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Post by jessijean on Jul 14, 2017 7:26:42 GMT -6
What's everyone up to today?
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Post by jessijean on Jul 14, 2017 7:31:38 GMT -6
DS has his 2 year old check up and I get to tell our family doctor that I'm expecting! She asked when #2 was coming at his 18 month appointment and I told her it would be awhile.
I had a horrible dream last night that I was at a huge concert and started bleeding, bad. Then I couldn't find a OB to check a heartbeat and the ER turned me away. Don't worry, I checked, I'm not spotting.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2017 7:32:08 GMT -6
Garage sale day 2 and then working for my friend most of the afternoon! She runs a website selling super cute kids' clothes and custom t-shirts and things and I package and ship most of it for her. Tomorrow I play violin at our local farmers market. It is 5 hours of playing and I am very much out of playing shape!
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sarahh
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Post by sarahh on Jul 14, 2017 7:33:31 GMT -6
Half day today at work then I'm not sure what we are doing. I want to take DD to see Cars 3 but we may do the early show tomorrow in case she doesn't sit still.
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Post by marygracerich on Jul 14, 2017 8:12:07 GMT -6
Hi! I am sitting on the couch watching G with her teacher. MH comes home for his long break soon. Then we will have lunch, naps and go grocery shopping. That's my big excitement for the day. Lol
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Post by hiimjamie on Jul 14, 2017 8:12:48 GMT -6
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sarahh
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Post by sarahh on Jul 14, 2017 8:17:18 GMT -6
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Post by readinglove on Jul 14, 2017 8:21:43 GMT -6
DS and I are heading out to run errands to pick up things for our mini-vacation. Then today shall consist of continuing laundry, packing, and maybe cleaning bathrooms. And also a nap, because priorities.
I think I need to chat with DH about some things. Like clearing his dishes from the table, putting his breakfast dishes in the dishwasher, and taking his dirty clothes from the bathroom to the basket in our room. It's all little stuff, but I honestly don't think he "sees" it and it's driving me fucking nuts.
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aprilz81
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Post by aprilz81 on Jul 14, 2017 8:36:15 GMT -6
We announced on Facebook last night. Our wedding photographer saw DH's instagram post and offered us a free maternity session as a gift to us and I'm crazy excited about it. I love that the person who did our wedding pictures will do our maternity session and we may hire her to do newborn pictures but I don't think she has any experience with that so we may go with someone who specializes in newborn photos. ETA: And we didn't see we left the "T" out of estimated until after we posted. DH and I had both put the sign together and moved it around countless times and didn't see it until it was on facebook. (facepalm)
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sarahh
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Post by sarahh on Jul 14, 2017 8:38:57 GMT -6
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aprilz81
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Post by aprilz81 on Jul 14, 2017 8:44:33 GMT -6
I don't think this is a LGBT vs straight issue as much as it is an issue about leave policies in general. I get two weeks paid leave from my company, then 4 weeks short term disability (paid out at 60% of my salary, but it isn't taxed so it is almost what I normally take home). If I take more than that it is unpaid for up to an additional 6 weeks. My husband only gets one week "bonding time" before he has to go back to work or take vacation time. Fathers/non childbearing spouses usually don't get "full maternity/paternity" benefits.
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Post by ashburn on Jul 14, 2017 8:54:12 GMT -6
I am slowly suffering through today's workload before heading home to finish packing. We are driving to visit my parents for the weekend which should be a good time. My mom already knows about #2 but we haven't told my dad yet (my brother may show too so undecided if we tell them) since we are still so early... I was hoping that I could sneak the 8 week u/s in before this visit but it didn't happen. Oh well.
