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Post by sweptaway on Jan 27, 2023 16:07:26 GMT -6
I legit thought cookiepuss was called that because the cone thing depicted a penis, the round things that are apparently arms/hands were balls and then it was banging a vagina. I've never seen or heard of one before this afternoon. What kind of operation do you think carvel is running??
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Post by angelashly on Jan 27, 2023 16:07:32 GMT -6
I think it's really difficult to break the pattern. My H and I have talked about it a lot but I don't know how to get him to make his brain work the same way mine does- I'm not sure it ever could, quite frankly. In reality someone kind of has to be the schedule keeper, etc- it's just the way it works. But partners can to varying degrees make things harder or easier on one another by how they interact and ask for and offer help in carrying all the loads. I don't think sharing an equal mental load means it's equal at all times. It means sometimes one of us is doing more and we trade off. IDK. It's complicated We've been married 16 years and sometime in the last 3 or so something clicked and H started picking up more of the load.ย When we hit a rough patch earlier this year, I had to be honest with him that I still have a LOT of resentment from the first decade where I addressed it over and over and he denied it was a thing, and it made me seriously question whether I even wanted to try to work through the rough patch.
But he has truly taken some things off my plate - like DS's clothes.ย I don't even think about whether we need to do his laundry or order more socks or check if his jeans are outgrown.ย That's all H.ย He'll ask my opinion, and ask for me to put the laundry in the dryer, but that's tasks, not planning.ย There's other stuff too, that one just sticks out since it's so often a "mom" thing.
With my hโs job it just naturally falls to me. Itโs gotten better as he had semi better hours for a little while but itโs creeping up again. Having a calendar helps but itโs me writing things on it etc. I had to learn that I needed to be direct. We were talking to my sil one time about relationships and things after a blow up with his mom and I said something about how we almost didnโt make it through the time with his old company and he was so caught off guard because he didnโt realize it was that bad and I was all how?????
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
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Post by McBenny on Jan 27, 2023 16:10:53 GMT -6
I rather mental load vs physical load. ๐คท๐ปโโ๏ธ
I am the schedule keeper. That's my thing. I'm a planner. I keep up with all our schedules.
We both know about their health. Only one would be needed for an appointment, if that makes sense.
We are not a play date or planning activities household. We are a no homework household. I don't keep up with when they have tests or quizzes or any of that.
For me the worst thing to be in charge of is food. If someone took over that, I would have it made in the shade.
Maybe my mental load is not existent with my inner monologue. ๐คฃ
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
Posts: 52,416 Likes: 297,416
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Post by McBenny on Jan 27, 2023 16:13:31 GMT -6
And that's great! I'm not talking about tasks though. We have a great division of tasks as well. If anything I probably do a little less, task-wise. I'm saying tasks & mental load aren't the same thing. and to me it's all part of of the same thing. i don't have to tell H the garbage needs to be taken out, he knows it and does it. I don't have to tell him what DD wants for her birthday, he knows and buys it. and the same for me.ย I hear you. I see you. I don't think they'll let you have this. Just saying. ๐คท๐ปโโ๏ธ I don't understand the crippling mental load conversation. I believe it's just how different people process different things.
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
Posts: 52,416 Likes: 297,416
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Post by McBenny on Jan 27, 2023 16:15:43 GMT -6
I see Iโm not the only one who speaks old. Have yโall never been called a sourpuss by a nosy aunty? Must be nice. I haven't heard this since I left New York.
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Post by sweptaway on Jan 27, 2023 16:16:14 GMT -6
McBenny, I definitely think that inner monologue thing is related to this. My inner monologue never shuts up. I truly can't imagine any other way. I know we've talked about this before- it's so foreign to me to not have it that I can't even imagine what it's like.
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Post by sweptaway on Jan 27, 2023 16:17:43 GMT -6
We've been married 16 years and sometime in the last 3 or so something clicked and H started picking up more of the load. When we hit a rough patch earlier this year, I had to be honest with him that I still have a LOT of resentment from the first decade where I addressed it over and over and he denied it was a thing, and it made me seriously question whether I even wanted to try to work through the rough patch.
But he has truly taken some things off my plate - like DS's clothes. I don't even think about whether we need to do his laundry or order more socks or check if his jeans are outgrown. That's all H. He'll ask my opinion, and ask for me to put the laundry in the dryer, but that's tasks, not planning. There's other stuff too, that one just sticks out since it's so often a "mom" thing.
With my hโs job it just naturally falls to me. Itโs gotten better as he had semi better hours for a little while but itโs creeping up again. Having a calendar helps but itโs me writing things on it etc. I had to learn that I needed to be direct. We were talking to my sil one time about relationships and things after a blow up with his mom and I said something about how we almost didnโt make it through the time with his old company and he was so caught off guard because he didnโt realize it was that bad and I was all how????? We are past the idea of a second kid but at one point I told my H I didn't think our marriage would survive another (we are good, but the baby years were haaaaaaaarrrrrddd) and he was so taken aback. Sir, you were there? That was an interesting conversation. And FWIW I do think NOW we'd survive another. But I'm too old and broke now.
