macic
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Post by macic on Apr 3, 2018 10:17:42 GMT -6
My DD1 is almost 4. She’s had lots of poop problems in the past (chronic consolation, etc). I feel like we have finally got her to a place where she poops regularly and it doesn’t hurt her. But the problem is she won’t poop in the potty. She is pee potty trained. No problems. No accidents there. And has been for almost a year.
So- how do I get her to poop in the toilet?
The bribing is not working. We have pretty much promised her the world of she goes in the potty. I’ve tried every reward system. She is having 1 or 3 poop accidents a day (sometimes it’s just a little bit). I am soooooo tired of washing poopy underwear. However if I give her a pull up, she pees in it too. I feel like we can’t go back to pull ups and I really don’t want to go backwards with potty training. I think daycare is frustrated with the poop accidents as well. We haven’t really gone as far as punishing her for her accidents because I really don’t want her to withhold all together and become constipated again.
It doesn’t bother her all all to go in her underwear and she won’t always tell us (which is super gross because she smells!). We try to catch her when she is going and put her on the potty, but she it’s hard. And she kicks and screams and then holds it until we are not looking.
Help! Anyone have great suggestions? Or do I just let it go and hope she grows out of it? Do I go back to pull ups full time? I mean she’ll be in pre-k in the fall. Surly she can’t go to pre-k in pull ups.
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AmyG
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Post by AmyG on Apr 3, 2018 10:39:01 GMT -6
It could be a control issue- as in pooping and where to poop is something she can control and you can't make her go in the potty. Giving her control and choices in other parts of her life and backing off on the push for potty training often works.
Tied to that kinda is if she holds it too long she loses control and you get several small starts and then when she does go it may hurt and she blames the potty or she may have less sensation of needing to poop.
Some kids subconsciously really think of poop as a part of themselves and the idea of flushing it away freaks them out. Everyone poops and other books sometimes helps them to see it as normal to poop in the potty and get past that.
For some kids the more you try to push and bribe the more they thumb their nose at you
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2018 10:43:27 GMT -6
I would go back to pull-ups and try again later in a couple months.
DD was a bit younger than yours, but after months of peeing in the potty and getting poop panties sent home, I'd had enough. I gave up, said I'd try again after a certain date. One day, she begged to do something I didn't want to do. I told her when she pooped in the potty, we'd go do it. I had to take her that night and she never had a poop accident again.
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sudsy
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Post by sudsy on Apr 3, 2018 10:48:54 GMT -6
Following. I’m in the same boat.
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valiente
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Post by valiente on Apr 3, 2018 10:58:19 GMT -6
I would try having her go naked on the weekends and try to catch her pooping and have her get/get her on the toilet before she gets it on the ground.
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macic
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Post by macic on Apr 3, 2018 10:59:00 GMT -6
It could be a control issue- as in pooping and where to poop is something she can control and you can't make her go in the potty. Giving her control and choices in other parts of her life and backing off on the push for potty training often works. SNIP For some kids the more you try to push and bribe the more they thumb their nose at you I totally do think it could be a control issue at times. We cannot make her pop in the potty. That why I almost want to punish her for it. But I also don’t want end up back at the GI dr.
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macic
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Post by macic on Apr 3, 2018 11:02:56 GMT -6
I would try having her go naked on the weekends and try to catch her pooping and have her get/get her on the toilet before she gets it on the ground. I’m a bit afraid I’ll end up with poop all over my couches and chairs. She seems to go whenever she wants! It does seem that she goes less if I do pants without underwear. I also have two year old twins. They are both ready to really start potty training. I was thinking that maybe we’d do a potty training weekend. She can be my “helper” and show the twins how to do it. None of them would wear underwear and all 3 would go sit on the potty every hour. I just need to get two little potty chairs to make this happen and a weekend when we have nothing going on. (And it sounds totally exhausting to be doing all 3 at the same time - so much pee and poop!).
