itsmemeg
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Post by itsmemeg on Apr 11, 2018 18:58:54 GMT -6
While we always knew we wanted more kids (2) and we purposely got pregnant, Im having such a hard time mentally with this one. I’m just not as excited as i was with my first which I know is fairly normal. And I know I’ll love her all the same but it’s a mental mind trick right now. Anyone else feeling this way?
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lemons
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Post by lemons on Apr 11, 2018 19:30:03 GMT -6
Oh. I was crying while blow drying my hair this morning. Wondering wtf we are doing and then feeling guilty for feeling that way. I was thinking about how differently I felt anticipating the arrival of DD compared to this LO. It’s been a rough week.
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budders
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Post by budders on Apr 11, 2018 19:37:10 GMT -6
I am actually excited about the birth of this baby and have no doubts that overall I will love him. BUT I am overwhelmed with knowing that my relationship with V will change. I also can't imagine what this baby will be like, when V is now so familiar to me, and how I could love someone who will likely be quite different than V as much as I love him.
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Post by Madymoiselle on Apr 11, 2018 19:57:18 GMT -6
Yes... i have been a mess since this week-end just thinking about how ‘easy’ life is right now and why we choose to rock C’s world and do this all over again. Lots of feeling and guilt about both end of things, the child we have and the child I carry.... I am just a mess. So yes, sorry you are there too 😖
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robot
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Post by robot on Apr 11, 2018 20:08:15 GMT -6
I'm feeling very nervous related to having 2 kids home with me, instead of just 1. DD is challenging enough on her own and since she doesn't have full time care I'm afraid it's just going to be a complete clusterfuck. Idk. We have our schedule and our routine and I'm afraid of how it's going to change.
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itsmemeg
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Post by itsmemeg on Apr 11, 2018 20:12:18 GMT -6
I echo all your thoughts.
Yes to being in a good routine and space with #1 and then the thought of throwing a newborn into it and starting all over again. I feel like as DS is almost 3 we are in such a good space right now. And the thought of doing all that hard work over again is intimidating.
Yes to being anxious about managing two little people. How the first little will react or behave. On top of having a newborn.
So many mixed feelings.
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Post by getzystark on Apr 11, 2018 20:15:23 GMT -6
I’m odd and tend to have an overly logical, less than emotional mind. I’m more worried about the logistics of two and not worried at all about how DD will do. She’ll keep going with my mom two days a week for normalcy and more 1:1 time. DH will be home for 6 weeks with us so I know she’ll get loads of attention from both of us. She’s actually more into him lately anyway so it’ll be easier on her to have him around while I tend to the baby. I’m mostly worried about juggling DDs schedule while also figuring out one for the new baby.
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Post by MauLoaM0M on Apr 12, 2018 3:30:20 GMT -6
I am right there with you. Everyone keeps asking if I’m excited for the baby and I say yes but it’s not entirely true. I love this baby & I wanted & planned for him but I’m not ready. First off the baby’s room is not even started. DH wants to open up a wall in the room and insulate before we paint & get the room ready. Not one thing is done! It’s been used as storage/extra bedroom for almost 4 years and is filled with stuff.
Then there’s DS1. I’m worried about rocking his world. He’s going to get a baby brother & start K all in a short period of time. I feel so much guilt about turning his world upside down. I’m worried he’ll hate the bsby, hate us ...
I worry about not loving this baby like I love DS1. So basically I’m a mess & worry about all the things 😐
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adeline
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Post by adeline on Apr 12, 2018 3:55:42 GMT -6
I spent my whole pregnancy with DD worrying about her. I’ve spent this whole pregnancy worrying about DD too, and not the new baby. I have a history of worrying about DD adapting to new things and she’s always surprised me with how cool she is about each thing so I’m hoping this is another example of me overreacting.
I want this baby so much and I’m going to love her beyond my dreams. But I feel so bad for making DD’s world suddenly so different and introducing competition for attention and love. She needs it, like any 2 year old, and it’s the best thing for her, but it doesn’t make it easy.
I feel all of your conflicting emotions.
I’m also nervous about having 9 months off work. It’s a nice balance to work 3 days per week and have 4 days with DD. 7 days with no plans, nowhere to be and 2 kids to occupy? Shiiiiit!
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jessila
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Post by jessila on Apr 12, 2018 8:05:14 GMT -6
Add me to the worried boat.
O is almost 3 and has a significant speech delay so I don't really know what's going on in his head. We talk about the baby all the time and how she's coming soon but I have zero idea if/how he is processing that information. He started therapy through EI in January this year and we're seeing a ton of progress in many other areas so I feel like I'm throwing a wrench into things that are working so well. At the same time, he's a fairly easy going kid and adapts to new things at home pretty well but sometimes he really doesn't. Again, the speech thing.
I am more excited this time about getting to meet the baby than I was last time because I know that I will love her as much as I love O. I'm excited to feel like that about 2 people.
I'm also worried about many logistical things like not being able to lift O for weeks after my RCS when he still wears diapers and sleeps in a crib. My mom will keep watching him for the rest of the school year which is 4 weeks after my RCS date so hopefully I'll be able to get him at least in and out of his crib by the time he's with me full time? H has said he can WFH/use extra PTO but I know he doesn't really want to do that. I really enjoy planning everything as far in advance as possible so child birth/newborns throw me off my game.
