cch
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Post by cch on Nov 5, 2018 14:39:22 GMT -6
New week calls for new randoms!
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Post by strawberrykiki on Nov 5, 2018 14:42:02 GMT -6
I’m having a super slow day at work so I been reading about post partum and breastfeeding stuff. I am 😱
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cch
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Post by cch on Nov 5, 2018 15:12:32 GMT -6
Trying to decide if I should feel hurt or if I’m overreacting. Brace yourself- this is gonna be a long one.
Last pregnancy I had one baby shower for DD. My two best friends threw it for me and lots of people came. It was a great time! Fast forward to this pregnancy my best friend and MIL offered to throw me a shower knowing this will be our last kiddo. I told my MIL she could and told my BFF to just come to that one since there’s no need for two baby showers. BFF lives in the same town I do. MIL lives 1.5 hours away but a lot of our family and friends are closer to MILs house than my house so even though I wanted the shower to be here, my MIL wanted to throw it at her place and I ended up telling her that was fine... So the 5 neighbors that were invited and a few other people from this area likely won’t make the drive which is totally understandable. Today, my MIL called me and asked if she could put a note in my invitations (to her friends only and maybe SILs mother) saying that SIL is also pregnant and would include where she’s register/ask them to bring her a gift as well. I told her that was fine.
SIL has 2 girls and this baby is a boy. She’s 6 weeks behind me and I’m thrilled for her!However, MIL threw her a shower for both of her girls and her mom did as well. Her church did for her second pregnancy too. So she’s had a total of 5 baby showers as of now. SILs parents and our in-laws had a falling out so MIL wasn’t invited to the last shower which is why she threw her a separate one. This time her mom has said she will be throwing her one but MIL doesn’t know if she/we are invited so she just wants to include her in mine rather than throw her another (7th!!) baby shower just to invite 5 of her friends and a couple family members. So of course I was a little upset knowing my shower would now not be just about me and the baby but also celebrating SIL. When I’ve already handed over a list of all of our friends and family’s addresses. If I knew it’d be a joint shower I would have just given her the names of the people that live closer to her and let BFF throw a shower here and invite all of our other people to that one. MIL ended the convo asking if she could also add in some blue cookies for SIL since she’s having a boy instead of it being all pink. So now it’s really not even just “adding in a piece of paper to her friends invitations to remind them SIL will be there and not to forget about her” but it is now looking like a joint baby shower? But she’s not inviting SILs friends bc SILs mom is already doing that for her shower. It will end up being all my family and friends + SILs mom (if she’s invited and accepts) and MILs friends who will be celebrating/bringing gifts for us both. I feel like it’s going to be weird! And I’m honestly feeling hurt that now my second and last shower will turn into a joint shower even though SIL has already had 5 showers for her 2 girls and her mother is already planning the next one! Feels like overkill and I just wish MIL went about celebrating her different way and let me have my day. Am I being a snob?? Ugh pregnancy emotions suck. I’m just not sure how to feel and if I should say anything before invitations go out this week. Womp womp
Thanks to those of you who made it through that novel. You all deserve a brownie.
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Post by strawberrykiki on Nov 5, 2018 15:26:14 GMT -6
cch it wasn’t that long, but I’m always up for a brownie! Maybe it’s just me but I feel strongly that any kind of joint baby shower isn’t a good idea. Every woman and baby deserve to have their own special event and your SIL has already had quite a lot of showers and is still having a shower for this baby. Why does she need to be apart of yours? You are totally justified in your feelings. I guess it comes down to can you tell your MIL how you feel and will she understand, or will she make a big deal of having her feelings hurt and such that it’s just not worth saying anything? What is the less stressful option for you? Is it too late for your friend to go ahead and plan something for you close to home even if it’s small?
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Post by strawberrykiki on Nov 5, 2018 15:29:49 GMT -6
@amc I’m most nervous about breastfeeding. Any advice or reading material anyone has that helped them would be great! My friend had a baby in September and she already stopped. I am NOT judging her at all. I know it’s so hard. I just really want to be successful! And I’m worried about going back to work after only like 8 weeks I’ll have to add pumping and bottles into the mix! It feels so overwhelming!
