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Post by xolastunicornxo on Aug 15, 2017 12:23:02 GMT -6
So I was lurking on parenting this morning and this came up, so now I'm curious.
When did you/are you planning to give your kids "the Birds and the bees" talk?
Landon is almost 8... is it time? I really want to have an open and honest and communicative relationship with him, but I wasn't even really thinking about this yet!
And along with that, did you get "the talk" and at what age? I never did. We had s.h.a.r.e. Class 4th-6th grade and our parents had sign off permission, and I remember being mortified to ask my mom to sign it. I was also mortified when I started my period and didn't tell my mom for two days. I don't want to my kids to feel like that.
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Post by peachsmama on Aug 15, 2017 12:30:19 GMT -6
I have no idea. I know books have been recommended in the past that help you use age appropriate terms, I think sing2phins had a few recs. My mom had a traumatic childhood, because of that I got a very detailed talk at 5. I remember it vividly.. Do not recommend! Has he been asking anything?
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Post by xolastunicornxo on Aug 15, 2017 12:41:00 GMT -6
peachsmama no! I think that why it kind of caught me off guard, lol. He's all about questioning everything, but even with me being pregnant nothing has come up.
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Post by peachsmama on Aug 15, 2017 12:42:18 GMT -6
peachsmama no! I think that why it kind of caught me off guard, lol. He's all about questioning everything, but even with me being pregnant nothing has come up. Maybe use your pregnancy as a way to bring it up.
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loony
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Post by loony on Aug 15, 2017 12:49:28 GMT -6
P knows women have eggs and men have seeds and that makes a baby. She hasn't asked about how those to mix, and I haven't offered. She also knows the correct anatomical terms, including ovaries and testicles (thanks little bro!)
I figure we're good for 3.5 and we'll go from there.
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yummeecookee
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Post by yummeecookee on Aug 15, 2017 12:54:34 GMT -6
I bathe my kids together and I am still shocked that B has never asked me why her and C have different body parts or has just never brought up anything at all about him having a penis. Sorry I know that didn't answer the birds and bees questions specifically Unicorn, but it seemed related.
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nam2013
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Post by nam2013 on Aug 15, 2017 13:00:09 GMT -6
Ds started asking questions... I just told him a mommy is like a flower pot, daddy puts a seed in mommy and mommys belly is like the soil in high a baby can grow... not my best parenting moment, but seriously I did not expect my 3yo to start asking questions like this!
ETA but I think the 'real talk' will happen anytime between 8-12, depending on your kid.
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Post by xolastunicornxo on Aug 15, 2017 13:03:37 GMT -6
yummeecookee no that's a good point too. We still usually throw all three kids in the bath together, although Landon tends to jump in first, wash and get out while the little boys play. And they're all boys. And while I don't prance around names, we are not a super modest household and I don't care if any of the boys see me naked. I have a good friend who's son is Landon's age and she recently told me she had to stop being naked around him at all because all the sudden he was getting obsessed with her boobs...
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Post by xolastunicornxo on Aug 15, 2017 13:05:20 GMT -6
I mean I think my big thing has always been I want them all to know that our sexuality and the human body are nothing to be ashamed of and that they can ask us any questions... I just had never really prepared myself for when the time came.
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klong11
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Post by klong11 on Aug 15, 2017 13:14:00 GMT -6
I'll probably wait on the actual "talk" when she gets a bit older. We know the girl parts and when she sees pictures from when I was pregnant she knows that she was in my belly. IN fact, there is a picture from my family baby shower that she has been requesting to see a lot and I had to correct her just last night when she said, "when I was a mom you were in my belly too." and I was like, "no, mommy came from Grandma's belly and you came form my belly." Then she got distracted with other things, so explaining HOW she got in there isn't on her radar just yet.
As for your oldest, 8/9/10 would probably be a good time to start. Maybe with questions of your own to him. Since they will likely do a school talk, I would probably wait to give mine to Cadence until around that time, unless she was asking questions earlier.
