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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2017 18:03:51 GMT -6
ok so.
Here is the deal:
C is 18 months old
When I put her to bed, I like to rock her to sleep because I don't get a ton of time with her since I'm working and it's my only nice quiet cuddle time.
Lately, she has started hitting me...hard...like slapping me, while we are cuddling and before she's really wound down.
I try to sternly tell her we do not hit and also tell her soft touches, which she definitely understands. I've also tried having her say "sorry" and also taking her puppy lovey for one minute before she can have it back. I've even done "time out" where I make her get down and sit on the floor for one minute. But she has the memory of Dory and legit will do it again like a second later. And also will just laugh through all of it.
I don't really want to resort to just putting her straight into her crib for a couple of reasons. 1. Selfishly, I like my few minutes with a still child who just melts into my arms. 2. It's still bright AF outside during bedtime so I like to wait until it's kind of dusky (though even now at 8pm it's completely bright and I just put her down).
TL;DR
Does anyone have any ideas or advice on toddler hitting? She doesn't hit a lot but I don't want to have a hitting kid.
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Risscaboobs
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Post by Risscaboobs on May 31, 2017 18:41:23 GMT -6
Okay. First of all, don't worry that any behavior your 18-month old is going to affect her at all in the long-term. She is not going to be a "hitting kid".
Things we do is saying "gentle" (which you're already doing with "soft touches"). Sometimes, though, Lexi is just in the mood to hit, much like C. It's usually because she's tired or whatever else and she's just feeling facetious.
I've also just held her hands down before. She cries and squirms and fights it, and then usually passes the fuck out.
I'll keep thinking about it and let you know what else we do as it comes to mind. Love you lady. Text me if you need.
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Risscaboobs
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Post by Risscaboobs on May 31, 2017 18:44:04 GMT -6
I listen to a podcast, "Respectful Parenting" by Janet Lansbury (she also has two books). While I don't buy into ALL of it, I really like what she says about a toddler's lack of impulse control and how to handle it. I would highly recommend checking it out, @frank. Let me know if you want to. I'll see if I can share the books with you. The podcast is free, of course.  |
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2017 18:54:02 GMT -6
I may not be much help since we're going through this phase yet again at 2. I say "ouchy", put her on the floor and say "you can't sit with mommy if you're going to hit." Then when she crawls back up, I tell her "if you hit mommy, you will go back to the floor". Rinse and repeat. Lol. I put her on the floor and said you are hurting mommy you are going to sit down for one minute and when the minute was up I said ok do you want to come cuddle with me? And she laughed and said "no." I swear she must take after her father 😂 |
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2017 18:54:56 GMT -6
I listen to a podcast, "Respectful Parenting" by Janet Lansbury (she also has two books). While I don't buy into ALL of it, I really like what she says about a toddler's lack of impulse control and how to handle it. I would highly recommend checking it out, @frank. Let me know if you want to. I'll see if I can share the books with you. The podcast is free, of course. I'm going to check out the podcast. Your first comment helped. Sometimes (aka like 99% of the time) I just wonder wtf I'm doing and why my kid is so cute but such a little devil! |
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budders
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Post by budders on May 31, 2017 19:08:02 GMT -6
V has been hitting, kicking and headbutting since about 18 months. He was also "the biter" at daycare, so I understand where you're coming from!
It's usually worst when he gets wound up or is tired because his impulse control is inhibited. My approach with behavior when teaching at school (and therefore at home, because it's what I know) is always using very little language, planned ignoring when necessary, and making a big deal about the positives. Consistency in the language used and in my response is key in teaching him what to expect if he does hit or kick.
I tell V calmly but firmly "no hit/kick, we use gentle hands/feet". If he does it again, I ignore or walk away. Sometimes he freaks out, sometimes he laughs, sometimes he's angry, but I don't react.
