My Intentions and Prescence Here

[klong11]

You created a place for us to go, a safe haven, and people have the audacity to ask you to step down? Eff them. Perhaps they should step away instead.
I like you McBenny, you speak your mind.
Thank you for building this place for us.

[zoeylucy]

May 21, 2017 15:10:34 GMT -6 HilarityEnsued said:

I'm going to step back and off all sites for a very extended maybe permanent break. I'm sure others will be here tomorrow to help everyone figure out the plans.

I don't blame you for wanting a break. I just want to say thank you for all the effort you've put in trying to help us stay together. I hope to see you soon.

[enchanted]

May 21, 2017 14:49:27 GMT -6 Kida said:

May 21, 2017 14:40:41 GMT -6 Admin said:

I'm not shutting down. I just have a group saying thanks for the forum. Can you step down? K, thanks.

I think that's bullshit and sounds the opposite of grateful.

I agree with AmyG about why are all of the other admins just from parenting?

Nothing against HilarityEnsued @frank and brux but I feel like we should have 1 from parenting, one from ttc, one from al etc, not all from parenting. I can see why there's grumbling. I was happy with just you and Amy honestly.

I don't know if this has been covered or not, but while I post on Parenting, my first home has always been the loss boards and I volunteered when McBenny asked for a loss or IF person to help out.

[Deleted]

Admin I appreciate you putting this together. I know what your intentions were from the beginning.

I think we all need to give this situation some grace and stop rushing to make quick decisions.

I'm sure there is a way to work this all out, and I think level headedness from all of us will do a world of good.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[enchanted]

May 21, 2017 15:12:15 GMT -6 @rocknroll said:

So how much do the loss boards visit other boards? Does it make sense for them to have their own space not attached to Parenting, GKU, etc?

Some of us post in quite a few places; other don't.

[Deleted]

May 21, 2017 15:04:20 GMT -6 @katechristine said:

I think we can maybe all agree that our biggest issue in all of this is moving too fast.

So, we have two landing spots right now. Let's take a few days and figure all of this out. Everything is still so fresh and I worry if another quick decision is made that we will lose people.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

This. I think a lot of us are fatigued and wary of making another hasty decision about the boards. Emotions are running high from yesterday's events and there is a fair amount of hurt on all sides. Let things settle. Let people think about what they are looking for. Work on diplomatically getting buy in from the various communities that aren't already here. I do think you are already trying to do those things, but pushing people hard right now will be met with resistance.

Fwiw, I like this forum and I really appreciate the leave-no-poster-behind mentality that Admin and AmyG had in creating it.

[Kida]

May 21, 2017 15:19:11 GMT -6 enchanted said:

May 21, 2017 14:49:27 GMT -6 Kida said:

I think that's bullshit and sounds the opposite of grateful.

I agree with AmyG about why are all of the other admins just from parenting?

Nothing against HilarityEnsued @frank and brux but I feel like we should have 1 from parenting, one from ttc, one from al etc, not all from parenting. I can see why there's grumbling. I was happy with just you and Amy honestly.

I don't know if this has been covered or not, but while I post on Parenting, my first home has always been the loss boards and I volunteered when McBenny asked for a loss or IF person to help out.

Good I'm glad that was covered. I'm guessing Frank is ttc and then I think we only need one from parenting.

I belong here and the other place is kind of pissing me off with how they are talking about McBenny. I think this is getting outta hand.

[babybean]

I know I'm a nobody, but I'm kind of pissed. Yes Mcbenny can be intense and her style is not for everyone, but she's supportive and speaks her truth. She'll call you on your shit but she'll also have your back like no other. Emotions were high in the SOTB thread, and while I may not agree with everything she said, I didn't take it as an attack on the entire loss community. I doubt the anti-mcb campaign is based solely on what was said in that thread. I find this unfair because I know this place was set up with the intention of looking out for us all.

[Tlex]

I regret saying anything now. I don't know. I think I'll try stepping back from all boards.
I can see all sides and it's hard and I prefer when I can just pick one side and fight for it until I die.

[footloose]

May 21, 2017 14:48:44 GMT -6 Admin said:

My admin vision was always a group made up of people from each culture. Not no one person in charge etc.

This is absolutely what I thought you had envisioned and I always pictured you as one of the admins.

I would be disappointed if you were pushed out.

[goldenbird]

I hope everyone who is taking a (well deserved and needed) break will be back. Tlex HilarityEnsued @anyone

We will miss you guys while you're gone.

[enchanted]

Look, I don't speak for all the Loss moms. I offered to help out because McBenny was sincere in her intentions to create a safe space the Loss and the IF communities and that is something that is important to me.

I don't know if those two groups are going to come over here or not. It would make my life easier if they did (along with the women on the politics board), but obviously I am no one's boss.

