starbuck
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Jul 30, 2017 15:45:52 GMT -6
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Post by starbuck on Jul 30, 2017 15:45:52 GMT -6
is there something on the private board? I don't see anything... Yes? Edit: GDI no there isn't. That took a long time to write. RAGE. Sorry girl. 😕
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danib
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Jul 30, 2017 16:08:24 GMT -6
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Post by danib on Jul 30, 2017 16:08:24 GMT -6
After 2 successful baths in the big tub, I decided to pack away the infant tub. Not a huge deal, just one more thing out of the way.... Until it hit me that this might be the last time I use it. 😭
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hangry
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Jul 30, 2017 16:56:43 GMT -6
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Post by hangry on Jul 30, 2017 16:56:43 GMT -6
After 2 successful baths in the big tub, I decided to pack away the infant tub. Not a huge deal, just one more thing out of the way.... Until it hit me that this might be the last time I use it. 😭 Cue sobbing tears!!
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Jul 30, 2017 17:23:27 GMT -6
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Post by goldenlove on Jul 30, 2017 17:23:27 GMT -6
danib we're in the same boat. Haven't used it in a week but I can't bring myself to put it away. This is crazy!!
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dashook
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Jul 30, 2017 17:37:23 GMT -6
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Post by dashook on Jul 30, 2017 17:37:23 GMT -6
dashook I was going to get the healthy living thread started on the 1st...should we get it started a day early (tomorrow)? Yes!
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Post by sophiegrace on Jul 30, 2017 17:56:47 GMT -6
After 2 successful baths in the big tub, I decided to pack away the infant tub. Not a huge deal, just one more thing out of the way.... Until it hit me that this might be the last time I use it. 😭 I wonder what it is about the tub. It has been hands down the thing that has hit me the hardest. It's still taking up way too much room in the bathroom because I just can't put it away.
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kleigh
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Jul 30, 2017 17:57:44 GMT -6
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Post by kleigh on Jul 30, 2017 17:57:44 GMT -6
Paging sophiegrace (when she has a minute) or others in the know. *TW* infant loss *TW* I'm not sure if you've read the recent article of the baby who passed at 16 (I think) days old due to viral meningitis the baby developed after contracting the herpes virus from someone who had a cold sore. I believe the baby may have been a preemie, but again only a few weeks old and had been around a lot of people at a wedding etc. Well cold sores (on the face) run in our family (me and H both actually). I don't get them on my face but I get them way deep inside my nose (?) - or at least I've always assumed it's a cold sore based on symptoms and when I get them etc. I currently have one and it didn't occur to me to be extra vigilant until right now. After I've hugged up and loved up and kissed my babies all day err day. Is the virus contagious from the wound itself (so in this case not really contagious since it's not even touchable)... or is the virus like a cold that I can pass to them from even breathing on them? In ther words, how many hours of sleep should I lose tonight? I'm staying off google.
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danib
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Jul 30, 2017 18:08:26 GMT -6
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Post by danib on Jul 30, 2017 18:08:26 GMT -6
After 2 successful baths in the big tub, I decided to pack away the infant tub. Not a huge deal, just one more thing out of the way.... Until it hit me that this might be the last time I use it. 😭 I wonder what it is about the tub. It has been hands down the thing that has hit me the hardest. It's still taking up way too much room in the bathroom because I just can't put it away. Ok good, I thought it was so weird for the tub to be the trigger, glad it's not just me
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Jul 30, 2017 18:09:59 GMT -6
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Post by aggiebug on Jul 30, 2017 18:09:59 GMT -6
kleigh I believe you are likely ok but I would call your peditrician to better understand your risks . I know it can be in saliva which with lip sores it makes more sense but still possible with a nasal sore? I think you will feel better if you talk to their doctor about it.
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kleigh
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Jul 30, 2017 18:12:45 GMT -6
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Post by kleigh on Jul 30, 2017 18:12:45 GMT -6
kleigh I believe you are likely ok but I would call your peditrician to better understand your risks . I know it can be in saliva which with lip sores it makes more sense but still possible with a nasal sore? I think you will feel better if you talk to their doctor about it. Thank you, you're right...I felt like maybe I've overworrying and also I was just in there Wednesday bc AB has thrush... and of corse now AV does also. Like MOTY here.