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macic
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Post by macic on Apr 3, 2018 11:05:51 GMT -6
Maybe make her clean it up? We have tried this to an extent. But really she can’t clean/launder her own underwear. She does have to sit on the potty and change her self if she has an accident (at home and daycare). And put the dirty Underwear in and baggie or in the laundry room. We were worried that she was doing it for attention. Basically at daycare, she’s get one on one time with the teacher when she had to be changed. So we implemented this. It really hasn’t changed much of her behavior. Except she is more stinky because she does t always get herself as clean.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2018 11:06:10 GMT -6
It could be a control issue- as in pooping and where to poop is something she can control and you can't make her go in the potty. Giving her control and choices in other parts of her life and backing off on the push for potty training often works. SNIP For some kids the more you try to push and bribe the more they thumb their nose at you I totally do think it could be a control issue at times. We cannot make her pop in the potty. That why I almost want to punish her for it. But I also don’t want end up back at the GI dr. Don't punish her for it. Pooping should not be a power struggle.
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valiente
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Post by valiente on Apr 3, 2018 11:08:44 GMT -6
I would try having her go naked on the weekends and try to catch her pooping and have her get/get her on the toilet before she gets it on the ground. I’m a bit afraid I’ll end up with poop all over my couches and chairs. She seems to go whenever she wants! It does seem that she goes less if I do pants without underwear. I also have two year old twins. They are both ready to really start potty training. I was thinking that maybe we’d do a potty training weekend. She can be my “helper” and show the twins how to do it. None of them would wear underwear and all 3 would go sit on the potty every hour. I just need to get two little potty chairs to make this happen and a weekend when we have nothing going on. (And it sounds totally exhausting to be doing all 3 at the same time - so much pee and poop!). Yeah, I'd be afraid too, but she's clearly too comfortable pooping in her underpants. Potty training boot camp sounds exhausting, but how amazing would it be to get all three on board?!
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Post by GhoatMonket on Apr 3, 2018 11:12:12 GMT -6
People are in such a rush to get their kid potty trained (I know daycares/preschools have a bit of a role in this) and then complain when their kid is having constant accidents. If they have accidents all the time, they aren't potty trained. Many kids aren't ready until much older than so many try to start them. Going every hour doesn't teach them to recognize when they have to go- you just happen to be close to it at some point by default. This has some good points. www.janetlansbury.com/2014/08/3-reasons-kids-dont-need-toilet-training-and-what-to-do-instead/
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Post by obscureference on Apr 3, 2018 11:14:02 GMT -6
Has she ever pooped in the potty? If not, I would definitely do naked on the weekend. My son would poop in his pants until we did extended naked time and he immediately pooped in the potty. He never once pooped on the floor.
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macic
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Post by macic on Apr 3, 2018 11:18:29 GMT -6
People are in such a rush to get their kid potty trained (I know daycares/preschools have a bit of a role in this) and then complain when their kid is having constant accidents. If they have accidents all the time, they aren't potty trained. Many kids aren't ready until much older than so many try to start them. Going every hour doesn't teach them to recognize when they have to go- you just happen to be close to it at some point by default. This has some good points. www.janetlansbury.com/2014/08/3-reasons-kids-dont-need-toilet-training-and-what-to-do-instead/I used to totally agree with this (and our pedi recommended it). And waited until she was 3 to really potty train. But now I’m convinced I waited too long. Now she is 3 almost 4 and stubborn. I feel like at 2 and 2.5 she was much more eager to please.
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macic
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Post by macic on Apr 3, 2018 11:20:30 GMT -6
Has she ever pooped in the potty? If not, I would definitely do naked on the weekend. My son would poop in his pants until we did extended naked time and he immediately pooped in the potty. He never once pooped on the floor. She has. Only a few times and I think it was an accident. I think your right. I’m going to try sometime without underwear and see what happens.
