chrisy01
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Post by chrisy01 on Mar 13, 2018 8:14:25 GMT -6
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Post by wineallthetime on Mar 13, 2018 8:16:45 GMT -6
tgrimes, I'm all for the safe place and not letting anyone drive (obviously), but no to the allowing 16 year olds to drink. I can't imagine buying alcohol for my 16 year old and encouraging it. Are they going to do it anyway? Probably, so I wouldn't let anyone drive once they got to their post prom destination.
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cagoldi
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Post by cagoldi on Mar 13, 2018 8:17:55 GMT -6
tgrimes I wouldn't supply my kid with alcohol, and hell no to buying it for other kids or letting them drink at my house. BUT, I am definitely going to tell the kids if they've been drinking or their ride has, or they're uncomfortable in any situation, we will come pick them up and never give them a hard time about it. I don't want to be doing that every weekend, but I know that stuff will happen and 16 year-olds make terrible decisions.
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Post by peachsmama on Mar 13, 2018 8:18:42 GMT -6
tgrimes I go back and forth on things like this. My brother was allowed to drink in situations like that, I was not. A and I went to plenty of parties like that in high school and the parents in this area are mostly breezy about it. I never let R have parties like that because I was terrified of the cops getting called. IDK how I would handle something like that when the boys are 16. I guess it will depend on the climate then in this area. I don't want to take a hard no position because then they rebel (I did a few times) but I also refuse to be the "fun mom" that lets them get away with anything. Basically I have no idea how I feel. ETA: I would never let it happen in my house but see it like cagoldi. I will always pick you up and want you to be safe. My mom basically made it like if I got drunk, my life was over and I would die in my bedroom. That's the hard no I'm going to avoid.
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tgrimes
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Post by tgrimes on Mar 13, 2018 8:20:35 GMT -6
tgrimes I wouldn't supply my kid with alcohol, and hell no to buying it for other kids or letting them drink at my house. BUT, I am definitely going to tell the kids if they've been drinking or their ride has, or they're uncomfortable in any situation, we will come pick them up and never give them a hard time about it.I don't want to be doing that every weekend, but I know that stuff will happen and 16 year-olds make terrible decisions. This is what my parents always told me, too. Ask me if I ever called them though.... I think these days with Uber & Lyft, we shouldn't have to worry about it toooo much. Hopefully. My coworker lives in the country so they don't have uber, etc.
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chrisy01
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Post by chrisy01 on Mar 13, 2018 8:21:14 GMT -6
tgrimes I'm not a big fan of underage drinking. However I was always the DD for my friends that did drink in high school. It was part of a test program as well. If I got pulled over I had to show my license and this special ID. This would allow me not to get in trouble for the underage drunks in the car and their parents would get a letter about it but no one would get in major trouble. This was created because of all the underage dui accidents. The program was cancelled a year after I left high school due to how many letters sent out.
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Post by peachsmama on Mar 13, 2018 8:22:33 GMT -6
tgrimes I'm not a big fan of underage drinking. However I was always the DD for my friends that did drink in high school. It was part of a test program as well. If I got pulled over I had to show my license and this special ID. This would allow me not to get in trouble for the underage drunks in the car and their parents would get a letter about it but no one would get in major trouble. This was created because of all the underage dui accidents. The program was cancelled a year after I left high school due to how many letters sent out. That's a neat program though. I was always DD as well.
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Post by peachsmama on Mar 13, 2018 8:23:49 GMT -6
tgrimes I wouldn't supply my kid with alcohol, and hell no to buying it for other kids or letting them drink at my house. BUT, I am definitely going to tell the kids if they've been drinking or their ride has, or they're uncomfortable in any situation, we will come pick them up and never give them a hard time about it.I don't want to be doing that every weekend, but I know that stuff will happen and 16 year-olds make terrible decisions. This is what my parents always told me, too. Ask me if I ever called them though.... I think these days with Uber & Lyft, we shouldn't have to worry about it toooo much. Hopefully. My coworker lives in the country so they don't have uber, etc. We told R this. He never called us (said he felt bad because of waking the kids) but he did call his sister or our cousin to get him home multiple times.