Right now I'm just focusing on teaching her personal space and we don't touch other people's bodies without permission, etc.
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joelies
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Post by joelies on Aug 15, 2017 13:15:40 GMT -6
Oh dear, I haven't even begun to think about this. My Mom used to be an L&D nurse before I was born and she was a NFP counselor, so we had a house full of books all about pregnancy. We grew up flipping through those books and our understanding of course matured with us, thanks to my Mom being more than willing to answer any questions. I honestly don't have the first clue how to approach it with boys, and I can see DH being too prudish to do it. So yeah, I'll be lurking here...
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sing2phins
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Post by sing2phins on Aug 15, 2017 13:17:07 GMT -6
OMG, I thought I was the only one who was too embarrassed to tell her mom when she got her period!! I definitely want to avoid that with Maggie, and I want both of my kids to be as informed as possible, including (especially) about consent. So far, we have really only done body parts - real names - and consent, though that's proved to be harder than I thought. I teach them that their bodies are their own and that they are allowed to say who can touch them and how (i.e., if you don't want a hug or a kiss, that's a-ok, just say no thank you). They seem to get that for themselves, but not for me - when they climb on me and I ask them to get down, they don't, even after I say, "My body is mine and I don't want you climbing on me right now." Maggie just says, "but I neeeeed to" LOL So that's a work in progress. They also know that they grew in my tummy and that mommy and daddy made them. It cracks me up to ask Benjamin, "Who made that tummy?" He says, "Mommy-Daddy" like it's one word and I die. Sometimes he says "Maggie!" and then cracks up. This is the book we had in our house growing up, but I only ever remember reading it in secret with my brother - like, what was the point of having it if they weren't going to read it with us? I have it saved on Amazon to buy later, because it's recommended for 6 and up, so it's still a bit much for them at this point. I've also seen It's Not the Stork and What Makes a Baby recommended on Parenting. I feel like introducing it with a book is a good way to go because you can read it together and see what questions come up. I'm a big fan of only answering what's asked and not getting into too much detail off the bat. So if they say, "how do babies get made?" You can say, truthfully, "Mommies and Daddies make babies together, but the babies grow in Mommy's tummy." or whatever. That's not a great example, but I just mean, you don't need to go into the nitty gritty unless they ask more specifically.
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nam2013
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Post by nam2013 on Aug 15, 2017 13:22:03 GMT -6
sing2phins that how I started with ds! He wanted to know hoe and why. So I told him that daddy planted a seed in mommy, I panicked! But he knows he was in my tummy and dd was to, he wants to know in which tummy I was and dh and grandma and grandpa etc etc.
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Post by xolastunicornxo on Aug 15, 2017 13:24:47 GMT -6
sing2phins our library had both of those books! 🙌🏼 I kind of want to get the conversation started and get ahead of it, one because of his age, but two because of his little friend jacks sudden interest in all things boobs/girls/sex. My friend told me he's asking a TON of questions and (while I love him) he's totally the type of kid to spread false info, exaggerate things etc. and especially with Landon being older for this pregnancy and since I'll be nursing I want him to have an age appropriate understanding of everything.
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Post by peachsmama on Aug 15, 2017 13:57:22 GMT -6
I was also afraid to tell my mom about my period. 1. because I lost the pads she bought me months before hand.. I don't know why else though. I just remember being TERRIFIED! I wrote her a letter, put it on her pillow under the covers and made sure I went to my room before she did. Then I waited.. As soon as she knocked I burst into tears and she ran in to hug me and cried with me. Then we both laughed and I made her promise never to tell my dad or brother.