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Post by shellbell on Apr 3, 2018 11:20:59 GMT -6
DS PT'd about 3 weeks before he turned 4. After a year of trying. I learned that I cannot force him to do it. I could either let him take the lead and provide pull-ups until he was good and ready or I could clean up wet pants 100 times a day.
I would provide pull-ups and continue asking her to sit on the potty -- and for a sufficient amount of time. Give her a book or an iPad.
I know how frustrating it is. But I just don't think this is something you can force.
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Post by shellbell on Apr 3, 2018 11:21:50 GMT -6
People are in such a rush to get their kid potty trained (I know daycares/preschools have a bit of a role in this) and then complain when their kid is having constant accidents. If they have accidents all the time, they aren't potty trained. Many kids aren't ready until much older than so many try to start them. Going every hour doesn't teach them to recognize when they have to go- you just happen to be close to it at some point by default. This has some good points. www.janetlansbury.com/2014/08/3-reasons-kids-dont-need-toilet-training-and-what-to-do-instead/I used to totally agree with this (and our pedi recommended it). And waited until she was 3 to really potty train. But now I’m convinced I waited too long. Now she is 3 almost 4 and stubborn. I feel like at 2 and 2.5 she was much more eager to please. I do not think you missed a window at all.
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Post by GhoatMonket on Apr 3, 2018 11:22:09 GMT -6
People are in such a rush to get their kid potty trained (I know daycares/preschools have a bit of a role in this) and then complain when their kid is having constant accidents. If they have accidents all the time, they aren't potty trained. Many kids aren't ready until much older than so many try to start them. Going every hour doesn't teach them to recognize when they have to go- you just happen to be close to it at some point by default. This has some good points. www.janetlansbury.com/2014/08/3-reasons-kids-dont-need-toilet-training-and-what-to-do-instead/I used to totally agree with this (and our pedi recommended it). And waited until she was 3 to really potty train. But now I’m convinced I waited too long. Now she is 3 almost 4 and stubborn. I feel like at 2 and 2.5 she was much more eager to please. Yes, totally. Your child will never, ever use the toilet because you didn't do it at 2. Quit with the overdramatics. Too many people try to square peg a round hole at age 2. And sure, eager to please at 2. And she'd still be stubborn and can use it as a power play at 3-4. Mine went out of pull ups at 3y9m (almost to the day).
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Post by CurlieWhirlie on Apr 3, 2018 11:26:23 GMT -6
It could be a control issue- as in pooping and where to poop is something she can control and you can't make her go in the potty. Giving her control and choices in other parts of her life and backing off on the push for potty training often works. Tied to that kinda is if she holds it too long she loses control and you get several small starts and then when she does go it may hurt and she blames the potty or she may have less sensation of needing to poop. Some kids subconsciously really think of poop as a part of themselves and the idea of flushing it away freaks them out. Everyone poops and other books sometimes helps them to see it as normal to poop in the potty and get past that. For some kids the more you try to push and bribe the more they thumb their nose at you All of this exactly. I think I have shared here before that my 8.5 yo DS was exactly like this for the LONGEST time, and then once he was actually going in the toilet he STILL had lots of accidents that I think were caused by holding it too long and losing the sensation of needing to go. Even into first grade he had little accidents occasionally, and in second grade he had what I would call “more than a skidmark” which made me just want to throw his underpants away and buy a new pack every week. She is four. If she is in a rhythm and can tell when she has to go and it isn’t hurting her and she is regular, do everything you can to protect that. If that means pullups, then let her poop in pullups. I feel like if I had done that then I wouldn’t have caused my kid to have poop issues well into elementary school.
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macic
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Post by macic on Apr 3, 2018 12:13:51 GMT -6
CurlieWhirlie I wish I could tell if she knows when she needs to go. I think she can, but I can’t be certain. When she was in pull ups full time, she got such bad diaper rash. It was terrible. I would still have her in pull ups if she didn’t pee in them as well. As soon as she has one on, she uses it and stops peeing in the potty. I can also tell the her daycare teachers are really frustrated. She’s in the preschool room and the only kid not totally potty trained. Her teachers have approached me many times about what else they can do and what I’m doing about it. It’s so frustrating. I feel like they think I don’t care. Which is not the case at all. I hate the poop smell and washing the underwear. I also have thrown away many pairs. Especially if I change her when we aren’t at home.