I don't know what the solution is, but damn I'm exhausted from all the stress and fighting and trying to keep my friends together.

[Tlex]

May 21, 2017 15:33:42 GMT -6 enchanted said:

Look, I don't speak for all the Loss moms. I offered to help out because McBenny was sincere in her intentions to create a safe space the Loss and the IF communities and that is something that is important to me.

I don't know if those two groups are going to come over here or not. It would make my life easier if they did (along with the women on the politics board), but obviously I am no one's boss.

I don't know what the solution is, but damn I'm exhausted from all the stress and fighting and trying to keep my friends together.

Who gets to join this exclusive Loss board? I'm feeling a way about that.

[goldenbird]

I started a drinking thread if anyone is interested

[rere]

I don't post much, but I read much.

1. McBenny at 20 is not new, when she feels someone coming for her, she'll come back.

2. She spent all day yesterday making sure all boards knew about this place so no one would be left behind. She didn't have to do that and no one else did.

3. No one should be getting upset yet about any board since people were throwing things together just to have a place to land.

[enchanted]

May 21, 2017 15:35:56 GMT -6 Tlex said:

May 21, 2017 15:33:42 GMT -6 enchanted said:

Look, I don't speak for all the Loss moms. I offered to help out because McBenny was sincere in her intentions to create a safe space the Loss and the IF communities and that is something that is important to me.

I don't know if those two groups are going to come over here or not. It would make my life easier if they did (along with the women on the politics board), but obviously I am no one's boss.

I don't know what the solution is, but damn I'm exhausted from all the stress and fighting and trying to keep my friends together.

Who gets to join this exclusive Loss board? I'm feeling a way about that.

No one was intentionally left out. The link was posted on the loss boards.

[Admin]

May 21, 2017 14:52:20 GMT -6 @heartbot said:

Also: no one asked McBenny to create this forum. In fact, about 6 people did, so I don't see why we're all supposed to be grateful for one more forum. I need to step away. This is so unbelievably uncool. I don't know WHAT the point of this was. It's certainly not going to make anyone who isn't already cool with McBenny want to come over here.

Sure no one asked me to create a forum. Nor did I beg anyone to come over. The purpose was to let people know what's going on.

Also I am a member of the loss community. No I don't hang out in the board. I made sure a loss and IF person was involved in building and are Admins.

Anyway I'm not arguing with anyone here. I'm done. I've been checked out of my life for the last two days.

Theres no need to be cool with any admin if there isn't one person in charge.

[peachsmama]

I haven't read past page 1 and idk where this all started but I would like this forum to be "the" forum. It's organized. It looks like every one has a place and new places were quick to be made for us (n13). I hope you stay Mcbenny. Your commentary on parenting is why I always lurk 😊

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[Admin]

May 21, 2017 15:14:30 GMT -6 imapenguin said:

Is there someone from the loss community that they would like to admin for them? And if they are happy elsewhere why are we trying to make them be somewhere they have no interest in? If they are interested in staying with the group then I'm sure we can work this out, as long as someone is willing to speak up for them (@heartbot seems to be doing that now). If they don't then there's no need to, but maybe they'd be willing to leave a link here somewhere in case someone finds themselves in need of that support in the future.

I have a volunteer from IF and Loss that are Admins and helped build just an FYI.

[Pistol]

May 21, 2017 15:12:15 GMT -6 @rocknroll said:

So how much do the loss boards visit other boards? Does it make sense for them to have their own space not attached to Parenting, GKU, etc?

I think it makes sense for us to have those boards here (if they will come) because at least some people from all of those other boards will likely also experience loss at some point. I know that if I were experience a loss right now I would appreciate having a community right here that I could potentially join instead of having to seek out a separate website/forum. I also feel that the people within the loss community that date back to TB days had a massive wealth of information and are very important. They most likely don't remember me but they did help me during my brief stay between my loss and conceiving R. I never did make my way to PGAL but I am sure they would have been just as important to me during that time in my life.

Tl;dr yes I believe we need a loss community here and not put them in their own separate space.

[Admin]

Anyway I'm stepping away for the day. Everyone chill. There's no need to drag for anyone. Just letting you know what's up.

[sweptaway]

May 21, 2017 15:04:20 GMT -6 @katechristine said:

I think we can maybe all agree that our biggest issue in all of this is moving too fast.

So, we have two landing spots right now. Let's take a few days and figure all of this out. Everything is still so fresh and I worry if another quick decision is made that we will lose people.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

This.

And I'm not privy to all the background chatter but I know that anything anyone did in the last few days was 100 % because they did not want to lose this community. I know there are a lot of hurt feelings all around right now but I don't want what will eventually be a blip on the radar to fracture us.

