angelashly
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Post by angelashly on Feb 8, 2024 14:05:19 GMT -6
It’s interesting bc a lot of Hispanic families I know have a multi family/generation situation going. I rarely know people where it’s just the boomers still in their house. Maybe more in white neighborhoods. it’s cheaper that way. My sister and her family live with my parents. I think people overlook that cultural part when it comes to greater LA and So Cal. I also think we white people need to rethink it and adapt the concept. Multigenerational living offers A LOT of benefits (I refuse to asterisk this for all the toxic scenarios you all want to throw in the ring, obviously if your family sucks don't live with them). And I love you jaygee, but I disagree that boomers need to sell their homes. To put forth a rather unlike me opinion - it's their house. If they want to keep it, they're perfectly with in their rights to do so. Frankly, I'd keep a bigger home than I need if at all possible bc I want a place for my kids to come to if they lose a job, go through a divorce, etc. A family home has a lot of value, as a landing pad and refuge. And I'd love someone to come tell me it's a civic duty to leave MY home. When my dad passed he left money for my mom to buy a house. His stipulation was that it be big enough that us girls always had a house to come back to for holidays or life happening events. It’s how we will live too
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jaygee
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Post by jaygee on Feb 8, 2024 14:10:42 GMT -6
Part of the housing problem in CA (and I’m sure other places) is that people stay in the same home once they are done raising their family and younger families don’t have places to move into. I get it because selling your home and buying a much smaller home for the same or more (due to inflation) is a bummer. But something has got to give. Looking at the boomers. It’s interesting bc a lot of Hispanic families I know have a multi family/generation situation going. I rarely know people where it’s just the boomers still in their house. Maybe more in white neighborhoods. it’s cheaper that way. My sister and her family live with my parents. I think people overlook that cultural part when it comes to greater LA and So Cal. Oh yeah, we have a lot of that here in the Bay also. More with Asian and south Asian families. I really love the houses that are actually built with that in mind (multiple en suite bathrooms and living levels). My comment was definitely directed to a white person cultural norm.
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notblanche
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Post by notblanche on Feb 8, 2024 14:12:41 GMT -6
My oldest (7yo) has said he's never moving out and I'm cool with it, if he wants to stay. We have tons of postsecondary education options in our city and more than enough room.
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STP
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Post by STP on Feb 8, 2024 14:14:28 GMT -6
If you ever buy a house in La and find all these extra add on rooms and back houses know it was a Hispanic family living there lol We have friends who live in LA, her parents had a double lot and owned the home, so our friends took out a construction mortgage to build them a smaller ranch home on the backlot and then the parents deeded the larger home over to them for their family. And now they have like a little compound, where the kids can run between the homes but everyone has their privacy as well. It's honestly the most genius use of family real estate I've seen. (They bought the house and land in the 70s in an area that only recently gentrified, so 100% lucky in that rather critical aspect of things. But still.)
