Week of 2/12 Randoms

[mintyblueair]

Feb 12, 2018 11:36:21 GMT -6 mrsmonogrammed said:

Sent my H to the grocery store today and I’ve only had 1 call and 1 text from him!

This makes me laugh because my husband always texts me from the grocery store to say he can't find anything on the list lol. And if I don't get a text, he invariably comes back with the wrong things!

[babybean]

I can’t sleep at night and then am tired during the day with random spurts of energy. I’m not loving this.

[Rama]

I got a grand total of about 3-4 hours of sleep last night, so that's how my Monday is going. I'm a pissy bitch today. I really, really want to lay into that nurse.

I see my ultrasound tech with the MFM today and I love her to bits, she's amazing. I just don't know what to say when she asks what I'm having. Do I tell her that I was spoiled? Do I tell her I don't know? I don't know if I want to be definitively certain or not and I'm extra scared/guilty because I feel like I'm having some sex disappointment and I hate myself for it.

[calendula]

Rama, I think you should be honest with her about what happened and tell her that you're struggling with what to do. Correct me if I'm wrong, did the nurse last week tell you the sex or wand over it and you saw something you weren't prepared for? If its the latter, there is always the possibility that what you saw isn't what you thought.

That said, and I remember having this exact conversation with DH when we were expecting my first, if you feel that you may have some disappointment to process over the sex, you might want to consider finding out for sure so you can work through those feelings before baby arrives. I don't think you need to feel guilt AT ALL because I think that its really more common than you might expect. People just don't talk much about it. So really, don't beat yourself up about that. But it may put you all in a happier place if you can process it, and spend some time getting used to and excited about the little person that's set to arrive in a month and half. Just my unsolicited opinion.

We were team green with my first and have known the sex since 7 weeks with this one. So I can appreciate the value of the surprise, but I can also tell you that knowing ahead of time can help with bonding before baby is born. I can see both sides.

[katietopaz]

Feb 12, 2018 12:27:52 GMT -6 Rama said:

I got a grand total of about 3-4 hours of sleep last night, so that's how my Monday is going. I'm a pissy bitch today. I really, really want to lay into that nurse.

I see my ultrasound tech with the MFM today and I love her to bits, she's amazing. I just don't know what to say when she asks what I'm having. Do I tell her that I was spoiled? Do I tell her I don't know? I don't know if I want to be definitively certain or not and I'm extra scared/guilty because I feel like I'm having some sex disappointment and I hate myself for it.

I think this could be a great chance to talk through what happened, since you know and love this tech. I'd tell her what happened, and I'd hope and imagine she'd have some insight and encouragement for you. I bet you aren't the only person she knows that this has happened to. Talking through it might give you a better sense of if you want to know for certain or not. She might even have some advice re: calling to file a complaint about the other tech, which I absolutely think you should still do. Will your H be there?

Also, please, please don't hate yourself or feel guilty for any disappointment you're feeling about the sex. Those emotions are totally wrapped up in the shock and devastation of unexpectedly finding out, so give yourself a lot of grace and a big pass on anything you're feeling about the sex. I know that's much easier said than done, but you're an incredible mom already and especially once baby is here, you'll be so in love and have a hard time imagining anything different!

[katietopaz]

And like calendula said, I think sex disappointment is common. I was very honest here about struggling when I found out we were having another boy, and the subsequent extreme guilt I felt especially when I cried on and off for a few days about the idea of not having a girl. Honestly, it still makes me a little sad sometimes.

All that to say, you Rama and everyone else here were incredibly encouraging and reminded me that those feelings are okay, it doesn't mean I won't love this baby or I'm a bad mom. And you need to hear that too.

[dizzycooks]

I’ve got Charlie horses in both legs at the same time. It’s not fun. They also are tingly like my legs are asleep. I hope there’s not a fire around here bc I can’t move.

[alwayscheese]

Rama I was gonna say what calendula said but then I remembered my friend that waited till birth so that "any possible disappointment would be overshadowed by the joy of having LO in your arms". So I'm no help on that advice.

But absolutely yes to the rest out what she said. Do not feel guilty! #ifeelhowifeel

Also more sorries that you're gong through all this.