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cch
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Post by cch on Nov 5, 2018 16:30:27 GMT -6
strawberrykiki @amc thank you! I feel like I could just be upset because of hormones since I’m not the type who would want a bunch of showers (which is why I denied my BFFs shower in the first place) but have very much been looking forward to this little party to celebrate our last baby and now it feels different. I also think it’d be weird having over 25 family members/friends there for me and not having any of her family or friends there. A few of the people invited are MILs friends who also know SIL and would come for both of us but MIL wouldn’t invite any of SILs people since her mother is already throwing her a shower and inviting them... I think I will just tell MIL to not send out invites to our neighbors and few friends who are in our area that I originally had on her invite list and instead, just invite the people who live closer to her for convenience and let my BFF throw the shower here like she wanted to and invite everyone in this area. Unfortunately I don’t think MIL would understand if I asked her to celebrate SIL another day. It might hurt her feelings and I feel like it’d be best to just let her do her thing and have two showers this time. Kiki- BFing is definitely tough but also such a rewarding experience. I’d suggest meeting with a LC after birth and joining a BFing group on FB or here because ladies on those boards seem to have the best advice/tips/tricks. Everyone has a different experience and though your friend stopped after a short time, that was her experience and you will have a totally different one! I wanted to quit at times but man it was worth it to push through those hard times! I’m very proud of my 16mo BFing journey and am looking forward to it this time around too. Nervous and scared and anxious about it... but also so excited to experience that bond again.
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k
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Post by k on Nov 5, 2018 18:08:49 GMT -6
cch nope to the joint shower. Can your H just tell her that’s weird?
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tngrl3
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Post by tngrl3 on Nov 5, 2018 18:11:31 GMT -6
@amc I’m most nervous about breastfeeding. Any advice or reading material anyone has that helped them would be great! My friend had a baby in September and she already stopped. I am NOT judging her at all. I know it’s so hard. I just really want to be successful! And I’m worried about going back to work after only like 8 weeks I’ll have to add pumping and bottles into the mix! It feels so overwhelming! BFing is not easy but it is doable. I went back to work at 12 and 10 weeks with my other 2 and I nurses them for 18M and 2 years respectively. I pumped at work and while it wasn't always easy, it was worth it to me. I found The Womanly Art of Breast Feeding a really good resource. I was gifted it as shower present and found it so helpful.
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k
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Post by k on Nov 5, 2018 18:13:59 GMT -6
@amc I’m most nervous about breastfeeding. Any advice or reading material anyone has that helped them would be great! My friend had a baby in September and she already stopped. I am NOT judging her at all. I know it’s so hard. I just really want to be successful! And I’m worried about going back to work after only like 8 weeks I’ll have to add pumping and bottles into the mix! It feels so overwhelming! Nursing my first (for like the first 5-6 weeks) was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Prepare for it to be terrible, painful, and stressful and hopefully you will be pleasantly surprised. My nipples bled for the first two weeks. I basically had to scream into a pillow every time DS latched on. But then on week two it got better. much better. and then it got ridiculously easy. it is still one of my favorite parts of parenting. it’s totally worth it! Ask to see an LC in the hospital even if you think it’s going well. have them check your latch and baby for tongue/lip tie. make sure baby is opening his mouth as wide as possible before latching. and nose should be pointed towards nipple.
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k
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Post by k on Nov 5, 2018 18:19:30 GMT -6
strawberrykiki as far as pumping at work. It’s kind of like taking on another job at work. for me it took a lot of energy working around my patients’ appointments to make sure I pumped regularly and frequently enough. cleaning pump parts gets old fast. A useful tip is to keep all your pump parts in a freezer bag in the fridge in between pumping so you don’t have to clean them every time. For me, I couldn’t just set the pump up and be done. I had to massage to get the milk flowing and to empty my boobs. Also, invest in a good pumping bra. I have one that I wear all day long, but my boobs are small when nursing so I don’t need a ton of support. I got a lot of clogs with DS2 while pumping. Lechitin supplements are supposed to help, but going home to nurse was the only thing that cleared them for me. You’re going to want/need lots of snacks and a giant water bottle.
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cch
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Post by cch on Nov 5, 2018 18:49:37 GMT -6
k MH and his mom aren’t that close. If it were me and my family I’d for sure talk to them about it but his family is weird. She’d feel butt hurt and it’d likely be awkward for a while. I sent MIL a new list of people to invite (took 11 people off a list of 27) and told her we’d invite those people to a shower closer to home and she just responded “they went out today so you can just let them know what’s going on I guess”. I’m guessing she’s upset that I’m wanting to change it up but now it’s going to be super freaking weird celebrating SIL at my shower. My family and friends that do come are gonna be like WTF I didn’t know I was coming to CCH + some randos shower. MH is as upset as I am. It’s just a frustrating situation now and I’m not nearly as excited which really sucks. Who does this?! Ugh!