He knows at this point that he needs to demonstrate a gentle touch/stop the behavior in order to get my attention again. He'll usually come over and give hugs or kisses when he's over it. I'll reinforce that by saying "that's nice, that's a gentle touch, that makes me happy".
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Post by billyhorrible on May 31, 2017 20:26:47 GMT -6
I feel like everyone has given really good advice, but I want to touch on this But she has the memory of Dory and legit will do it again like a second later. And also will just laugh through all of it. This is totally normal for the age. They don't process information like cause and effect, and they don't store a lot of information. They're also a little young for empathy at this age. Even the hitting is normal, and a form of communication for kids that just don't have an extensive vocabulary. It's not surprising you're mainly seeing it when she's tired. Trust me, I totally get the joy in those last few quiet moments of the day. They're my favorite when my child stops running around like a maniac and is still and calm. But if you were to put her in her crib when she started hitting, would she go to sleep? |
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2017 20:37:35 GMT -6
I feel like everyone has given really good advice, but I want to touch on this But she has the memory of Dory and legit will do it again like a second later. And also will just laugh through all of it. This is totally normal for the age. They don't process information like cause and effect, and they don't store a lot of information. They're also a little young for empathy at this age. Even the hitting is normal, and a form of communication for kids that just don't have an extensive vocabulary. It's not surprising you're mainly seeing it when she's tired. Trust me, I totally get the joy in those last few quiet moments of the day. They're my favorite when my child stops running around like a maniac and is still and calm. But if you were to put her in her crib when she started hitting, would she go to sleep? Yes. I'm the only one who cuddles her to sleep. If my husband is on bedtime duty he just puts her to bed and same if she is having a sleepover with my parents. Lately she hasn't been falling asleep in my arms so after a while I'll ask "are you ready to go up to bed?" And she'll say "yeah" and generally falls asleep pretty quickly. My worry is if she's worked up or whatever after hitting snd I put her down she'll cry for quite a while - which is fine, as she does eventually fall asleep. I just hate listening to her cry/whine when I could be holding her. I mean I *know* the answer is to just put her in her crib but I don't want it to be, lol. |
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2017 20:38:58 GMT -6
I appreciate everyone helping me feel like this is more normal than not.
Those little hands have some damn good strength behind them and sometimes it really hurts!
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Post by billyhorrible on May 31, 2017 20:54:44 GMT -6
I mean I *know* the answer is to just put her in her crib but I don't want it to be, lol. I mean, it may or may not be the answer. But I completely understand your reason for bypassing, even if it was. |
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Bluebird
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Post by Bluebird on May 31, 2017 20:56:52 GMT -6
I may not be much help since we're going through this phase yet again at 2. I say "ouchy", put her on the floor and say "you can't sit with mommy if you're going to hit." Then when she crawls back up, I tell her "if you hit mommy, you will go back to the floor". Rinse and repeat. We do something similar. If DS starts to hit a little or get forceful, he gets a reminder to use a soft touch, and I try to redirect. If he does it again, I tell him we do not hit, because hitting hurts, and he will get a time out if it happens again. Time out for right now is me telling him again firmly that we do not hit and walking away from him for a minute or so. |
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Taitai
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Post by Taitai on May 31, 2017 23:30:01 GMT -6
When DS was around 22 months, he started trying to push/hit me in order to get me out of the way (like if I was between him and a toy he wanted). I adopted the same measures that others have mentioned (saying no, encouraging gentle touch, walking away), but there were also two additional things we did that were very successful for us.
The first was when DS would try to push or hit me, DH would immediately swoop in and firmly tell DS no, and say that we never, ever hit or push mommy. If I observed DS pushing or hitting DH, I likewise would immediately go to DS and tell him that behavior was not acceptable. We both would also make DS look us in the eyes when we told him no, and say he was sorry. DS is pretty verbally advanced, so maybe this method would not work for everyone, but I think having DS perceive that DH and I were on the same team, would protect each other, and would not stand for the behavior was a strong motivator for DS to stop the pushing and occasional hitting. He stopped doing it after about a month, and we haven't seen him try to push or hit others since.
