rvasc
Emerald
Posts: 14,449 Likes: 83,796 
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Post by rvasc on May 31, 2017 14:13:20 GMT -6
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Post by heybulldog on May 31, 2017 14:22:37 GMT -6
This is so fucking accurate. Story of my life.
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Post by sweptaway on May 31, 2017 14:33:55 GMT -6
I think jaidit shared this when we first got here. I've been running around the house yelling MENTAL LOAD at my husband for the past week or so. So far it seems to be working. Because he thinks I'm insane |
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Post by theoriginalbean on May 31, 2017 14:34:09 GMT -6
This speaks to me for a variety of reasons. In my previous life, I was a sociologist studying work/family/gender issues. Ironically, I didn't finish that PHD (ABD) because I never got my shit together WRT my own work/family balance. MH is great, I'm lucky that we have a good split, but the mental work is underrated, for sure.
Related, Em got a lego set for her birthday this weekend. Of course, it was the pink set, that's fine. But it came with an iron. A freaking iron. In the "girls" lego set. I want to burn it down.
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Post by porkchop on May 31, 2017 14:37:40 GMT -6
wow, spot on.
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Post by shannyd on May 31, 2017 14:39:18 GMT -6
This might be the most true thing I've ever read.
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jojo
Gold
Posts: 595 Likes: 2,625
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Post by jojo on May 31, 2017 14:39:38 GMT -6
This is my life.
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Post by potatocakes on May 31, 2017 14:42:13 GMT -6
I have literally had this conversation with H. "I feel like I am the manager and you are my employee". He's really stepped it up lately, actually. I should thank him.
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tmg
Sapphire
Posts: 3,595 Likes: 10,419
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Post by tmg on May 31, 2017 14:49:01 GMT -6
I think jaidit shared this when we first got here. I've been running around the house yelling MENTAL LOAD at my husband for the past week or so. So far it seems to be working. Because he thinks I'm insane This is the actual best. |
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Post by goldenbird on May 31, 2017 14:52:11 GMT -6
Yup, I identify with this so much.
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Tlex
Ruby
Posts: 22,759
Likes: 154,991
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Post by Tlex on May 31, 2017 14:52:36 GMT -6
I have literally had this conversation with H. "I feel like I am the manager and you are my employee". He's really stepped it up lately, actually. I should thank him. Kinda fucked that you feel like you ought to be grateful to your partner for doing a somewhat more equal share in general Life though, right? I totally get it. I'm just reflecting. |
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Post by leatherpants on May 31, 2017 14:53:26 GMT -6
I don't have a H, but the mental load is exhausting. That bit about taking 2 hours to clear off the table is pretty much my life all day every day. It makes me feel crazy sometimes.
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Post by truffleshuffle on May 31, 2017 14:56:25 GMT -6
this is my life to a T. I want to scream. I just sent this to him
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Post by potatocakes on May 31, 2017 15:00:47 GMT -6
I have literally had this conversation with H. "I feel like I am the manager and you are my employee". He's really stepped it up lately, actually. I should thank him. Kinda fucked that you feel like you ought to be grateful to your partner for doing a somewhat more equal share in general Life though, right? I totally get it. I'm just reflecting. Oh, 100%, but I haven't even had a thought that I needed to ask him to pitch in on something in quite a while, unless it was either physically (can't move giant furniture alone) or I was being lazy (like asking him to carry the laundry upstairs when I didn't feel like it). And we're a words of affirmation househould. Everyone gets thanks and gold stars for everything, because it makes us happy! I'm not throwing him a parade, I'm just saying "thanks for being a partner in all of this craziness". |
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Post by curmudgeon on May 31, 2017 15:03:18 GMT -6
I've never seen it explained more accurately. "The mental load" is what I haven't been able to explain clearly to him, but the table clearing > pick up a towel > put away vegetables, etc is the best illustration ever.
I just sent this to 3 friends and they are all saying "omg this is so true"
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2017 15:07:46 GMT -6
I was thinking today about how I can't concentrate anymore. Even if I'm alone my mind is running a million miles a minute, and this mental load explains it. It isn't just what I do- it's what I manage that matters too. And I never feel like I have time to stop and figure it out, so it's constantly just running.
