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Post by lifesaverz on Feb 8, 2018 12:20:10 GMT -6
I was also coming in here to say this too. There’s not always something as serious as a threat of being kicked out or disowned behind people’s desire not to disclose yet to their families. It can be as simple as they don’t feel ready, or are afraid of being seen differently, or maybe being judged. And those are just as fine of reasons. I would absolutely hope my kid felt comfortable to come out to me about this stuff, but I also respect their process of readiness & understand it’s not easy. I'm 33 and still have not told my parents or siblings that I'm bisexual. I may never. They're supportive, open minded people... and this is likely my anxiety at work, but I still worry that if they ever found out, their reaction could be bad. It's a non-issue because I'm happily married to a man and STILL don't feel like I'm ready to tell them. I don't know anyone's reasons for disclosing or not disclosing. I don't need to. Their life, their choice. I can't imagine life as an LGBTQ+ teen if your family was vocally against it. Totally agree, it’s your personal information to share if & when you feel ready. It’s personal.
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Cher
Global Moderator
BMB, GD, Special Interests
Posts: 57,627 Likes: 442,460
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Post by Cher on Feb 8, 2018 13:04:30 GMT -6
Also, even if it does get back to other parents, it doesn’t mean it’s going to get back to Toby’s parents. Unless some adult lives for drama, I can’t imagine a scenario where someone calls T’s parents and says, “why is Toby going by Toby?”
I have mentioned I had a closeted BFF in high school. His mom passed away when he was little and he lived with his firefighter father and two super bro-ish brothers. Even after I went away to college, he would go to my mom’s house and talk to her. She never told me, but I’m pretty sure my super conservative mother was one of the first people he came out to. She never said anything to his dad and they were around each other quite a bit. But she respected and loved my friend and knew that wasn’t her place. Fwiw, he’s out now and his brothers and Dad love him.
I mean, maybe it gets back to Toby’s parents and that would be awful. But I do think it’s possible that they can have a world where they’re free to be themselves.
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Rama
Platinum
Posts: 1,904 Likes: 6,778
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Post by Rama on Feb 8, 2018 13:10:30 GMT -6
I was also coming in here to say this too. There’s not always something as serious as a threat of being kicked out or disowned behind people’s desire not to disclose yet to their families. It can be as simple as they don’t feel ready, or are afraid of being seen differently, or maybe being judged. And those are just as fine of reasons. I would absolutely hope my kid felt comfortable to come out to me about this stuff, but I also respect their process of readiness & understand it’s not easy. I'm 33 and still have not told my parents or siblings that I'm bisexual. I may never. They're supportive, open minded people... and this is likely my anxiety at work, but I still worry that if they ever found out, their reaction could be bad. It's a non-issue because I'm happily married to a man and STILL don't feel like I'm ready to tell them. I don't know anyone's reasons for disclosing or not disclosing. I don't need to. Their life, their choice. I can't imagine life as an LGBTQ+ teen if your family was vocally against it. This is almost exactly me. I've never told any of my family about my gender identity or sexual identity and may never. My parents would maybe have a bad reaction (but probably most likely just be confused) and my sibs would 100% support me, but I can't bring myself to open that can of worms. I'm also happily married to my husband, so it seems kind of moot. I don't expect to be entitled to anyone's orientation or identity, even my kids'. The mentality goes a lot further (for me) than just fear and it's a very personal, intimate detail to share.
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Post by fosterlove on Feb 8, 2018 14:14:49 GMT -6
This was posted by a friend today and I just hope I could be that amazing of a mom.
"Mama? Sometimes when I dress up like a princess at school, the girls laugh at me and it makes me sad."
"Oh man. That's really hard. Do you ever say anything to them about it?"
"No."
"Well do they ever say anything to you?"
"No. They just laugh."
"You know, they might just think you're being silly. Most kids aren't used to seeing boys dress up like princesses because so many grown ups think that only girls should dress up like princesses."
"Why?"
"That's a really good question. And unfortunately, I don't have a good answer. But you know what? Next time they laugh at you for dressing up like a princess, you should tell them that it hurts your feelings. Ask them if they like to dress up like princesses, and tell them that you really like to be a princess too. Why do you like to dress up like a princess?"
"Because I like the pretty dresses and I like to sit on the throne."
"I see. So it sounds like you like to pretend to be the ruler. You like being in charge. But it feels boring dressing up like a king?"
*nods*
"I get that. Princess clothes are awesome. They are pretty and sparkly and fabulous. Sometimes boy clothes can be a little boring when we see them next to shiny, sparkly girl clothes. You should tell them that. Tell them why you like to be a princess. And then ask why they like to dress up like princesses. And maybe they will see that it's not silly for boys to pretend to be princesses, and that it's just something you both like to do."
"Okay."
"Just make sure you don't ever stop doing the things you love because of what other people think. If you love wearing a pretty dress, if it makes you feel beautiful and good, you wear that dress. Just like your butterfly costume that you wore for Halloween. You loved that costume. And you ROCKED it! Don't ever let anybody steal your joy, kid. Because you are awesome and kind and smart and beautiful. And you deserve to keep your joy."
"Yeah. I know. You know I dreamed about my butterfly costume? And in my dream, I poured a potion on the wings and they lifted me into the air?"
"That sounds SO awesome."
"It WAS so awesome. I flew all over. Then I woke up."
"I love you, kid."
"I love you too, Mama."
#MyPrincessBoy #BreakingDownGenderStereotypes
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Post by fosterlove on Feb 8, 2018 14:15:35 GMT -6
I realize that it is different- but of similar subject matter
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Post by helenahhandbasket on Feb 8, 2018 15:53:18 GMT -6
Soooo many people knew I was in a same sex relationship before I mentioned it to my mother. Not because I was fearful, not because I was worried about being homeless, but simply because I needed to be comfortable in my truth before I said anything in my home. I would have been crushed if someone else had shared that information. Outing someone is NEVER okay. Dictating when someone else shares their story is also not okay. I would want to know this information from my child BUT more importantly than that, I want them to have a safe space somewhere, even if it isn't with me. In a perfect world it would always be the parent first, but that isn't always the way it plays out. Thank you for sharing that. After I posted this I did realize that there are so so so many people that have to / want to keep important parts of their lives to themselves. I guess I just hope my DD knows she can come to me with absolutely anything and I will be there to listen.
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