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jaygee
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Post by jaygee on Feb 8, 2024 14:20:14 GMT -6
It’s interesting bc a lot of Hispanic families I know have a multi family/generation situation going. I rarely know people where it’s just the boomers still in their house. Maybe more in white neighborhoods. it’s cheaper that way. My sister and her family live with my parents. I think people overlook that cultural part when it comes to greater LA and So Cal. I also think we white people need to rethink it and adapt the concept. Multigenerational living offers A LOT of benefits (I refuse to asterisk this for all the toxic scenarios you all want to throw in the ring, obviously if your family sucks don't live with them). And I love you jaygee, but I disagree that boomers need to sell their homes. To put forth a rather unlike me opinion - it's their house. If they want to keep it, they're perfectly with in their rights to do so. Frankly, I'd keep a bigger home than I need if at all possible bc I want a place for my kids to come to if they lose a job, go through a divorce, etc. A family home has a lot of value, as a landing pad and refuge. And I'd love someone to come tell me it's a civic duty to leave MY home. Well obviously I can’t make them leave their homes. And I wouldn’t support legislation that did. But many are not leaving their home not because of a lifestyle choice but because their options flat out suck. For example in CA their property taxes are fixed at the time of sale. So my neighbors who bought their house 30 years ago pay significantly less taxes than me. But if they sell they not only buy a smaller more expensive property, their taxes go sky high, which they can’t do on a fixed income. There are things we can do to incentivize the people who want and need to downsize to be able to do so. Some have been passed in CA - like they can carry over their base property tax rate if they downsize. But more is needed. A 80 year old hanging on to a two story four bedroom house is not always great for their health and prospects of aging in place. If people have the supports in place to stay in their family home and are doing so by choice, while it’s not the choice I want to make, yes they have that right. I think some are naive about doing so - I mean some have kids that don’t speak to them but yes, let’s keep those bedrooms open for that visit that may happen one day. Of course, personal choice. But I judge. And at the end of the day, the only reason I care is because there are families with small children that are on the street or crammed in a too small place or not in the school district that could be in. We had a house on our block that sat empty for 15 years because some boomer wouldn’t rent or sell it. Every time I walked past I thought about the family that could have enjoyed it and the neighborhood.
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miawallace
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Post by miawallace on Feb 8, 2024 14:23:14 GMT -6
If you ever buy a house in La and find all these extra add on rooms and back houses know it was a Hispanic family living there lol We have friends who live in LA, her parents had a double lot and owned the home, so our friends took out a construction mortgage to build them a smaller ranch home on the backlot and then the parents deeded the larger home over to them for their family. And now they have like a little compound, where the kids can run between the homes but everyone has their privacy as well. It's honestly the most genius use of family real estate I've seen. (They bought the house and land in the 70s in an area that only recently gentrified, so 100% lucky in that rather critical aspect of things. But still.) My parents are currently adding a two bedroom ADU where they are going to be moving into. My sister is going to stay in the main house with her kids. The converted garage is being rented out to a cousin of mine. That’s where I stayed when I was saving for our house. 🥹. When people wonder why people aren’t moving out this is why. In Mexico people buy lots and do whatever they want/need with them. It’s different here bc that’s not really an option so we find loop holes. I think everyone in their block has done this bc I have not seen anyone “new” In decades.
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jaygee
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Post by jaygee on Feb 8, 2024 14:23:32 GMT -6
A lot of my opinion is regional. Very regional.
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melohdy
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Post by melohdy on Feb 8, 2024 14:26:20 GMT -6
flojo Have you two known each other a LONG time? That's really the only way I can maybe stretch my brain to get there. H and I have been married almost 15 years, but I have also known him since we were 9 years old. While I don't see him making that same mistake, I did have my maiden name for a good long time while we were growing up/friends/dating. It still doesn't make any sense that your spouse would make that mistake. I could maybe see a friend or even a family member doing it.
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jaygee
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Post by jaygee on Feb 8, 2024 14:27:21 GMT -6
We have friends who live in LA, her parents had a double lot and owned the home, so our friends took out a construction mortgage to build them a smaller ranch home on the backlot and then the parents deeded the larger home over to them for their family. And now they have like a little compound, where the kids can run between the homes but everyone has their privacy as well. It's honestly the most genius use of family real estate I've seen. (They bought the house and land in the 70s in an area that only recently gentrified, so 100% lucky in that rather critical aspect of things. But still.) My parents are currently adding a two bedroom ADU where they are going to be moving into. My sister is going to stay in the main house with her kids. The converted garage is being rented out to a cousin of mine. That’s where I stayed when I was saving for our house. 🥹. When people wonder why people aren’t moving out this is why. In Mexico people buy lots and do whatever they want/need with them. It’s different here bc that’s not really an option so we find loop holes. I think everyone in their block has done this bc I have not seen anyone “new” In decades. Until very recently a lot of cities very tightly controlled the ADU permits. It was seen as a blight to the single family home model. Now that they are basically forced to by the state because of the housing mandates they are finally allowing or encouraging it. When I moved to my current city 10 years ago, I was told horror stories about people being denied even if they were building it for housing for a disabled adult dependent. Because the city would say “they might rent it out one day”. Now basically every remodel or new construction house includes an ADU because they city can use that for their housing requirements. Basically redlining but 2000s version.