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waitwhat
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Jul 30, 2017 18:17:49 GMT -6
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Post by waitwhat on Jul 30, 2017 18:17:49 GMT -6
kleigh I have followed that story and it's very tragic and heartbreaking. However, I think you are ok. The baby was days old and you are approaching 9 months. Your babies have built up immunity and been exposed to things that I can't imagine a baby only a few days old has. I could be totally wrong as I am no expert but it makes sense to me. I totally get worrying so if you need the peace of mind then call your pedi tomorrow morning. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Hugs.
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danib
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Jul 30, 2017 18:21:07 GMT -6
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Post by danib on Jul 30, 2017 18:21:07 GMT -6
kleigh cold sores are weird. The virus can be spread even when you don't have a sore, but it's most contagious when sores are present and there is direct contact. Basically don't lose any sleep. If they show any symptoms get to the doctor ASAP, but chances are they are totally fine. FWIW my family (mom, sisters, etc) get them a lot (I'm lucky and have inly had like 5 in my life whereas my sister gets multiple a year and my mom is on daily medication to help slow them). So my boys have been around people when they are contagious (really unavoidable), we just be as careful as we can.
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Post by sophiegrace on Jul 30, 2017 18:22:21 GMT -6
Alright screw it. I'm just going to do my best to do a tl;dr right here. Sorry if I'm repeating what it already known.
My sister is the baby. Getting her M. Ed., graduating next May. She currently works as a food runner 15-20 hours/wk. Her fiancé works for his dad and is headed to the Delaware State Police Academy in September. Also graduating in May. They're getting married a few weeks after that. Will be moving down to Delaware in between those two points. They both currently live at home, have never lived on their own/dealt with real bills. At this point they've been together just a bit over 9 months.
Their wedding is currently running at 15k between all the different known expenses. They don't have that money and I'm not sure how they're going to get it. His parents are adamant about the guest list and no one is 'allowed' to be taken off of it in order to save money.
I've lately been getting text messages from multiple people involved that I feel are attempts to get me to offer to pay for stuff. Today was the flowers. I've already paid two deposits and ordered the save the dates. When I try to actually discuss financials with my sister she goes radio silent. My H and purposely chose to go the route we did because no one particularly cared about the details and more importantly because we were finally making and saving money and it was extremely important to us to pay down debt and finally start a savings account. I tried to share this with my sister when she first got engaged mainly because they'll be moving into their first place and on their own for the first time ever earlier that same month. That's so expensive and comes with so many unexpected expenses.
I'm feeling extremely guilty and torn in two. H and I have worked our tails off, and he continues to, for our lifestyle and on one hand I feel like it's fair that we want to continue to be able live comfortably. On the other hand I think that we should be helping her out more and we're not being fair. It's his parents that want this huge wedding (they aren't contributing). They were happy with a handful of people down on one of the islands.
In full disclosure H and I already pay her car payment and insurance.
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danib
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Jul 30, 2017 18:31:36 GMT -6
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Post by danib on Jul 30, 2017 18:31:36 GMT -6
sophiegrace I want to say this as gently as possible because I know that all families are different, but why is it your responsability to pay for your sisters car, insurance, and now her wedding? No. Just no. If his family insists on a big wedding, then they can pay for it. But that is between your sister, her fiance, and his parents. I know there can be a lot of guilt around family expectations (I went to therapy over this!!!), but your sister is not your dependent, you should not be paying for her stuff.
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kleigh
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Jul 30, 2017 18:33:16 GMT -6
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Post by kleigh on Jul 30, 2017 18:33:16 GMT -6
Omg sophiegrace You are not obligated to pay for any of this weeding. I think it is so so so so sweet and above and beyond that (a) you already pay the car and (b) have put down some deposits and the Save the dates. But I could also see how you want to help, it being your personality etc. I'd have a heart to heart with her and iron out what is most important to her/them and IF you decide to help with anything then those would be what it's out toward so there's not this endless stream of expectation. I also wish you could have a talk with the fiancées parents after you've spoken with your sister to see how much of this is her and how much of this is their desires/requests/wants. Maybe have sister, fiancée, and his parents over for dinner or something - I'm not sure what the relationship between everyone is like. But absolutely you are not obligated to put forth another dime. IF you feel generous and want to put in another little bit I'd make it perfectly clear where the buck stops.
