trtlcrzy
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Post by trtlcrzy on May 14, 2018 11:34:26 GMT -6
H is also terrible at listening. I swear at least once a day I ask her if she has her listening ears on. I have heard that a quieter, calm, firm voice will be paid better attention to than yelling but I still yell. I didn’t have a great parenting example growing up so I’m basically flying by the seat of my pants right now.
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tgrimes
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Post by tgrimes on May 14, 2018 11:38:53 GMT -6
+1 on the listening frustrations. It’s really getting old and i feel like I’m repeating myself so. Many. Times. And then I yell and feel like a terrible mom. And now n will yell at h and I realize she is just copying what I do so something needs to change. Some here, we've become a yelling house at times and I usually just tear up in frustration. If you find any great resources let me know, I'm all ears. I think I'm going to download 'The well behaved child' that flamingo has talked about. I bought it and am only 1/4 of the way through. I need more hours in the day so I can read a book about discipline. Lol.
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Post by flamingo on May 14, 2018 11:41:44 GMT -6
+1 on the listening frustrations. It’s really getting old and i feel like I’m repeating myself so. Many. Times. And then I yell and feel like a terrible mom. And now n will yell at h and I realize she is just copying what I do so something needs to change. Some here, we've become a yelling house at times and I usually just tear up in frustration. If you find any great resources let me know, I'm all ears. I think I'm going to download 'The well behaved child' that flamingo has talked about. Muahahaha, join me on the dark side I'm telling y'all, the strike system is effective. You *have* to be consistent with it, very unemotional and matter-of-fact, but I saw real results using it to fix our "selective hearing" (aka not listening) problem.
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Post by wineallthetime on May 14, 2018 11:50:28 GMT -6
Some here, we've become a yelling house at times and I usually just tear up in frustration. If you find any great resources let me know, I'm all ears. I think I'm going to download 'The well behaved child' that flamingo has talked about. Muahahaha, join me on the dark side I'm telling y'all, the strike system is effective. You *have* to be consistent with it, very unemotional and matter-of-fact, but I saw real results using it to fix our "selective hearing" (aka not listening) problem. Remind me again how the strike system works please.
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vino
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Post by vino on May 14, 2018 11:51:30 GMT -6
H is also terrible at listening. I swear at least once a day I ask her if she has her listening ears on. I have heard that a quieter, calm, firm voice will be paid better attention to than yelling but I still yell. I didn’t have a great parenting example growing up so I’m basically flying by the seat of my pants right now. J is at the age where she is learning this; I ask her, she points to her ears, I ask her if she is going to use them and she shakes her head no. I respect the honesty.
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vino
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Post by vino on May 14, 2018 11:53:06 GMT -6
Some here, we've become a yelling house at times and I usually just tear up in frustration. If you find any great resources let me know, I'm all ears. I think I'm going to download 'The well behaved child' that flamingo has talked about. Muahahaha, join me on the dark side I'm telling y'all, the strike system is effective. You *have* to be consistent with it, very unemotional and matter-of-fact, but I saw real results using it to fix our "selective hearing" (aka not listening) problem. If the dark side is a listening child, I'll be right there. In fact, i may order two copies, one for myself and one for MH to ensure that we are on the same page. See what I did there...
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vino
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Post by vino on May 14, 2018 11:54:53 GMT -6
Some here, we've become a yelling house at times and I usually just tear up in frustration. If you find any great resources let me know, I'm all ears. I think I'm going to download 'The well behaved child' that flamingo has talked about. I bought it and am only 1/4 of the way through. I need more hours in the day so I can read a book about discipline. Lol. Truth. There arent enough hours.
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Post by snoopmommymom on May 14, 2018 11:59:42 GMT -6
Morning! Poor A is contispated. Did anyone have this experience when switching to cows milk? What did you do? I cut our bread and cheese and gave her pears and oatmeal but so far nothing. We had this problem with O. His constipation was so bad because of the milk transition. We ended up putting him on Almond milk and didn’t start slowly introducing cow’s milk until after he turned 2.