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jaygee
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Post by jaygee on Feb 8, 2024 14:29:02 GMT -6
If you ever buy a house in La and find all these extra add on rooms and back houses know it was a Hispanic family living there lol We have friends who live in LA, her parents had a double lot and owned the home, so our friends took out a construction mortgage to build them a smaller ranch home on the backlot and then the parents deeded the larger home over to them for their family. And now they have like a little compound, where the kids can run between the homes but everyone has their privacy as well. It's honestly the most genius use of family real estate I've seen. (They bought the house and land in the 70s in an area that only recently gentrified, so 100% lucky in that rather critical aspect of things. But still.) I would love to find some unrelated to me old people to do this with. It sounds lovely. But not with our families.
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Post by goldenbird on Feb 8, 2024 14:29:29 GMT -6
I have learned recently that no matter what I will need a guest bedroom for when my husband won’t stop snoring at night. I no longer have a guest room because it is H's bedroom. But I'm the snorer Having separate bedrooms is the best
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beepers
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Post by beepers on Feb 8, 2024 14:29:45 GMT -6
My oldest (7yo) has said he's never moving out and I'm cool with it, if he wants to stay. We have tons of postsecondary education options in our city and more than enough room. I love it when DS says stuff like this, but then last week he asked if I’d just give him the money to buy his own house and MH and I laughed and laughed.
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Eagles
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Post by Eagles on Feb 8, 2024 14:31:48 GMT -6
I try my best to know people's last names post-marriage, but I don't always know that someone didn't change it. Especially in this world of social media and emails and all the places where you do and don't change your name and it may not match what you've done legally. I also think people getting bent out of shape over it as some feminist insult is tedious. "Oh, it's Jones actually." And keep it moving. Those of us who have been saying "it's Jones actually" for over a decade, writing "Jones" on return addresses, etc and still being addressed as "Smith" because the senders think we should have changed our names are exhausted.
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jaygee
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Post by jaygee on Feb 8, 2024 14:32:01 GMT -6
My oldest (7yo) has said he's never moving out and I'm cool with it, if he wants to stay. We have tons of postsecondary education options in our city and more than enough room. I love it when DS says stuff like this, but then last week he asked if I’d just give him the money to buy his own house and MH and I laughed and laughed. Mine talks about when MH and me move out and he lives in our house with his friends. He never had an answer for where we will go. Frightening really.
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STP
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Post by STP on Feb 8, 2024 14:34:23 GMT -6
I also think people getting bent out of shape over it as some feminist insult is tedious. "Oh, it's Jones actually." And keep it moving. Those of us who have been saying "it's Jones actually" for over a decade, writing "Jones" on return addresses, etc and still being addressed as "Smith" because the senders think we should have changed our names are exhausted. I mean, if it's the same people over and over again, perhaps limited correspondence would be a better option. I stopped correcting family members who spell my name wrong bc if they don't want to respect me, I don't care enough about them to keep bothering.
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STP
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Post by STP on Feb 8, 2024 14:35:52 GMT -6
I no longer have a guest room because it is H's bedroom. But I'm the snorer (rofl) Having separate bedrooms is the best I was thisclose to insisting on it but his cpap has been a freaking life (and marriage) saver. I have come to realize that I haven't had a good night's sleep in the 20+ years we've been together, now that he's no longer snoring and I see what actual rest is.
