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Post by bugglesbee on Feb 9, 2018 15:00:42 GMT -6
I need some opinions because I can’t tell if I am being too “helicopter”ish.
DD’s bff wants to have her over for a sleepover. My instinct, and what I told DD, is no because I do not know everyone in their home. I have met the mom many times and DD has been over there for play dates (without me). I have only met the dad once (at a Birthday party) and there is an adult son that lives there that I don’t know.
The awkward part is that DD has had a sleepover with another friend (whose family we are closer with) and I have OK’ed another one (but she choose to not stay) So am I being over the top denying this one? DD is eight.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2018 15:02:37 GMT -6
I tend to go with my gut on these things. I would not be comfortable not knowing all adults where my kid was sleeping.
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brux
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Post by brux on Feb 9, 2018 15:02:40 GMT -6
What's your real reason for saying no? Do you not like the family? Do they seem sketchy?
Because I have no issue saying yes to a sleepover under these circumstances. You can ask your DD for her take on the dad and adult son if you're worried about them.
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bobyn
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Post by bobyn on Feb 9, 2018 15:03:03 GMT -6
How old is your DD?
I'm usually on the trust your gut bench, so I don't know if your answer would sway my decision.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2018 15:03:06 GMT -6
I'd probably just offer to have the BFF over instead.
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Post by helenahhandbasket on Feb 9, 2018 15:04:18 GMT -6
You are well within your right to decide where you want your child to sleep.
Are you worried that DD will spill about the other sleepover? If yes, just remind her to keep quiet about it in mixed company.
And OMG your dog is too cute.
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Post by bugglesbee on Feb 9, 2018 15:06:00 GMT -6
DD has not met the brother either.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2018 15:07:58 GMT -6
Can you arrange to meet the other family members before you agree to the sleepover?
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cribs
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Post by cribs on Feb 9, 2018 15:08:09 GMT -6
DD has not met the brother either. I'm a no. And it shouldn't be an issue that you let her go to others
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Post by bugglesbee on Feb 9, 2018 15:08:30 GMT -6
You are well within your right to decide where you want your child to sleep. Are you worried that DD will spill about the other sleepover? If yes, just remind her to keep quiet about it in mixed company. And OMG your dog is too cute. Our dog is kind of an ass and why I can’t just offer to host this... but he is cute! I am sure DD has already told about the other sleepover. She is not pleased with me (I am okay with this).
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brux
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Post by brux on Feb 9, 2018 15:09:28 GMT -6
I was a kid who did lots of sleepovers with school friends. I don't think my parents knew too much about the families with whom I was sleeping.
I'm not saying that you should overrule your gut, but what's going to get you to a yes on this one?
Do you want DD to be a little older? Do you want to have met the adult son? Do you want to simply ask about the adult son? Do you want to have coffee with the mom? Or are there circumstances where your DD will never be allowed to sleep at her BFFs house?
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2018 15:12:54 GMT -6
Do you think meeting the other adults will change your feelings on it? I've met several people and thought they were great and later learned that they were not good people. A casual meeting isn't going to let you know anything, really.
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Post by AnnPerkins on Feb 9, 2018 15:13:09 GMT -6
I'd let her go, but I've been known to be breezy when it comes to these things.
If you don't want her to go, don't let her go. Make an effort to meet the other adults in the future and she can try again next time.
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Tlex
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Post by Tlex on Feb 9, 2018 15:13:27 GMT -6
That would be a no for me too. You don't have to defend an instinct like this. Better to listen to it. If things change and you end up feeling differently further down the road, you still won't regret being cautious.
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cribs
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Post by cribs on Feb 9, 2018 15:14:15 GMT -6
Do you think meeting the other adults will change your feelings on it? I've met several people and thought they were great and later learned that they were not good people. A casual meeting isn't going to let you know anything, really. Exactly. I need to know them well
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Post by bugglesbee on Feb 9, 2018 15:15:31 GMT -6
What's your real reason for saying no? Do you not like the family? Do they seem sketchy? Because I have no issue saying yes to a sleepover under these circumstances. You can ask your DD for her take on the dad and adult son if you're worried about them. Not sketchy. I just don’t know them really. The ones I okayed were with families we have hung out with (in their/our homes) many times before. They were also parties, so DD was with other girls as well. I guess I just feel bad because I do know the mom pretty well so it’s awkward to say no. I am not sure what reason to give.
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Post by helenahhandbasket on Feb 9, 2018 15:15:57 GMT -6
I was a kid who did lots of sleepovers with school friends. I don't think my parents knew too much about the families with whom I was sleeping. I'm not saying that you should overrule your gut, but what's going to get you to a yes on this one? Do you want DD to be a little older? Do you want to have met the adult son? Do you want to simply ask about the adult son? Do you want to have coffee with the mom? Or are there circumstances where your DD will never be allowed to sleep at her BFFs house? I did a lot of sleepovers too- starting about your DD's age (OPs DD)through HS. My parents never really met any of my friend's parents except for a brief hello but I know this is a different time. I would be willing to guess the adult son isn't terribly interested in his younger sister or her friends. I think though it might be weird to ask the mom, hey, what's up with your son, as she might think you were implying that he is a creep. It's really OK though to just say no if you don't feel comfortable. I don't think there has to be a reason.