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lfig
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Post by lfig on Aug 15, 2017 14:08:16 GMT -6
I also did not tell my mom when I started my period. I think on my 2nd cycle she came to me because she noticed the pads she bought had been dwindling. I was also embarrassed to tell her when I started shaving my legs. I don't know why. And "the talk" never really happened. The only conversation we had about sex was when MH and I started dating. I was 16 and he was 18. She said "you know, he's older than you. Sometimes older boys have expectations. You don't have to do anything you don't want to." That was the extent of it. It was awkward and uncomfortable and the word sex was never mentioned, just understood.
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nam2013
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Post by nam2013 on Aug 15, 2017 14:12:20 GMT -6
I think I've told this story before, but after I got my first period my dad took me out to dinner. We never went out to dinner, so this was a very special thing. I thought it was a neat way to include my dad in this thing. He told me about how proud he was I was turning in to such a beautiful women. Both my sisters knew my dad would do this with them too, so in a weird way they sort of looked forward to it.
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klong11
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Post by klong11 on Aug 15, 2017 14:12:35 GMT -6
We never had the talk. I started shaving my legs on my own and she never said anything. I didn't say anything about getting my period the first time because she and my Dad were away and I was with my brothers. I never said anything to anyone. Then she brought it up when she came back and she told me I would use pads because tampons makes you no longer a virgin. I told her that was crap. I also didn't get mine until I was like 15, which I think is late.
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loony
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Post by loony on Aug 15, 2017 14:15:36 GMT -6
I also did not tell my mom when I started my period. I think on my 2nd cycle she came to me because she noticed the pads she bought had been dwindling. I was also embarrassed to tell her when I started shaving my legs. I don't know why. And "the talk" never really happened. The only conversation we had about sex was when MH and I started dating. I was 16 and he was 18. She said "you know, he's older than you. Sometimes older boys have expectations. You don't have to do anything you don't want to." That was the extent of it. It was awkward and uncomfortable and the word sex was never mentioned, just understood. I did this too, but not because of embarrassment, because I knew what pads were and how to use them. It just didn't seem like such a big deal...until I backed up the whole septic system by flushing pads. I was 9, that part of the conversation had not sunk in apparently. My mom's feelings were so hurt.
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cagoldi
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Post by cagoldi on Aug 15, 2017 14:23:34 GMT -6
As far as a talk about consent, we have a book we read to Dude called "My Body Belongs to Me."
He knows the correct names for body parts, he knows I bleed, not sure he understands why?
He knows daddies put babies in a mommy's tummy and that's where they grow.
Not sure when we'll give more details but I'm camp better they hear the facts from me than goodness knows what from their know nothing friends.
So probably 7-8?
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Post by xolastunicornxo on Aug 15, 2017 14:27:29 GMT -6
cagoldi I was embarrassed about asking my mom to start shaving my legs too! I also marched my ass down to planned parenthood when I was 16 to get my own birth control.
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Post by peachsmama on Aug 15, 2017 14:27:53 GMT -6
I also did not tell my mom when I started my period. I think on my 2nd cycle she came to me because she noticed the pads she bought had been dwindling. I was also embarrassed to tell her when I started shaving my legs. I don't know why. And "the talk" never really happened. The only conversation we had about sex was when MH and I started dating. I was 16 and he was 18. She said "you know, he's older than you. Sometimes older boys have expectations. You don't have to do anything you don't want to." That was the extent of it. It was awkward and uncomfortable and the word sex was never mentioned, just understood. I did this too, but not because of embarrassment, because I knew what pads were and how to use them. It just didn't seem like such a big deal... until I backed up the whole septic system by flushing pads. I was 9, that part of the conversation had not sunk in apparently. My mom's feelings were so hurt. My best friend (She's 29) just found out your not supposed to flush tampons either. From the nice man at roto-rooter who charged her $600 to unclog their plumbing. She called me like "DID YOU KNOW THIS?!" I fell out of my chair laughing.
