TTCAL 11/14

[sammysam]

I hope no one minds if I start this this week.

The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive, after a loss, every week.

Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.


If you get a BFP, kindly either spoiler alert it or do not post it here at all.


**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**



How are you doing?



Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):



Diagnosis (if applicable):



Updates/questions:



Debbie downer (a place to vent ) : 

[sammysam]

How are you doing? OK I think. Excited to actually start trying again.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): NA

Updates/questions: Cycle started right on time. It's CD 7 today so we start EOD tonight (I usually O super early...sometimes CD 9 or 10 which is why we start so early).

Debbie downer (a place to vent ) : Today would have been 20 weeks. I would have been getting an AS this week but instead we're starting over. Bah. It took 8 cycles to conceive our loss. I know its not a long time when compared to others, but I think the loss has made me super impatient to just get pregnant again. I'm hoping the universe will throw us a bone this time around and maybe it won't take so long. It would be nice to be pregnant again by my EDD.

[Radley]

How are you doing? Okay. Feeling less bad less like I belong on this thread as we are not TTC and haven’t been since may and won’t be again for an indeterminate period of time.



Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): Benched



Diagnosis (if applicable): PID related fertility problems, liver disease and swollen spleen



Updates/questions: I’m down 8lbs, I hit a weird plateau but I’m finally losing some more.



Debbie downer (a place to vent ) : none this week. Just super tired of waiting. Weight loss is so hard.

[Radley]

sammysam good luck! I really do think loss makes you have hyper baby fever sometimes and I really hope it doesn’t take you 8 months again.

[sammysam]

Thanks @alwaysausten I hope you're not stuck on the bench for too long!

[MsG]

Nov 14, 2017 12:23:46 GMT -6 Radley said:

sammysam good luck! I really do think loss makes you have hyper baby fever sometimes and I really hope it doesn’t take you 8 months again.

100% this! Before my first loss, I didn't have baby fever at all. I was totally mellow about it happening when it happened. After my first loss, I was on edge every month hoping for a BFP and the longer it went on, the worse I felt about it all.

[cara]

Nov 14, 2017 15:35:35 GMT -6 MsG said:

Nov 14, 2017 12:23:46 GMT -6 Radley said:

sammysam good luck! I really do think loss makes you have hyper baby fever sometimes and I really hope it doesn’t take you 8 months again.

100% this! Before my first loss, I didn't have baby fever at all. I was totally mellow about it happening when it happened. After my first loss, I was on edge every month hoping for a BFP and the longer it went on, the worse I felt about it all.

Yes to all of this. I've described it as a feeling of desperation that I had not felt before my loss. 

[MsG]

How are you doing? Better than a week ago, but you all know how it is. It's a roller coaster of emotions.


Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC


Diagnosis (if applicable): PCOS for me, low motility for DH


Updates/questions: Still waiting for AF to come back post MC. Never have I ever so looked forward to getting a period. It feels so weird.



Debbie downer (a place to vent ) : This miscarriage feels like it's just carrying on. It's been less than a month since I had the D&C so it's not that it's been a long time, but I keep stopping bleeding for a few days and then it starts again. I was traveling for work this weekend and didn't even pack pads b/c it'd been three weeks since the D&C and I had stopped bleeding a couple days before. And then lo and behold, I'm bleeding again! Just for two days so I don't think it was AF coming back, and it's driving me crazy. I'm also worried the fact that I'm still off and on bleeding means my AF won't return as quickly. Hopefully that worry is unfounded. Also I am so annoyed at having ruined a perfectly adorable pair of panties I would have never been wearing if I was expecting more bleeding (first world problems I know).

[MsG]

Nov 14, 2017 15:38:26 GMT -6 cara said:

Nov 14, 2017 15:35:35 GMT -6 MsG said:

100% this! Before my first loss, I didn't have baby fever at all. I was totally mellow about it happening when it happened. After my first loss, I was on edge every month hoping for a BFP and the longer it went on, the worse I felt about it all.

Yes to all of this. I've described it as a feeling of desperation that I had not felt before my loss. 

