guster
Emerald
Posts: 11,536 Likes: 67,147 
|
Post by guster on Sept 12, 2019 10:44:02 GMT -6
MH will do most anything to help, but I know he prefers that I ask him to do something bc he thinks I have secret ways of doing things (and to be fair to him, he’s right. If he folded a load of laundry, I’m pretty sure I’d appreciate the help, but then quietly the next day I’d refold the towels and his T-shirts so they fit the ”right” way in the closets/drawers.) I’m far less fussy about him with the kids bc we both want then to see us as equals (although for food they tend to come to me first)
|
|
nam2013
Emerald
Posts: 13,876 Likes: 69,348
|
Post by nam2013 on Sept 12, 2019 10:49:31 GMT -6
Re; husbands. My h really does the same when it comes to household tasks and taking care of the kids. Fe. he makes breakfast every morning, while I pick out clothes, we alternate in who brings the kids to school/swim/sitters etc etc. We had a talk about the mental load the other week, that more like 30-70. Thinking of making pedis appointments, birthday presents, class treats, seeing they need new clothes/shoes etc that’s mostly comes down to me. It not that he doesn’t want to do those things, it’s just by the time he starts to think about it, I’ve already done it.
ETA I’m fine with the mental load, I like doing most of those things. He just needs to acknowledge that I am actually doing those things.
|
|
nam2013
Emerald
Posts: 13,876 Likes: 69,348
|
Post by nam2013 on Sept 12, 2019 10:50:09 GMT -6
guster I refold too. I’m the worst 😂.
|
|
guster
Emerald
Posts: 11,536 Likes: 67,147
|
Post by guster on Sept 12, 2019 10:55:24 GMT -6
guster I refold too. I’m the worst 😂. I know — it adds to the problem, and sometimes I try to just let things go but I am here all day doing stuff like this, so it is second nature to me . It does amaze me that he doesn’t see the difference in something like the fold and want them to be the same. Folded is folded to him, I guess. |
|
nam2013
Emerald
Posts: 13,876 Likes: 69,348
|
Post by nam2013 on Sept 12, 2019 10:59:39 GMT -6
guster I refold too. I’m the worst 😂. I know — it adds to the problem, and sometimes I try to just let things go but I am here all day doing stuff like this, so it is second nature to me . It does amaze me that he doesn’t see the difference in something like the fold and want them to be the same. Folded is folded to him, I guess. Hahaha exactly that. I need to let things go. This way it’s not always the way I like it, but hey it’s done! |
|
jewels
Opal
Posts: 8,457 Likes: 44,439
|
Post by jewels on Sept 12, 2019 11:00:32 GMT -6
I’ve heard of people losing nails and always wondered how do they grow back? Like, does it start from you cuticle just like a normal nail, or does some other process happen? And does it just look like skin underneath the nail?? Well you can live vicariously through me and learn the process  |
|
cagoldi
Opal
Vegan Demon
Posts: 8,349 Likes: 53,471
|
Post by cagoldi on Sept 12, 2019 11:23:45 GMT -6
Hi! I just got back from a hair appointment (just a trim); tidying up before I head to pick up C, and then we'll run a couple errands before B gets home. My flight to Nashville leaves at 5:30 a.m. so my usual stay-up-til-all-hours packing/cleaning routine will not work this time! Re: husbands, DH is not perfect but he is the first one to jump up and help out with the kids or around the house. Of course, the kids still come to me first 99% of the time, but if DH overhears and/or I am busy he is up and at 'em. The guy does not have a lazy bone in his body. I wonder if this is nature v. nurture, and if nurture, I need to figure out what his parents did and train B, lol. I think it’s both for us. Pete’s mom has three boys and definitely didn’t teach them to do anything household related. He literally would not even take his dish to the sink or throw away trash. She was a SAHM and his parents were very old fashioned. I’m pretty breezy when it comes to the kids, but he thought it was strict of me to ask them to clean up toys, put clothes in the hamper, and put a used plate in the sink. He told me “I was a wild child. I didn’t have to throw away my trash or pick up toys.”😳 Right, and it shows. Now, at the same time, regardless of how he was raised, he’s an adult and he can form new habits if he cares enough to do so. I’ve heard many times now that’s just the way men are. That’s the way many men are, I agree, but it’s gross that everyone is conditioned not to expect more of them. |
|
tgrimes
Diamond
Posts: 27,965
Likes: 139,243
|
Post by tgrimes on Sept 12, 2019 11:47:51 GMT -6
I’ve heard of people losing nails and always wondered how do they grow back? Like, does it start from you cuticle just like a normal nail, or does some other process happen? And does it just look like skin underneath the nail?? It usually starts from the cuticle. I've had nails fall off and there's already a nail beginning underneath it, if that makes sense. but it still grows like a normal nail. Yes, the skin just looks like the skin under your nail. jewels I have definitely painted my skin before when it was necessary to wear sandals. It will take awhile for it to grow back completely. |
|
nam2013
Emerald
Posts: 13,876 Likes: 69,348
|
Post by nam2013 on Sept 12, 2019 11:50:43 GMT -6
|
|
|
|
Post by wineallthetime on Sept 12, 2019 11:57:08 GMT -6
Don't get me wrong, MH does a ton and I really can't complain at all, but meals are definitely not his strong suite. He'll feed them with no complaints, but it'll probably be junk.
|
|
inthekitty
Emerald
My eyes are up here.