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Post by wineallthetime on May 14, 2018 12:01:24 GMT -6
MH was going to take the kids to his mom's yesterday for a visit and then C fell off his bike and scrapped himself up pretty badly. It took forever to calm him down and get him cleaned up so they didn't go over there. His mom is upset and now MH is leaving work a little early to go over there for a visit. I'm so excited for MH to come home so I can throw the kids at him and enjoy some peace and quiet!
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Post by dapostrophe on May 14, 2018 12:15:35 GMT -6
Re: Kids not listening, we are absolutely here with Evie right now. If I get to the point that I'm yelling, that's a signal that *I* need a break. I usually tell H I need a bath, drive, whatever with NO kids, and take some time to do something to relax and think through exactly what I think the issue is. Am I just barking directions lately without sticking around to see if they follow through? Are my expectations age appropriate for the individual I am having issues with? Have I been "catching them in good behavior" or nagging? (I have been very short on patience lately).
For example: Every kid at my house has their own bucket they put their shoes/backpack in when they get home. Evie is worse than Theo about leaving her stuff everywhere. Every.single.day. I have to ask her "where do your shoes and backpack go?" Today it must have sunk in or something, because she did it on her own. I said nothing and then moved on to make lunch. I had to catch myself, acknowledge her actions, and thank her for doing it all on her own. It made me realize I have been doing that less and less lately, and that maybe I am the one who needs to stop and pay attention. Sometimes their behavior can be so frustrating that I just want a quick fix, but usually a little patience and attention on my end goes a lot further. I just need to have it to give.
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guster
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Post by guster on May 14, 2018 12:29:20 GMT -6
For example: Every kid at my house has their own bucket they put their shoes/backpack in when they get home. Evie is worse than Theo about leaving her stuff everywhere. Every.single.day. I have to ask her "where do your shoes and backpack go?" Today it must have sunk in or something, because she did it on her own. I said nothing and then moved on to make lunch. I had to catch myself, acknowledge her actions, and thank her for doing it all on her own. It made me realize I have been doing that less and less lately, and that maybe I am the one who needs to stop and pay attention. Sometimes their behavior can be so frustrating sometimes that I just want a quick fix, but usually a little patience and attention on my end goes a lot further. I just need to have it to give. I usually try to be here. I think with the move and the number of phone calls i've been making and taking plus handy people we've had at the house to do renovations and repairs, I have been losing my patience far more frequently and therefore not catching the good behavior. MH and I did make a conscious effort to overpraise this weekend, and we never got to the melt down stage, but we were pretty close at some moments.
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Post by xolastunicornxo on May 14, 2018 12:34:16 GMT -6
Morning all! Add me the long list of kids that don’t listen. Ryland is awful about it lately, and he really doesn’t give very many fucks. I’m trying to be super consistent with following through with consequences, but I wish he would just act right and make my life easier!! flamingo I really liked that book! It’s a trilogy and I just got the third book at the library last weekend! Nothing much here. School runs, gym and now just waiting to put ryland in front of a show before nap so I can eat something and watch the dvr.
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vino
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Post by vino on May 14, 2018 12:36:22 GMT -6
Thanks dapostrophe, I have always appreciated your experiences and advice
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Post by lahdeedah on May 14, 2018 12:38:16 GMT -6
Now dont even get me started on MH and how he 'handles' this shit....that's a whole other thread. Girl, tell me about it. Let me guess, you end up yelling at him, too?
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cagoldi
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Post by cagoldi on May 14, 2018 12:40:22 GMT -6
Morning all. I'm in a foul mood, boo to me. The weekend was rough with B, he is not listening and I find myself repeating everything, it's very, very annoying and frustrating to say the least. Does he not hear me? Am I on his ass too much? Am I doing something wrong? What should he hear at this age? Does he have ADHD? Am I just not connected to him and a terrible parent lately? gawd, this shit is hard. /dd over I could've written this word for word. So big hugs to you. I'm all over the place with it – do I lean into it because I know it's a passing phase; do I fight it because I want Josie's behavior to be right? Do I nag her all day long (probably), but isn't that instilling healthy habits because I'm not asking her to do outlandish things (but stop jumping on the couch and please put your dishes the sink seem like good things to nag about.) I've trying to keep the word "arbitrary" in my mind. Is the thing I'm asking her to do arbitrary in terms of time or methodology? Will it get done if she does it her way and 20 minutes after I typically would do it? Sorry for the word vomit... I'm feeling all of this with Dude lately.