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kleigh
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Jul 30, 2017 18:36:39 GMT -6
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Post by kleigh on Jul 30, 2017 18:36:39 GMT -6
danib Not sophiegrace but to be fair, our family is kind of like this. Part of it stems from my dad not being here, part of it is that my mom is broke, and part of it is just that we all like doing things for each other. H and I helped pay for part of my brothers wedding and threw his engagement party. And we also paid for/threw my sisters engagement party and paid for her flowers and photographer. Its never expected, and it more comes from me wanting to be there for my brothers and sisters and give to them some of what I've (we've) done for ourselves bc they aren't in the same financial positions.
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Post by sophiegrace on Jul 30, 2017 18:41:46 GMT -6
kleigh I read that story (or something similar) recently too. Talk about terrifying. If it's already crusted over I wouldn't worry. It's only able to be spread when the blister pops and the drainage is seeping out. AND that was a baby baby. Newborn squish. Our kiddos, thankfully, are already holding onto the start of a strong immune system. The issue with viral meningitis, or any fever really, at under 3 months is how immature the blood brain barrier is. It's so easy for bacteria and a virus to get into and hurt the brain. But then everything kicks into overdrive and the body learns how to protect itself. Most (like just about everyone) people are infected with the herpes simplex virus that causes cold sores. It's just a lucky few who get the outbreaks. So just think of how many babies over the years have been kissed, hugged, and loved on by someone who was about to have or going through a breakout of a sore. I can understand why you'd be nervous though. I think they'll be perfectly fine, but things to watch for: -A rash that starts about two weeks after exposure -stiff neck -sensitivity to light -lethargy -high fever (103+) -change in personality -confusion Hugs, I'm so sorry this is something you have to be thinking about
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danib
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Jul 30, 2017 18:43:40 GMT -6
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Post by danib on Jul 30, 2017 18:43:40 GMT -6
kleigh oh I'm definitely not saying anything is wrong with gifting that stuff if you WANT to. I was basing my response off of the statements regarding people continuing to expect her to pay for more stuff, her feeling guilty, and feeling like she isn't being fair if she doesn't pay. The situation you described and the situation sophiegrace described sound 100% different to me. (I could be wrong of course, but that's how I read it).
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Post by classymrsa on Jul 30, 2017 18:47:17 GMT -6
sophiegrace I don't think you're under any obligation to contribute financially. I think if his parents/dad want a certain number of people etc, they need to contribute. Plain and simple. If the couple would be happy to do something small and less expensive, then they should be allowed to make that choice.
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kleigh
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Jul 30, 2017 18:53:30 GMT -6
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Post by kleigh on Jul 30, 2017 18:53:30 GMT -6
kleigh oh I'm definitely not saying anything is wrong with gifting that stuff if you WANT to. I was basing my response off of the statements regarding people continuing to expect her to pay for more stuff, her feeling guilty, and feeling like she isn't being fair if she doesn't pay. The situation you described and the situation sophiegrace described sound 100% different to me. (I could be wrong of course, but that's how I read it). Ahhh ok, I don't know why I assumed (I thought maybe she had mentioned before??) that she is kind of similar with taking responsibility for her sis and bro (although admittedly I don't recall if it was more feelings of obligation or desire or both)
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kleigh
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Jul 30, 2017 18:54:15 GMT -6
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Post by kleigh on Jul 30, 2017 18:54:15 GMT -6
((((Just saying thank you to all who helped with my freak out))))
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Post by flamingo on Jul 30, 2017 18:59:09 GMT -6
Hi. We survived the visit with our new friends and they aren't ax murderers 😬. It went well! The husbands got along and the kids played nicely. They live a block from the beach so after dinner we took a walk to watch the sunset. sophiegrace I think you're extremely generous to do what you're doing (monthly car bills, as well as the money you've put towards the wedding). It sounds like y'all are in a position to help, which is great, but unless you want this to be a continuously running faucet, I'd probably sit down with your sister and explain that this (X) is the amount you're comfortable giving her for the wedding (whatever that # is, based on your and your H's decision), and she can put it towards whatever she wants, but once it's gone it's gone. It sounds like they're in for somewhat of a rude awakening once they're out on their own but other than offering advice on budgeting, etc, I don't think there's much you can do. I don't think it's cool that people are attempting to pressure/guilt you into anteing up, but I know family dynamics are tricky. You are well within your rights to stand firm, though, wherever you decide the line is. And honestly, if his family wants the big wedding, they can help fund it. And if your sister and her fiancé are old enough to be getting married, then they're old enough to have some of these tough conversations. Anecdote: my dad co-signed a car loan for his youngest sister, and then was on the hook when she just turned the car in and walked away 😳 this was a long time ago in my parents' early married days, but it was messy and annoying. Hopefully your sister is more responsible than his was, but just something to keep in mind...maybe its best if you gift her whatever money you're willing to and she's the one that enters into contracts, etc. (if you're not already, I mean).
