STP
Diamond
Posts: 43,617 Likes: 316,542
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Post by STP on Jan 27, 2023 14:58:04 GMT -6
I feel like shamycooler is saying she and her H share the mental load and the task list? Why is this hard to believe? Why is it assumed she’s not the mental load bearer? I have no problem believing that’s true, but mental load and tasks was being conflated, from the post.
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🍍 🍊 Fineapple 🍍 🍊
Emerald
I never gossip, I observe...And then relay my observations to practically everyone.
Posts: 13,975 Likes: 125,967
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Post by 🍍 🍊 Fineapple 🍍 🍊 on Jan 27, 2023 14:59:05 GMT -6
This is timely as it is MH bday. I did a 7Days of him thing and he ate it up. We have dinner reservations and a cake ready for tonight.
My FFFC- I like to celebrate my people. I think we all deserve that. I don’t k is what the magical age is that some people get to and think adults don’t deserve that anymore.
2nd FFFc I have also stop celebrating those who doesn’t celebrate me. If you give me happy birthday I will respond in kind. I used to go all out even for those that didn’t and now I don’t
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Bookshelves
Emerald
Generally at a 2
Posts: 11,798 Likes: 106,201
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Post by Bookshelves on Jan 27, 2023 14:59:20 GMT -6
Has the username changing quandary gone answered? Why does it change all the time? Is socks in witness protection? It’s like getting bangs because you need a change but you’re really not okay. Emily in Paris S3 calls this “trauma bangs,” and that resonated.
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🍍 🍊 Fineapple 🍍 🍊
Emerald
I never gossip, I observe...And then relay my observations to practically everyone.
Posts: 13,975 Likes: 125,967
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Post by 🍍 🍊 Fineapple 🍍 🍊 on Jan 27, 2023 15:05:28 GMT -6
FFFC3: I’ve become so good and listening and not trying to solve someone’s problem. 😅
A mutual friend called MH today to tell him happy birthdays if he could lend some money. I responded no so fast before even he could. And reminded them that the last time I loaned them money- they never paid me back.
Old Po would’ve been like times are hard. New PO isn’t really caring anymore about users.
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Post by sweptaway on Jan 27, 2023 15:06:46 GMT -6
FFFC3: I’ve become so good and listening and not trying to solve someone’s problem. 😅 A mutual friend called MH today to tell him happy birthdays if he could lend some money. I responded no so fast before even he could. And reminded them that the last time I loaned them money- they never paid me back. Old Po would’ve been like times are hard. New PO isn’t really caring anymore about users. OMG He asked to borrow money from your H on your H's birthday?? Lol. What did you do for 7 Days?
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Bookshelves
Emerald
Generally at a 2
Posts: 11,798 Likes: 106,201
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Post by Bookshelves on Jan 27, 2023 15:07:09 GMT -6
I have a bratty confession. My h insisted I move into his office since he's no longer using it, which is great, I can finally move out of my flimsy living room desk area but the whole thing has created more work for me. I have to find my computer docking station and plug in the monitors and crawl around on the floor and plug all of the power in, etc. It's literally 10 minutes of work, but like I just don't have the capacity to get myself to do it. So here I sit at a half completed desk space with two giant unused monitors and cords all over because the thought of fixing it is real overwhelming. I'm so stupid. If you can bring yourself to ask, the next time a friend asks if they can do anything to help you, see if they would mind coming to help with that? I have been in the situation of overwhelm by the 10-minute task, and I have way way less on my plate than you do these days. When I was clawing my way out of a depressive episode a few weeks ago, a friend offered to come help me organize my office, and even though I turned her down, just knowing she was willing really gave me the energy to do it. I wish I could come help you, but I’m hoping (guessing?) maybe someone in your life is looking for a way to help.
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Post by Wtfshouldmynamebe on Jan 27, 2023 15:08:02 GMT -6
My sweet angel husband has been in between jobs this week, aka at home with nothing to do. And yet he still has texted me each afternoon, asking what he should make for dinner. The man literally texted me "do we have sour cream at home?" I DON'T KNOW BECAUSE I'M NOT AT HOME. I can only assume that he was at the grocery store, wondering if we had sour cream in the fridge. But sweet baby jesus, out of the two of us, I was not the one best suited to answer that question at 2pm on a Tuesday. Just once, I want DH to go to a store and make it a whole trip without texting me. Just once.
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Post by angelashly on Jan 27, 2023 15:10:01 GMT -6
FFFC3: I’ve become so good and listening and not trying to solve someone’s problem. 😅 A mutual friend called MH today to tell him happy birthdays if he could lend some money. I responded no so fast before even he could. And reminded them that the last time I loaned them money- they never paid me back. Old Po would’ve been like times are hard. New PO isn’t really caring anymore about users. I’m taking your lead since you talked about this. I bit mg tongue this morning when MIl called at 6am to ask h to shovel the snow from Wednesday at the house she doesn’t live at anymore and got mad at him when he suggested she call her landscaper person who also does snow removal because why should she have to use him when she has family to do it.
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🍍 🍊 Fineapple 🍍 🍊
Emerald
I never gossip, I observe...And then relay my observations to practically everyone.