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brux
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Post by brux on Feb 8, 2024 14:36:16 GMT -6
My MIL is single and has always lived in houses big enough for her kids to come stay, with 4+ bedrooms. But now all her kids have kids and there really isn't enough space for us *all* to stay, despite her strong desire to live a "all my kids here for the holidays" life. It's just 0% realistic. So she's finally, many years after retirement, looking to right size her home by selling her big home and finding a one level smaller home. I'm fully on board with that plan and agree with jaygee that more boomers should follow suit unless there's actual multi-generational living happening. Continuing to own a particular home for a future possibility of a visit feels silly to me.
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jaygee
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Post by jaygee on Feb 8, 2024 14:37:14 GMT -6
Having separate bedrooms is the best I was thisclose to insisting on it but his cpap has been a freaking life (and marriage) saver. I have come to realize that I haven't had a good night's sleep in the 20+ years we've been together, now that he's no longer snoring and I see what actual rest is. I’ll add you to my list of sleep study/CPAP believers! Life changing stuff.
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STP
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Post by STP on Feb 8, 2024 14:38:37 GMT -6
You all have a lot more faith in our economy than I do. I foresee adult children needing family homes a lot more, rather than less, in the coming years. And multigenerational situations being a lot more necessary, beyond cultural and "wouldn't that be nice" ideas.
Things are not getting better in this country any time soon.
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miawallace
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Post by miawallace on Feb 8, 2024 14:39:20 GMT -6
My parents are currently adding a two bedroom ADU where they are going to be moving into. My sister is going to stay in the main house with her kids. The converted garage is being rented out to a cousin of mine. That’s where I stayed when I was saving for our house. 🥹. When people wonder why people aren’t moving out this is why. In Mexico people buy lots and do whatever they want/need with them. It’s different here bc that’s not really an option so we find loop holes. I think everyone in their block has done this bc I have not seen anyone “new” In decades. Until very recently a lot of cities very tightly controlled the ADU permits. It was seen as a blight to the single family home model. Now that they are basically forced to by the state because of the housing mandates they are finally allowing or encouraging it. When I moved to my current city 10 years ago, I was told horror stories about people being denied even if they were building it for housing for a disabled adult dependent. Because the city would say “they might rent it out one day”. Now basically every remodel or new construction house includes an ADU because they city can use that for their housing requirements. Basically redlining but 2000s version. Sorry for the quote trees guys ADU are so new to me. I don’t know enough about them to be honest. Like regulations or whatever. What I do know is many homes in my area made a lot of illegal additions to our houses. It was like an unspoken agreement between all the Hispanic families to just let it be. We were always worried that someone would tell on us and send their people to tell us to take it down. I think that’s why my dad is doing the ADU approach now, but a few years ago he would have just added the house with Gods permission.
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STP
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Post by STP on Feb 8, 2024 14:39:26 GMT -6
I was thisclose to insisting on it but his cpap has been a freaking life (and marriage) saver. I have come to realize that I haven't had a good night's sleep in the 20+ years we've been together, now that he's no longer snoring and I see what actual rest is. I’ll add you to my list of sleep study/CPAP believers! Life changing stuff. I don't hear a peep out of him. I woke up the first night he had it and was almost overwhelmed with the difference. Now if Bagel wasn't such an asshole, my night time would be perfect.
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STP
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Post by STP on Feb 8, 2024 14:40:42 GMT -6
Look I am about one more shit thing happening away from gathering all my people into a bunker or trying to flee to my ancestral Scandinavia if I can figure out how to get the dog there, so really don't listen to me.
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gingy
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Post by gingy on Feb 8, 2024 14:41:37 GMT -6
DS has plans to move to Florida to live with his favorite great aunt. He DGAF about me.
