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Post by microworm on Dec 13, 2023 14:55:49 GMT -6
microworm , Dhs company was bought out by a bigger company, everybody was supposed to stay on, that was the story since the rumor of buy out startd circulating. Then a couple months out everybody was going to be let go with pretty good severance packages. Then a small team was kept on for transitioning everything, dh was one of them. Then the small team was also let go 3 months in because they couldn't figure out how to utilize them. The whole time I don't think anybody did any actual good work. Thanks for sharing. Yea, my motivation and number of fucks to give have reduced dramatically. I'm starting to do the bare minimum and say "not my problem" or "meh, this'll do" about 10 times a day. It's a weird shift for me, an avid perfectionist and overachiever.
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angelashly
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Post by angelashly on Dec 13, 2023 15:09:44 GMT -6
My Debbie Downer anecdote seems to pale in comparison to everyone else but I'll share. The week before Thanksgiving, myself and most my team was let know that we are being let go next year. Our company is spinning off our division into a new company and we all were pretty excited for this new beginning and opportunity. We were all doing so much work to prepare for the spin off. However, leadership decided they want to consolidate the new company's R&D into 3 sites, and in doing so, they are closing R&D operations at 3 global sites, including mine. It was an absolute shock to everyone. I have been with the company 12 years and have a great team and management, lots of flexibility, and I'm 15 min away from my office. I really thought I'd be a lifer at this company. I have gone through the stages of grief and am feeling better now. It's just a job and I know I'll be fine. The other thing is that my end date is almost a year away, Nov 2024. I'll have to work on hiring my team's replacements, transferring my work, and building up a lab at the site in MN to replace our local one. Being in the office is uncomfortable. I feel like people are pitying me. I have been offered a good severance package if I stay but if my mental health suffers, I may not make it. As someone in the midst of a layoff it is not fun or easy. It’s ok to feel those feels and help when you can but also take off for interviews etc since you have a year. I would be up front with everyone that you just want to come in and do the work you are being paid for and to stop with the pity because it’s making it uncomfortable.
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Pistol
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Post by Pistol on Dec 13, 2023 15:22:40 GMT -6
I'm so sorry for everyone dealing with loss 😔 I'll add mine to this thread, since it seems to be the right place to do so. We just lost my grandmother last week to lung cancer. We had a family trip to Mexico in July and she found out about the mass right before we left. She finished 6 weeks of chemo/radiation after we got back and was doing amazing. Then about a month ago caught pneumonia that put her in the hospital. She was there about 3 weeks before she passed. It was so fast and such a rollercoaster after finishing chemo and doing so well. I'll spoiler this for possible TW I was actually able to be in town in the hospital with her for her last days. I was actually holding her hand when she took her last breath. Fitting because I did the same for my other grandmother who died of pancreatic cancer almost 10 years ago. They both ended up on hospice and it was such a good experience with both of them, they died peacefully and I dont think anyone could ask for anything more in that situation It has been making consider something I hadnt before...I have an LPN but have been a SAHM mom for the past 10 years. I've been toying with the idea of going back to school for my RN now that the kids are in school. And now I'm feeling a pull to go into hospice care after I do so. I think it might actually be a calling for me now and I think I want to make a difference in others lives in the same way I say go for it if it is doable! I have had a few family members go through hospice and those nurses are a total godsend to the families and can really make a difference in the family's ability to just cope. We had some really great nurses (and one we didn't really care for but I think it was just a personality clash) and it really helped our family to move through the process a little easier.
