jess213
Gold
Posts: 756 Likes: 1,938
|
Post by jess213 on Aug 3, 2017 6:05:10 GMT -6
I woke up with a cold so I'm all whiny and sniffly today. DD2 was up freaking 3x last night and I'm giving her so many side eyes this morning. I was going to take the kids to the Legoland Discovery Center but it might be a lazy day here instead, I just dont have the energy!
|
|
|
Post by mamallama on Aug 3, 2017 6:11:29 GMT -6
Betweenthelines, That's tough. I wish I had something to offer on city vs suburb, but having lived and worked in small suburbs my whole life, yeah....But I get your H on having a job you hate. It really wears on you. I hated my job for 2-3 years and used to leave crying constantly. It was a huge stress between the H and I. Once work got better, our whole world changed. Even some of the owners noticed a change in me once I had a few small role changes. What if your H looked into all of this, got a job offer and went to his current job and told them he's not happy. If it isn't well perceived, then he knows where he stands. Who knows, he might interview and they might tell him that there is some flexibility. Or he could tell them straight up that the only reason he's not considering it is the lack of it. They might be willing to work with him. Maybe go in at 8:00am and leave at 4:00pm. It never hurts to ask. What's nice about being head hunted is that you can kind of call the shots and lay it all on the table. If it doesn't work out, well then at least you know, but would you want to go through life with the what if's? The one thing that changed my life, was living with "No regrets" mantra. My whole world changed, work and all. I finally spoke up and actually got what I wanted. I was unhappy for so long, and all I had to do was have a conversation. It was hard and scary, but I knew I couldn't keep it all in forever.
|
|
|
Post by coconutbacon on Aug 3, 2017 6:25:53 GMT -6
Betweenthelines, north of the city is probably the way to go if you move. I love it here in Brooklyn, but in addition to the commute, you also have to consider childcare costs, which are going to be more here (especially because you won't have family to help), and navigating the whole school system, which is pretty intense. Kids don't necessarily go to their neighborhood school, there's a whole weighted lottery system starting with pre-k, and there's optional testing to get into certain public kindergarten programs, etc.
|
|
|
Post by mommabakes on Aug 3, 2017 6:28:59 GMT -6
I hope you feel better quickly armpantsThat is a hard decision to have to make Betweenthelines. We moved away from our families when DS was born and it's been really hard for me. Job stress though is really hard too. Good luck on whatever you guys decide! Feel better jess213
|
|
|
Post by CestLaVie on Aug 3, 2017 6:29:40 GMT -6
Hi girlonabike! Missed you! Also that is such a crazy story!!
|
|
|
Post by easternshoregirl on Aug 3, 2017 6:32:35 GMT -6
And re family not being close (and unable to help) who will likely bear that burden? This has to be a good move for both of you, you know? This is what DH understands. Really, having family nearby helps with my burden not his, but it also allows him to do more things he wants to do because they are around to help ME. Plus the financial aspect. We've never paid for a babysitter besides day care. (granted, we don't really go out like hardly ever but occasionally) Sorry, I'm not trying to talk you out of moving Betweenthelines, just reflecting on why I love living where we do.
|
|
|
Post by easternshoregirl on Aug 3, 2017 6:33:18 GMT -6
E is still sleeping. This is the longest he's slept in his whole life. At least he's making up for last night I guess. Glad I'm off work and he can do it. Uh oh, I jinxed it, I think I hear him! ETA: he even missed the garbage man, the highlight of his week.
|
|
|
Post by easternshoregirl on Aug 3, 2017 6:34:50 GMT -6
I'm going to buy a new car this weekend! That is the plan at least. My 2006 Civic has been good to me but it's time to move on. I'm looking at new CRVs (either 2016 or 2017 but not preowned). My main concern is heated seats, I've never had a car with those and I'm such a cold weather wuss!
|
|
aydee
Gold
Posts: 915 Likes: 1,506
|
Post by aydee on Aug 3, 2017 6:40:18 GMT -6
easternshoregirl, Heated seats were a game changer for me. We lucked out that our Mazda CX9 has them. I used to shiver head to toe and now I'm no longer freezing in the winter!