There is also a page in DS' favorite Richard Scarry book, which has "Never Evers." One of the "Never Evers" is about pushing and hitting. When DS would try to push, we'd sometimes bring out the book to remind DS that pushing and hitting are "never evers." Since DS is really into reading, this also worked for him. DS would often repeat, "never ever" after seeing that page in the book.
Good luck and know it's just a phase - I think everyone goes through something like this at one point or another.
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cmb
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Post by cmb on Jun 1, 2017 7:31:44 GMT -6
I'm going to reiterate that 1) it's normal for their age, and 2) it's just a phase.
That said, we found that DS1's trigger was/is he wants something and can't get to it or have it. He also does it for a reaction. So, we do our best to not even respond to hitting- daycare does the same unless he's hurting a classmate.
Another thing to point out, toddlers are kind of little scientists in their own way- they do things to do what happens. Unfortunately, they don't have the mental capacity to really remember so it keeps happening as they "experiment." It's frustrating when it's hitting/punching/throwing/biting, but it helps me to remember that it will end eventually and that he will learn and eventually remember what happens and the repercussions
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Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2017 8:21:22 GMT -6
Thank you all so much, seriously! <3
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Post by gobigorgognome on Jun 1, 2017 9:10:36 GMT -6
Mine does this occasionally. I say "ouch, that hurts mommy" and
I'll set her on the floor for a minute. If she keeps doing it, I'm like "ok, you must be ready for bed" and I toss her in the crib because honestly I'm not trying to have my chest scratched and slapped and it makes me mad.
That may not be any help because it's not an every night thing, but that's what I do.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Radley
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Post by Radley on Jun 1, 2017 9:12:25 GMT -6
Mine does this occasionally. I say "ouch, that hurts mommy" and I'll set her on the floor for a minute. If she keeps doing it, I'm like "ok, you must be ready for bed" and I toss her in the crib because honestly I'm not trying to have my chest scratched and slapped and it makes me mad. That may not be any help because it's not an every night thing, but that's what I do. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk I hate being hit too. I have also put my kid in a high chair if it happens during the day. Because I'm not the only one, he hits his brother too and I'm not gonna let him injure people. After he says he is sorry, I have him show me what touching nice looks like. He knows and will touch gently. |
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Post by helloerrbody on Jun 1, 2017 10:08:37 GMT -6
I feel like everyone has given really good advice, but I want to touch on this This is totally normal for the age. They don't process information like cause and effect, and they don't store a lot of information. They're also a little young for empathy at this age. Even the hitting is normal, and a form of communication for kids that just don't have an extensive vocabulary. It's not surprising you're mainly seeing it when she's tired. Trust me, I totally get the joy in those last few quiet moments of the day. They're my favorite when my child stops running around like a maniac and is still and calm. But if you were to put her in her crib when she started hitting, would she go to sleep? Yes. I'm the only one who cuddles her to sleep. If my husband is on bedtime duty he just puts her to bed and same if she is having a sleepover with my parents. Lately she hasn't been falling asleep in my arms so after a while I'll ask "are you ready to go up to bed?" And she'll say "yeah" and generally falls asleep pretty quickly. My worry is if she's worked up or whatever after hitting snd I put her down she'll cry for quite a while - which is fine, as she does eventually fall asleep. I just hate listening to her cry/whine when I could be holding her. I mean I *know* the answer is to just put her in her crib but I don't want it to be, lol. I don't blame you. I also would not want to give up that precious snuggle time. DS is 13.5 months and constantly biting me (not out of anger- just more like he's teething or bored or whatever) and it's driving me INSANE. So solidarity hugs. Our kids are not monsters, they're just little and don't understand that what they do is hurting us since it isn't hurting them to do it. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2017 15:31:16 GMT -6
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2017 16:33:43 GMT -6
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