Posts: 13,975 Likes: 125,967
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Post by 🍍 🍊 Fineapple 🍍 🍊 on Jan 27, 2023 15:11:08 GMT -6
FFFC3: I’ve become so good and listening and not trying to solve someone’s problem. 😅 A mutual friend called MH today to tell him happy birthdays if he could lend some money. I responded no so fast before even he could. And reminded them that the last time I loaned them money- they never paid me back. Old Po would’ve been like times are hard. New PO isn’t really caring anymore about users. OMG He asked to borrow money from your H on your H's birthday?? Lol. What did you do for 7 Days? Day 1- a new cologne. He smells amazing with it on. Day 2 - was a gift basket with soaps snack a hatchet tool Day 3- beard kit Day 4- $100 gift card so he can’t use it on something house related Day 5- Sneaker Organizer for his closet Day 6- New Game for his Ps5 Day7- we went to lunch and have dinner reservation for a restaurant he wanted to try since last April. I’m trying to arrange with his sister to come for a weekend with his nephew. And I bought him some hibiscus beer he’s obsessed with.
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Post by angelashly on Jan 27, 2023 15:13:19 GMT -6
OMG He asked to borrow money from your H on your H's birthday?? Lol. What did you do for 7 Days? Day 1- a new cologne. He smells amazing with it on. Day 2 - was a gift basket with soaps snack a hatchet tool Day 3- beard kit Day 4- $100 gift card so he can’t use it on something house related Day 5- Sneaker Organizer for his closet Day 6- New Game for his Ps5 Day7- we went to lunch and have dinner reservation for a restaurant he wanted to try since last April. I’m trying to arrange with his sister to come for a weekend with his nephew. And I bought him some hibiscus beer he’s obsessed with. Well this is great
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🍍 🍊 Fineapple 🍍 🍊
Emerald
I never gossip, I observe...And then relay my observations to practically everyone.
Posts: 13,975 Likes: 125,967
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Post by 🍍 🍊 Fineapple 🍍 🍊 on Jan 27, 2023 15:18:16 GMT -6
Day 1- a new cologne. He smells amazing with it on. Day 2 - was a gift basket with soaps snack a hatchet tool Day 3- beard kit Day 4- $100 gift card so he can’t use it on something house related Day 5- Sneaker Organizer for his closet Day 6- New Game for his Ps5 Day7- we went to lunch and have dinner reservation for a restaurant he wanted to try since last April. I’m trying to arrange with his sister to come for a weekend with his nephew. And I bought him some hibiscus beer he’s obsessed with. Well this is great With the exception of the gift card the majority of the stuff wasn’t pricey or at a $$$$ price point. He’s leaning in to his best soft era life 😂
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joy
Global Moderator
TTC, Pg, B&C
Posts: 9,246 Likes: 41,914
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Post by joy on Jan 27, 2023 15:20:25 GMT -6
I made a balloon garland of green, black and silver balloons to celebrate the Eagles game this weekend. I drug it outside to put on our railing when several balloons popped. I scared people on the sidewalk.
I have some sweet mylar balloon eagles coming tomorrow. I need to retool my decoration plans now.
All of this feels like a confession.
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gingy
Opal
Posts: 7,814 Likes: 36,399
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Post by gingy on Jan 27, 2023 15:21:40 GMT -6
OMG He asked to borrow money from your H on your H's birthday?? Lol. What did you do for 7 Days? Day 1- a new cologne. He smells amazing with it on. Day 2 - was a gift basket with soaps snack a hatchet tool Day 3- beard kit Day 4- $100 gift card so he can’t use it on something house related Day 5- Sneaker Organizer for his closet Day 6- New Game for his Ps5 Day7- we went to lunch and have dinner reservation for a restaurant he wanted to try since last April. I’m trying to arrange with his sister to come for a weekend with his nephew. And I bought him some hibiscus beer he’s obsessed with. I need to steal this for DH's 40+1 birthday redo.
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🍍 🍊 Fineapple 🍍 🍊
Emerald
I never gossip, I observe...And then relay my observations to practically everyone.
Posts: 13,975 Likes: 125,967
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Post by 🍍 🍊 Fineapple 🍍 🍊 on Jan 27, 2023 15:23:52 GMT -6
sweptawayAnd yes. Tried to borrow money on his birthday
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Post by sweptaway on Jan 27, 2023 15:31:29 GMT -6
sweptaway And yes. Tried to borrow money on his birthday Not cool
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Post by kittyriot on Jan 27, 2023 15:32:43 GMT -6
My confession: I keep watching That 90’s Show.
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Post by DavidRose on Jan 27, 2023 15:34:50 GMT -6
I just tell my husband I’m going to start sending him a bill for Every time I use my brain instead of him using his. I told my H last night that I stopped answering him when he is in the kitchen and asks me where something is. I just take a deep breath and count to 20 and by then he's gone "oh nevermind there it is" and we can all carry on with our lives Mh will ask if we have something and I just started responding "I don't know do we?"
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pobre
Ruby
Posts: 22,418 Likes: 203,645
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Post by pobre on Jan 27, 2023 15:35:38 GMT -6
My confession: I keep watching That 90’s Show. Is it bad? What is the confession?