|
|
|
Post by Betweenthelines on Aug 3, 2017 6:46:58 GMT -6
Betweenthelines , north of the city is probably the way to go if you move. I love it here in Brooklyn, but in addition to the commute, you also have to consider childcare costs, which are going to be more here (especially because you won't have family to help), and navigating the whole school system, which is pretty intense. Kids don't necessarily go to their neighborhood school, there's a whole weighted lottery system starting with pre-k, and there's optional testing to get into certain public kindergarten programs, etc. My co workers kids are in NYC schools, and I hear all about how difficult it is, and how young they are taking public buses. I can't see my kids doing that at that age, and I can't see being comfortable with it, really ever (until they're like in High school or beyond lol). That's why I'm thinking north of the city would afford us somewhat of a similar life to what we have now in the suburbs, it'll just be without the family support and help. I also want him to be happy too. I know if I lived somewhere I didn't want to be, I'd be miserable, and I'm trying so hard to put myself in his shoes, but I'm also trying to focus on my own feels too. And the kids. I keep thinking about how happy they are here seeing family so often and the yard with all their fun things, but H is always saying "they're along for the ride. They'll adjust and be happy anywhere, we can't make this all about them". I know he's right, but I can't stop focusing on seeing them right now, and the adjusting period that would inevitably come with a big move. BUT, I would love a bigger house. I love our house, but it's small, and the money it's going to take to make it what we want is just SO.MUCH. We could double our living space (we have an unfinished basement that is the same exact footprint of the main floor) but it's literally down to the bare bones currently. It will easily be $50k+ to fit it out and finish it.
|
|
|
Post by skinandbones on Aug 3, 2017 6:47:37 GMT -6
|
|
|
Post by Betweenthelines on Aug 3, 2017 6:47:47 GMT -6
I'm going to buy a new car this weekend! That is the plan at least. My 2006 Civic has been good to me but it's time to move on. I'm looking at new CRVs (either 2016 or 2017 but not preowned). My main concern is heated seats, I've never had a car with those and I'm such a cold weather wuss! I love my heated seats. I also love love love the air conditioned seats. They're the best in the summer when the seats are black leather.
|
|
|
Post by skinandbones on Aug 3, 2017 6:47:56 GMT -6
I love mango salsa on fish.
|
|
|
Post by skinandbones on Aug 3, 2017 6:52:00 GMT -6
Betweenthelines, I say if your DH wants to toss his hat in the ring then go for it. Some of those details can be worked on while going through the interview process. I know you get a lot of help from your family but would a shorter commute kind of off set that help? Like if the commute were to be shorter would you need there help less often? But the Negative Nancy wants to ask how would your DH respond if he doesn't get the job? I would be worried if he is already depressed then not getting the job would make it worse. I don't necessarily think that is a reason not to do it just something to consider. If he gets it, would you guys be able to weed through the pros and cons to come to a decision about whether or not moving is the best thing? I realize I'm not really helping. Just asking lots of questions....
|
|
|
Post by Betweenthelines on Aug 3, 2017 6:53:04 GMT -6
Betweenthelines , That's tough. I wish I had something to offer on city vs suburb, but having lived and worked in small suburbs my whole life, yeah....But I get your H on having a job you hate. It really wears on you. I hated my job for 2-3 years and used to leave crying constantly. It was a huge stress between the H and I. Once work got better, our whole world changed. Even some of the owners noticed a change in me once I had a few small role changes. What if your H looked into all of this, got a job offer and went to his current job and told them he's not happy. If it isn't well perceived, then he knows where he stands. Who knows, he might interview and they might tell him that there is some flexibility. Or he could tell them straight up that the only reason he's not considering it is the lack of it. They might be willing to work with him. Maybe go in at 8:00am and leave at 4:00pm. It never hurts to ask. What's nice about being head hunted is that you can kind of call the shots and lay it all on the table. If it doesn't work out, well then at least you know, but would you want to go through life with the what if's? The one thing that changed my life, was living with "No regrets" mantra. My whole world changed, work and all. I finally spoke up and actually got what I wanted. I was unhappy for so long, and all I had to do was have a conversation. It was hard and scary, but I knew I couldn't keep it all in forever. He doesn't want to make his boss feel like it's cornering him either if he took the interview and told his current boss about it. He won't be able to match this offer, but he is also a very very powerful man within their industry. H also doesn't know how flexible the hours would be at new job because it's a senior position, he'd be in charge of a group of people, and he thinks that means he'd need to be in the office while they all are. I disagree with that to a point, but I guess we'll have to wait and see on that one. I try to also live in the no regrets mantra, H too, but it's just so much harder when kids are involved. But like I mentioned, he keeps pushing that "the kids are along for the ride, we need to do us". Which I guess I'm not as much in the no regrets mantra as I thought I was because these damn kids keep clouding my judgement. This is why we can't have nice things! Damn kids!!