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vino
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Post by vino on May 14, 2018 12:42:01 GMT -6
Now dont even get me started on MH and how he 'handles' this shit....that's a whole other thread. Girl, tell me about it. Let me guess, you end up yelling at him, too? It's like the angry, grit my teeth, stare down hold myself back pseudo yell.
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Post by flamingo on May 14, 2018 12:43:30 GMT -6
wineallthetime Basically you focus on 2-3 behaviors at a time that you want to correct--for us, it was not listening, and playing too roughly with C. Each day, the child gets 5-6 strikes to work with. The first 2 or 3 are freebies--essentially, a warning (we started out by giving him 3 but after a few weeks cut back to 2). After the warnings are used up, the next infraction results in a level 1 punishment--for us it was 'no TV'. The next infraction is a slightly more harsh punishment, so for B that was 'no outside time'. If they mess up again, the final punishment is spending the rest of the day in his room (can come out for dinner and bathroom). Rosemond (the author) recommends some sort of visual chart for this, so we got a little whiteboard that we keep on the fridge where we keep track of his strikes (see pic). So if I ask B to do something, and he ignores me, I'll usually remind him/repeat myself once, then I just say, "That's a strike for not listening" and I have him mark it on the board. Very unemotional and matter-of-fact. We explained everything to him so he knows what's coming, and I try not use the strikes as a threat (i.e., "Do you want a strike? You're going to get a strike if you're not listening/being rough/whatever!" ) With all this said, Rosemond advises against skipping to the "tools" chapters without reading the rest of the book, which I agree with. Easier to buy in and trust the process when you understand where he's coming from. So if it's something you're interested in I’d recommend getting the book.
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Post by dapostrophe on May 14, 2018 13:00:09 GMT -6
For example: Every kid at my house has their own bucket they put their shoes/backpack in when they get home. Evie is worse than Theo about leaving her stuff everywhere. Every.single.day. I have to ask her "where do your shoes and backpack go?" Today it must have sunk in or something, because she did it on her own. I said nothing and then moved on to make lunch. I had to catch myself, acknowledge her actions, and thank her for doing it all on her own. It made me realize I have been doing that less and less lately, and that maybe I am the one who needs to stop and pay attention. Sometimes their behavior can be so frustrating sometimes that I just want a quick fix, but usually a little patience and attention on my end goes a lot further. I just need to have it to give. I usually try to be here. I think with the move and the number of phone calls i've been making and taking plus handy people we've had at the house to do renovations and repairs, I have been losing my patience far more frequently and therefore not catching the good behavior. MH and I did make a conscious effort to overpraise this weekend, and we never got to the melt down stage, but we were pretty close at some moments. Yep! It's crazy how often the answer "Why are my kids acting this way?" is directly related to "How am I feeling lately? Run-down, stressed, overwhelmed? Not saying that is always the answer, but I try to rule that out first.
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Post by dapostrophe on May 14, 2018 13:12:54 GMT -6
Thanks dapostrophe, I have always appreciated your experiences and advice Thanks, if I anything I say is helpful I'm glad! FWIW I go through all those same questions and worries about ADHD and whether my kid is a heathen before I back up and check myself 😉 Just remember you are a kick-ass mom and you are certainly not alone in this type of thing!
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Post by dapostrophe on May 14, 2018 13:16:57 GMT -6
flamingo You are so organized and diciplined. Not that I am surprised or anything 😉 I am going to check out this book!
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tallb
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Post by tallb on May 14, 2018 13:41:38 GMT -6
We had this problem with O. His constipation was so bad because of the milk transition. We ended up putting him on Almond milk and didn’t start slowly introducing cow’s milk until after he turned 2. I was wondering if other milk alternatives would make a difference We have had all types of milk struggles...at 17 months of various attempts we just dropped bottles and all milk and now she's just eating a ton of food. Soy did seem to work best but doc said she'd prefer pea milk over that, which was a bust.