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Post by kittyriot on Jan 27, 2023 15:37:07 GMT -6
My confession: I keep watching That 90’s Show. Is it bad? What is the confession? It might be horrible. I’m enjoying the cameos.
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Post by kittyriot on Jan 27, 2023 15:37:57 GMT -6
But Donna and Eric’s daughter is adorable.
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Post by goldenbird on Jan 27, 2023 15:43:44 GMT -6
Is it bad? What is the confession? It might be horrible. I’m enjoying the cameos. It's not great but I'm watching too. It's just 10 short episodes so why not.
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Post by kittyriot on Jan 27, 2023 15:46:23 GMT -6
It might be horrible. I’m enjoying the cameos. It's not great but I'm watching too. It's just 10 short episodes so why not. I need completely mindless right now. So it’s working. As is Derry Girls. I started watching it years ago and then stopped for some reason. Even though my family is half Irish the accent was hard for me to understand. Now that I’ve adjusted, it’s the best.
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
Posts: 52,416 Likes: 297,416
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Post by McBenny on Jan 27, 2023 15:47:30 GMT -6
There could have been other efforts made, like a pie, cookies, cookie cake. Sure but she got him sushi and sake, does it have to be something that's for dessert? The fact that it has to be a dessert is kinda odd to me, but I'm not a sweets person. For me and my house it's not about the dessert. We still need to sing happy birthday and do a candle. Picking up dinner wouldn't be it for us. It's a previously discussed bday dinner. But that's us.
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
Posts: 52,416 Likes: 297,416
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Post by McBenny on Jan 27, 2023 15:50:27 GMT -6
That is the ugliest dessert I've ever seen. 😂 I have never seen this shit until today and I'm glad.
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fatpony
Amethyst
Posts: 5,708 Likes: 32,322
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Post by fatpony on Jan 27, 2023 15:55:29 GMT -6
I legit thought cookiepuss was called that because the cone thing depicted a penis, the round things that are apparently arms/hands were balls and then it was banging a vagina.
I've never seen or heard of one before this afternoon.
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Post by sudokufan on Jan 27, 2023 15:59:30 GMT -6
I do think women get stuck with the whole ass mental load WAY more often than men, and I know there aren’t easy ways to offload it. But I think being the 90-100% mental load bearer is unsustainable no matter how helpful your partner might be. I think it's really difficult to break the pattern. My H and I have talked about it a lot but I don't know how to get him to make his brain work the same way mine does- I'm not sure it ever could, quite frankly. In reality someone kind of has to be the schedule keeper, etc- it's just the way it works. But partners can to varying degrees make things harder or easier on one another by how they interact and ask for and offer help in carrying all the loads. I don't think sharing an equal mental load means it's equal at all times. It means sometimes one of us is doing more and we trade off. IDK. It's complicated We've been married 16 years and sometime in the last 3 or so something clicked and H started picking up more of the load. When we hit a rough patch earlier this year, I had to be honest with him that I still have a LOT of resentment from the first decade where I addressed it over and over and he denied it was a thing, and it made me seriously question whether I even wanted to try to work through the rough patch.
But he has truly taken some things off my plate - like DS's clothes. I don't even think about whether we need to do his laundry or order more socks or check if his jeans are outgrown. That's all H. He'll ask my opinion, and ask for me to put the laundry in the dryer, but that's tasks, not planning. There's other stuff too, that one just sticks out since it's so often a "mom" thing.
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sterling
Global Moderator
GD
Posts: 15,070 Likes: 130,505
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Post by sterling on Jan 27, 2023 16:01:19 GMT -6
Sure but she got him sushi and sake, does it have to be something that's for dessert? The fact that it has to be a dessert is kinda odd to me, but I'm not a sweets person. For me and my house it's not about the dessert. We still need to sing happy birthday and do a candle. Picking up dinner wouldn't be it for us. It's a previously discussed bday dinner. But that's us. Yes, same. The request has been logged for weeks. I have to devein shrimp. 😑
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Post by angelashly on Jan 27, 2023 16:03:52 GMT -6
Sure but she got him sushi and sake, does it have to be something that's for dessert? The fact that it has to be a dessert is kinda odd to me, but I'm not a sweets person. For me and my house it's not about the dessert. We still need to sing happy birthday and do a candle. Picking up dinner wouldn't be it for us. It's a previously discussed bday dinner. But that's us. Birthday person picks dinner here. I love it because I try to find new places to try
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sterling
Global Moderator
GD
Posts: 15,070 Likes: 130,505
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Post by sterling on Jan 27, 2023 16:04:00 GMT -6
I legit thought cookiepuss was called that because the cone thing depicted a penis, the round things that are apparently arms/hands were balls and then it was banging a vagina. I've never seen or heard of one before this afternoon. My gosh.
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Post by CestLaVie on Jan 27, 2023 16:05:21 GMT -6
It’s like getting bangs because you need a change but you’re really not okay. Emily in Paris S3 calls this “trauma bangs,” and that resonated. I've got trauma bangs and a changed username, lol checks out
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