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Post by sweptaway on May 31, 2017 15:09:45 GMT -6
I think jaidit shared this when we first got here. I've been running around the house yelling MENTAL LOAD at my husband for the past week or so. So far it seems to be working. Because he thinks I'm insane This is the actual best. I mean. I explained it to him first. And now any time I ask him to do something I follow it up with that and then he does it so hopefully I'm conditioning him. |
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Post by windwithfingers on May 31, 2017 15:10:09 GMT -6
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Post by urbanbourbon on May 31, 2017 15:10:19 GMT -6
This is so accurate of my life.
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ceejay
Bronze
Posts: 160 Likes: 394
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Post by ceejay on May 31, 2017 15:12:36 GMT -6
This explains everything so well. H and I fight about household chores and him taking more/any responsibility for our home pretty much every other week. Maybe this well help him understand why I feel exhausted and overwhelmed even though he "helps out whenever I ask him to."
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chou
New
Posts: 38 Likes: 49
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Post by chou on May 31, 2017 15:21:20 GMT -6
This is absolutely my life. And I say this knowing my H is FAR more helpful than the average. The mental acrobats I do every day to keep our family running is exhausting.
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Post by leatherpants on May 31, 2017 15:24:27 GMT -6
I've never seen it explained more accurately. "The mental load" is what I haven't been able to explain clearly to him, but the table clearing > pick up a towel > put away vegetables, etc is the best illustration ever. I just sent this to 3 friends and they are all saying "omg this is so true" I just sent it to 3 friends too and they said the same thing. Lol. ...unless you were one of them! |
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Post by leatherpants on May 31, 2017 15:26:42 GMT -6
I was thinking today about how I can't concentrate anymore. Even if I'm alone my mind is running a million miles a minute, and this mental load explains it. It isn't just what I do- it's what I manage that matters too. And I never feel like I have time to stop and figure it out, so it's constantly just running. Yes! I've joked for a long time that I have self-diagnosed ADD but I was starting to actually be a bit concerned for myself how I just can't ever do one thing start to finish. |
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Risscaboobs
Sapphire
Fuck is by far my favorite F word.
Posts: 2,971 Likes: 10,175
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Post by Risscaboobs on May 31, 2017 15:30:41 GMT -6
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Bluebird
Amethyst
Posts: 6,457 Likes: 22,491
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Post by Bluebird on May 31, 2017 15:42:57 GMT -6
This made me want to cry a little. My invisible burden has felt very heavy lately. H is always willing to help, but sometimes the delegation just adds to the pile, you know?
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adelbert
Amethyst
Posts: 7,070 Likes: 40,524
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Post by adelbert on May 31, 2017 15:55:17 GMT -6
So long. I skimmed and had to stop doing even that. Many of the examples seemed really depressing and like not great relationships. |
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Sparkly
Platinum
Posts: 1,401 Likes: 7,163
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Post by Sparkly on May 31, 2017 16:05:42 GMT -6
SO MUCH THIS
OMG
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Post by missshirley on May 31, 2017 16:06:05 GMT -6
This. So this. We had a conversation on the scarymommy boards and I brought up this. How much more work there is to all the planning and preparing and tracking. And how it's almost always 100% the woman's job. And then after that if the physical doing of the chores gets divided 50/50 it's this awe inspiring amazing thing. I don't work right now, but I'm at home with a 2, 4 and during non-school hours a 6 year old. The childcare duties, cooking and cleaning are a full job in themselves. Add all the mental load on top of it and I'm exhausted. I've already told my husband he's got something to read tonight  |
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olenka
Gold
Posts: 593 Likes: 1,554
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Post by olenka on May 31, 2017 16:08:42 GMT -6
Yeah, I remember reading this back when it came out (I am on MF a lot) and so much of it rang so true. The whole Christmas cards thing for one. Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk |
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Post by sunshine on May 31, 2017 16:21:52 GMT -6
This is the first time I've seen this and it couldn't be more true. I've always wondered why I seem so mentally exhausted compared to MH and now I know why!
I will also be letting him know he has something to read tonight.
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