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k
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Post by k on Nov 5, 2018 19:05:02 GMT -6
k MH and his mom aren’t that close. If it were me and my family I’d for sure talk to them about it but his family is weird. She’d feel butt hurt and it’d likely be awkward for a while. I sent MIL a new list of people to invite (took 11 people off a list of 27) and told her we’d invite those people to a shower closer to home and she just responded “they went out today so you can just let them know what’s going on I guess”. I’m guessing she’s upset that I’m wanting to change it up but now it’s going to be super freaking weird celebrating SIL at my shower. My family and friends that do come are gonna be like WTF I didn’t know I was coming to CCH + some randos shower. MH is as upset as I am. It’s just a frustrating situation now and I’m not nearly as excited which really sucks. Who does this?! Ugh! Does your SIL know about it? I’d feel weird if I was your SIL.
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Post by thelittleredm on Nov 5, 2018 19:34:01 GMT -6
Oh man. cch, I'd feel the same as you, honestly. And maybe it's the preggo hormones but I get it. I hope things end up less chaotic and weird than they seem right now :/ On BF and pumping and what not: I had pretty low supply with DS1 and ended up adding formula to the mix around 6 months but kept breastfeeding until 20 months when I wanted my body back. Nothing I tried ever boosted my supply and it sucked. But I really loved breastfeeding so I did it again with DS2 but I knew I'd be pumping because I wasn't going to be able to stay home like I did with DS1. My supply was great that time! Until I started pumping and it bottomed out. My supply was gone before DS2 hit 5 months. It was devastating. I'm planning on breastfeeding again but working harder to build up a stash for when I'm back at work. I'm also planning on switching pumps and keeping my fingers crossed that that helps.
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cch
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Post by cch on Nov 5, 2018 19:46:18 GMT -6
k I would assume SIL knows about it. MIL said she was going to talk to her about it and since she sent out the invites I’m guessing she OKed it which I think is weird AF and would never have agreed to that if it were me 🤷🏼♀️ ETA- I told MIL I would help her with a shower for SIL a week ago when we found out it was a boy. I would have no problem helping throw her another shower for SIL! Even if it is her 7th shower, at least it’d be her shower and I could have my own. It is what it is now but I think I’ll be salty for a couple days and hope it won’t be as awkward as I’m imagining.
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Post by sunshiney on Nov 6, 2018 7:33:26 GMT -6
cch I'm so sorry. I have struggled with being patient, accepting and appreciative as I watch my very... Difficult mom plan a shower (which is being officially hosted by my aunt and sister... It's a little weird). Being the honored one at a baby shower is one of the most powerless experiences in normal life I think! It's just as special as our wedding festivities yet unlike the wedding we have next to no say and just have to live with any disappointments. It can be really emotional, and a way for people's thoughtlessness to really hurt us. I'm sorry the invites already went out. Reading what you described, it sounds like she started out wanting to just give a nod to your SIL so she didn't feel left out... But my guess is that nod will keep getting bigger until she's treating her as the second equal mom being honored. Is there a way you can call your SIL and ask what she is expecting and comfortable with? If she feels (or recognizes) that your shower is basically being pulled out from under you, she may have the grace and class to help keep it feeling like your shower on the day regardless of what MIL does. I think whatever happens, your 27 friends will be polite but are 100% there to celebrate you and will treat you like a queen and give you the beautiful experience you are hoping for! Maybe have the friend who was going to give the shower on the loop so she can let people know that your MIL will be giving a nod to another expecting family member but it's not a joint shower!
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cch
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Post by cch on Nov 6, 2018 8:09:00 GMT -6
sunshiney I am going to see SIL next week so the girls can play and we can chat about pregnancy/baby stuff. We’re 2.5 hours away from each other so I’ve only driven to see them 2 other times in the last 3 years. Other than that we just see each other a couple times a year at family events/holidays. We’re not very close but I feel like I could talk to her. I’ll probably decide when I’m there if I feel comfortable bringing it up or not. I don’t want to upset her or make her feel any type of way. I absolutely don’t think MIL was trying to hurt me at all. I would have been cool with her adding a note to her friends/neighbors invites that were already coming to the shower mentioning SIL and her pregnancy/registry so she didn’t need to do a separate shower for her a month after mine, especially since she’s thrown her two previous showers and her mom is planning one for this baby already... but when MIL asked about putting blue cookies out on the snack table my jaw hit the ground. I know they’re just cookies! But I feel like it won’t be a pink girly shower to just celebrate my LO if she starts adding blue stuff here and there for SIL and her baby. The cookies are really what changed the game for me. I feel like my family is going to wonder why there’s blue stuff around and think it’s weird. But I’ve accepted it more since yesterday and think it will all be fine in the long run. Like you said, I have very little control so best to just roll with the punches. Now that I know invites have gone out I’m really trying to decide if I should just let it be and just have that shower or let BFF do one here and send out a second invite to those 11 neighbors/friends who live near us who would likely not make the drive to the other shower anyways. I doubt I’d drive over an hour and a half for a neighbors shower... I do think sending two invites to those few people is overkill though. I could let them know the first invite was a mistake before we knew a separate shower was going to be thrown in town. But if only 5 of the 11 people invited show up it may not even be worth all the planning and stress. I plan to talk to BFF today and see what she thinks.
