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Tuesday
Sept 11, 2018 9:03:45 GMT -6
Post by whoopster on Sept 11, 2018 9:03:45 GMT -6
I'm pretty sure my boss is going to give me an evaluation today. Not a bad thing, because she's doing everyone as it is company wide management thing. She drives me crazy so it'll be interesting.
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Post by fikafairy on Sept 11, 2018 9:06:19 GMT -6
I think my biggest struggle is that over time, me proving “support” turns into him relying on me for everything and then him having meltdowns when things don’t happen the way he wants them to.
Like he talked about looking for a new job again yesterday, but won’t own his part in not even trying where he’s at.
I’m in between work meetings so I can’t get too far into detail ATM but it’s not just things that he doesn’t manage. He turns to me for help with everything, and then whenever I need help with something, I don’t get it in return at all.
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Pistol
Diamond
Posts: 28,064 Likes: 62,420
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Tuesday
Sept 11, 2018 9:19:45 GMT -6
via mobile
Post by Pistol on Sept 11, 2018 9:19:45 GMT -6
School just sent out a notice that the main route is closed and to use the alternate route.
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msdrdg
Platinum
Posts: 2,132 Likes: 6,187
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Tuesday
Sept 11, 2018 9:27:34 GMT -6
via mobile
Post by msdrdg on Sept 11, 2018 9:27:34 GMT -6
There are 3 dozen donuts in the break room. I've already had one. I've been avoiding going back in there, but bordom and depression might get the best of me. The chocolate with sprinkles is calling my name.
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Bluebird
Amethyst
Posts: 6,393 Likes: 22,202
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Tuesday
Sept 11, 2018 9:29:48 GMT -6
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Post by Bluebird on Sept 11, 2018 9:29:48 GMT -6
There are 3 dozen donuts in the break room. I've already had one. I've been avoiding going back in there, but bordom and depression might get the best of me. The chocolate with sprinkles is calling my name. I have zero donut willpower. It is my kryptonite.
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hawkward
Global Moderator
Loss, Infertility
Posts: 19,638 Likes: 123,092
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Tuesday
Sept 11, 2018 9:32:52 GMT -6
Post by hawkward on Sept 11, 2018 9:32:52 GMT -6
DS1's school has already been called off for the weather because some kids' families in the district are under mandatory evac orders. H is supposed to be straightening things up today and then off for the rest of the week and probably all of next week too. His coworkers are predicting their office goes under at least four feet of water.
One of the first things DS1 said when I told him last night was that his old classmates would be insanely jealous. They've been in school for a month now and he's only gone four days and will probably have 1-2 weeks off.
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rvasc
Emerald
Posts: 14,311 Likes: 82,566
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Tuesday
Sept 11, 2018 9:35:46 GMT -6
via mobile
Post by rvasc on Sept 11, 2018 9:35:46 GMT -6
Yikes, hawkward! DD is mad her weekend plans are canceled, but I don’t think we’re getting much. How do you feel about your housing situation? Need to come south?
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hawkward
Global Moderator
Loss, Infertility
Posts: 19,638 Likes: 123,092
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Tuesday
Sept 11, 2018 9:40:50 GMT -6
Post by hawkward on Sept 11, 2018 9:40:50 GMT -6
Yikes, hawkward ! DD is mad her weekend plans are canceled, but I don’t think we’re getting much. How do you feel about your housing situation? Need to come south? We're in an area that's built up high enough to not even have a Evac Zone. I think we're safe unless there's a dramatic shift. They've ordered zone A to evacuate from base, but we're a good 5 miles and 20 feet higher than that area.
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Tuesday
Sept 11, 2018 9:44:05 GMT -6
via mobile
Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2018 9:44:05 GMT -6
I’m sorry fikafairy, none of that is fair to you at all.
