Negative Nelly Holiday Thread

[zoeylucy]

Huge hugs @angelashley, miawallace, ponyhairs.

I am so, so sorry you’re going through this.

[sterling]

I’m so sorry ponyhairs. Sending love to you all.

[zoeylucy]

I am seriously considering putting my parents into long term time out after the holidays. I have therapy tomorrow and I’m grateful to have the opportunity to talk to my therapist about it.

[angelashly]

Dec 12, 2023 15:59:22 GMT -6 ponyhairs said:

Dec 12, 2023 15:53:36 GMT -6 angelashly said:

ponyhairs I am so so sorry for you and your dd and h. No one should have to deal with that.

How does your daughter feel about him coming home? We brought my dad home when he was on hospice and honestly at 18 I less grateful because I got to be comfortable and with him at all times and could say the things I wanted to say more comfortable because I was at home if that makes any sense.

We haven't had the conversation with her yet.  We are still trying to see if we can get him stable enough to even come home and once we have more clarity on that we will have the conversation with her.  I had a zoom meeting with her teacher and school counselor and the principal yesterday and I'm very grateful that they are being so wonderful and supportive.

❤️❤️

[lucilleaustero]

I am sorry miawallace and @angelashley. I hope for a peaceful transition for them.

ponyhairs, I am so sorry.

[ponyhairs]

And just as a general whine that is really the cherry on top of all that up there, I’ve been bleeding since September and got a stupid IUD inserted that is supposed to help. Instead I am having the heaviest and most painful period I’ve ever experienced. I’ve used 22 pads since I bought the package Sunday afternoon and bled so much last night at the hospital that I had to have the sweet ICU nurse track down a pair of scrub pants for me.

[cnf]

Dec 12, 2023 15:55:29 GMT -6 ponyhairs said:

Christmas cards are starting to arrive, and I told my MIL that I needed her to go through the mail and take them out. I just can't see one more "wishing you a happy and healthy 2024" message with a smiling family photo. I know that sounds really childish and selfish but #selfcare.

Not selfish at all. Protect your own heart. It's ok.

I'm so sorry.

[cnf]

Both of my grandparents (my dad's mom and step father) are currently in the hospital. He had a back surgery like almost two months ago that he isn't recovering from. And her for COPD from decades of smoking. They thought they were going to lose her Sunday and my dad drove the four hours down to Jersey. What they thought was massive internal bleeding ended up being massive amounts of fluid filling her abdomen and crushing her organs.

They were in separate hospitals up until Sunday and finally they managed to move my grandfather, so now they're roomed together in the same hospital. They're both in their 80's so none of this is really shocking, but still difficult.

Both my parent's parent are divorced and remarried and growing up I thought having 8 grandparents was so fun. We lost my dad's dad about this time two years ago and my mom's dad three years ago on Christmas night.

I'm sorry to everyone struggling and grieving.

[jaygee]

I’m so sorry to everyone struggling.

And fuck off to cancer.

Two years ago is when my aunt was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and she was gone by mid Jan. This year’s grief has been much more than last year. Not sure why but I think I was still in shock most of last year. Facing the rest of my life with no female familial elders has hit me like a ton of bricks this year. I’m only 44! I’m working to make connections outside of family ties but it’s hard, you know. Like I just need some older women to tell me how menopause will go and how to live my best life after 50.

Anyways, that’s all to say that cancer is the worst and I’m really sorry for all the hurt it’s causing my friends in this thread. It’s unfair.

[fancynewbeesly]

I am so sorry to hear of everyone struggling

DD1 is just frustrated. Her immune system isn’t rebounding and she is upset she is under strict restrictions. At 12 it is so hard because she is social and now it is cold and dark so she doesn’t get to see friends as much.

And her restrictions inadvertently are restricting DD2. Because she can’t have friends over and we try not to do fun things with her because DD1 gets upset.

It is just rough.

[Kida]

Dec 12, 2023 16:19:52 GMT -6 ponyhairs said:

And just as a general whine that is really the cherry on top of all that up there, I’ve been bleeding since September and got a stupid IUD inserted that is supposed to help. Instead I am having the heaviest and most painful period I’ve ever experienced. I’ve used 22 pads since I bought the package Sunday afternoon and bled so much last night at the hospital that I had to have the sweet ICU nurse track down a pair of scrub pants for me.