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Post by strawberrykiki on Nov 6, 2018 10:35:22 GMT -6
cch that sounds like a good plan. It sucks but sometimes you just have to choose your battles whether to try to accept a situation that isn’t 100 percent what you’re happy with versus saying something and inviting potential drama and hurt feelings into it. Sometimes it’s worth saying something but it sounds like in this case maybe it isn’t. I’m feeling slightly crampy today which always makes me a little nervous. I’m trying to drink a lot of water and keep my feet up at my desk.
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hrh
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Post by hrh on Nov 6, 2018 11:00:57 GMT -6
cch, ugh, I'm so sorry. That's super inconsiderate of your MIL, I'm mad for you. My SIL on my side and I were due 2 weeks apart with our firsts, and my mom's BFF threw us a joint shower. It is difficult at best and I still can't believe etiquette-wise my mom went along with it because it really isn't ever appropriate for so many reasons IMO. Because it was joint, we were not comfortable inviting any friends because it is so awkward so it was family only, and even then awkward because, for example, it obligated my MIL to get my SIL (who is not her DIL) a gift when she doesn't know her well, and vice versa. In your case you can smooth that over much more easily because the invites to your list of guests won't even mention SIL (mine made it clear it was a joint shower), so that can be explained given the unusual circumstances, but it still puts you and your guests in an awkward position. And yes, it's just not the kind of occasion you want to share, no matter how close you are to the other person! I agree it sounds like MIL initially just wanted to give a nod to SIL but then it snowballed and she didn't even give a thought to the other implications. I'm super passive aggressive but would absolutely have a few key statements ready to go if a guest indicates confusion at not knowing it was joint, etc. "I'm so sorry for the confusion, I didn't know until after the invitations had gone out but please know how much it means to me that you're here to celebrate my baby!" Seriously F her if she's mad at YOU for wanting to remove people from the guest list because she totally changed it up. That said, someone throwing you a shower is out of your control, so let the cards fall where they may and trust that the people who can come to celebrate are there for YOU and will make your day wonderful! <3 If your BFF wants to do something too, she can approach those who don't attend the far away one and explain the unusual situation and let them know they're welcome to hers instead, the planning was out of your control and went awry. Your neighbors may all decide to take you out to lunch and celebrate that way, you know? Enjoy the shower for what it is, revel in all the people there to celebrate you and your baby, and let MIL deal with the awkwardness. It's not at all on you. *hug*
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hrh
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Post by hrh on Nov 6, 2018 11:16:03 GMT -6
strawberrykiki nursing was super hard for me at first, too, I could have written exactly what k wrote. My son looked like a vampire pulling off every time because of the bleeding and I cried every time for a couple weeks. BUT. I went on to nurse him for 2 years and had no issues with DS2. I don't write this to scare you, but to hopefully help you avoid what we went through. Because there ARE things I could have done differently to avoid it! And truly, you won't know how your body will handle nursing until the time comes, so my best unsolicited advice is to try to just keep a super open mind if you want to breastfeed. It's a great unknown. It works for some people and not for others, simple as that. There is honestly only so much control you have over it. I'm very much of the mindset "you do you, as long as you feed your baby, you're doing awesome!" Because I have PCOS, I expected to have low supply because that's what I kept reading would happen; so I did everything I could to boost supply - NOT realizing that I actually had massive oversupply once my milk came in (and it didn't come in right away with either, we had to do weight checks etc. totally common). So I made my issue so much worse, my letdown was so fast and hard he would choke and pop on and off so much that's why I developed the awful bleeding cracks. It was hell for 6 weeks and then I finally pumped for a few days to let things heal, figured out how to handle the oversupply issue with him, and it was smooth sailing from that point forward. Kellymom is good, these boards are amazing. Lactation consultants IMO were meh, they didn't diagnose me or help me understand at all. But we got your back. <3
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Post by strawberrykiki on Nov 6, 2018 12:06:47 GMT -6
Thank you everyone for the amazing breastfeeding advice!!! ❤️
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cch
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Post by cch on Nov 6, 2018 12:45:12 GMT -6
Thanks ladies! Y’all have definitely made me feel better about the joint baby shower situation. I feel like my wtf feelings have been validated. It’s certainly not ideal but I’m just going to roll with it and we’ll see how it goes! I’m grateful for the shower either way and even though things have changed a bit I’m looking forward to celebrating this little one next month!