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piratecat
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Post by piratecat on Dec 13, 2023 15:33:25 GMT -6
I am so sorry for everyone going through losses and so much fucking cancer. It’s been almost 4 years since my husband was diagnosed with brain cancer and he’s been doing really well but I always worry about it coming back. ponyhairs I am so sorry. I’m glad you have family and friends there to support you and your husband through this. ❤️❤️❤️ It’s such a giant mind-fuck because once you have had it, the worry never leaves your mind. Every ache and pain and weird thing your mind immediately jumps to cancer. I think I can confidently say that there has not been a day I’ve not thought about cancer since his first diagnosis in 2015. Ugh, it’s been such a long battle for you. I’ve always admired your strength, how you supported your husband through it, and seemingly holding it all together. ❤️
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Post by microworm on Dec 13, 2023 15:36:06 GMT -6
My Debbie Downer anecdote seems to pale in comparison to everyone else but I'll share. The week before Thanksgiving, myself and most my team was let know that we are being let go next year. Our company is spinning off our division into a new company and we all were pretty excited for this new beginning and opportunity. We were all doing so much work to prepare for the spin off. However, leadership decided they want to consolidate the new company's R&D into 3 sites, and in doing so, they are closing R&D operations at 3 global sites, including mine. It was an absolute shock to everyone. I have been with the company 12 years and have a great team and management, lots of flexibility, and I'm 15 min away from my office. I really thought I'd be a lifer at this company. I have gone through the stages of grief and am feeling better now. It's just a job and I know I'll be fine. The other thing is that my end date is almost a year away, Nov 2024. I'll have to work on hiring my team's replacements, transferring my work, and building up a lab at the site in MN to replace our local one. Being in the office is uncomfortable. I feel like people are pitying me. I have been offered a good severance package if I stay but if my mental health suffers, I may not make it. As someone in the midst of a layoff it is not fun or easy. It’s ok to feel those feels and help when you can but also take off for interviews etc since you have a year. I would be up front with everyone that you just want to come in and do the work you are being paid for and to stop with the pity because it’s making it uncomfortable. Sorry you are going through this as well.
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Post by ponyhairs on Dec 13, 2023 16:02:13 GMT -6
It’s such a giant mind-fuck because once you have had it, the worry never leaves your mind. Every ache and pain and weird thing your mind immediately jumps to cancer. I think I can confidently say that there has not been a day I’ve not thought about cancer since his first diagnosis in 2015. Ugh, it’s been such a long battle for you. I’ve always admired your strength, how you supported your husband through it, and seemingly holding it all together. ❤️ This is very kind, thank you. I feel like most days I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm just hoping for the best.
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Post by ponyhairs on Dec 13, 2023 16:04:02 GMT -6
angelashly, how is the job search going? I think about you often. It can take such a toll on your mental health.
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angelashly
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Post by angelashly on Dec 13, 2023 16:07:52 GMT -6
angelashly, how is the job search going? I think about you often. It can take such a toll on your mental health. It is not going well. I’ve had so many interviews and have not gotten a single offer. It is making me feel a way about myself that I know it shouldn’t. I know I’m not the best in interviews but I wish there was a way to get across how well I would do the job. I have many more applications out but I’m assuming no one is looking to interview in the next couple weeks with holidays and vacations
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Post by ponyhairs on Dec 13, 2023 16:13:22 GMT -6
angelashly , how is the job search going? I think about you often. It can take such a toll on your mental health. It is not going well. I’ve had so many interviews and have not gotten a single offer. It is making me feel a way about myself that I know it shouldn’t. I know I’m not the best in interviews but I wish there was a way to get across how well I would do the job. I have many more applications out but I’m assuming no one is looking to interview in the next couple weeks with holidays and vacations It's honestly so soul crushing. I remember flopping face-down on the bed with my H and crying and asking why no one wanted to hire me. I'm always a PM away if you need to vent.
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angelashly
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Post by angelashly on Dec 13, 2023 16:17:55 GMT -6
It is not going well. I’ve had so many interviews and have not gotten a single offer. It is making me feel a way about myself that I know it shouldn’t. I know I’m not the best in interviews but I wish there was a way to get across how well I would do the job. I have many more applications out but I’m assuming no one is looking to interview in the next couple weeks with holidays and vacations It's honestly so soul crushing. I remember flopping face-down on the bed with my H and crying and asking why no one wanted to hire me. I'm always a PM away if you need to vent. You are the sweetest and the Pm goes for you too!
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Post by YakkityYak on Dec 13, 2023 16:32:25 GMT -6
angelashly, how is the job search going? I think about you often. It can take such a toll on your mental health. It is not going well. I’ve had so many interviews and have not gotten a single offer. It is making me feel a way about myself that I know it shouldn’t. I know I’m not the best in interviews but I wish there was a way to get across how well I would do the job. I have many more applications out but I’m assuming no one is looking to interview in the next couple weeks with holidays and vacations Please don't take it personally. The job market is not what the conservatives are describing ("no one wants to work"). Places are not hiring people at the rate people want/need jobs. At least in my area.