[Rama]

Feb 12, 2018 13:38:53 GMT -6 dizzycooks said:

I’ve got Charlie horses in both legs at the same time. It’s not fun. They also are tingly like my legs are asleep. I hope there’s not a fire around here bc I can’t move.

Also have gotten.  Do not recommend.

[Rama]

I think part of my guilt actually comes from being even less bonded with this strange baby that I couldn't imagine before. It's like the baby I got to know just left and now I have this new baby I have to start from scratch with. I'd like to think I'm not actually too distressed about the sex, just that my brain can't reconcile this new kid as being Iggy because Iggy didn't have a sex. I don't even know if that makes sense.

I'm very confused and still upset.

[Leaf 🌱]

+1 for potential sex disappointment. It’s a thing and that’s ok - or so I tell myself. I’ve said it before but I like being team green bc I honestly would prefer one sex over the other, but know that as soon as I see the baby I won’t GAF. For me, it’s more fun to annoy people by not knowing and just enjoying my own ignorance - it forces me to be excited for a baby and be mentally prepared for either. Whatever works right?

Rama can you ask the tech to write down a confirmation in case you and YH do want to know? I think the worst part of all of this (or what would be hardest for me) is that you have to be a secret keeper. I’m so sorry this is a decision you were forced to make.

FWIW everyone Inknow that had a strong preference and ended up with the other felt a thousand times better and eventually at peace once their baby was in their arms.

[Leaf 🌱]

Rama i just saw your last post and think you nailed it right on the head. You also may be mourning a specific birth experience that you had imagined as well. You’ve got this though - even if it feels weird right now.

I don’t feel super connected to this baby at all and just want it out of my body to I can start to bond. Pregnancy is a weird limbo and just feels like a realllyyyyyy long, unnecessary transition.

[Rama]

My other, self-inflicted conundrum is that I'm the only one that knows.  Nearly literally.  Only my doctors know, probably.  I have given MrRama the option of knowing because it's his kid, too, but he has only said that he'd want to know if it would make me lonely knowing alone.  I don't mind keeping it from him and it doesn't exactly feel lonely, per se.  Just something of a burden I bear willingly, which I'm sure isn't helping.  I don't really want anyone else to know (except MrRama, if he ever decides he wants to for himself).

Speaking about the baby has gotten a lot less natural and a lot more purposeful, which is, I guess, what I'm trying to say.  I refer to them as either their sex's pronoun or they/them in my head and it's kinda messing with me in a way that just breezily using whatever felt right at the second didn't.  That also bothers me.

[Rama]

Feb 12, 2018 14:04:45 GMT -6 Leaf 🌱 said:

Rama i just saw your last post and think you nailed it right on the head. You also may be mourning a specific birth experience that you had imagined as well. You’ve got this though - even if it feels weird right now.

I don’t feel super connected to this baby at all and just want it out of my body to I can start to bond. Pregnancy is a weird limbo and just feels like a realllyyyyyy long, unnecessary transition.

The bolded is absolutely true.  It's messed up a lot of the birth details we were excited for.

[katietopaz]

Feb 12, 2018 14:07:04 GMT -6 Rama said:

Feb 12, 2018 14:04:45 GMT -6 Leaf 🌱 said:

Rama i just saw your last post and think you nailed it right on the head. You also may be mourning a specific birth experience that you had imagined as well. You’ve got this though - even if it feels weird right now.

I don’t feel super connected to this baby at all and just want it out of my body to I can start to bond. Pregnancy is a weird limbo and just feels like a realllyyyyyy long, unnecessary transition.

The bolded is absolutely true.  It's messed up a lot of the birth details we were excited for.

And I'd imagine it's messed up the later stages of pregnancy you had in mind - the anticipation that's been building, how you've been referring to Iggy, how you and your H have been relating to each other and the baby, etc. As if third trimester didn't have enough emotional rollercoasters. It's okay to be angry and feel weird about the unexpected shift in how you're connecting with this baby. Like Leaf 🌱 said, you've got this, and it's going to get better.

I'm also sorry for the isolation you're feeling, as basically the only one that knows. That has to add a tough element, too.

[calendula]

Feb 12, 2018 14:04:45 GMT -6 Leaf 🌱 said:

Rama i just saw your last post and think you nailed it right on the head. You also may be mourning a specific birth experience that you had imagined as well. You’ve got this though - even if it feels weird right now.

