SAHM Tips/Vents/Etc.

[helloerrbody]

So I wanted to start a thread for SAHM chat.  I'm getting a bit nervous about 2u2 full-time.  Most of my friends who have multiples have their older child in daycare or preschool while on mat leave so they aren't 24/7 responsible for both babes.  Which I will be, and I'm a teeny bit freaked.  So I'd love tips from any moms who have already been through this.  Or any other SAHM-related chat can go here, too!!

[tiffrobot]

👋🏻

I’ve been a full time SAHM since DS was born almost 4.5 years ago. DD was born 23 months later so technically 2u2 for only a month haha, and soon will have 3 4.5 and under.
DS is in preschool, which is great, but it’s only 2.5 hours twice a week.

Not sure if I have much for tips, but stuff that works for us I guess! My biggest thing is always try to get out somewhere. We went back and forth on whether to commit to putting DS in hockey this year but decided we’d be able to pull it off and I thought at the very least it will be nice for me to have a place to get out once or twice a week and see a lot of my friends and the kids out playing/practicing, since outdoor life won’t be as easy as it was with the other two (born in June and July, and I live where winter is very real lol).
I wore DD a LOT as a baby. I felt it saved a lot of struggle trying to coordinate naps, if she wanted to, she would. Eventually she just got used to mine and DS’s routine.
I’m sure I’ll think of things, but an ongoing chat to just talk when things come up is probably a good idea!

[Deleted]

Here for commiseration. I am applying for jobs but have had 4 or 5 unsuccessful interviews in a row so it is looking more and more like I will be staying home. With 3 kids. Lord help my sanity!!!

[dragonflyinn]

This is part of why I am anxious to get back to my work after baby. I teach suuuper partime at a homeschool co-op— 2 classes twice a week (9am & 11am on Tuesday/Thursday). It’s the best little break from DD & the house (she goes to “preschool” while I’m teaching—a good friend & homeschool mom keeps her & does school with her along with her older kids). I just started this year & it’s been SO good. I am anxious about the first few weeks at home— I’m not sure if I’ll be paid by my school for that month or two so idk if I will keep sending DD to “school” on those days if I’m not working. Afraid I’ll lose my mind without a few hours of quiet— well, relative quiet lol.

[benandjerrys]

Hi!

I am at home with DD but she will be 2.5 when the baby comes. She is in preschool 3 days a week from 9-12. When the baby comes I'm going to add morning care for a bit so H can drop her at 7:30 on his way to work and I can have all morning with the baby until 12. Im hoping to only do that for a few months but it basically makes me giddy to think about not having anything to do until 12 3 days a week.

We do nature school one of the days DD is home and I can't continue with that because it will be too cold for the baby and because lots of the kids are not vaxxed which makes me nervous with a newborn. But I think it will be awesome to start up again in the spring. We do it together and it's basically playing outside at a farm.

I am dreading being home with a.newborn during cold and flu season. I will likely avoid libraries and indoor playdpaces because of germs so it's basically going to suck.

[ajetter]

I survived the first month with DD2 thanks to my mom basically living with me. DH was a resident, and naturally on the most time consuming rotation possible, and he got snowed in at the hospital a few times. So if someone is around to help I suggest you take it! Haha. Even just having other moms over made every day a little more tolerable. Not sure what your situation is though. Beyond that trips to Target and extra screen time kept me sane. Give yourself A LOT of grace. The first months are tough, but eventually everything falls into place.

[rebeccabunch]

I’m not a SAHM. I work but I sort of have a weird hybrid situation but I work so feel free to ignore this info.

If at all possible financially, if you can have a sitter even one day a week for 3 hours or something it could allow you to either spend it just w older child or if it was a bad night/week get relief with a nap, empty the dishwasher, whatever.

When I had DS1 and he cried all day long I learned that I’m actually really good at asking for and accepting help!

If I had no help on my leave, I’d set out clear expectations w my H. There is no way you can be #1 in charge all day and night. I know this isn’t true for all jobs (like the Dr or pilot or life saving/driving jobs) but even though I’m put in very stressful/high pressure situations for my job none of that is as hard as two kids crying for you at the same time, both hurt, both sick etc. I’d try to give myself a ton of credit and insist I get my own time everyday when possible, even if it could only be 30 minutes when my H got home or something. Probably assign him a task that I knew would be off my radar like dinner clean up, bath etc.