Posts: 10,680 Likes: 69,745
|
Post by inthekitty on Sept 12, 2019 11:57:55 GMT -6
I completely agree cagoldi. I think a lot is nurture. I have more hope for the next generation and my girls. A lot of our moms were from the generation of women first hitting the work force in mass. Household load didn't adjust right away. Stats show married women have shorter lifespans than single women but visa versa for the men. They also show even when wives work just as much as their husbands they usually do a larger portion of the housework. |
|
|
|
Post by flamingo on Sept 12, 2019 12:39:31 GMT -6
Re; husbands. My h really does the same when it comes to household tasks and taking care of the kids. Fe. he makes breakfast every morning, while I pick out clothes, we alternate in who brings the kids to school/swim/sitters etc etc. We had a talk about the mental load the other week, that more like 30-70. Thinking of making pedis appointments, birthday presents, class treats, seeing they need new clothes/shoes etc that’s mostly comes down to me. It not that he doesn’t want to do those things, it’s just by the time he starts to think about it, I’ve already done it. ETA I’m fine with the mental load, I like doing most of those things. He just needs to acknowledge that I am actually doing those things. Yes the mental load part is big! DH trusts me to handle all that and I do—and honestly as the SAHP it makes sense for me to do it all and I don’t mind it (and do I really want him buying clothes? Lol no.) I do not think he takes it for granted but if I felt like he did, he would get ‘reminded’ 😬 |
|
|
|
Post by peachsmama on Sept 12, 2019 13:14:57 GMT -6
I definitely remind A of the mental load. Hes very appreciative of the house work and laundry and meal planning. But forgets about All of the doctor's appointments and managing their clothes and shoes and school happenings.
|
|
|
|
Post by lahdeedah on Sept 12, 2019 13:20:36 GMT -6
I’ve heard of people losing nails and always wondered how do they grow back? Like, does it start from you cuticle just like a normal nail, or does some other process happen? And does it just look like skin underneath the nail?? It usually starts from the cuticle. I've had nails fall off and there's already a nail beginning underneath it, if that makes sense. but it still grows like a normal nail. Yes, the skin just looks like the skin under your nail. jewels I have definitely painted my skin before when it was necessary to wear sandals. It will take awhile for it to grow back completely. TIL! Thanks! |
|
|
|
Post by lahdeedah on Sept 12, 2019 13:35:51 GMT -6
MH usually does dishes, helps with laundry folding, and helps clean up most days without me having to tell him. I am grateful for that. My only complaint about that is it takes him an hour or more to do dishes and he has no sense of time/schedule when it comes to the kids bedtime. I have started to help most days with dishes (loading the dishwasher) before I go shower so he doesn’t have that much to do and it still takes him forever. 🙄
|
|
|
|
Post by peachsmama on Sept 12, 2019 13:41:30 GMT -6
MH usually does dishes, helps with laundry folding, and helps clean up most days without me having to tell him. I am grateful for that. My only complaint about that is it takes him an hour or more to do dishes and he has no sense of time/schedule when it comes to the kids bedtime. I have started to help most days with dishes (loading the dishwasher) before I go shower so he doesn’t have that much to do and it still takes him forever. 🙄 A too. If he folds a load of laundry it takes at least a hour. He has to find something to watch on his phone first and pauses to watch 3 or 4 times per article of clothing. It drives me nuts. Mean while I speed through everything because someone will surely need something from me before I can finish. |
|
jewels
Opal
Posts: 8,457 Likes: 44,439
|
Post by jewels on Sept 12, 2019 14:14:45 GMT -6
MH is awesome with the chores. His time management or prioritizing is awful though (for instance he will come downstairs and start unloading the dishwasher before starting breakfast for the boys when we are needing to get out the door quickly). But he does 95% of the cooking and dishes.
I do 100% of the mental load when it comes to the kids - appointments, school stuff, clothes, sports, etc. But he does 100% of the mental load when it comes to the house stuff - lawn care, fixing things, etc and bills.
|
|
|
|
Post by peachsmama on Sept 12, 2019 14:19:13 GMT -6
Oh and I was hoping M would forget what he heard about 9/11 yesterday. But that is not the case. He asked me this morning how long ago the attack was and how many people died. Then when J questioned it he told us that everyone in the buildings died. I'm not happy at all. I'm emailing the principal to find out how much he got from his teacher/the lesson and how much he got from other kids, possibly on the bus home.