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Post by ashburn on Jul 14, 2017 8:56:37 GMT -6
I don't think this is a LGBT vs straight issue as much as it is an issue about leave policies in general. I get two weeks paid leave from my company, then 4 weeks short term disability (paid out at 60% of my salary, but it isn't taxed so it is almost what I normally take home). If I take more than that it is unpaid for up to an additional 6 weeks. My husband only gets one week "bonding time" before he has to go back to work or take vacation time. Fathers/non childbearing spouses usually don't get "full maternity/paternity" benefits. I agree that I see this as both as well. In my current position we do not get any specific paid maternity/paternity benefits. I have to rely on stored vacation and sick leave and then use LWOP if I want to extend it. We also are exempt from state laws so any state requiring any form of short term disability we don't get (I would have had to set something up outside of work and pay into it separately, so instead we just saved our own money) My husband will have to take the same vacation or sick leave but doesn't get any added benefits either. But thats the government for you....
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2017 8:59:47 GMT -6
My former company had a terrible policy that excluded IPs who used a surrogate as well. One employee filed a lawsuit. My heart ached for them :-(
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pinkcat
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Post by pinkcat on Jul 14, 2017 9:03:13 GMT -6
I love that announcement aprilz81, beautiful. Happy Friday everyone! I am in such a good mood today. We had our first appointment with our midwife yesterday, and growth was still right on track (I was 8 weeks 4 days) and we got to see some 3D pictures as well as the normal ultrasound. We have now seen the heartbeat 3x so I feel like I am finally starting to breathe a sigh of relief!
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pinkcat
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Post by pinkcat on Jul 14, 2017 9:05:12 GMT -6
Also, in the packet she gave me, there were some facts about delivery. I am irrationally excited that they allow drinking liquids and having snacks during delivery. I get very anxious and crabby when I don't have enough water, and bring water with me EVERYWHERE. Before even getting a BFP I worried about laboring without being able to drink or eat. I felt so much relief after reading that I would be allowed! (Assuming all is going well during delivery of course).
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aprilz81
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Post by aprilz81 on Jul 14, 2017 9:07:09 GMT -6
I don't think this is a LGBT vs straight issue as much as it is an issue about leave policies in general. I get two weeks paid leave from my company, then 4 weeks short term disability (paid out at 60% of my salary, but it isn't taxed so it is almost what I normally take home). If I take more than that it is unpaid for up to an additional 6 weeks. My husband only gets one week "bonding time" before he has to go back to work or take vacation time. Fathers/non childbearing spouses usually don't get "full maternity/paternity" benefits. I agree that I see this as both as well. In my current position we do not get any specific paid maternity/paternity benefits. I have to rely on stored vacation and sick leave and then use LWOP if I want to extend it. We also are exempt from state laws so any state requiring any form of short term disability we don't get (I would have had to set something up outside of work and pay into it separately, so instead we just saved our own money) My husband will have to take the same vacation or sick leave but doesn't get any added benefits either. But thats the government for you.... I struggle with this as I'm financial conservative and realize that if companies are forced to have longer leave times available for both parents that it costs the company money. Higher expenses mean that they can't hire more people, give raises, etc. On the other hand 2, 6, 12 weeks is so short when you think of all of the physical and emotional changes that new parents go through. The US government is so inept (both sides of the aisle) that I don't trust them to properly run another entitlement system, knowing them they would take a parental leave benefit (aka taxpayer funded) and somehow make puppies eligible for fully paid 12 week leave.