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elodin
Opal
Posts: 9,586 Likes: 26,672
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Tuesday
Sept 11, 2018 9:52:56 GMT -6
via mobile
Post by elodin on Sept 11, 2018 9:52:56 GMT -6
Starbucks cardamom lattes are LIFE Well I know where I'm going after drop off tomorrow. I had cardamom gelato a few months ago that I still dream about.
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piratecat
Diamond
Posts: 36,010 Likes: 143,838
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Tuesday
Sept 11, 2018 10:10:45 GMT -6
Post by piratecat on Sept 11, 2018 10:10:45 GMT -6
fikafairy, ugh I'm sorry that sounds like such a tough situation. I understand that he is going through a lot (as are you) but can you think of other ways to support him and help him figure out how to get through day-to-day rather than just picking up the slack so that he ends up relying on you more and more and becoming less able to handle his life? Like what makes him not be able to make it on time to pick up your son? What would help him be able to do it? Shared calendar? Set alarms to remind himself when he should start getting ready to leave? I am glad that he is getting counseling for himself but could you pursue couples counseling so that you can figure out how to get through this together?
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Pistol
Diamond
Posts: 28,064 Likes: 62,420
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Tuesday
Sept 11, 2018 10:16:54 GMT -6
via mobile
Post by Pistol on Sept 11, 2018 10:16:54 GMT -6
I’m watching shameless again today. At this rate I should have it finished up by the weekend. 😂
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Post by justbecause on Sept 11, 2018 10:25:39 GMT -6
Ds3’s 6 month appointment took an hour and a half.
Woof.
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Tuesday
Sept 11, 2018 10:26:26 GMT -6
via mobile
Post by queenofwildthings on Sept 11, 2018 10:26:26 GMT -6
Im so sorry fikafairy, ive been dealing with similar issues, and i know how infuriatinfb it is.
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piratecat
Diamond
Posts: 36,010 Likes: 143,838
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Tuesday
Sept 11, 2018 10:26:44 GMT -6
Post by piratecat on Sept 11, 2018 10:26:44 GMT -6
It would be so lame if I had to spend my evening off working.
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piratecat
Diamond
Posts: 36,010 Likes: 143,838
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Tuesday
Sept 11, 2018 10:26:58 GMT -6
Post by piratecat on Sept 11, 2018 10:26:58 GMT -6
Ds3’s 6 month appointment took an hour and a half. Woof. <iframe width="12.159999999999968" height="3.5600000000000023" style="position: absolute; width: 12.159999999999968px; height: 3.5600000000000023px; z-index: -9999; border-style: none;left: 15px; top: -5px;" id="MoatPxIOPT0_97888561" scrolling="no"></iframe> <iframe width="12.159999999999968" height="3.5600000000000023" style="position: absolute; width: 12.16px; height: 3.56px; z-index: -9999; border-style: none; left: 559px; top: -5px;" id="MoatPxIOPT0_53998876" scrolling="no"></iframe> <iframe width="12.159999999999968" height="3.5600000000000023" style="position: absolute; width: 12.16px; height: 3.56px; z-index: -9999; border-style: none; left: 15px; top: 118px;" id="MoatPxIOPT0_45871363" scrolling="no"></iframe> <iframe width="12.159999999999968" height="3.5600000000000023" style="position: absolute; width: 12.16px; height: 3.56px; z-index: -9999; border-style: none; left: 559px; top: 118px;" id="MoatPxIOPT0_78135372" scrolling="no"></iframe> What, how?
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emma
Ruby
Posts: 18,821 Likes: 86,482
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Tuesday
Sept 11, 2018 10:29:15 GMT -6
Post by emma on Sept 11, 2018 10:29:15 GMT -6
well i just went to starbucks for a cardamom latte thanks to this place. It's really good, i'm not usually a flavoured coffee person but this and the holiday flat white are my jam
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Tuesday
Sept 11, 2018 10:33:06 GMT -6
via mobile
Post by thebanich on Sept 11, 2018 10:33:06 GMT -6
Canceling our weekend plans for a trip to the Biltmore. Thanks Flo for running everything. Lesson learned to always get trip insurance. The equestrian games are happening here right now too. It might be a blessing in disguise to avoid that traffic. Have you asked if they will give you a literal rain check?