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nam2013
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Post by nam2013 on Aug 15, 2017 14:38:07 GMT -6
I have a bit of a hippy dippy mom who didn't shave her legs or armpits (she does now) and I bought a very cheap can of hair removal foam to remove my armpit hair. I have very sensitive skin, it was a nightmare, sooo painful for days. I was to scared to tell my mom. A few days later my mom came to me asking me 'didn't that stuff hurt like hell?!' Turned out she was curious, saw the can, tried it and had the same reaction I had.
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kim22
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The talk
Aug 15, 2017 14:55:44 GMT -6
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Post by kim22 on Aug 15, 2017 14:55:44 GMT -6
My oldest turned 10 yesterday and we haven't had an official talk. He asks a lot of questions about drugs and alcohol but not sex. I did have to take all 3 to the OB last week when I messed up the time. T asked why there was a poster of a "big booty with a hole in it." The others laughed hysterically. They all know the new baby grew from the egg in my belly and it's going to hatch inside of me and then when it knocks, Dr. C will cut it out.
My mom never talked to us about anything. I told her when I got my period and all she said was "pads are under the sink." I was old, in high school already. All my friends already had their periods except my gymnastics friends. If DD sticks with her training and my genes, she won't get her period until she's 20. I too got my birth control at the local planned parenthood. I gave them my BFF's phone number and address because her mom was cool.
I guess I need to try harder with my kids. The other day I was telling DD my mom's best friend was going to be a grandmother this week. She asked if it was a boy or girl and I said they didn't know, they wanted to be surprised. DD very seriously told me now they will never know because all newborns look the same. I told her no, remember boys have penis' . She was like oh yeah.
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tgrimes
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Post by tgrimes on Aug 15, 2017 15:56:55 GMT -6
I was 9 and I remember it vividly. My sister says 3rd-4th grade is when they start asking tons of questions. Mostly because someone in their class has older siblings that they hear stuff from and don't know what they mean.
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The talk
Aug 15, 2017 16:40:12 GMT -6
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Post by wineallthetime on Aug 15, 2017 16:40:12 GMT -6
Ugh, I dread the sex talk. My parents never had one with me. I was super embarrassed when I started my period and also was one to take a trip to Planned Parenthood for birth control.
C knows body parts by name, but hasn't asked many more questions.
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trtlcrzy
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Post by trtlcrzy on Aug 15, 2017 17:23:00 GMT -6
I don't specifically remember my parents giving me the talk, in fact I'm pretty sure they didn't. When I was young, not sure how old maybe like 6 or 7, I heard a commercial on tv for condoms. I asked my older sister about them and she said "you don't have a condom? I can't believe it!" So I asked my mom for a condom. Big sisters are mean. I also found my mom's menstrual cup (although she never actually told me what it was/ what it was for) and her vibrator at some point.
I got my period on my little sister's birthday right after I turned 13. I came home from school and realized when I went to the bathroom. It had just started so it didn't soak through my pants or anything. I just grabbed a pad and kept it moving.
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kim22
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The talk
Aug 15, 2017 18:03:05 GMT -6
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Post by kim22 on Aug 15, 2017 18:03:05 GMT -6
I'm still embarrassed to talk to mom my about sex/periods. Thankfully, I'm super close to my sister. She shaved my legs for me after my first CS and knows where our sex toys are so if DH and I die, she can get rid of them before my mom finds them.
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Sunny41
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Post by Sunny41 on Aug 15, 2017 20:09:45 GMT -6
Around 9 or 10 SD cane across things on you tube that required her mom to give the talk. We kid of lucked out not having to do the initial talk but mh did do a followup where he was available for questions. Depending on his freedom to explore the web you may want to do it sooner than us older people had the talk.
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chrisy01
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Post by chrisy01 on Aug 15, 2017 20:34:45 GMT -6
I'm not sure. My mom really didn't tell me anything. I learned about a lot of things from friends, my sisters and one of my aunts. I want LO better prepared. I know dh got the talk but his parents were way to out there on their parenting. So I guess dh and I need to figure things out.
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