|
|
|
Post by Betweenthelines on Aug 3, 2017 6:53:37 GMT -6
I love mango salsa on fish. Accurate.
|
|
|
Post by coconutbacon on Aug 3, 2017 6:54:12 GMT -6
Just caught up on your story from yesterday girlonabike That is definitely crazy and scary!
|
|
|
Post by coconutbacon on Aug 3, 2017 6:58:40 GMT -6
I'm going to buy a new car this weekend! That is the plan at least. My 2006 Civic has been good to me but it's time to move on. I'm looking at new CRVs (either 2016 or 2017 but not preowned). My main concern is heated seats, I've never had a car with those and I'm such a cold weather wuss! If we ever end up buying a new car, the CRV is at the top of our list. Big enough to haul stuff, and small enough that parking isn't a nightmare. And apparently a heated seats option. :-)
|
|
|
Post by Betweenthelines on Aug 3, 2017 6:59:55 GMT -6
Betweenthelines , I say if your DH wants to toss his hat in the ring then go for it. Some of those details can be worked on while going through the interview process. I know you get a lot of help from your family but would a shorter commute kind of off set that help? Like if the commute were to be shorter would you need there help less often? But the Negative Nancy wants to ask how would your DH respond if he doesn't get the job? I would be worried if he is already depressed then not getting the job would make it worse. I don't necessarily think that is a reason not to do it just something to consider. If he gets it, would you guys be able to weed through the pros and cons to come to a decision about whether or not moving is the best thing? I realize I'm not really helping. Just asking lots of questions.... They'd still have to be in daycare, and my hours are not that flexible. So like when they start full time school, we'd have to figure out those logistics - who would get them on the bus? Who would pick them up? Is there before or after care somewhere that they'd go to? Right now, where we are, we don't have to even think about that. My kids will be going to the same elementary school my mom works at. She will put them on the bus and is home from work in time to get them as well. Plus free. He wouldn't care at all if he didn't get the job. He's head hunted A LOT. 1-2 times a week he gets calls from recruiters. What he does is a highly sought after position and with his young age and experience, he is someone that a lot of people are always looking for. So I don't think it'd have any affect on him/ He mentioned that a move wouldn't be immediate if he DID take the job, but it's something he would definitely want to do in the near future. So we'd have time to figure all of it out, but the planner in me is kind of looking at it with the expectation that we will move sooner rather than later, because I couldn't see him sticking out an added commute and hours to his already long commute and day.
|
|
Pizzaslut
Ruby
*it’s a joke. get some hobbies.
Posts: 22,728 Likes: 131,010
|
Post by Pizzaslut on Aug 3, 2017 7:06:20 GMT -6
I have no advice Betweenthelines, except that your stress shouldn't double just to ease his stress some. If that makes sense. If you think the added stress to you would not be too great, all of the other stuff will be figured out. They must have after care options because you are not the only two FT working parents in the city. You could even consider a nanny if the pay increase can cover it.
|
|
Pizzaslut
Ruby
*it’s a joke. get some hobbies.