I'm so sorry. I also have been bleeding since October and nothing seems to help. It really is the worst.

[gimmeaQ]

I mentioned in a different thread that my aunt, who moved into a nursing home literal weeks ago due to early onset Alzheimer’s died last week from an apparent choking.

She was long distance and they don’t have kids so my dad traveled to be with her husband this week. My mom, who is subsequently alone this week, is apparently not handling this well at all, is all over the place with communication to us about what’s going on and it’s not the time to get upset with her over it so I’m just rolling with it.

And This is dumb and petty, but they put together a slide show for her and there are zero photos of my brother and everyone is too stressed out to even bring it up. There are a handful of me and even my H (she loved on all of her nieces and nephews extra).

[babybean]

I feel like the words don’t exist to reply the way I want to here. I’m sorry for everyone hurting and experiencing different stages of grief. A lot of it isn’t fair and there’s no rhyme or reason to it. Sending love. ♥️

[kayc]

I’m so sorry to everyone. Hugs, hair pats and I wish there were words that help. Thinking of you all.

[Pistol]

Backstory: as a kid my grandma always favored my Aunt Brenda's kids. Even their girlfriends of all of a month got better gifts than I did for Christmas. Think AE hoodie vs ill fitting shirt and a pair of fuzzy socks from Walmart. This actually led to me not really liking Christmas because I always ended up feeling less than.

I have not gone to Christmas at her house since R was born because she always insisted on Christmas day at noon and I refuse to leave the house. A few years ago she stopped doing it all together because more of my cousins decided to not leave their houses either. This year she decided to do a family Christmas on a separate day. When she proposed the idea she told my cousins' wives their kids could exchange their gifts then since they exchange. I brought up drawing names so my kids could be included and was shot down due to gifts already being purchased. This was all on Thanksgiving day so I opted not to go full burn it down on the spot but later called my mom and asked if this was Brenda's party and we were just invited to watch because I have no interest in the Brenda show. She had my dad (it's his mom) talk to grandma and sort everything out. My parents got something for the kids so they will have presents to open and it sounds like we will be drawing names next year. I'm still feeling cranky about it but my kids enjoy seeing my cousins' kids and they don't have any first cousins so I feel like at this point they would be more upset to not go since they know nothing of what has happened thus far. However, if I start seeing blatant in your face favoritism we will cut ties and I will tell the kids why. I just hate it because I thought the favoritism had pretty well died out as we started having our own kids but now I see I was wrong. But my kids won't be left to feel less than by their own family.

[Pistol]

Dec 12, 2023 16:19:52 GMT -6 ponyhairs said:

And just as a general whine that is really the cherry on top of all that up there, I’ve been bleeding since September and got a stupid IUD inserted that is supposed to help. Instead I am having the heaviest and most painful period I’ve ever experienced. I’ve used 22 pads since I bought the package Sunday afternoon and bled so much last night at the hospital that I had to have the sweet ICU nurse track down a pair of scrub pants for me.

I know you have your hands full and obviously you're already working with your gyn on this but please keep pushing your dr to fix this. Personally I would be looking to have the IUD removed because it's doing the opposite. Also, have your Dr order blood work to make sure you aren't anemic with that much bleeding. Huge hugs to you.

[Pistol]

Big hugs to everyone and an even bigger fuck cancer.

[gimmeaQ]

ponyhairs I am so deeply sorry

[coconutbacon]

ponyhairs I’m so sorry. Truly, there are no words. Keeping your family in my thoughts.

[skategirl128]

ponyhairs I’m so incredibly sorry. I’ve been there (although my DS1 was much younger than your DD). It sucks and I’m so sorry. Keeping all of you in my prayers. Sending lots of love to you. I’m here if you need me- I’m just a PM away.

[peachesncream]

I am so sorry to all of you suffering the loss of a loved one, especially ponyhairs.

My petty whines pale in comparison, but I am in the middle of a divorce and have no family around. My parents offered hairpats and financial support but refuse to actually be present for me and I feel very alone.

[wedding]

I’m so sorry ponyhairs. And to all of you with sick family members.

My gram is 92 and is in a nursing home due to dementia. She can’t come to my parent’s house for Christmas because of the stairs and the lack of accessibility in the bathroom. It’s going to be so weird without her and selfishly I hate going to the home because it is so depressing seeing her there. Last time I went she didn’t know who I was.