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Post by justbecause on Sept 11, 2018 10:34:16 GMT -6
piratecatFirst, the doctor was called into an emergency at the hospital so I had to wait 25 minutes in the exam room, then she came back, but had to leave again as she was paged, then the nurses came in and gave the shots, and then I got ready to go and the doctor came back so I actually got to ask my questions/get his prescription refills sent. It was quite a mess with a fussy baby who had to miss nap!
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Tuesday
Sept 11, 2018 10:37:39 GMT -6
Post by CurlieWhirlie on Sept 11, 2018 10:37:39 GMT -6
I know it’s easier said than done, but you should really let yourself off the hook for managing his life. He’s an adult, let him manage his own life for awhile. I was going to say this exact thing, having been in a situation very similar, where I felt like I was parenting my exH. It is exhausting but honestly you really should just let his shit go. Just like with parenting, once kids become old enough to manage themselves, you have to let them fail for a while so they can learn the natural consequences, and then they will either learn or they won't, but either way you can't be there to always catch them. You know? Of course I know it's easier said than done. If you let his stuff slide, what will the impact be on you?
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piratecat
Diamond
Posts: 36,010 Likes: 143,838
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Tuesday
Sept 11, 2018 10:41:55 GMT -6
Post by piratecat on Sept 11, 2018 10:41:55 GMT -6
piratecat First, the doctor was called into an emergency at the hospital so I had to wait 25 minutes in the exam room, then she came back, but had to leave again as she was paged, then the nurses came in and gave the shots, and then I got ready to go and the doctor came back so I actually got to ask my questions/get his prescription refills sent. It was quite a mess with a fussy baby who had to miss nap! Oh yikes. I'm glad you at least got to speak with the doctor after all that waiting. They scheduled all of our appointments for the first two years up front and I am now realizing that I need to reschedule the times because his nap times have changed. Babies!
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piratecat
Diamond
Posts: 36,010 Likes: 143,838
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Tuesday
Sept 11, 2018 10:50:30 GMT -6
Post by piratecat on Sept 11, 2018 10:50:30 GMT -6
Target PSA: they’re having a sale on car seats/boosters. I don’t know the details but I think multiple people are looking for seats now. They are also running their car seat trade event too!
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Tuesday
Sept 11, 2018 10:55:13 GMT -6
via mobile
Post by babybean on Sept 11, 2018 10:55:13 GMT -6
Starbucks cardamom lattes are LIFE I need to try this.
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Tuesday
Sept 11, 2018 11:08:38 GMT -6
Post by chickenonsunday on Sept 11, 2018 11:08:38 GMT -6
Canceling our weekend plans for a trip to the Biltmore. Thanks Flo for running everything. Lesson learned to always get trip insurance. The equestrian games are happening here right now too. It might be a blessing in disguise to avoid that traffic. Have you asked if they will give you a literal rain check? I might be foolish but I emailed the owner and asked that the cleaning fee be returned to us. We have friends with a rental place on the beach and they did a full refund as a showing of kindness. Maybe I set the bar too low only asking for the $140 cleaning fee to be returned. The owner still hasn't responded so we wait. I had no idea about the equestrian games! That sounds like it would have been a fun thing to watch.