Posts: 22,728 Likes: 131,010
|
Post by Pizzaslut on Aug 3, 2017 7:06:42 GMT -6
I'm happy that J is sleeping all night, but why does he keep waking up at 5:15?!
|
|
|
Post by mamallama on Aug 3, 2017 7:22:01 GMT -6
One more day until pay day (I've only got like $7 in my account since I transferred all but $20 to savings last week now that we're not paying a mortgage or utilities). and I'm spending I don't even know how much on booze. On my list: Rumchata (I've never purchased this before), espresso vodka, bourbon, an IPA beer and some lemonade. The Rumchata mixed with espresso vodka is a pretty good drink according to my SIL, and the bourban, beer and lemonade is supposed to be pretty good too. I will also be buying a box of wine. Maybe stuff for Sangria too.
|
|
|
Post by Betweenthelines on Aug 3, 2017 7:26:02 GMT -6
mamallama, bourbon lemonades are one of my favorite summer drinks.
|
|
|
Post by RunsforWineandCarbs on Aug 3, 2017 7:26:36 GMT -6
Pizzaslut, oh hi twin! we live on early wake-ups, especially when we have no where to be. Things that cross my mind to when C thinks it's good to wake up at 5 am or earlier - he's thirsty, he's hungry, he's well rested, he's teething, is he sick, this too shall pass, 1 day i'm going to be at my wits end trying to get his butt out of bed so enjoy it now, f this, i might just let him cry while i sleep some more, when will he be able to feed himself, and well, i'm sure you think all these thoughts too.
|
|
|
Post by Betweenthelines on Aug 3, 2017 7:28:36 GMT -6
I have no advice Betweenthelines , except that your stress shouldn't double just to ease his stress some. If that makes sense. If you think the added stress to you would not be too great, all of the other stuff will be figured out. They must have after care options because you are not the only two FT working parents in the city. You could even consider a nanny if the pay increase can cover it. I get it. Totally. H mentioned a nanny, and private school. With the pay increase, he said we'd probably do that. IDK if that'll relieve some stress or not. I don't know. I feel like I'm just saying a lot of "I don't know".
It's really hard when it's someone that moved around all his life and someone (me) that has lived in the one same house my entire childhood/teen life until I moved out at 20. I feel like I'm thinking too much into it, and he's not thinking enough into it?
|
|
|
Post by Betweenthelines on Aug 3, 2017 7:29:21 GMT -6
I'm happy that J is sleeping all night, but why does he keep waking up at 5:15?! I'd take a 5:15 wake up over your very recent previous situation that I will not speak of.
|
|
Pizzaslut
Ruby
*it’s a joke. get some hobbies.
Posts: 22,728 Likes: 131,010
|
Post by Pizzaslut on Aug 3, 2017 7:34:20 GMT -6
I'm happy that J is sleeping all night, but why does he keep waking up at 5:15?! I'd take a 5:15 wake up over your very recent previous situation that I will not speak of. Oh yes absolutely. EVERY DAY.
|
|
jedi
Sapphire
Posts: 3,725 Likes: 4,560
|
Post by jedi on Aug 3, 2017 8:04:51 GMT -6
Betweenthelines sounds like you are thinking through this. I also like how you are considering your kids feelings. Sure they are going. Sure they'll adjust but I just keep going to how much your families help you when you need it. Sure you manage fine without them but it's definitely nice having them to lean on. What happens if one of them gets sick and the nanny isn't free? You know?
|
|
|
Post by fierymama on Aug 3, 2017 8:07:03 GMT -6
I'm going to buy a new car this weekend! That is the plan at least. My 2006 Civic has been good to me but it's time to move on. I'm looking at new CRVs (either 2016 or 2017 but not preowned). My main concern is heated seats, I've never had a car with those and I'm such a cold weather wuss! We like to call those butt warmers and I LOVE mine! :-) I have a Chevy, but butt warmers are butt warmers and amazing!
|
|
|
Post by CestLaVie on Aug 3, 2017 8:09:57 GMT -6
mamallama, at first I thought you were saying you could get all that for $7. I was like Yesterday dress shopping was tiring! They all looked alright, nothing amazing lol. Very bridesmaidy. The upside was that I didn't cringe at any of the choices and I didn't love anything either. So I really don't care what gets picked haha.
|
|