Desperation is a really good descriptor for it.

[sammysam]

MsG I hope AF shows soon for you!

[akwild]

How are you doing? It’s hard to think about Ttc. Like I should be visibly pregnant.



Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): Ttc



Diagnosis (if applicable): n/a



Updates/questions: we should start EOD this weekend. But we have hardly dtd since our miscarriage in August. It’s still stressful.



Debbie downer (a place to vent ) : we have a teacher due with her first in December. It’s a grade levels job to plan a shower. Her grade level wasn’t stepping up so im helping plan a shower ....... I’m less than impressed.

[sammysam]

akwild we're the same as you guys since the MC. SO keeps asking if everything is "ok down there"...might not have been good having him in the room when they were going in manually to try to figure out what was causing the hemorrhage.

[sunshiney]

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC (month 2 this time around)


Diagnosis (if applicable): RPL, possible MFI


Updates/questions: DH and I both had a scheduling conflict so we rescheduled RE appt for 12/18. I like that we'll see results of cycle 2 TTC before going in. Our questions will include, do we need treatment based on DH's SA results (I know they'll repeat test at their own lab), and if not, how many months to we try on our own? Since we're concerned about watching months and years slip away if I do experience further losses along the way.


Debbie downer (a place to vent ) : No need to vent today, thankfully.

[sunshiney]

sammysam MsG cara I hear you completely. Once we've experienced that a BFP may not lead to a child, a new desperation sets in. I'm trying to rein it in for DH's benefit because he hasn't been through that, but it's so hard...it can really take the joy and patience out of TTC!

akwild I'm sorry, that is so hard. Saying a prayer for peace and reconnection for you both, that BD becomes a healing and joyful experience for you both again!

Radley Congratulations on your weight loss so far! I'm glad you've gotten past that plateau. Sending you lots of encouraging vibes!!

[MsG]

akwild, I feel that too. It's so hard starting over.

sammysam, My DH was like that during our second pregnancy (first was also a MC). Every day he was asking if I was ok, feeling any cramps, having any bleeding. He didn't start to chill out a bit until we were nearly at the 2nd trimester - and then of course we had the MMC. Assuming we get pregnant a third time, I can only imagine it'll be even more high anxiety for him. And me obviously. It makes me sad to think we may never get to just celebrate and be happy we're pregnant.

[sammysam]

MsG My SO is like that on a good day...so I can't even imagine what he'll be like if we're lucky enough to get pregnant again. He'll probably wrap me in pillows and not let me do anything at all. It's so hard though knowing that there is no "safe" point in pregnancy when you can stop worrying. I'm afraid if we get pregnant again I'm not going to let myself get too attached...and I don't want to go through a pregnancy feeling like that.

[MsG]

sammysam, I definitely felt some of that. I was happy to get a BFP of course, but I didn't feel like I could start celebrating until a couple weeks past the point we'd miscarried the first one. And then just when we both started to really get attached and start imagining what it would be like (even making a few baby purchases), it happened again. So it's hard for me to imagine how I'll get to a point in any future pregnancy where I won't just be worried and afraid to get attached. I agree though that I don't want to be like that.

And my dh is protective even when nothing is going on to. It's really sweet, but we can't both be a stressed out mess!

[sammysam]

MsG Yes to all of that! At least because I bought some maternity clothes and a few baby things that I never got to use last time I won't have to feel indecisive about buying things if we get pg again since I already have most of what I'll need.

On another note...did you buy the AVA fertility bracelet? I thought I saw you say that in a different post. Do you have it already?

[notelsie]

Hey ladies, I'm sorry for always disappearing. Life has been so hectic.


How are you doing? I'm doing alright, just tired and super busy lately. I've been trying to keep my mind off of things that make me sad.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): Benched while we are dieting. Unfortunately this program is what's most important right now so I really need to stick to it.

Diagnosis (if applicable): PCOS

Updates/questions: Nothing really.