Have friends over as an easy social activity. If you have a close friend w similar age older child see if they can take older child off and on for an hour or two here and there. Pay them even, put up lunch on the way there or repay the favor later when they are in your position.

Nothing will be the same. Everyone won’t always be bathed, or fed the most nutritious meal, your older child won’t be as dazzled with daily excursions and activities but you will get back there eventually.

[rebeccabunch]

Also an iPad or tablet for the times you need to not be bothered by the older child. DS1 learned all his letters and numbers during my mat leave bc I only had help 2 days back then.

[tiffrobot]

Nov 29, 2017 8:54:39 GMT -6 rebeccabunch said:

Also an iPad or tablet for the times you need to not be bothered by the older child. DS1 learned all his letters and numbers during my mat leave bc I only had help 2 days back then.

Ooh yes. We actually got the kids Leappads for Christmas this year. Neither one naps so we have daily quiet time instead and they will happily sit on an ipad for a bit while I can either rest and gather my thoughts or have some kid free time to get some stuff done around the house. It may not be everyone’s cup of tea but yea, I’ve got them full time and I’m ok with some tablet time to make sure I’m getting a break too.

[pippiann]

I am a SAHM that is also trying to finish up my degree. M is almost 3 (this Saturday ahhh) and last year he was going to preschool 2 mornings a week from 9:30-1 which I loved. I hope that they have a spot and I can have him continue to go there in January. I loved him going to school and by the time he got home he was fed and it was nap time! 😊 the ILs Are coming today (thank goodness bc M is no longer in school starting December) and will be here till the end of February. Hopefully L will be home at the ever end of the year. 🤞🏻

[maddisonrose]

rebeccabunch I would be your friend IRL. I heart your response

[amesie]

I’ll be at home! I worked 24hours/week (3 days a week) after DD was born and my MIL has been our child care. But with her getting older, it makes both MH and I nervous sending a busy busy 2.5yr old and a newborn to her for that many days. I recently started a new job and have been working 1-2 days a week which seemed to be working for us so I’ll probably go back to doing that around 6-8weeks PP. MIL will still be our childcare though, which is awesome. That woman is seriously a godsend. She pays for diapers, food, all activities, and never lets us pay for anything. She is so so so helpful and DD LOVES going there.

so while I won’t FULLY be a SAHM, I’ll be working super part time so I’ll be here commiserating with you all. I’m pretty nervous about being at home with 2 kiddos, but I know my MIL will be itching to take DD still a few days a week to give me a break and to get her time in with her.

[amesie]

benandjerrys I am banning us from all indoor playspces as well this winter because I’m terrified of the germs. We were all sick ALL WINTER LONG last year and I think it was because of the playspces. Dd would get sick 2 days after going, then I would get sick from her, then mh would get sick. Rinse and repeat. I took her to a McD’s playspace a month ago and we are all still sick. So no more!! I’m dreading all the indoor time though. I’m going to have to get very creative on keeping Dd busy.

[ajetter]

DD1 didn’t nap when DD2 was born. We did Leap Frog videos and also Preschool Prep sight word videos. Girlfriend is super smart all on her own (the kid loved flash cards at 15 months, could identify all her letters by 17 months, set the bar way too high for her siblings, lol) but I swear these videos helped teach her to read. We love Leap Frog Letter Factory, Talking Words Factory and Word Caper or something like that? She was almost 3 when we started using them, but various Leap Frog videos are good for younger kiddos.

[rebeccabunch]

Nov 29, 2017 11:54:07 GMT -6 maddisonrose said:

rebeccabunch I would be your friend IRL. I heart your response

If I ever move to Canada you will be my first call!

[sunfrogger]

I will commiserate with you all while I'm home!

[dragonflyinn]

I’ll be back in here to re-read all of this in the spring when H deploys again. A lot of the advice here is what got me through the days with DD when he was deployed last year & in general day-to-day while he has been home. I agree with rebeccabunch abojt getting a sitter once a week if you can. I had one every Monday morning while H was deployed & it was the BEST. Since he has been home I don’t but i have my teaching job which feels sort of the same bc it gets me out of the house & gives me a break from DD lol.

[tiffrobot]

Today was the first time I thought about what if I go into labour during the day. In the night I feel like we’ll be able to sneak out fine when my mom gets here, but when it’s just me here during the day with the kids I don’t really want to freak them out. Kind of a weird thought! Luckily H works very close, I can see the roof of his building from our house haha, so it won’t take him long to get here, or he’ll be on Christmas break.
I try not to think too much about most of the process since I can’t control it anyway, but it was the first time I thought about it. If history repeats itself I’m not a slow labourer and things get painful and change pretty quick.