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Post by CurlieWhirlie on Apr 3, 2018 12:17:42 GMT -6
CurlieWhirlie I wish I could tell if she knows when she needs to go. I think she can, but I can’t be certain. When she was in pull ups full time, she got such bad diaper rash. It was terrible. I would still have her in pull ups if she didn’t pee in them as well. As soon as she has one on, she uses it and stops peeing in the potty. I can also tell the her daycare teachers are really frustrated. She’s in the preschool room and the only kid not totally potty trained. Her teachers have approached me many times about what else they can do and what I’m doing about it. It’s so frustrating. I feel like they think I don’t care. Which is not the case at all. I hate the poop smell and washing the underwear. I also have thrown away many pairs. Especially if I change her when we aren’t at home. Does she typically go at the same time every day? Would it be possible to work toward getting her onto a schedule, so you can put a pullup on her just at that time, and not the rest of the day? Getting on a schedule really helped my DS get a handle on things until he was better at self-regulating.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2018 12:21:30 GMT -6
CurlieWhirlie I wish I could tell if she knows when she needs to go. I think she can, but I can’t be certain. When she was in pull ups full time, she got such bad diaper rash. It was terrible. I would still have her in pull ups if she didn’t pee in them as well. As soon as she has one on, she uses it and stops peeing in the potty. I can also tell the her daycare teachers are really frustrated. She’s in the preschool room and the only kid not totally potty trained. Her teachers have approached me many times about what else they can do and what I’m doing about it. It’s so frustrating. I feel like they think I don’t care. Which is not the case at all. I hate the poop smell and washing the underwear. I also have thrown away many pairs. Especially if I change her when we aren’t at home. I have no advice to give you but I wanted to offer solidarity on the issue of daycare teachers and PTing. My 3.5 year old gives negative fucks about PTing and is the only kid in his class still in diapers. They give me so much anxiety about it but i shrug my shoulders because WTF can I do?? I can't force him! I feel like we missed the boat because he showed some interest right before he turned 3 but we didnt push it and now here we are and he waffles between no interest and open disdain at the prospect of using the potty. At this point we are just waiting and crossing our fingers that he will soon decide that he is ready to give it a try. I feel like i get a TON of judgement from those women about it but I have settled nicely into the fuck those bitches camp.
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Post by GhoatMonket on Apr 3, 2018 12:36:42 GMT -6
CurlieWhirlie I wish I could tell if she knows when she needs to go. I think she can, but I can’t be certain. When she was in pull ups full time, she got such bad diaper rash. It was terrible. I would still have her in pull ups if she didn’t pee in them as well. As soon as she has one on, she uses it and stops peeing in the potty. I can also tell the her daycare teachers are really frustrated. She’s in the preschool room and the only kid not totally potty trained. Her teachers have approached me many times about what else they can do and what I’m doing about it. It’s so frustrating. I feel like they think I don’t care. Which is not the case at all. I hate the poop smell and washing the underwear. I also have thrown away many pairs. Especially if I change her when we aren’t at home. They are either lying or telling personal information about other people's kids. Either way they need to STFU.
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Post by shellbell on Apr 3, 2018 13:18:42 GMT -6
CurlieWhirlie I wish I could tell if she knows when she needs to go. I think she can, but I can’t be certain. When she was in pull ups full time, she got such bad diaper rash. It was terrible. I would still have her in pull ups if she didn’t pee in them as well. As soon as she has one on, she uses it and stops peeing in the potty. I can also tell the her daycare teachers are really frustrated. She’s in the preschool room and the only kid not totally potty trained. Her teachers have approached me many times about what else they can do and what I’m doing about it. It’s so frustrating. I feel like they think I don’t care. Which is not the case at all. I hate the poop smell and washing the underwear. I also have thrown away many pairs. Especially if I change her when we aren’t at home. They are either lying or telling personal information about other people's kids. Either way they need to STFU. And someone has to be last to be PT'd. So yes, STFU.