[willow]

Ah fuck, ponyhairs. There are no adequate words, truly. I carry you in my heart in this moment.

[sweptaway]

jaygee my aunt has been such a guidepost for me in the 13 (!!!) years since my mom died. Sometimes I think about losing her too and it's just too much.
One of my best friends is about 15 years older than me. We met through work. She has given me such amazing parenting and marriage advice. I hope you can find someone to lean on too. It's so hard to build that family

[Pizzaslut]

In early November, we found out my dad has colon cancer and had surgery a couple days before Thanksgiving to remove 12 inches of his large intestine. He's recovering well but the surgeon specifically said after that they will have results in about a week to see if it has spread to the lymph nodes, which would then require chemotherapy. It has been 3 weeks and my parents keep saying they haven't heard anything. I don't believe them and because I am who I am, I think it's bad news that they don't want to share. This year has been really tough - I didn't get my "dream" job, DS broke his arm and the healing process was hell, and now this. There's a lot of other stuff too but it's too much to type every thing thing that has happened over the year. Is there ever going to be a good year? I've been hoping for the last 5 or 6 but they just keep getting harder.

[Pizzaslut]

ponyhairs, I am so sorry for you and your family. I'll be thinking and praying for all of you.

[angelashly]

Pizzaslut I would think the same thing it’s my nature. I hope we are wrong though

[sweptaway]

I'm so sorry for everyone who is dealing with serious health issues in any capacity and in the thick of it right now. It is so so hard. I hope you all have someone(s) to lean on.


I'm far enough removed from it now but my mom died ten days before Christmas in 2010. The first few years were so painful. I still get those pangs though.

[icedcoffee]

I'm so sorry for everyone dealing with loss 😔

I'll add mine to this thread, since it seems to be the right place to do so.

We just lost my grandmother last week to lung cancer. We had a family trip to Mexico in July and she found out about the mass right before we left. She finished 6 weeks of chemo/radiation after we got back and was doing amazing. Then about a month ago caught pneumonia that put her in the hospital. She was there about 3 weeks before she passed. It was so fast and such a rollercoaster after finishing chemo and doing so well. I'll spoiler this for possible TW

SPOILER: Click to show

I was actually able to be in town in the hospital with her for her last days. I was actually holding her hand when she took her last breath. Fitting because I did the same for my other grandmother who died of pancreatic cancer almost 10 years ago. They both ended up on hospice and it was such a good experience with both of them, they died peacefully and I dont think anyone could ask for anything more in that situation

It has been making consider something I hadnt before...I have an LPN but have been a SAHM mom for the past 10 years. I've been toying with the idea of going back to school for my RN now that the kids are in school. And now I'm feeling a pull to go into hospice care after I do so. I think it might actually be a calling for me now and I think I want to make a difference in others lives in the same way

[angelashly]

Dec 13, 2023 9:00:12 GMT -6 icedcoffee said:

I'm so sorry for everyone dealing with loss 😔

I'll add mine to this thread, since it seems to be the right place to do so.

We just lost my grandmother last week to lung cancer. We had a family trip to Mexico in July and she found out about the mass right before we left. She finished 6 weeks of chemo/radiation after we got back and was doing amazing. Then about a month ago caught pneumonia that put her in the hospital. She was there about 3 weeks before she passed. It was so fast and such a rollercoaster after finishing chemo and doing so well. I'll spoiler this for possible TW

SPOILER: Click to show

I was actually able to be in town in the hospital with her for her last days. I was actually holding her hand when she took her last breath. Fitting because I did the same for my other grandmother who died of pancreatic cancer almost 10 years ago. They both ended up on hospice and it was such a good experience with both of them, they died peacefully and I dont think anyone could ask for anything more in that situation

It has been making consider something I hadnt before...I have an LPN but have been a SAHM mom for the past 10 years. I've been toying with the idea of going back to school for my RN now that the kids are in school. And now I'm feeling a pull to go into hospice care after I do so. I think it might actually be a calling for me now and I think I want to make a difference in others lives in the same way

If you are feeling the calling go with it. It is so needed and I appreciate everyone who is involved with hospice care. I want to start volunteering or making a program for kids experiencing loss because it’s so hard and needed.

I’m sorry about your grandmother also but I’m so glad you got your trip and to be in town.