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cagoldi
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Post by cagoldi on Mar 13, 2018 8:28:33 GMT -6
This is what my parents always told me, too. Ask me if I ever called them though.... I think these days with Uber & Lyft, we shouldn't have to worry about it toooo much. Hopefully. My coworker lives in the country so they don't have uber, etc. We told R this. He never called us (said he felt bad because of waking the kids) but he did call his sister or our cousin to get him home multiple times. I don't remember ever calling my parents either, but I didn't start drinking until right after graduation. My sister started earlier and she called me, I doubt if she ever called my dad. Our situation was kind of different though because we lived with my mom who is a holy roller, and my dad lived farther away so I guess that's why we never called.
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Post by flamingo on Mar 13, 2018 8:29:29 GMT -6
tgrimes yep no. My parents had friends who allowed their boys and their friends access to booze at ‘lock in’ type parties at home...probably at more like 17-18 but they’d take everyone’s car keys, etc. They say now it was one of the biggest mistakes they made and they wouldn’t do it again. Huge liability issues, condones underage drinking; I’m just not comfortable with it going on in my house. Like cagoldi said, I will always be available to my kids if they need help/ a ride in those kinds of instances. I’d rather they be safe than keep it a secret from me.
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cagoldi
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Post by cagoldi on Mar 13, 2018 8:29:42 GMT -6
tgrimes do you think your mom would have given you shit about it though? I have a hard time imagining her picking you up and that being the end of it. Seems like she would have lorded it over you.
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tgrimes
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Post by tgrimes on Mar 13, 2018 8:32:28 GMT -6
tgrimes do you think your mom would have given you shit about it though? I have a hard time imagining her picking you up and that being the end of it. Seems like she would have lorded it over you. LOL! She probably would have given me shit about it.
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tgrimes
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Post by tgrimes on Mar 13, 2018 8:33:52 GMT -6
I also had to wake my mom up when I got home, so they knew I made it home safely. Pretty sure she knew I had been drinking or smoking weed on several occasions.
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guster
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Post by guster on Mar 13, 2018 8:34:11 GMT -6
tgrimes I wouldn't supply my kid with alcohol, and hell no to buying it for other kids or letting them drink at my house. BUT, I am definitely going to tell the kids if they've been drinking or their ride has, or they're uncomfortable in any situation, we will come pick them up and never give them a hard time about it. I don't want to be doing that every weekend, but I know that stuff will happen and 16 year-olds make terrible decisions. This is exactly where I am. My parents had that open invitation with me and i invoked it a couple times with no consequences. But a big fat no to buying for other kids.
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yummeecookee
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Post by yummeecookee on Mar 13, 2018 8:34:51 GMT -6
I would not supply my kids w alcohol for underage drinking. Tbh, I prolly wouldn’t have let my kids go to that party either. I also would not allow an underage drinking party in my home and am really clutching my pearls at that (what a liability!!).
I would definitely pick my kids up at any moment if they were in a situation where driving would be unsafe.
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Post by peachsmama on Mar 13, 2018 8:34:56 GMT -6
The one time I got hammered really bad my boyfriend at the time accidentally told my mom. Dumb ass.
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Post by flamingo on Mar 13, 2018 8:37:29 GMT -6
yummeecookee I’m with you, i don’t think I’d let my kids attend something like that, either.
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tgrimes
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Post by tgrimes on Mar 13, 2018 8:38:48 GMT -6
The thing that kills me about my coworker was we talked about his at length over the past couple of weeks. She was so against him going to someone else's house to let him drink. I even told her that my half sister used to allow kids to drink at their house. They live in ID so it's a lot of wooded areas. She didn't want any of them driving anywhere so she'd take their keys and everyone always spent the night. I have no idea if the other kids' parents knew because I never asked her. I also never asked if she monitored their drinking, etc.
She talked so my shit about my half sister doing this and then she comes in my office today to tell me she let her kid do it. She said her & her H had a huge fight about it. But she ultimately allowed him to do it. She said, "What was I supposed to do?" I told her she could have said no if she was so against it. She could have picked him up after prom and that would be the end of it.
Then she tells me, "just you wait."
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lfig
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Post by lfig on Mar 13, 2018 8:42:21 GMT -6
Anyone want my potty watch? Just found it going through a drawer. Maybe lfig? I hate to throw it out but I'm purging and I'm not going to hold onto it until baby #3 is potty training lol. We have one. But thank you for thinking of us!