[sweptaway]

I also agree a panel of admins representing multiple boards is the best way to go and is also all I have heard anyone suggest, on either board.

[enchanted]

@heartbot Thanks for posting the link. I'm jumping between places now and forgot it.

[brux]

The only reason I ever swooped was because I believed that once every group had their own message board for a few weeks, everyone would never come together.

I'm not trying to push people around or be bossy or anything. Everyone can and should post where they want.

I would love to keep 1,000 people in one place. That's all.

I'm bowing out of any pushes because I'm feeling like the bad guy and I don't want to be that.

[claudia]

Admin you've been honest since the beginning that you weren't looking at this as your board. And that you wanted an admin team. I hope everyone comes together at one board. I appreciate your and AmyG efforts to make this place come together and all the boards.

[Admin]

May 21, 2017 15:19:29 GMT -6 AmyG said:

I will only say bad about mcbenny that she could have told me what she was up to
instead of radio silence and then not admin. Good thing I'm ok and respect her authority to do that, and I know she's trying to make a bunch of people happy.

So I'm not admin. I can't add boards or change anything, I can't even ban people or censor words anything lol. Hope someone steps up to make boards and get ownership of the board if mcb wants to pass it to someone else. Proboards gets funky about changing owner admin without their input.

I was just trying to make a skeleton set of boards when mcb needed help,
an outline if you will covering all categories of the types of people we are.

and was called to the carpet that I was moving too fast making boards
when so many people were over at sterling's place.
and that they'd vote tomorrow or so about where to go
and then vote on who was admins and mods
and vote on which boards were actually needed.

and that rankled with me
and I think it rankled with mcbenny that it wasn't her board anymore
to get actually started her way with no one left behind
and then pass off to others to run it with reps from all categories.

One of the very first boards she wanted made was Loss and IF,
if that speaks to her intentions.

The loss fight she had over the board was also
on the heels of her own recent loss of family/friend
and not having our group to be there to support her.

I asked could we not. There isn't intentional radio silence I am out with my kids after being online for three days. This could be a private discussion.

This only goes to spread rumors and I would like to avoid that.

[Admin]

May 21, 2017 16:01:39 GMT -6 @heartbot said:

brux - I'm just frustrated with the entire situation. Obviously, I'll go wherever. I'm currently posting on 3 different boards, including here, and 2 different facebook groups. But I think we need to slow down and be more thoughtful about everything. People are tired of being swooped in on and told "you go here now."

At this point, the fact that mcbenny isn't going to be the admin is probably not going to make the loss folks want to come over here. The WKing of mcbenny telling the loss ladies if they can't handle baby ads, they should get off the internet is fucked up. I know she's been through a lot. I know she's also a loss mom. But it was a super shitty thing to say all the same, and frankly, I don't blame anyone who thinks that her comments--and the repeated defense of them by other folks--constitutes a dealbreaker. And YES, the loss moms can give as good as they get. The fact that they're fully capable of defending themselves doesn't make it okay to be an asshole to them. I don't care if emotions were running high or if the user has been supportive to other members at other times. No one gets a free pass for being a jerk.

In terms of merging the communities back together, adequate representation of the AL community would be helpful. I think a sincere apology and some demonstration that the folks over here understand where the AL folks are coming from are also absolutely necessary. A thread like this? Not going to help.

Tlex, anyone who's had a loss is welcome at the loss forum: lifeafterloss.freeforums.net/ No one has been excluded intentionally. The regular posters in the loss board were rounded up pretty quickly. People have been batsignalling everyone else for days. You're welcome to come on over.

Um not exactly what was said but I'll clear that up when I get home.

[AnnPerkins]

May 21, 2017 16:19:38 GMT -6 brux said:

The only reason I ever swooped was because I believed that once every group had their own message board for a few weeks, everyone would never come together.

I'm not trying to push people around or be bossy or anything. Everyone can and should post where they want.

I would love to keep 1,000 people in one place. That's all.

I'm bowing out of any pushes because I'm feeling like the bad guy and I don't want to be that.

I don't think you're​ the bad guy.

I also don't get the push to have all groups together in one place. I think the people that suggested these moves were out of their element when it came to taking into consideration the special interests of other boards. And I don't blame anyone for that. If there's a house fire, I'm saving me and mine first. It's selfish, but true.

As long as everyone has a some type of home now, no matter where it may be, I don't see what all this back and forth is about.

[Deleted]

This is cross posted.


Can we all just agree to not speak for other people unless they have asked us to? I feel like a lot of the arguing going on is because of white knighting and not letting people use their own words.

AmyG said kind of the same thing. Shit is getting garbled across boards and everyone is fired up over what so and so said.

Most of us can defend ourselves without 20 people chiming in to say what they think we feel/mean/want. It doesn't help.