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danib
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Jul 30, 2017 19:05:27 GMT -6
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Post by danib on Jul 30, 2017 19:05:27 GMT -6
kleigh oh I'm definitely not saying anything is wrong with gifting that stuff if you WANT to. I was basing my response off of the statements regarding people continuing to expect her to pay for more stuff, her feeling guilty, and feeling like she isn't being fair if she doesn't pay. The situation you described and the situation sophiegrace described sound 100% different to me. (I could be wrong of course, but that's how I read it). Ahhh ok, I don't know why I assumed (I thought maybe she had mentioned before??) that she is kind of similar with taking responsibility for her sis and bro (although admittedly I don't recall if it was more feelings of obligation or desire or both) It's also entirely possible I'm projecting, based on my own fucked up family dynamics.
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Post by jubilantsquirrel on Jul 30, 2017 19:12:16 GMT -6
sophiegrace, I don't have much advice but I'm sorry you're in this position. It's really generous of you to help your sister out and I can see how it would quickly become frustrating when people start expecting you to hand out money. I kind of believe that people should have the wedding that they can afford. If they're getting help from family that's great, but expectations need to be set early on and the bride and groom need to understand that any outside help they receive is a generous gift. And I say this as someone whose parents helped pay for my wedding. Maybe tell your sister you're willing to help out with xyz, or give x amount that you're willing to contribute and that's all you can do?
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Post by tjanca22 on Jul 30, 2017 19:13:25 GMT -6
You guys come from some very loving and charitable families because I couldn't imagine having a sibling pay for parts of my wedding or my car. If you can't afford something, you don't get it, or you work your ass off finding a way to pay for it. Maybe this makes me a bad person, but sophiegrace the expectation that you should pay for more than what you've already paid for is just insane. If your sister gives you radio silence, I'd do the same to anyone texting me asking for more money. You don't need to be used like that. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Post by jubilantsquirrel on Jul 30, 2017 19:15:16 GMT -6
I also don't think the grooms parents should be making guest list demands, especially if they're not contributing financially to the wedding. Like, sorry soon to be ILs, great aunt betty and that 3rd cousin twice removed that the groom hasn't even met are not getting an invite.
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waitwhat
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Jul 30, 2017 19:20:07 GMT -6
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Post by waitwhat on Jul 30, 2017 19:20:07 GMT -6
sophiegrace I'll write more. But initial thought. Are you in the wedding? MOH or bridesmaid?
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Post by sophiegrace on Jul 30, 2017 19:31:43 GMT -6
sophiegrace I'll write more. But initial thought. Are you in the wedding? MOH or bridesmaid? MOH But have already been relieved of my bridal shower duties by FMIL because "it's only fair since she has two sons and will never get to plan a wedding"..... ......
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Post by sophiegrace on Jul 30, 2017 19:32:22 GMT -6
I also don't think the grooms parents should be making guest list demands, especially if they're not contributing financially to the wedding. Like, sorry soon to be ILs, great aunt betty and that 3rd cousin twice removed that the groom hasn't even met are not getting an invite. His HS principal is on the guest list....
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Post by jubilantsquirrel on Jul 30, 2017 19:45:11 GMT -6
I also don't think the grooms parents should be making guest list demands, especially if they're not contributing financially to the wedding. Like, sorry soon to be ILs, great aunt betty and that 3rd cousin twice removed that the groom hasn't even met are not getting an invite. His HS principal is on the guest list.... Oh my. Yeah, your sister's fiance is going to have to tell his parents no way Jose with that one.
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