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Post by angelashly on Jan 27, 2023 16:29:21 GMT -6
With my hโs job it just naturally falls to me. Itโs gotten better as he had semi better hours for a little while but itโs creeping up again. Having a calendar helps but itโs me writing things on it etc. I had to learn that I needed to be direct. We were talking to my sil one time about relationships and things after a blow up with his mom and I said something about how we almost didnโt make it through the time with his old company and he was so caught off guard because he didnโt realize it was that bad and I was all how????? We are past the idea of a second kid but at one point I told my H I didn't think our marriage would survive another (we are good, but the baby years were haaaaaaaarrrrrddd) and he was so taken aback. Sir, you were there? That was an interesting conversation.ย And FWIW I do think NOW we'd survive another. But I'm too old and broke now.ย We are the same
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AmyG
Ruby
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Post by AmyG on Jan 27, 2023 16:35:21 GMT -6
I rather mental load vs physical load. ๐คท๐ปโโ๏ธ I am the schedule keeper. That's my thing. I'm a planner. For me the worst thing to be in charge of is food. If someone took over that, I would have it made in the shade. Dh has been pretty good about food since I fell Like I may do some of the planning of ideas based on whats in the house or on sale cause i can budget better than he but he is welcome to change it up. And he very often changes it up esp if he can make it into Mexican food somehow.lol But I do not recommend getting yourself hurt in order to change up who does the cooking.
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flojo
Sapphire
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Post by flojo on Jan 27, 2023 16:36:53 GMT -6
I legit thought cookiepuss was called that because the cone thing depicted a penis, the round things that are apparently arms/hands were balls and then it was banging a vagina. I've never seen or heard of one before this afternoon. This isโฆvery specific.
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dc2london
Admin
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Post by dc2london on Jan 27, 2023 16:41:17 GMT -6
I have an unrelated confession. My middle kid had a dentist appt this morning so she was late for school. When I took her in with her excuse there was another parent in the office. I have seen him a few times but never talked to him/ don't know his name or his kid's name. Well I left the building and was getting ready to pull out when he knocked on my window and motioned for me to roll it down. I did and he asked me if he could have a ride to somewhere relatively nearby. I lied and said I was late to an appointment and apologized and he was nice about it and just walked off. But I also feel a little guilty because it is cold. But I also didn't feel comfortable letting a man I don't know into my car when I'm alone? Maybe I'm too paranoid idk I think you made the right decision. I wouldnโt have been comfortable either with a person that I donโt know, especially a man, in my car. Yes, this is how scary movies start
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dc2london
Admin
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Post by dc2london on Jan 27, 2023 16:49:11 GMT -6
This is timely as it is MH bday. I did a 7Days of him thing and he ate it up. We have dinner reservations and a cake ready for tonight. My FFFC- I like to celebrate my people. I think we all deserve that. I donโt k is what the magical age is that some people get to and think adults donโt deserve that anymore. 2nd FFFc I have also stop celebrating those who doesnโt celebrate me. If you give me happy birthday I will respond in kind. I used to go all out even for those that didnโt and now I donโt Would you mind saying more about Seven Days of H, please? My H is an extreme introvert but I want to do something really nice for his 40th.
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๐ ๐ Fineapple ๐ ๐
Emerald
I never gossip, I observe...And then relay my observations to practically everyone.โ
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Post by ๐ ๐ Fineapple ๐ ๐ on Jan 27, 2023 16:51:43 GMT -6
This is timely as it is MH bday. I did a 7Days of him thing and he ate it up. We have dinner reservations and a cake ready for tonight. My FFFC- I like to celebrate my people. I think we all deserve that. I donโt k is what the magical age is that some people get to and think adults donโt deserve that anymore. 2nd FFFc I have also stop celebrating those who doesnโt celebrate me. If you give me happy birthday I will respond in kind. I used to go all out even for those that didnโt and now I donโt Would you mind saying more about Seven Days of H, please? My H is an extreme introvert but I want to do something really nice for his 40th. The idea is celebrating the person. It doesnโt have to be gifts. It could be acts of service. But one thing each day that makes them know they are being highlighted. For H itโs gifts because he doesnโt buy himself things. He would buy me the world if he could and continue to put himself last in this area. I think we focus a lot on milestones and Iโve been trying to get away from that idea because I know so many that didnโt make it to the mercy milestone.
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dc2london
Admin
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Post by dc2london on Jan 27, 2023 16:55:03 GMT -6
Would you mind saying more about Seven Days of H, please? My H is an extreme introvert but I want to do something really nice for his 40th. The idea is celebrating the person. It doesnโt have to be gifts. It could be acts of service. But one thing each day that makes them know they are being highlighted. For H itโs gifts because he doesnโt buy himself things. He would buy me the world if he could and continue to put himself last in this area. I think we focus a lot on milestones and Iโve been trying to get away from that idea because I know so many that didnโt make it to the mercy milestone. This is such a lovely idea, thank you! MH is very "quality time/physical touch" so maybe I'll book like one thing a week for just us/the family to do that's special each weekend for his whole birth month.