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birkmmm
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Post by birkmmm on Apr 12, 2018 9:03:34 GMT -6
I feel all of this so much! Guilty for my son, worried about how he will adapt and do. I feel bad that he isn’t old enough to really understand (he will be 2 next wk) and his whole world will be rocked.
I also struggle with how will I love this baby as much as ds but I know once I have her it won’t be like an issue. It’s just all such a mess in my mind
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Post by gustierx on Apr 12, 2018 12:28:43 GMT -6
Add me to this group! I was way more excited/into prepping for DD than I have been for DS this time (now I'm just too exhausted to care as much?). I'm also feeling really guilty for how DD's world will be turned upside down and worried how she'll handle it. And of course anxious and terrified for how we're going to do all the newborn stuff again but with a 3-year old too this time around.
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kiri
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Post by kiri on Apr 13, 2018 0:25:14 GMT -6
Then there’s DS1. I’m worried about rocking his world. He’s going to get a baby brother & start K all in a short period of time. I feel so much guilt about turning his world upside down. I’m worried he’ll hate the bsby, hate us ... I worry about not loving this baby like I love DS1. So basically I’m a mess & worry about all the things 😐 All of this! This has been on my mind so much this week.
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Post by Lord Disick on Apr 13, 2018 12:03:20 GMT -6
I'm really starting to worry about how DS is going to do with the new baby. He just turned 3 and he's says he's excited but I know he's going to get really jealous. He's learning to use the potty and there's so much "big boy" talk already that I know he's grieving not being the baby anymore. We try to talk about it and be reassuring while trying to give him some idea what to expect, but it's just so hard and I also don't want to scare him.
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Post by Lord Disick on Apr 13, 2018 12:04:22 GMT -6
I can't even wrap my brain around being at home with both of them when DH goes back to work at the end of September. That seems like an eternity from now but I'll be freaking the fuck out then too.
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budders
Amethyst
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Post by budders on Apr 13, 2018 14:04:18 GMT -6
I'm really starting to worry about how DS is going to do with the new baby. He just turned 3 and he's says he's excited but I know he's going to get really jealous. He's learning to use the potty and there's so much "big boy" talk already that I know he's grieving not being the baby anymore. We try to talk about it and be reassuring while trying to give him some idea what to expect, but it's just so hard and I also don't want to scare him. V will be three in June and we’re kind of in the same place. We talk about the baby a lot and how he’s going to be living with us soon, and he’s excited, but I know it’s going to just totally rock his world when there’s actually someone there competing for my attention. He also talks a lot about being a big boy, but he’s been pretending to be a baby a lot recently too. I think there’s going to be a lot of emotions that we’re all going to work through in the beginning.
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Post by Lord Disick on Apr 13, 2018 15:51:01 GMT -6
I'm really starting to worry about how DS is going to do with the new baby. He just turned 3 and he's says he's excited but I know he's going to get really jealous. He's learning to use the potty and there's so much "big boy" talk already that I know he's grieving not being the baby anymore. We try to talk about it and be reassuring while trying to give him some idea what to expect, but it's just so hard and I also don't want to scare him. V will be three in June and we’re kind of in the same place. We talk about the baby a lot and how he’s going to be living with us soon, and he’s excited, but I know it’s going to just totally rock his world when there’s actually someone there competing for my attention. He also talks a lot about being a big boy, but he’s been pretending to be a baby a lot recently too. I think there’s going to be a lot of emotions that we’re all going to work through in the beginning. C has been pretending to be a baby lately too. I'm not discouraging it but it has me a little worried.
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Post by sammichcat on Apr 13, 2018 21:18:11 GMT -6
DS#1 did great. And I know that any decrease in parental attention will be made up for with sibling interaction for them.
But for me it was sad because I do not have the same super deep connection that I had with DS#1 when he was little, except when breastfeeding DS#2. DS#1 was my whole world for two years. But we didn't want just one child and waiting a long time between kids wasn't right for us. So we do the best we can.
We do get some one on one time - I highly recommend trying to schedule something like that in your week if you can manage it - H usually takes DS#1 to practice ice skating once a week. Come to think of it, I need to try to do more of that. It's really, really worth while.
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Post by numbears on Apr 17, 2018 22:42:05 GMT -6
I think about this a lot. Like either DS or this one is going to lose out and not get the attention needed. And DS1 is our whole world right now, so it's so hard to imagine changing anything. And basically everything MauLoaM0M said. People keep telling me that you don't really feel like your love for your kids will divide, but instead, multiply. I keep telling myself that.
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budders
Amethyst
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Post by budders on Apr 18, 2018 8:59:40 GMT -6
This has gotten harder for me over the last few days, mostly because V has been a bit standoff-ish with me. We’ve talked a lot about the baby and he knows (conceptually) what’s coming and that there is going to be a change. He’s been bringing it up a lot, and I’ve been more limited physically which I know is frustrating to him. He’s been hitting me, telling me to leave him alone, and just crankier in general. It’s breaking my heart a little, especially since he and I are so close and I don’t want the baby to change our relationship.