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Tuesday
Sept 11, 2018 11:10:35 GMT -6
via mobile
Post by readyornot on Sept 11, 2018 11:10:35 GMT -6
Hugs fikafairy. I know that cycle & the toll it can take on you. Thinking of you❤
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Tuesday
Sept 11, 2018 11:16:33 GMT -6
Post by fikafairy on Sept 11, 2018 11:16:33 GMT -6
fikafairy , that sounds really difficult and I’m sorry you’re going through that. In my experience, relationships start to deteriorate when one person feels like they have to parent the other (or the other person feels unnecessarily parented). Maybe that’s some of what you’re experiencing right now? I just don’t think your husband needs to “own not trying” at his job to you — if it’s a bad fit, it’s a bad fit — but then again, I’m an outsider looking in. This is exactly it. He can't manage his time at work to leave early enough to pick up our son on time, and then always calls me to fix it at the last minute. It got so bad for a while that I would just start rearranging my work schedule because I knew the call was coming, then I started making him do drop-off instead. I still usually wind up being the one to get DS up and ready on time bc H hits the snooze button in avoidance of the 3rd job in 5 years that he doesn't like and hates being at. I'm fully supportive of him finding something that's a better fit as long as he has an income since we need it, but it's now a pattern and he keeps doing the same thing. Sometimes it's "I hate what I do" and sometimes it's "I hate where I'm working" and sometimes it's both. I think it's more of both where he is now, but then he started putting feelers out for the SAME ROLE IN A SIMILAR COMPANY. Again. Then he got all shocked when I asked him to consider what this would look like long-term for his career, since he's in the middle of an MBA program. It's like he doesn't learn from things, does the same thing again, then gets all "woe is me and I can't win" whenever shit happens.
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Tuesday
Sept 11, 2018 11:20:27 GMT -6
Post by fikafairy on Sept 11, 2018 11:20:27 GMT -6
Hugs fikafairy . I know that cycle & the toll it can take on you. Thinking of you❤ Some of the things you have written sound EXACTLY like my H, and I don't know how to get out of the cycle in a way that doesn't damage our relationship for good. Unfortunately, I think it's heading in that direction. edit: written about your home situation, I mean. I'm not good with words today I don't think.
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Tuesday
Sept 11, 2018 11:26:23 GMT -6
Post by angelashly on Sept 11, 2018 11:26:23 GMT -6
fikafairy , that sounds really difficult and I’m sorry you’re going through that. In my experience, relationships start to deteriorate when one person feels like they have to parent the other (or the other person feels unnecessarily parented). Maybe that’s some of what you’re experiencing right now? I just don’t think your husband needs to “own not trying” at his job to you — if it’s a bad fit, it’s a bad fit — but then again, I’m an outsider looking in. This is exactly it. He can't manage his time at work to leave early enough to pick up our son on time, and then always calls me to fix it at the last minute. It got so bad for a while that I would just start rearranging my work schedule because I knew the call was coming, then I started making him do drop-off instead. I still usually wind up being the one to get DS up and ready on time bc H hits the snooze button in avoidance of the 3rd job in 5 years that he doesn't like and hates being at. I'm fully supportive of him finding something that's a better fit as long as he has an income since we need it, but it's now a pattern and he keeps doing the same thing. Sometimes it's "I hate what I do" and sometimes it's "I hate where I'm working" and sometimes it's both. I think it's more of both where he is now, but then he started putting feelers out for the SAME ROLE IN A SIMILAR COMPANY. Again. Then he got all shocked when I asked him to consider what this would look like long-term for his career, since he's in the middle of an MBA program. It's like he doesn't learn from things, does the same thing again, then gets all "woe is me and I can't win" whenever shit happens. What do you mean that he can't manage his time at work to get off. Does this mean he doesn't have a set schedule? Is he goofing off at work. I would just stop coming to his rescue. When he calls to say he can't leave you say well I can't either you will either have to find someone who can or pay the fine.
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Minerva
Ruby
Posts: 15,381 Likes: 67,036
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Post by Minerva on Sept 11, 2018 11:26:27 GMT -6
Canceling our weekend plans for a trip to the Biltmore. Thanks Flo for running everything. Lesson learned to always get trip insurance. Boo. Not cool Flo. Can you reschedule instead?
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Tuesday
Sept 11, 2018 11:26:37 GMT -6
Post by angelashly on Sept 11, 2018 11:26:37 GMT -6
And by you I mean him
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