I don’t feel super connected to this baby at all and just want it out of my body to I can start to bond. Pregnancy is a weird limbo and just feels like a realllyyyyyy long, unnecessary transition.

I totally get this. I think having a loss history makes these kinds of changes harder to roll with in some ways. You cling to these anticipated experiences because it feels like something you can control (when SO MUCH up until this point has been out of control), and really it shouldn't have been so hard for your medical team to respect that wish. I'm angry that this choice got taken away from you.

And while I have no doubt you'll fall in love with that kid as soon as it is in your arms Rama, I would hate for you to miss out on the best parts of either choice because you're stuck keeping this secret. IDK. I just feel like its not too late to create a new narrative that gives you every opportunity to enjoy this time, to bond with who this baby is now and will be after birth. Don't feel like you have to deny yourself that chance just because its different than Plan A. So many hugs. 

[ovenrack]

Feb 12, 2018 11:45:49 GMT -6 woodenshoes said:

I have been able to eat food again today. I ate a small bowl of soup for lunch today and was stuffed after eating it. I guess that is what happens when you don't eat food for 3 days.

I'm so glad!  Three days, sheesh.  I hope your transition back to normalcy is easy.

I am also eating today, but I only went a day and a half without.  But yeah, one piece of toast and tea and I was stuffed.  Bodies are weird!  

[auri]

I just wanted to give you a hug Rama . I don't really have anything new to add, because I think katie & leaf have already said everything so nicely. The only thing I will add is that I'm so sorry that the nurse ruined it for you.

[nuggetrn]

So my urine protein is elevated and I was instructed to make an appt with an OB tomorrow to discuss possible induction and assuming check my BP again. Also given instructions to come to L&D immediately should anything change.

[Rama]

Feb 12, 2018 15:47:55 GMT -6 nuggetrn said:

So my urine protein is elevated and I was instructed to make an appt with an OB tomorrow to discuss possible induction and assuming check my BP again. Also given instructions to come to L&D immediately should anything change.

Eep.  I hope your BP stays stable and you don't have to get induced (assuming you want to avoid that).

[nuggetrn]

Feb 12, 2018 16:11:06 GMT -6 Rama said:

Feb 12, 2018 15:47:55 GMT -6 nuggetrn said:

So my urine protein is elevated and I was instructed to make an appt with an OB tomorrow to discuss possible induction and assuming check my BP again. Also given instructions to come to L&D immediately should anything change.

Eep.  I hope your BP stays stable and you don't have to get induced (assuming you want to avoid that).

My L&D nurse friend said "yea that's not even close to being normal" when I told her my protein levels. So not sure if I will get out of being induced.

DH may be freaking out.

[katietopaz]

Feb 12, 2018 16:19:04 GMT -6 nuggetrn said:

Feb 12, 2018 16:11:06 GMT -6 Rama said:

Eep.  I hope your BP stays stable and you don't have to get induced (assuming you want to avoid that).

My L&D nurse friend said "yea that's not even close to being normal" when I told her my protein levels. So not sure if I will get out of being induced.

DH may be freaking out.

Oh my goodness, I'm glad they're keeping a close eye on things. Thinking of you and baby, and hoping for a very smooth path from here to delivery, whatever that looks like. I'm not sure how anxious or not that you're feeling, but I'm thankful that you've made it so close to your EDD and baby has had the chance to grow, grow, grow. Keep us posted!!

[katietopaz]

It's (still) driving me absolutely crazy that I don't have a room to nest for this baby. On top of the massive amounts of purging and cleaning that have been happening these past several weeks as a result, now I'm starting to shop. I got a Tula Ring Sling in the mail a few days ago, and just bought a gorgeous Tula blanket off the BST page that I think I'll use for baby's monthly milestone pictures. I'm trying to resist pulling the trigger on anything from my registries until the tax return comes in, then we can do a couple large orders and use our completion coupons.

[nuggetrn]

Feb 12, 2018 16:24:45 GMT -6 katietopaz said:

Feb 12, 2018 16:19:04 GMT -6 nuggetrn said:

My L&D nurse friend said "yea that's not even close to being normal" when I told her my protein levels. So not sure if I will get out of being induced.

DH may be freaking out.