Hopefully once the baby is here and the experience is more concrete, he’ll come back around, but it’s hard in these last two weeks of alone time with him (and hormones are wonky) not to get pretty down and emotional about it.
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ajm
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Post by ajm on Apr 21, 2018 18:31:54 GMT -6
This guilt has been basically been my life this past week. I know my situation with Harper being in the NICU is a little different but I cried after yelling at DD last night after seeing her for the first time since Tuesday. I've been feeling guilty for not being able to prep her for baby's arrival. I feel guilty that Harper is getting all the attention. I thought going from 1 to 2 was supposed to be easier.
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itsmemeg
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Post by itsmemeg on Apr 21, 2018 18:59:34 GMT -6
Aw ajm I think your situation is a milllion times more stressful so please give yourself some grace. Toddlers will toddle and they don’t understand the stress you’re under with your other baby in NICU. Here for you!
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budders
Amethyst
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Post by budders on Apr 21, 2018 19:25:07 GMT -6
ajm I'm so sorry. Your situation is stressful on its own, not to mention with your own postpartum recovery and all of the hormones. I won't tell you not to feel guilt because it doesn't work that way, but go easy on yourself, you daughter will forgive and forget.
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ajm
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Post by ajm on Apr 21, 2018 23:45:40 GMT -6
Aw ajm I think your situation is a milllion times more stressful so please give yourself some grace. Toddlers will toddle and they don’t understand the stress you’re under with your other baby in NICU. Here for you! Thanks. I think I needed to hear that. Kallie also is completely off her schedule thanks to being at her grandparents for nearly a week so I think that doesn't help. It's like she came back such a grouch.
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Post by mrsweasley on Apr 27, 2018 14:44:32 GMT -6
We've had a ton going on and I've been avoiding this place somewhat because I'm not in a great place mentally. I don't feel very attached to this baby (#3) and I'm feeling guilty because DS will be starting HS and DD will be starting K and I'll have my hands full with a newborn. DS is going to do marching band and I had envisioned myself being a "band mom" and that realistically won't happen for a couple years if at all. I helped a ton at school when DS was little and I won't be able to do that for DD either.
#3 was totally planned and wanted, I'm just second guessing myself a lot with 8 weeks to go. It's also a super busy time for us right now, DS is running track, he'll be making his confirmation soon, FIL has had some serious health issues, MIL is being crazy as usually, school will be out in a month, my sister wants me to drive up 4.5hrs for my neice' s baptism 3.5 weeks before I'm due, I have a ton that needs to be done around the house, and I'm not handling the stress well at all.
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adeline
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Post by adeline on Apr 27, 2018 14:49:37 GMT -6
mrsweasley sorry to hear you’re so stressed. I can only say, speaking as the youngest of 4 kids, that you can only do what you can. Your kids will appreciate you being involved with whatever you can, and will understand that siblings also need your time and effort. Sometimes it’s the older ones, other times the baby takes precedence. I feel like my disappointment of missing things in DD’s life once the baby comes is more a sadness for me (FOMO) and she will rarely care. It doesn’t make it better for me personally but at least logically I can see she’ll be fine and it more than makes up for it to give her a sibling in the long term. Please don’t let family add stress. They’re focusing on themselves, you need to as well. You can’t pour from an empty cup!
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Post by mrsweasley on Apr 28, 2018 13:11:01 GMT -6
Thanks adeline. I have a hard time making myself a priority, I'm always thinking of and taking care of everyone else. It's something I need to work on. I know in the end it will all be fine.
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Risscaboobs
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Post by Risscaboobs on Apr 28, 2018 20:32:19 GMT -6
I’ve been anxious and freaking about this for a while. Now with due date two weeks away, I’m feeling even more anxious. Leix is just my entire freaking world right now, and I’m terrified of what this is going to do to her and our relationship, and I’m also worried about not being as close with Owen. AHHHHHH!
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Pizzaslut
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*it’s a joke. get some hobbies.
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Post by Pizzaslut on Apr 29, 2018 19:13:03 GMT -6
I’ve been anxious and freaking about this for a while. Now with due date two weeks away, I’m feeling even more anxious. Leix is just my entire freaking world right now, and I’m terrified of what this is going to do to her and our relationship, and I’m also worried about not being as close with Owen. AHHHHHH! This is how I feel. DS is my little homie and I was emotional the other day thinking he's going to think I'm abandoning him. 😭😭😭
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Risscaboobs
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Fuck is by far my favorite F word.
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Post by Risscaboobs on Apr 30, 2018 7:59:23 GMT -6
I’ve been anxious and freaking about this for a while. Now with due date two weeks away, I’m feeling even more anxious. Leix is just my entire freaking world right now, and I’m terrified of what this is going to do to her and our relationship, and I’m also worried about not being as close with Owen. AHHHHHH! This is how I feel. DS is my little homie and I was emotional the other day thinking he's going to think I'm abandoning him. 😭😭😭 😢 Hugs. We just have to try to balance as much as we can. I don’t know how yet lol
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