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Post by hiimjamie on Jul 14, 2017 9:08:07 GMT -6
aprilz81 ashburnI think we can all agree that our parental leave policies in the US need help. We fall behind every single other developed country in the world. The point of the article was to point out that LBGT parents often have a more difficult time for a number of reasons. From just plain ignorance making a hostile work environment to legal struggles due to states not recognizing the non birth parent as a legal relative of the child at all. When DS was born it took almost a year to get my wife's name on his birth certificate. Thankfully her employer gave her leave anyway. If a child is born through a sperm donor to a married straight couple, the father is legally recognized as the husband of the birth mother because they are married. Even if he is not the bio Dad. That's not the case for LGBT couples. In many cases, the non biological parent needs to adopt the child. Even if the LGBT couple is married. So it's absolutely hard for everyone but LGBT couples definitely face different struggles. To quote the article directly: "Taking leave from work to welcome a new child isn’t easy for a lot of parents — and LGBT families often have to navigate policies that were designed with cisgender, straight couples in mind. The US is one of a handful of nations that doesn’t mandate any paid parental leave. When employers do provide paid time, it’s frequently funded through short-term disability policies that only cover parents who give birth. Adoptive parents of any gender often get less time to bond with their new additions. Under a federal law called the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA), employers over a certain size have to provide 12 weeks of unpaid job-protected leave, though not all employees are eligible. The law states that someone who acts “in loco parentis” — i.e. takes on the responsibilities of parenting — is eligible for leave, even if they don’t have a biological or legal relationship with the child." Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Post by ashburn on Jul 14, 2017 9:10:48 GMT -6
I agree that I see this as both as well. In my current position we do not get any specific paid maternity/paternity benefits. I have to rely on stored vacation and sick leave and then use LWOP if I want to extend it. We also are exempt from state laws so any state requiring any form of short term disability we don't get (I would have had to set something up outside of work and pay into it separately, so instead we just saved our own money) My husband will have to take the same vacation or sick leave but doesn't get any added benefits either. But thats the government for you.... I struggle with this as I'm financial conservative and realize that if companies are forced to have longer leave times available for both parents that it costs the company money. Higher expenses mean that they can't hire more people, give raises, etc. On the other hand 2, 6, 12 weeks is so short when you think of all of the physical and emotional changes that new parents go through. The US government is so inept (both sides of the aisle) that I don't trust them to properly run another entitlement system, knowing them they would take a parental leave benefit (aka taxpayer funded) and somehow make puppies eligible for fully paid 12 week leave. Honestly at this point I would take ANYTHING since I get zip. Government employees are said to have such wonderful benefits and health insurance but in actuality that is not the case.
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aprilz81
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Post by aprilz81 on Jul 14, 2017 9:16:13 GMT -6
I struggle with this as I'm financial conservative and realize that if companies are forced to have longer leave times available for both parents that it costs the company money. Higher expenses mean that they can't hire more people, give raises, etc. On the other hand 2, 6, 12 weeks is so short when you think of all of the physical and emotional changes that new parents go through. The US government is so inept (both sides of the aisle) that I don't trust them to properly run another entitlement system, knowing them they would take a parental leave benefit (aka taxpayer funded) and somehow make puppies eligible for fully paid 12 week leave. Honestly at this point I would take ANYTHING since I get zip. Government employees are said to have such wonderful benefits and health insurance but in actuality that is not the case. I wonder if that depends on where in government you work?
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clm585
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Post by clm585 on Jul 14, 2017 9:31:58 GMT -6
I don't think this is a LGBT vs straight issue as much as it is an issue about leave policies in general. I get two weeks paid leave from my company, then 4 weeks short term disability (paid out at 60% of my salary, but it isn't taxed so it is almost what I normally take home). If I take more than that it is unpaid for up to an additional 6 weeks. My husband only gets one week "bonding time" before he has to go back to work or take vacation time. Fathers/non childbearing spouses usually don't get "full maternity/paternity" benefits. Agree. My husband gets FOUR days. Last time he tried to take 4 weeks with vacation time but was pressured to reduce it to 3. This time he'll probably take 2. I actually had zero maternity leave with my first so took 6 weeks unpaid FMLA. This time will have 6 weeks paid and prob take a total of 8 with vacation days. My nanny is from South America, and it blows her mind that we don't all get 6 months. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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cake
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Post by cake on Jul 14, 2017 9:34:40 GMT -6
I've been a bit nervous since I'm not supposed to go for a first ultrasound until 18-20 weeks (not doing the nt testing). And then my doctor couldn't find the heartbeat on the doppler at the 12 week appointment, which he did say was normal. I haven't heard it at all. Anyways, he asked if I was concerned about it and I said a bit.... so he filled out the forms for me to get an ultrasound earlier! I'm going Sunday afternoon!