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klong11
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Post by klong11 on Apr 3, 2018 13:34:21 GMT -6
Have you talked to her about it? I wouldn't punish her or make her feel embarrassed by it. It's natural for there to be some push back. Give her time. If she isn't ready now, she'll let you know when she is.
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stringy
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Post by stringy on Apr 3, 2018 13:37:17 GMT -6
I posted about this the other week with my 4 year 11 month old. Yes, you read that right. She'll be 5 next month. Clearly I don't know how to fix it, so no advice there.
However I do know she can tell when she has to go because she will USUALLY (like until 3 weeks ago when for some reason she decided to also just go in her pants) - go get a pullup and put it on when she needs to poop. So she knows its coming. We just started her on miralax in case the sudden accidents in the last month are related to her holding it and getting constipated.
I know the feeling of "we missed the window" - when she was 2.5-3 she moved, started day care, and got a baby sister. So we didn't even try. BUT - I agree with what previous people said and from extensive reading on the subject that had we pushed it then it would likely have been worse.
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stringy
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Post by stringy on Apr 3, 2018 13:38:27 GMT -6
I'm +whatever to daycare. Surely they have seen 4 yo's who aren't potty trained before. Last week DD had an accident at school and her teacher was lovely and sensitive and promised she wouldn't let anyone else know (until she emailed me about it, since it was out of the ordinary for her at school). You work with little kids, you deal with poop, come on.
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Post by sweetc129 on Apr 3, 2018 15:18:21 GMT -6
We had the same problem. We tried EVERYTHING!! at that age it’s not even potty training anymore because she knew what to do but would not do it. She flipped the fuck out if we even suggested her sitting and trying, but pee no problem. She literally pooped on the potty once when she was two and wouldn’t do it again, ever. 1 month after her 4th birthday she declared she’s not a baby and doesn’t want to wear diapers (she was in pull ups). She has pooped on the potty since. I wonder if a kid at daycare said something because she was one of the only kids not fully potty trained or if she just got tired of sitting in her poop.
ETA: she wasn’t even shamed by it. She wouldn’t his to poop or anything, she be in the middle of the room playing with other kids and poop and continue doing her thing.
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Post by nevertoomanyshoes on Apr 3, 2018 17:29:32 GMT -6
My kid is younger, but stubborn as hell and refuses to use the potty. Something that has peaked his interest a bit lately is “helping” me put the poop from his pull up in the toilet, flushing and washing his hands.
He knows poop and pee go in the toilet but all the bribery in the world isn’t helping him action it yet. He seems to have control mostly and takes himself to his “corner” as he calls it to poop in private. Fascinated by the little toilets in parents rooms at the mall etc. “that’s DS’s toilet!”
But yeah, he’s not ready and I can’t force him. So pull ups it is.
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Post by benandjerrys on Apr 3, 2018 20:28:00 GMT -6
macic this sounds like my dd I sent you a pm.
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Post by lifesaverz on Apr 3, 2018 23:54:23 GMT -6
Just wanted to add that we had similar struggles for a long time. With my DD, who is now 4 yrs 4 months old, we started potty training at 3.5 yrs old. She caught on to pee really quickly, but poop was an issue for many months afterwards. I want to say it was around 4 years old that she finally stopped that. It was honestly nothing we did, I think it was just time. But I can definitely commiserate because I was getting so tired of changing the poopy underwear. We had a potty chart with stickers & all that, but I still don’t really think that’s what did it. I think some readiness had to happen inside of her & there was nothing we could do to rush that. She’s been good with poop for a few months now which is awesome, & is now starting to have pee accidents. 😭😂 So you know, I’m my book it never ends.
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