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cribs
Sapphire
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Post by cribs on Feb 9, 2018 15:17:30 GMT -6
What's your real reason for saying no? Do you not like the family? Do they seem sketchy? Because I have no issue saying yes to a sleepover under these circumstances. You can ask your DD for her take on the dad and adult son if you're worried about them. Not sketchy. I just don’t know them really. The ones I okayed were with families we have hung out with (in their/our homes) many times before. They were also parties, so DD was with other girls as well. I guess I just feel bad because I do know the mom pretty well so it’s awkward to say no. I am not sure what reason to give. Your random internet friend cribs said no is the reason
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Post by bugglesbee on Feb 9, 2018 15:18:02 GMT -6
That would be a no for me too. You don't have to defend an instinct like this. Better to listen to it. If things change and you end up feeling differently further down the road, you still won't regret being cautious. I told DD that maybe in the future she can sleepover.
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Post by cdnfroggy on Feb 9, 2018 15:21:28 GMT -6
My kid is not of the age to be doing sleepovers yet, but I feel like I will probably be a little more breezy than a lot of people here about sleepovers. If I knew the mom well enough (and had met the dad) I would probably let my kid sleepover.
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Post by cdnfroggy on Feb 9, 2018 15:22:49 GMT -6
That would be a no for me too. You don't have to defend an instinct like this. Better to listen to it. If things change and you end up feeling differently further down the road, you still won't regret being cautious. I told DD that maybe in the future she can sleepover. Unless you make active plans to get to know the other family members I probably wouldn't have told her that, because what would change your mind other than that?
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brux
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Post by brux on Feb 9, 2018 15:23:00 GMT -6
I don't think there really has to be a reason either, but I also know that I can get in my own way of making up reasons when I should just take a deep breath and make a plan for myself to get past the no.
If you want to say no because you don't know the family well enough, I think you need to make an effort to get to know them better so you can say yes in the future. Or if the "knowing better" goes away as DD turns 9 or is in the next grade, then I think you can use that as an excuse to the mom and DD.
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Post by bugglesbee on Feb 9, 2018 15:23:39 GMT -6
Maybe I have seen too many crime shows or maybe it was Oprah, but I am “trust no bitch” and in this case, it is mostly the older brother that is my hold up. I am not going to get to know him because that’s weird, so I maybe a no until he moves out.
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Tlex
Ruby
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Post by Tlex on Feb 9, 2018 15:26:37 GMT -6
MH and I let each other make the other a scapegoat in a situation like this. I would say "sorry, MH has really strong feelings about not letting our girls have sleepovers in homes where an adult male lives that isn't the father figure he knows well. It's nothing against your son as we obviously don't even know him! But MH draws a hard line here and I just go with it. It's his thing and I have my own, you know how it is. We'd love to host sleepovers here instead if you're comfortable with that!"
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Post by bugglesbee on Feb 9, 2018 15:27:11 GMT -6
I told DD that maybe in the future she can sleepover. Unless you make active plans to get to know the other family members I probably wouldn't have told her that, because what would change your mind other than that? Yeah, I am not great at thinking these things through.
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Post by cdnfroggy on Feb 9, 2018 15:28:15 GMT -6
Maybe I have seen too many crime shows or maybe it was Oprah, but I am “trust no bitch” and in this case, it is mostly the older brother that is my hold up. I am not going to get to know him because that’s weird, so I maybe a no until he moves out. Ok, so I have no idea why this is my (very small) hill all of a sudden...but I find this odd for some reason. Would you feel the same if it was an older sister? A grandmother? Just because an older/adult brother lives there, doesn't mean there's something shady going on. As someone else said, there is a very good chance he has -0% interest in his sisters friends. But, I also don't care all that much...so you do you.
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Post by lifesaverz on Feb 9, 2018 15:32:08 GMT -6
MH and I let each other make the other a scapegoat in a situation like this. I would say "sorry, MH has really strong feelings about not letting our girls have sleepovers in homes where an adult male lives that isn't the father figure he knows well. It's nothing against your son as we obviously don't even know him! But MH draws a hard line here and I just go with it. It's his thing and I have my own, you know how it is. We'd love to host sleepovers here instead if you're comfortable with that!" Ooo I like this idea. OP I’m also team trust your gut.
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cribs
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Post by cribs on Feb 9, 2018 15:34:12 GMT -6
I would say no but I am over the top cautious due to family experiences. Work and some family stuff makes me insane when it comes to stuff like this
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Post by bugglesbee on Feb 9, 2018 15:37:08 GMT -6
Maybe I have seen too many crime shows or maybe it was Oprah, but I am “trust no bitch” and in this case, it is mostly the older brother that is my hold up. I am not going to get to know him because that’s weird, so I maybe a no until he moves out. Ok, so I have no idea why this is my (very small) hill all of a sudden...but I find this odd for some reason. Would you feel the same if it was an older sister? A grandmother? Just because an older/adult brother lives there, doesn't mean there's something shady going on. As someone else said, there is a very good chance he has -0% interest in his sisters friends. But, I also don't care all that much...so you do you. I think yes, I would prefer to know all the people she would be with. In this case, I don’t know the brother at all. I am not sure I know the father well enough either, which is why I said no. I also did sleepovers as a child and I am sure my mom had no idea who was there - I was fine. I tend to over protect which is why I wanted other opinions.
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cribs
Sapphire
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Post by cribs on Feb 9, 2018 15:37:48 GMT -6
I have to say I do not look forward to approaching this topic with my own kids as my nearly 7-year-old daughter already asked about having sleepovers. I just honestly don’t see any reason why she has to be sleeping over at someone else’s house when she can spend time with her friends and still sleep at home. Yes!! Why do you have to sleep out? You aren't crashing after hitting up the club or bar. lol
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