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cagoldi
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Post by cagoldi on Mar 13, 2018 8:44:10 GMT -6
Well, if she didn't want your opinion why did she ask for it?
I sort of get the "you just wait" feels, but you weren't being judgmental so I say she's still conflicted and defensive.
Now the question becomes what she will do if this is more than a once a year at prom kind of thing, and I suspect it will be.
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klong11
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Post by klong11 on Mar 13, 2018 8:48:36 GMT -6
Sorry, but my kid will just have to be a "loser" until college because there is no way in hell she is going to a supervised or unsupervised drinking party. I'll pick her ass up after prom and embarrass the crap out of her if she thinks that is going to happen. Yes, I will be that hard ass parent.
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Post by flamingo on Mar 13, 2018 8:48:44 GMT -6
tgrimes lol at your coworker’s “just you wait”...:eyeroll: nope, I can pretty confidently say I won’t change my mind on this. It’s my job to parent, not be my high school-aged kid’s friend, and/or let him wear me down in an argument over something as serious as this. I can see why her H would be mad. My H and I are usually on the same page about this kind of thing but I’d be really mad if he tried to overrule me on this or similar issues. ETA: cagoldi agreed about coworker being conflicted, and I think she was looking for validation/“well, probably nothing will happen, it’ll be fine, blah blah”.
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Sunny41
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Post by Sunny41 on Mar 13, 2018 9:00:18 GMT -6
I just found out SD is leading the anti-gun violence walkout tomorrow at school. So proud!
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Sunny41
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Post by Sunny41 on Mar 13, 2018 9:04:59 GMT -6
tgrimes, I have had many conversations with my mom over the years and I have come to learn that a lot of the different things my brother was allowed to do was for safety. SHe would rent them a camping space at the beach because she knew they would be drinking. When I was in HS it was common for the sports teams to have a bonfire at the beach and drink (or for SD to have a remote woods party). However would I have said they could bring their own alcohol or would I provide a set amount? I would also require no driving.
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tgrimes
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Post by tgrimes on Mar 13, 2018 9:05:26 GMT -6
Well, if she didn't want your opinion why did she ask for it? I sort of get the "you just wait" feels, but you weren't being judgmental so I say she's still conflicted and defensive. Now the question becomes what she will do if this is more than a once a year at prom kind of thing, and I suspect it will be.Definitely.
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joelies
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Post by joelies on Mar 13, 2018 9:05:45 GMT -6
I just found out SD is leading the anti-gun violence walkout tomorrow at school. So proud! That's awesome!! I love seeing kids getting so involved.
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trtlcrzy
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Post by trtlcrzy on Mar 13, 2018 9:07:02 GMT -6
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Sunny41
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Post by Sunny41 on Mar 13, 2018 9:07:24 GMT -6
tgrimes I'm not a big fan of underage drinking. However I was always the DD for my friends that did drink in high school. It was part of a test program as well. If I got pulled over I had to show my license and this special ID. This would allow me not to get in trouble for the underage drunks in the car and their parents would get a letter about it but no one would get in major trouble. This was created because of all the underage dui accidents. The program was cancelled a year after I left high school due to how many letters sent out. this sounds like a cool program and even if not recognized by cops a good practice with teens
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tgrimes
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Post by tgrimes on Mar 13, 2018 9:11:19 GMT -6
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Sunny41
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Post by Sunny41 on Mar 13, 2018 9:12:11 GMT -6
The thing that kills me about my coworker was we talked about his at length over the past couple of weeks. She was so against him going to someone else's house to let him drink. I even told her that my half sister used to allow kids to drink at their house. They live in ID so it's a lot of wooded areas. She didn't want any of them driving anywhere so she'd take their keys and everyone always spent the night. I have no idea if the other kids' parents knew because I never asked her. I also never asked if she monitored their drinking, etc. She talked so my shit about my half sister doing this and then she comes in my office today to tell me she let her kid do it. She said her & her H had a huge fight about it. But she ultimately allowed him to do it. She said, "What was I supposed to do?" I told her she could have said no if she was so against it. She could have picked him up after prom and that would be the end of it. Then she tells me, "just you wait." just because she allowed it doesn't mean she is ok with it. And i think the "just you wait" is probably a sense of "pick your battles". Controlled drinking environment vs drunk driving vs lying about future situations
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