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
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Post by McBenny on Jan 27, 2023 16:56:36 GMT -6
With the exception of the gift card the majority of the stuff wasnโt pricey or at a $$$$ price point. Heโs leaning in to his best soft era life ๐ It is well deserved.
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Post by microworm on Jan 27, 2023 16:58:09 GMT -6
I legit thought cookiepuss was called that because the cone thing depicted a penis, the round things that are apparently arms/hands were balls and then it was banging a vagina. I've never seen or heard of one before this afternoon. Ma'am.
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pobre
Ruby
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Post by pobre on Jan 27, 2023 17:00:16 GMT -6
Some of yโall would shrivel and die without the mental load. Or nag your husbands to death.
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pobre
Ruby
Posts: 22,418 Likes: 203,645
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Post by pobre on Jan 27, 2023 17:01:10 GMT -6
I legit thought cookiepuss was called that because the cone thing depicted a penis, the round things that are apparently arms/hands were balls and then it was banging a vagina. I've never seen or heard of one before this afternoon. Ma'am. What is happening there lol. Iโm too high for this.
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Post by icedcoffee on Jan 27, 2023 17:01:22 GMT -6
Sure but she got him sushi and sake, does it have to be something that's for dessert? The fact that it has to be a dessert is kinda odd to me, but I'm not a sweets person. For me and my house it's not about the dessert. We still need to sing happy birthday and do a candle. Picking up dinner wouldn't be it for us. It's a previously discussed bday dinner. But that's us. I see what you mean. I can understand that. For me the cake is always for everyone else so it doesn't bother me. They could put a candle in my sushi and for me I wouldn't mind ๐คฃ but they won't cuz those biatches love their cake
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STP
Diamond
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Post by STP on Jan 27, 2023 17:02:19 GMT -6
Some of yโall would shrivel and die without the mental load. Or nag your husbands to death. Huh. Thatโsโฆnot a nice thing to say.
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STP
Diamond
Posts: 43,617 Likes: 316,542
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Post by STP on Jan 27, 2023 17:03:37 GMT -6
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betts
Gold
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Post by betts on Jan 27, 2023 17:08:14 GMT -6
My confession: I keep watching That 90โs Show. Is it bad? What is the confession? I couldn't get thru the first episode myself. It started ok and quickly turned into what felt like a kids show.
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STP
Diamond
Posts: 43,617 Likes: 316,542
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Post by STP on Jan 27, 2023 17:09:06 GMT -6
I legit thought cookiepuss was called that because the cone thing depicted a penis, the round things that are apparently arms/hands were balls and then it was banging a vagina. I've never seen or heard of one before this afternoon.
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kayc
Sapphire
Posts: 4,521 Likes: 12,529
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Post by kayc on Jan 27, 2023 17:32:37 GMT -6
What is happening there lol. Iโm too high for this. Or not high enough
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Post by newspapers on Jan 27, 2023 17:37:36 GMT -6
Confession because maybe gauche: I am totally throwing myself a birthday party this summer. I turned 40 COVID summer and never got the party I was going to have, even though my H asked if I wanted one last year and I said YES, lol, and he never did it. I got pissy because I threw him so many birthday parties pre-kids. I'm making it happen for myself.
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adelbert
Amethyst
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Post by adelbert on Jan 27, 2023 17:44:12 GMT -6
Confession because maybe gauche: I am totally throwing myself a birthday party this summer. I turned 40 COVID summer and never got the party I was going to have, even though my H asked if I wanted one last year and I said YES, lol, and he never did it. I got pissy because I threw him so many birthday parties pre-kids. I'm making it happen for myself. That's no confession. Good for you. Plan the party of your dreams! Delegate all the tasks you don't enjoy to your H and have fun planning the exact party you want.
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pobre
Ruby
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Post by pobre on Jan 27, 2023 17:46:59 GMT -6
What is happening there lol. Iโm too high for this. Or not high enough Good point. BRB.
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
Posts: 52,416 Likes: 297,416
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Post by McBenny on Jan 27, 2023 17:47:18 GMT -6
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
Posts: 52,416 Likes: 297,416
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Post by McBenny on Jan 27, 2023 17:47:37 GMT -6
Some of yโall would shrivel and die without the mental load. Or nag your husbands to death. ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
Posts: 52,416 Likes: 297,416
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Post by McBenny on Jan 27, 2023 17:50:37 GMT -6
I know in my friend circle we were not celebrated in our childhoods birthday and otherwise so we have leaned into it as adults and I love that for us. No one is obnoxious about it or bratty. ๐คท๐ปโโ๏ธ
I do have to say I have been recognized more from friends made from this forum and I'm grateful for that. I've received more notes and cards from people from here than not. ๐
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