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Post by microworm on Dec 13, 2023 17:20:06 GMT -6
angelashly , how is the job search going? I think about you often. It can take such a toll on your mental health. It is not going well. I’ve had so many interviews and have not gotten a single offer. It is making me feel a way about myself that I know it shouldn’t. I know I’m not the best in interviews but I wish there was a way to get across how well I would do the job. I have many more applications out but I’m assuming no one is looking to interview in the next couple weeks with holidays and vacations I haven't interviewed in over 12 years. I'm very anxious thinking about it.
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Kenny1980
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Post by Kenny1980 on Dec 13, 2023 17:43:53 GMT -6
My mom was diagnosed with stage 1 lung cancer at the end of October. Shortly after that my best friend was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer. Thankfully my mom has had her surgery to remove the nodule on her lung and is doing well post surgery. She should not need chemo or radiation at this time. Now I feel like I can support my best friend a bit better with her upcoming surgeries. Cancer sucks, I am truly sorry for all that are also experiencing this with loved ones. I am thinking about everyone in this thread.
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Kida
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Post by Kida on Dec 14, 2023 8:49:11 GMT -6
Today is the first phone call that my dd will have with my stbxh in over a month and I'm pretty stressed about it.
I ended up having to take out an oop against him to include my dd and me and she has had a very hard time with the no contact. When I went to court, I promised her that I would ask if they could talk on the phone and I did. He is supposed to call 2x a week for 30min but I'm really nervous as to how it's going to go.
On top of that, dd's birthday party is supposed to be this weekend and I'm so broke from the sudden upheaval, moving and it's just going to be so small compared to all the previous years, not to mention that christmas is so close. The mom guilt is hitting hard and so is the anxiety.
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Pizzaslut
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Post by Pizzaslut on Dec 14, 2023 9:26:08 GMT -6
microworm, I'm so sorry. I'm sure that was a total mindfuck.
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Post by babybean on Dec 14, 2023 10:07:40 GMT -6
Today is the first phone call that my dd will have with my stbxh in over a month and I'm pretty stressed about it. I ended up having to take out an oop against him to include my dd and me and she has had a very hard time with the no contact. When I went to court, I promised her that I would ask if they could talk on the phone and I did. He is supposed to call 2x a week for 30min but I'm really nervous as to how it's going to go. On top of that, dd's birthday party is supposed to be this weekend and I'm so broke from the sudden upheaval, moving and it's just going to be so small compared to all the previous years, not to mention that christmas is so close. The mom guilt is hitting hard and so is the anxiety. Lack of control is hard for me. Going through the motions of your new circumstances is all you can do to move forward. I hope the call(s) go better than you expect. How old is your DD turning? She’ll have a special day no matter what I’m sure.
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Post by babybean on Dec 14, 2023 10:12:47 GMT -6
microworm angelashly you’re both very smart and capable, something good will come your way. It’s hard when change is forced upon you, the unknown is scary, but I think it ends up being a good thing often times.
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angelashly
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Post by angelashly on Dec 14, 2023 10:17:44 GMT -6
microworm angelashly you’re both very smart and capable, something good will come your way. It’s hard when change is forced upon you, the unknown is scary, but I think it ends up being a good thing often times. I’m really hoping you are right. It is pushing me to go back to open myself up to all possibilities so I’m hoping to find a forever career
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Kida
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Post by Kida on Dec 14, 2023 10:19:21 GMT -6
Today is the first phone call that my dd will have with my stbxh in over a month and I'm pretty stressed about it. I ended up having to take out an oop against him to include my dd and me and she has had a very hard time with the no contact. When I went to court, I promised her that I would ask if they could talk on the phone and I did. He is supposed to call 2x a week for 30min but I'm really nervous as to how it's going to go. On top of that, dd's birthday party is supposed to be this weekend and I'm so broke from the sudden upheaval, moving and it's just going to be so small compared to all the previous years, not to mention that christmas is so close. The mom guilt is hitting hard and so is the anxiety. Lack of control is hard for me. Going through the motions of your new circumstances is all you can do to move forward. I hope the call(s) go better than you expect. How old is your DD turning? She’ll have a special day no matter what I’m sure. Thank you. I have been really struggling with the lack of control in all aspects. This was all very sudden and somehow not. She will be turning 8.