[jessijean]

tiffrobot I've had the same thoughts since I'm home with DS during the afternoons. I had a dream I went into labor during nap time and couldn't get a hold of anyone and things were progressing very quickly. After that dream I talked with my next door neighbor who rarely leaves the neighborhood and she told me to call her if needed even in the middle of the night.

[helloerrbody]

Nov 28, 2017 22:39:48 GMT -6 dragonflyinn said:

This is part of why I am anxious to get back to my work after baby. I teach suuuper partime at a homeschool co-op— 2 classes twice a week (9am & 11am on Tuesday/Thursday). It’s the best little break from DD & the house (she goes to “preschool” while I’m teaching—a good friend & homeschool mom keeps her & does school with her along with her older kids). I just started this year & it’s been SO good. I am anxious about the first few weeks at home— I’m not sure if I’ll be paid by my school for that month or two so idk if I will keep sending DD to “school” on those days if I’m not working. Afraid I’ll lose my mind without a few hours of quiet— well, relative quiet lol.

Right now I teach barre so I get out about 10ish hours a week which is great. I plan to keep teaching after this baby but I’m losing my babysitter in April 😭😭😭 so it kind of depends on if I find a good replacement.

[helloerrbody]

Nov 29, 2017 6:43:50 GMT -6 ajetter said:

I survived the first month with DD2 thanks to my mom basically living with me. DH was a resident, and naturally on the most time consuming rotation possible, and he got snowed in at the hospital a few times. So if someone is around to help I suggest you take it! Haha. Even just having other moms over made every day a little more tolerable. Not sure what your situation is though. Beyond that trips to Target and extra screen time kept me sane. Give yourself A LOT of grace. The first months are tough, but eventually everything falls into place.

Thank you! Unfortunately my mom is not local but she stayed with us for 3 weeks when DS1 was born and is planning to stay awhile again this time. My ILs are local but not as great at helping, although I will have them. I see a lot of Bubble Guppies in DS’s future lol!!!

[helloerrbody]

Nov 29, 2017 8:51:53 GMT -6 rebeccabunch said:

I’m not a SAHM. I work but I sort of have a weird hybrid situation but I work so feel free to ignore this info.

If at all possible financially, if you can have a sitter even one day a week for 3 hours or something it could allow you to either spend it just w older child or if it was a bad night/week get relief with a nap, empty the dishwasher, whatever.

When I had DS1 and he cried all day long I learned that I’m actually really good at asking for and accepting help!

If I had no help on my leave, I’d set out clear expectations w my H. There is no way you can be #1 in charge all day and night. I know this isn’t true for all jobs (like the Dr or pilot or life saving/driving jobs) but even though I’m put in very stressful/high pressure situations for my job none of that is as hard as two kids crying for you at the same time, both hurt, both sick etc. I’d try to give myself a ton of credit and insist I get my own time everyday when possible, even if it could only be 30 minutes when my H got home or something. Probably assign him a task that I knew would be off my radar like dinner clean up, bath etc.

Have friends over as an easy social activity. If you have a close friend w similar age older child see if they can take older child off and on for an hour or two here and there. Pay them even, put up lunch on the way there or repay the favor later when they are in your position.

Nothing will be the same. Everyone won’t always be bathed, or fed the most nutritious meal, your older child won’t be as dazzled with daily excursions and activities but you will get back there eventually.

I have an awesome babysitter I plan to use the first 2 months, but she’s having her own baby in mid April. And of course, I want advice from whoever not just SAHMs so thank you!!!!! My H will help for sure but he’s definitely one who needs to be told what to do lol.

[helloerrbody]

Nov 30, 2017 13:40:38 GMT -6 tiffrobot said:

Today was the first time I thought about what if I go into labour during the day. In the night I feel like we’ll be able to sneak out fine when my mom gets here, but when it’s just me here during the day with the kids I don’t really want to freak them out. Kind of a weird thought! Luckily H works very close, I can see the roof of his building from our house haha, so it won’t take him long to get here, or he’ll be on Christmas break.
I try not to think too much about most of the process since I can’t control it anyway, but it was the first time I thought about it. If history repeats itself I’m not a slow labourer and things get painful and change pretty quick.

Damn I don’t know why but I hadn’t thought about this!