Oh my goodness, I'm glad they're keeping a close eye on things. Thinking of you and baby, and hoping for a very smooth path from here to delivery, whatever that looks like. I'm not sure how anxious or not that you're feeling, but I'm thankful that you've made it so close to your EDD and baby has had the chance to grow, grow, grow. Keep us posted!!

I'm just kind of looking around my house thinking about all the things I wanted to get done. Lol. Plus my birthday is tomorrow... And the dogs have an appt on Wednesday morning to get groomed. And I am supposed to see Sound of Music with my mom for my birthday at the local theater on Wednesday night 😬😬

[leatherpants]

Oh Rama. I'm so sorry.

I want to just wrap you in a hug - its so hard to go through that alone. I think it might be a good idea to consider if it does make you feel lonely by being the only one to know. I know you are being wonderful for your husband but consider that he might be more willing to be spoiled than to let you carry that alone.

I don't know if I'm saying this well, but I had - and still have - some sex disappointment. If that's what it is. I'm happy to be having a boy, but I also have always pictured myself having a daughter and now that I (mostly likely, almost certainly) won't it makes me sad. So its not that I'm sad I'm having a boy - I'm sad I'm not ever going to have a girl. Thinking of it like that makes me feel less guilty.

And I agree about the weird moment of having to bond all over again. I felt like I had that after labour. I was so bonded to the baby in my uterus and then had such a shocking, somewhat dramatic birth that it felt like a whole different baby came out. And I cried for weeks after which now feels like I was sad I didn't have the baby I felt like I had bonded with. And it took me about 6 weeks to really bond with my son. Its so hard to explain and to be honest, I don't often tell people about it (except on the internet I've talked about it, but never in real life) because of the guilt attached to it.

What I'm really trying to say, that your feelings are your feelings and they are not indicative of anything wrong or deficient with you or your fitness to be a mom or how much you will love and cherish your baby.

[woodenshoes]

Oh Rama I agree with everyone else that your feelings are not abnormal. You had expectations for the birth of your baby and things were changed against your will. It is okay to mourn the loss of the expectations.

leatherpants I have had the sex disappointment discussion with my husband and mother. This is our last child and I am pretty sure it is another boy based on hearing my husband talk to the nurse (I didn’t want to know) I know I will love this baby but the thought of never having a girl breaks my heart. I saved stuff from my childhood and looked forward to sharing it with the little girl I thought I would have. I also feel guilty because we are/were DH mothers last chance for a granddaughter. My mom and DH just get mad when I talk about but bottling up my feelings doesn’t help. I just hope this little one loves me half as much as DS.

[ArielMermaid]

leatherpants I also had a weird time reconciling my new outside baby with the one I got to know on the inside. I was very weirdly detached in the hospital and a little after I got home. She just was so different out than in (obvi but I don’t know. My brain couldn’t make sense of it).

[woodenshoes]

Feb 12, 2018 14:51:15 GMT -6 ovenrack said:

Feb 12, 2018 11:45:49 GMT -6 woodenshoes said:

I have been able to eat food again today. I ate a small bowl of soup for lunch today and was stuffed after eating it. I guess that is what happens when you don't eat food for 3 days.

I'm so glad!  Three days, sheesh.  I hope your transition back to normalcy is easy.

I am also eating today, but I only went a day and a half without.  But yeah, one piece of toast and tea and I was stuffed.  Bodies are weird!  

I am glad you are eating today too. I hope my body stays healthy the next 3.5 ish weeks because I don’t think I can handle another illness this pregnancy.

[ArielMermaid]

Rama I’m just really bummed for you that you didn’t get the experience you wanted. I’m sorry that bitch nurse ruined your surprise.
Don’t feel guilty about sex disappointment, it’s super common, it’s just one of those things nobody dares talk about for some reason. The good news is we aren’t judgey bitches and you can talk it through here if you need to.

[whatsit]

Oh Rama,

All I want to do is punch that nurse in the nose and tell her how awful she is. You have had such a long road through everything and this pregnancy and it breaks my heart that you have to go through even more bullshit.

You have absolutely no reason to feel bad about sex disappointment. Everyone else has said it but i too believe it’s fairly common and not spoken about. I know these next few weeks will be a hard adjustment but know we are all here to listen and do not judge you at all. Do what you need to, to process. <3

Wrapping you in a huge obnoxious hug.