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Post by Wtfshouldmynamebe on Dec 14, 2023 10:21:48 GMT -6
We put my dad in a nursing home in April, so this will be the first holidays with him there. He has late stage Alzheimers, so he has no idea who we are. It's really tough on my mom.
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Post by babybean on Dec 14, 2023 10:24:27 GMT -6
Lack of control is hard for me. Going through the motions of your new circumstances is all you can do to move forward. I hope the call(s) go better than you expect. How old is your DD turning? She’ll have a special day no matter what I’m sure. Thank you. I have been really struggling with the lack of control in all aspects. This was all very sudden and somehow not. She will be turning 8. Its okay to mourn your previous life, but remember there’s excitement in building a new one. You’ll find your new normal soon.
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Kida
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Post by Kida on Dec 14, 2023 10:30:35 GMT -6
Thank you. I have been really struggling with the lack of control in all aspects. This was all very sudden and somehow not. She will be turning 8. Its okay to mourn your previous life, but remember there’s excitement in building a new one. You’ll find your new normal soon. I'm in and out of the mourning I think. I had found out that my H was having an affair with multiple women and also using again. When I finally called it quits he became very dangerous which was a shock as well. I'm still in the thick of it so trying to be strong and find the normal but it's rough. I appreciate your kind words so much, truly.
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angelashly
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Post by angelashly on Dec 14, 2023 11:16:03 GMT -6
We put my dad in a nursing home in April, so this will be the first holidays with him there. He has late stage Alzheimers, so he has no idea who we are. It's really tough on my mom. ((Hugs))
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Eagles
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Post by Eagles on Dec 14, 2023 12:56:19 GMT -6
Big hugs to everyone in here who is struggling, especially you ponyhairs. ❤️
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flojo
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Post by flojo on Dec 14, 2023 13:01:42 GMT -6
Sending so much love to everyone in this thread. MIL is really sick and we’re preparing for the worst. MH is a mess already and I feel like we’re in limbo waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I just watched the Stephen Colbert and Anderson Cooper conversation about grief and oof. Probably not the smartest choice.
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Post by miawallace on Dec 14, 2023 14:11:02 GMT -6
I spiraled on Hospice care when I had initially heard the news of my aunt. I bought the Barbara Karnes digital books on Amazon. Although they are more like a series of pamphlets made into a book.
The Gone From My Sight pamphlet has been so helpful with navigating all the end of life stuff. She does such a wonderful job at guiding as to what it will all look like and there are parts of the pamphlets that had me sobbing.
I found them in Spanish and sent some with my mom to the family in Mexico since they were given so little actual guidance once my aunt was sent home. hospice care over there is not like Hospice here even with medical insurance.
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jaygee
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Post by jaygee on Dec 14, 2023 14:16:08 GMT -6
miawallace I tell everyone about those hospice pamphlets. They are so helpful and accurate. And comforting. There is also this hospice nurse I started getting content from in my YouTube algorithms (don’t ask me how or why - maybe because I watch lots of Swedish death cleaning content) and her stuff is amazing. She just wrote a book too. I was going to recommend this when I had a chance to you icedcoffee. This is her channel: youtube.com/@nursehadley?si=DNOXibPKqgclQFNn
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fire
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Post by fire on Dec 14, 2023 14:18:56 GMT -6
When my dad was living with Altzheimers the book "Can't We Talk About Something More Pleasant" by Roz Chast was recommended to me by my therapist and also a friend. I enjoyed it. It is always nice to have someone "get" it. If anyone needs to chat I am now two years on the other side and am always happy to listen.
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Post by miawallace on Dec 14, 2023 14:38:12 GMT -6
miawallace I tell everyone about those hospice pamphlets. They are so helpful and accurate. And comforting. There is also this hospice nurse I started getting content from in my YouTube algorithms (don’t ask me how or why - maybe because I watch lots of Swedish death cleaning content) and her stuff is amazing. She just wrote a book too. I was going to recommend this when I had a chance to you icedcoffee. This is her channel: youtube.com/@nursehadley?si=DNOXibPKqgclQFNn I started following Nurse Julie and Nurse Penny on Instagram and tiktok, and both have been great resources. I’ll add Nurse Hadley. I think they also have YouTube channels.
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Post by miawallace on Dec 14, 2023 14:39:40 GMT -6
Maybe I should have named this thread the all things grief thread.
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