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jaygee
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Post by jaygee on Feb 8, 2024 14:44:20 GMT -6
Until very recently a lot of cities very tightly controlled the ADU permits. It was seen as a blight to the single family home model. Now that they are basically forced to by the state because of the housing mandates they are finally allowing or encouraging it. When I moved to my current city 10 years ago, I was told horror stories about people being denied even if they were building it for housing for a disabled adult dependent. Because the city would say “they might rent it out one day”. Now basically every remodel or new construction house includes an ADU because they city can use that for their housing requirements. Basically redlining but 2000s version. Sorry for the quote trees guys ADU are so new to me. I don’t know enough about them to be honest. Like regulations or whatever. What I do know is many homes in my area made a lot of illegal additions to our houses. It was like an unspoken agreement between all the Hispanic families to just let it be. We were always worried that someone would tell on us and send their people to tell us to take it down. I think that’s why my dad is doing the ADU approach now, but a few years ago he would have just added the house with Gods permission. That’s another white person cultural phenomenon. They will rat you out for the littlest thing. I grew up in an area like you are describing (primarily Hispanic) and yeah you just did what needed to be done. The only complaints would be about no parking because of how many people lived in each house or unit. Here- I know people who have gotten in trouble because people they were friendly with called in complaints. And if a neighbor applies for permits we get a little postcard in the mail and get to attend the hearing and complain if we want. It’s wild and my city is mild for this. Further down where the really rich people live - oh boy. I have stories.
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Post by lucilleaustero on Feb 8, 2024 14:45:07 GMT -6
Intergenerational living is big in my husband's culture. But, it is a paused intergenerational thing. Like, you stay until marriage, then move out of the family home, but take your parents in once they hit their 60s. I can dig it.
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STP
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Post by STP on Feb 8, 2024 14:46:28 GMT -6
Intergenerational living is big in my husband's culture. But, it is a paused intergenerational thing. Like, you stay until marriage, then move out of the family home, but take your parents in once they hit their 60s. I can dig it. My parents are in their 70s and we're really seeing some stuff with them. I have a lot of anxiety over what the next steps are for them, realizing my turn as caretaker in this relationship is about to begin. It's a lot, mentally. For me anyway.
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jaygee
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Post by jaygee on Feb 8, 2024 14:47:52 GMT -6
You all have a lot more faith in our economy than I do. I foresee adult children needing family homes a lot more, rather than less, in the coming years. And multigenerational situations being a lot more necessary, beyond cultural and "wouldn't that be nice" ideas. Things are not getting better in this country any time soon. Well yes, in those situations I agree. So maybe it will all shake out that the houses will be more fully occupied. And that’s why I know my downsizing plans are just hopes and dreams until I know what’s what with my expensive little tenant. Lol.
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STP
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Post by STP on Feb 8, 2024 14:49:35 GMT -6
You all have a lot more faith in our economy than I do. I foresee adult children needing family homes a lot more, rather than less, in the coming years. And multigenerational situations being a lot more necessary, beyond cultural and "wouldn't that be nice" ideas. Things are not getting better in this country any time soon. Well yes, in those situations I agree. So maybe it will all shake out that the houses will be more fully occupied. And that’s why I know my downsizing plans are just hopes and dreams until I know what’s what with my expensive little tenant. Lol. That's what I have been talking about, personally. Not visits and such.
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Post by GhoatMonket on Feb 8, 2024 14:52:01 GMT -6
I love it when DS says stuff like this, but then last week he asked if I’d just give him the money to buy his own house and MH and I laughed and laughed. Mine talks about when MH and me move out and he lives in our house with his friends. He never had an answer for where we will go. Frightening really. Mine told me we should buy one of the houses next door. How about you do that skippy?
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jaygee
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Post by jaygee on Feb 8, 2024 14:53:26 GMT -6
Intergenerational living is big in my husband's culture. But, it is a paused intergenerational thing. Like, you stay until marriage, then move out of the family home, but take your parents in once they hit their 60s. I can dig it. My parents are in their 70s and we're really seeing some stuff with them. I have a lot of anxiety over what the next steps are for them, realizing my turn as caretaker in this relationship is about to begin. It's a lot, mentally. For me anyway. It’s a lot. My dad is in the middle of this with two parents and I’m taking notes but also scared. And I only have one parent to worry about. He’s going to be a nightmare though. I’m sorry you’re worried. I think a lot of people in this age bracket are going to be sandwiched soon with kids at home still and parents needing care.
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