|
|
|
|
Post by flamingo on Sept 12, 2019 14:44:02 GMT -6
Snip I do 100% of the mental load when it comes to the kids - appointments, school stuff, clothes, sports, etc. But he does 100% of the mental load when it comes to the house stuff - lawn care, fixing things, etc and bills. Yes, same here. I don’t worry about any of that stuff. And mH is the only earner—Im sure that is some added pressure, even if only subconsciously. For us I do feel like it evens out in the wash. |
|
|
|
Post by lahdeedah on Sept 12, 2019 14:49:03 GMT -6
MH is awesome with the chores. His time management or prioritizing is awful though (for instance he will come downstairs and start unloading the dishwasher before starting breakfast for the boys when we are needing to get out the door quickly). But he does 95% of the cooking and dishes. I do 100% of the mental load when it comes to the kids - appointments, school stuff, clothes, sports, etc. But he does 100% of the mental load when it comes to the house stuff - lawn care, fixing things, etc and bills. OMG it’s not just my husband. Like dude, the kids are hungry. Start breakfast first!! |
|
jewels
Opal
Posts: 8,457 Likes: 44,439
|
Post by jewels on Sept 12, 2019 14:51:09 GMT -6
MH is awesome with the chores. His time management or prioritizing is awful though (for instance he will come downstairs and start unloading the dishwasher before starting breakfast for the boys when we are needing to get out the door quickly). But he does 95% of the cooking and dishes. I do 100% of the mental load when it comes to the kids - appointments, school stuff, clothes, sports, etc. But he does 100% of the mental load when it comes to the house stuff - lawn care, fixing things, etc and bills. OMG it’s not just my husband. Like dude, the kids are hungry. Start breakfast first!! yes, and then I start stressing I am going to be late. When he's home he works from the house so he has no where to be, no time to be there. I'm always running late to be somewhere. Start the breakfast, THEN do the other stuff!!! And now there's the added pressure of school starting at a specific time! |
|
jewels
Opal
Posts: 8,457 Likes: 44,439
|
Post by jewels on Sept 12, 2019 14:52:49 GMT -6
Snip I do 100% of the mental load when it comes to the kids - appointments, school stuff, clothes, sports, etc. But he does 100% of the mental load when it comes to the house stuff - lawn care, fixing things, etc and bills. Yes, same here. I don’t worry about any of that stuff. And mH is the only earner—Im sure that is some added pressure, even if only subconsciously. For us I do feel like it evens out in the wash. MH is not the only earner but definitely the primary earner. He makes much much more than I do, and is so much better with money than I am so this makes sense. I don't want him dealing with the kids' stuff anyway and I tend to get annoyed when he randomly will try to help but doesn't really know what he's doing (like trying to put the kids' laundry away and it ends up in the wrong drawers) |
|
guster
Emerald
Posts: 11,536 Likes: 67,147
|
Post by guster on Sept 12, 2019 14:52:54 GMT -6
Josie just told me that her STEAM teacher is so clever that she can’t keep her eyes off him. LOL!
|
|
trtlcrzy
Moderator 
Posts: 10,085 Likes: 58,458
|
Post by trtlcrzy on Sept 12, 2019 15:07:03 GMT -6
jewels, not going to lie, I'm slightly intrigued by your nail removal. There used to be a show on TLC called the Toe Guy or something...it showed toe nail removals, and all sorts of issues related to the feet. I'm gross, I know. I also watch Dr. Pimple Popper. Sometimes random things come up on YouTube or my Facebook feed and it leads me into crazy holes. I also like dr. Pimple popper. One time I watched this video on YouTube of someone getting their very curled big toe nail straightened out, THAT looked very painful. |
|
tgrimes
Diamond
Posts: 27,965
Likes: 139,243
|
Post by tgrimes on Sept 12, 2019 15:07:52 GMT -6
I want tacos.
|
|
|
|
Post by wineallthetime on Sept 12, 2019 15:18:40 GMT -6
4th day of my month of not drinking. Don't think I'm going to make it guys!
|
|
tgrimes
Diamond
Posts: 27,965
Likes: 139,243
|
Post by tgrimes on Sept 12, 2019 15:24:09 GMT -6
4th day of my month of not drinking. Don't think I'm going to make it guys! You're doing better than I probably could! |
|
kim22
Amethyst
Posts: 5,503 Likes: 36,601
|
Post by kim22 on Sept 12, 2019 15:43:03 GMT -6
jewels hope your toe is better tonight. We were picked for the commercial. They are filming tomorrow. Dinner and all are done early because we have soccer and hockey tonight. All I have to do is drop DS at soccer at 8 and then DH will meet him after DD’s soccer. I have been staying up until 11:30 and getting up at 5:30. It’s catching up to me.
|
|
|
|
Post by lahdeedah on Sept 12, 2019 16:20:33 GMT -6
Josie just told me that her STEAM teacher is so clever that she can’t keep her eyes off him. LOL! LOL! |
|
tallb
Amethyst
Posts: 5,337 Likes: 33,891
|
Post by tallb on Sept 12, 2019 16:59:18 GMT -6
Josie just told me that her STEAM teacher is so clever that she can’t keep her eyes off him. LOL! This is amazing! Have you seen him? |
|