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Post by hiimjamie on Jul 14, 2017 9:36:11 GMT -6
Ok I didn't mean to spark a debate. As I stated in my second comment, the article is not at all saying straight couples get more time. They're just stating that we face different struggles. If you read my second comment or actually read the article, you can see what I'm talking about. If you think LGBT couples in our country, or anywhere else in the world are treated equally under the law or equally by society, you are sorely misinformed.
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clm585
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Post by clm585 on Jul 14, 2017 9:36:38 GMT -6
I've been a bit nervous since I'm not supposed to go for a first ultrasound until 18-20 weeks (not doing the nt testing). And then my doctor couldn't find the heartbeat on the doppler at the 12 week appointment, which he did say was normal. I haven't heard it at all. Anyways, he asked if I was concerned about it and I said a bit.... so he filled out the forms for me to get an ultrasound earlier! I'm going Sunday afternoon! Awesome!! I would be going crazy in your shoes... so glad you get to see your peanut earlier Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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sarahh
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Post by sarahh on Jul 14, 2017 9:36:42 GMT -6
DH took 6 weeks unpaid with his old employer (which they tried to decline at first so he had to point out the law). Before his FMLA was up, they let him go and tried to deny him unemployment benefits. DH went to the unemployment office and pointed out that he was still on FMLA which is covered and they granted him unemployment immediately. It worked out in the end because DH stayed home with DD and then opened his own business that has been successful so far. The plan with DD2 is that he will be watching her most of the week while he works so that saves me some money in the end.
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clm585
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Post by clm585 on Jul 14, 2017 9:38:18 GMT -6
Ok I didn't mean to spark a debate. As I stated in my second comment, the article is not at all saying straight couples get more time. They're just stating that we face different struggles. If you read my second comment or actually read the article, you can see what I'm talking about. If you think LGBT couples in our country, or anywhere else in the world are treated equally under the law or equally by society, you are sorely misinformed. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Completely agree with what you're saying, and I feel like you said it really well. I in no way was trying to minimize your experience as an LGBT couple or compare my experience to yours. Sorry if it came across that way. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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clm585
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Post by clm585 on Jul 14, 2017 9:49:18 GMT -6
hiimjamie Just got all "roarrr parental leave sucks" and missed a lot of your point. We're going to a funeral this PM. Super nice family friend who made it to 95 years old! So I'm sad, but obviously this isn't really unexpected, and she had an awesome life until the last few months, when things fell apart quickly. No big plans this weekend, anyone doing anything fun?? Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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cake
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Post by cake on Jul 14, 2017 9:57:16 GMT -6
It's definitely unfair what maternity leave is like in the USA.
For a lot of people here in Canada, it's pretty great. But as a small business owner, I don't pay into EI so I don't qualify for the 55% that the government pays over the course of the one year may leave. Technically I can take as much time as I want, but not only am I not producing the product that brings in the big bucks so I can make money, I also have to pay employees to man the store during hours I would regularly be there.
The plan is for me to take 2 months, then my husband to take 2 months. He qualifies for a lot more but we can't afford him to do that. Licenced daycares don't accept infants under 3 months here. And even at that, most won't put you on a waiting list until the baby is born. It's extremely difficult to get a child in under one year. So we may need to look into a nanny for awhile.
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Post by marygracerich on Jul 14, 2017 10:12:21 GMT -6
I ate so of course now I am nauseous. I am 14w 2d. This shit is supposed to stop. ☹️ I will stop being a whiney brat now.
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Post by sunfrogger on Jul 14, 2017 10:20:54 GMT -6
Hi all!
I am fortunate that my Fortune 100 company has decent leave policies. I'll get my STD (2w before my EDD of 2/21 and 6w after), plus I get 4 weeks of leave before tapping into my vacation (that I'm rolling from this year) and using LWOP. I anticipate being out from ~ 2/5 through about 9/10. I'll still be paid through about 5/16 and then take 4mo of unpaid.
I'm trying to time it all with my course work for my MBA too to get my company to pay for as much as possible. So I've got it down to a science.
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