home (how people can afford these parties, I don't know, but that's another thread). I guess I feel comfortable enough? My neighbor has boys who are often invited to the same parties. Even she drops off and she is the most extra-helicopter parent, so I figure I'm good if she's good.

I feel this way as well, and I almost posted it, but then I started thinking about why and I cannot actually justify that. It seems irrational to me.

I am the same way and for me it’s because the party place is responsible too. When I’ve gone and stayed at those types of parties, they have it down to a system. The kids are in one room at a time with the party place people also supervising and there are rules and systems in place so kids don’t just wander off or out the door.

I think generally people are more relaxed at home and it would be much easier for a parent to just misplace one or two kids for long enough for them to get into some trouble. It makes me very nervous unless I know the person well and have spent time in their home myself.

[ripper]

Feb 5, 2018 15:05:25 GMT -6 gussie said:

I wouldn’t let my kid go without me to anyone’s house I didn’t know fairly well at any age. Maybe I’m extreme, but I was only allowed to go to the houses of friends that my parents knew well until I was 17/18 years old.

I assume for future birthday parties, I will know the parents from school and probably stick around at the beginning of the party to get a feel. But these whole class party things are foreign to me, I never did that growing up, so who knows. But this seems too young either way.

That is extra extreme.  

[McBenny]

I don't drop off at people's houses I don't know.

[lifesaverz]

I think it’s more about knowing the family than it is about age. I don’t think I would drop the kids off at any age unless I know the family.

[cyprissa]

Feb 5, 2018 16:48:57 GMT -6 ripper said:

Feb 5, 2018 15:05:25 GMT -6 gussie said:

I wouldn’t let my kid go without me to anyone’s house I didn’t know fairly well at any age. Maybe I’m extreme, but I was only allowed to go to the houses of friends that my parents knew well until I was 17/18 years old.

I assume for future birthday parties, I will know the parents from school and probably stick around at the beginning of the party to get a feel. But these whole class party things are foreign to me, I never did that growing up, so who knows. But this seems too young either way.

That is extra extreme.  

Yeah at some point you have to trust that you’ve raised your kids right to handle themselves.

[cyprissa]

I wouldn’t drop off in preschool but in elementary if I could chat with the parents and scope out the party to ease my mind.

[gussie]

Feb 5, 2018 16:48:57 GMT -6 ripper said:

Feb 5, 2018 15:05:25 GMT -6 gussie said:

I wouldn’t let my kid go without me to anyone’s house I didn’t know fairly well at any age. Maybe I’m extreme, but I was only allowed to go to the houses of friends that my parents knew well until I was 17/18 years old.

I assume for future birthday parties, I will know the parents from school and probably stick around at the beginning of the party to get a feel. But these whole class party things are foreign to me, I never did that growing up, so who knows. But this seems too young either way.

That is extra extreme.  

Yes they were extreme, but it kept me out of trouble. I don’t know if I’ll be as extreme as them, but I do plan on knowing my kids friends, their parents, and where they are at all times so it’s not that different.

[rvasc]

I’m that person. I ask about guns and stuff.

[gussie]

Feb 5, 2018 16:32:22 GMT -6 @juliagulia said:

Feb 5, 2018 13:44:32 GMT -6 HilarityEnsued said:

I feel this way as well, and I almost posted it, but then I started thinking about why and I cannot actually justify that. It seems irrational to me.

I am the same way and for me it’s because the party place is responsible too. When I’ve gone and stayed at those types of parties, they have it down to a system. The kids are in one room at a time with the party place people also supervising and there are rules and systems in place so kids don’t just wander off or out the door.

I think generally people are more relaxed at home and it would be much easier for a parent to just misplace one or two kids for long enough for them to get into some trouble. It makes me very nervous unless I know the person well and have spent time in their home myself.

I feel this way as well.

[Deleted]

Feb 5, 2018 17:59:11 GMT -6 rvasc said:

I’m that person. I ask about guns and stuff.

I felt extra when DD had a friend over to play a few months ago because I made a point to tell the mom that our house is gun free and our dog would be locked up the whole time.

But I would want to know those things if she was going to a friend's house so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[ripper]

Feb 5, 2018 17:59:04 GMT -6 gussie said:

Feb 5, 2018 16:48:57 GMT -6 ripper said:

That is extra extreme.  