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jewels
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Post by jewels on May 14, 2018 14:47:12 GMT -6
Add me to the host of frustrated moms who yells way too much. I hate it, and I try to stop, but like dapostrophe said, it’s worse the more stressed and cranky I am. Then I yell- which tends to make him act worse, and makes me more cranky. But I can’t stop the cycle. I don’t like how often I yell at him.
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Post by flamingo on May 14, 2018 15:35:39 GMT -6
flamingo You are so organized and diciplined. Not that I am surprised or anything 😉 I am going to check out this book! Ha! I don't know about that, but thanks for saying so all the same. I hope I don't make mH and I sound like drill-sergeants or something. We usually keep a sense of humor and we're actually very loving and affectionate with our kids There are just certain behaviors that I wanted to nip in the bud early, b/c I feel like a lot of this stuff is way easier to deal with at 4 than 14 I don't want to be a yeller or a nag, so it's easier for us to have a consistent method in place so that I don't fly off the handle, and he knows our expectations, and there's no grasping for a consequence on my end, or him attempting to bargain or wheedle another chance, etc.
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Post by wineallthetime on May 14, 2018 17:52:01 GMT -6
flamingo You are so organized and diciplined. Not that I am surprised or anything 😉 I am going to check out this book! Ha! I don't know about that, but thanks for saying so all the same. I hope I don't make mH and I sound like drill-sergeants or something. We usually keep a sense of humor and we're actually very loving and affectionate with our kids There are just certain behaviors that I wanted to nip in the bud early, b/c I feel like a lot of this stuff is way easier to deal with at 4 than 14 I don't want to be a yeller or a nag, so it's easier for us to have a consistent method in place so that I don't fly off the handle, and he knows our expectations, and there's no grasping for a consequence on my end, or him attempting to bargain or wheedle another chance, etc. Nobody would ever doubt that you're a loving and caring mom! It's good to have a set structure, these kids take advantage and are rough to reign in!
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Post by wineallthetime on May 14, 2018 17:53:25 GMT -6
OMG, vino and guster. I binge watched Jane the Virgin and am now at the end of season 4. What a clif hanger! Are they currently in season 5? When can I see more??
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wedding
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Post by wedding on May 14, 2018 17:53:54 GMT -6
Oh hi! I see we are beating ourselves up today? I felt like crap from Wednesday night on last week and just checked out. By Sunday I felt like the worst mom in the world. Dh didn’t do anything for Mother’s Day and I felt like I deserved nothing. I woke up 100% better today and C and I had a good day. I hate how down on myself I can get and I hate that some of you guys do it too. It just sucks. Fact is, we are all great moms. That’s why we are here. We care. I just wish you (General you) and I could remember that more.
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wedding
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Post by wedding on May 14, 2018 17:55:17 GMT -6
I had a presentation at work today and did pretty good. Then I busted ass the rest of the day. I’m glad I’m feeling better but still worry that it was depression and not illness even though I had a temperature. But I guess that’s my anxiety talking.
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guster
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Post by guster on May 14, 2018 18:02:50 GMT -6
OMG, vino and guster. I binge watched Jane the Virgin and am now at the end of season 4. What a clif hanger! Are they currently in season 5? When can I see more?? I screamed so loudly! MH read about the end and knew it was coming. I'm so glad he kept the spoiler from me!!
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tallb
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Post by tallb on May 14, 2018 18:35:44 GMT -6
flamingo oof that's tough with your sister, especially being in the exact neighborhood you want. Maybe in a few years their nextdoor neighbors will be selling and it will turn out perfect🤞🤞..I feel ya though. I hate that feeling of being happy for someone but simultaneously being like WTH am I doing over here. I am working on the mindset that there isn't a pie and not enough for everyone to go around, so I need to be genuinely happy for people.
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tallb
Amethyst
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Post by tallb on May 14, 2018 18:53:57 GMT -6
Has anyone gotten any recent Bernstein bears books? My MIL sent a mother's day one from 2016 and the mothers day Blessing was about going to church and straight up had scripture in it..I was like 🤔🤨 while reading it. We have the older Father's day book which involves a pancake breakfast, that's more our speed.
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