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cch
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Post by cch on Nov 7, 2018 13:27:29 GMT -6
Came across this on Pinterest and it has me feeling all the feels 😭 I think I may have it printed for baby’s room since she will be our second and last. Could work for a third+ child as well with some words changed here and there. So sweet!
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Post by notagoddess on Nov 7, 2018 14:31:55 GMT -6
cch, I'm 90% sure done after this one and that totally made me cry.
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cch
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Post by cch on Nov 7, 2018 14:56:31 GMT -6
@amc Oh no!! I’m so sorry. As if moving around baby time isn’t stressful enough. Hopefully they’re able to at least tell you when y’all will be leaving ASAP so you have a date and can start planning. You eat that candy girl! ((Hugs)) notagoddess I cried too!!
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Post by sunshiney on Nov 7, 2018 18:45:00 GMT -6
Happy Diwali! Spontaneously went for Indian buffet tonight and there was live music and special foods celebrating the festival of lights celebrating the victory of light over dark and knowledge over ignorance. Felt like a good way to reboot after the election! But it's hard to fit much in a pregnant tummy lol.
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k
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Post by k on Nov 7, 2018 19:31:46 GMT -6
Came across this on Pinterest and it has me feeling all the feels 😭 I think I may have it printed for baby’s room since she will be our second and last. Could work for a third+ child as well with some words changed here and there. So sweet! Omg 😭😭😭
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dashook
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Post by dashook on Nov 7, 2018 19:51:49 GMT -6
Hi ladies. Sorry I haven’t been around much. Things have been pretty difficult and I keep shying away from posting because it’s so much to explain.
*TW health issues and pregnancy complications*
LSS my BP is under control thanks to the meds, but my high blood calcium levels have led to an official diagnosis of primary hyperparathyroidism, which is extremely rare in pregnant women and could cause neonatal complications (they can’t be sure because it’s so rare that they don’t have the data, but it’s a possibility).
Baby blessedly is growing fine (actually measuring 3 weeks ahead—yikes!) and doing well, and I’m asymptomatic. But I’m going to have to deliver in Boston instead of my small local hospital that I love (where my other two were born) and that is 3 minutes away if you hit both traffic lights, so I can have immediate access to the level 3 NICU and to Children’s Hospital if needed. It also means that I’m now, at 29 weeks, going to have to switch my OB care to the hospital team.
I’ve already been dealing with getting blood drawn literally every other day while also trying to adjust to SAHM life. My MIL can help sometimes but other times I have to drag the kids with me to the lab and it is exhausting (and not going to get better as I get bigger). Still other times I’m paying a sitter to watch them so I can go to the doctor (even though money is pretty tight). God help me if I have to take the two of them with me to that enormous hospital in Boston one of these days. I can’t handle the double stroller on my own anymore nor wear DD so...?
Oh and I have to have surgery to remove the parathyroid tumor that is causing all this. They still haven’t decided whether they should do it before delivery or wait until after. Again, they don’t have the data to really know whether doing it while I’m still pregnant could cause other complications like preeclampsia. So most likely I am just going to have to survive the next ~10 weeks with the constant blood tests, appointments, drinking 5L of water a day, and eating a low calcium diet (which I am learning means basically meat and carbs only).
Huge props and a box of cupcakes to anyone who read all of that!
TL; DR things are scary and bad right now.
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Foxy
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Post by Foxy on Nov 7, 2018 20:56:04 GMT -6
dashook i'm so sorry to read your update. That sounds so stressful! That's nice your MIL can help so you can go to appointments. I don't even know how to console or help but i'll be thinking of you and keep us updated
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Foxy
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Post by Foxy on Nov 7, 2018 21:03:02 GMT -6
cch i'm sorry about the baby shower situation. It's too bad you guys couldn't have done something small for your SIL at a different time. A joint baby shower sounds awkward. What does your H have to say about any of this. I always make my H be the the bad guy 😊
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Post by notagoddess on Nov 7, 2018 21:49:57 GMT -6
I’m sorry you’re dealing with all that dashook. Huge hugs.
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