Yes they were extreme, but it kept me out of trouble. I don’t know if I’ll be as extreme as them, but I do plan on knowing my kids friends, their parents, and where they are at all times so it’s not that different.

Not trying to war with you, but it is different. I think most would agree that knowing friends and their families is important. But 17 before they can go to a friend’s house??? A friend who you know? A family you know? That is next level.

[GhoatMonket]

Feb 5, 2018 20:20:20 GMT -6 ripper said:

Feb 5, 2018 17:59:04 GMT -6 gussie said:

Yes they were extreme, but it kept me out of trouble. I don’t know if I’ll be as extreme as them, but I do plan on knowing my kids friends, their parents, and where they are at all times so it’s not that different.

Not trying to war with you, but it is different. I think most would agree that knowing friends and their families is important. But 17 before they can go to a friend’s house??? A friend who you know? A family you know? That is next level.

I'm with you on this one. My parents attempted to do this because my brothers made some sketchy choices. Problem is we come from a town of <1500. So who the hell don't you know? And when I got into a spot where I needed to get out and couldn't on my own, I didn't think I could go to her for help. 

My mom has apologized for punishing me for things they did. She knows it was not a good plan at all, but for some reason seemed like it at the time. 

[gussie]

Feb 5, 2018 20:20:20 GMT -6 ripper said:

Feb 5, 2018 17:59:04 GMT -6 gussie said:

Yes they were extreme, but it kept me out of trouble. I don’t know if I’ll be as extreme as them, but I do plan on knowing my kids friends, their parents, and where they are at all times so it’s not that different.

Not trying to war with you, but it is different. I think most would agree that knowing friends and their families is important. But 17 before they can go to a friend’s house??? A friend who you know? A family you know? That is next level.

Oh, I think you misunderstood my post or I wasn't clear. I WAS allowed to go to the houses of friends they knew. I wasn't allowed to call them up and say I'm going to the house of a random person they never heard of before I was 17. 

[gussie]

I reread my original post and I worded it super confusing, apologies. I knew I wasn't coherent.

[ripper]

Feb 5, 2018 20:31:53 GMT -6 gussie said:

Feb 5, 2018 20:20:20 GMT -6 ripper said:

Not trying to war with you, but it is different. I think most would agree that knowing friends and their families is important. But 17 before they can go to a friend’s house??? A friend who you know? A family you know? That is next level.

Oh, I think you misunderstood my post or I wasn't clear. I WAS allowed to go to the houses of friends they knew. I wasn't allowed to call them up and say I'm going to the house of a random person they never heard of before I was 17. 

Ahhh makes much more sense.

[GhoatMonket]

Feb 5, 2018 20:31:53 GMT -6 gussie said:

Feb 5, 2018 20:20:20 GMT -6 ripper said:

Not trying to war with you, but it is different. I think most would agree that knowing friends and their families is important. But 17 before they can go to a friend’s house??? A friend who you know? A family you know? That is next level.

Oh, I think you misunderstood my post or I wasn't clear. I WAS allowed to go to the houses of friends they knew. I wasn't allowed to call them up and say I'm going to the house of a random person they never heard of before I was 17. 

We understood just fine.

It is generally not suggested to be such a helicopter parent to a teen that will likely be moving out of your residence in a year. Obviously this will vary in certain circumstances- but not allowing them some level of freedom and autonomy at that age is not a good plan. 

[gussie]

Feb 5, 2018 20:39:06 GMT -6 GhoatMonket said:

Feb 5, 2018 20:31:53 GMT -6 gussie said:

Oh, I think you misunderstood my post or I wasn't clear. I WAS allowed to go to the houses of friends they knew. I wasn't allowed to call them up and say I'm going to the house of a random person they never heard of before I was 17. 

We understood just fine.

It is generally not suggested to be such a helicopter parent to a teen that will likely be moving out of your residence in a year. Obviously this will vary in certain circumstances- but not allowing them some level of freedom and autonomy at that age is not a good plan. 

Agree to disagree. They eased up when I was a senior in high school, I'm talking about when I was 14/15/ maybe 16 years old. All I have to go by is what they did and it turned out well for us. Obviously, I will make adjustments for my own children's personalities when it's needed. 

[gussie]

Anyway, sorry to derail the thread.

[brux]

Feb 5, 2018 17:59:11 GMT -6 rvasc said:

I’m that person. I ask about guns and stuff.

oh shit yes I need to do that too.