Debbie downer (a place to vent ) : On November 3rd we hit a year since we got my first positive test with Button so this month has been difficult. This time of year is really hard for me knowing I have Button's birthday and Christopher's due date in December. I'm honestly wanting the holidays to speed on by so I don't have to feel all the things.

I'm also on cd68 with no O or AF so I'm frustrated. I recently lost 7lbs so I was hoping that would help.

[notelsie]

Nov 14, 2017 15:35:35 GMT -6 MsG said:

Nov 14, 2017 12:23:46 GMT -6 Radley said:

sammysam good luck! I really do think loss makes you have hyper baby fever sometimes and I really hope it doesn’t take you 8 months again.

100% this! Before my first loss, I didn't have baby fever at all. I was totally mellow about it happening when it happened. After my first loss, I was on edge every month hoping for a BFP and the longer it went on, the worse I felt about it all.

Exactly this. It's frustrating.

[notelsie]

It looks like we all need hugs and love right now. So many feelings. <3

[sunshiney]

notelsie Congratulations on your weight loss, 7 pounds is no joke! I'm so sorry for your losses and the difficult milestones this season.

[MsG]

Nov 16, 2017 15:58:56 GMT -6 sammysam said:

MsG Yes to all of that! At least because I bought some maternity clothes and a few baby things that I never got to use last time I won't have to feel indecisive about buying things if we get pg again since I already have most of what I'll need.

On another note...did you buy the AVA fertility bracelet? I thought I saw you say that in a different post. Do you have it already?

I did end up buying it! I'm retyping this response b/c HIH just refreshed when I was hitting post! Sorry if this ends  up coming through twice, but it looks like my first response disappeared.

So b/c I haven't yet had a CD1 post miscarriage, AVA can't yet predict anything with my cycle. It needs to know what your starting points are to detect the FW and O. However, so far I like how it collects and graphs the data. 

The bracelet itself is super simple (though ugly imo - I'd never do it if I had to wear it all day but since it's only on at night, it's not the biggest deal). But you basically charge it each night before putting it on, wear it overnight, then plug it in in the morning and open the app. Plugging it in and opening the app prompts it to sync the data so you can see what it collected in the app (since the bracelet itself has no screen or anything). 

Because I've been wearing a fitbit for a couple years, I'm already familiar with how my heart rate correlates to my cycle (typically lowest in the follicular phase, increases during FW and increases again post  O until it starts to decrease shortly before AF - I think this is pretty normal for most women). The problem with tracking it this way is that I constantly had to flip back and forth between my fertility apps and my fitbit app to figure all that out. I just like the ease of having it all graphed out for me easily, and I'm hoping that the other data it collects really will help it predict more accurately (though I can only speak to how the RHR predicts my window as I've never tracked all the other stuff AVA does). I tried tracking temp for a while but because I struggle with some insomnia and wake up a lot at night, I could never find a useful trend. Also crossing my fingers AVA is able to give me useful temperature data. 

Once AF makes an appearance and AVA starts making predictions, I'll update about how it's going. I plan to continue to OPK the first month or two just to ensure I can trust AVA.

If I can figure out how to upload photos here, I would be happy to share some screen caps of what the app looks like with data in it. 

[MsG]

Nov 19, 2017 10:14:20 GMT -6 MsG said:

Nov 16, 2017 15:58:56 GMT -6 sammysam said:

MsG Yes to all of that! At least because I bought some maternity clothes and a few baby things that I never got to use last time I won't have to feel indecisive about buying things if we get pg again since I already have most of what I'll need.

On another note...did you buy the AVA fertility bracelet? I thought I saw you say that in a different post. Do you have it already?

I did end up buying it! I'm retyping this response b/c HIH just refreshed when I was hitting post! Sorry if this ends  up coming through twice, but it looks like my first response disappeared.

So b/c I haven't yet had a CD1 post miscarriage, AVA can't yet predict anything with my cycle. It needs to know what your starting points are to detect the FW and O. However, so far I like how it collects and graphs the data. 

The bracelet itself is super simple (though ugly imo - I'd never do it if I had to wear it all day but since it's only on at night, it's not the biggest deal). But you basically charge it each night before putting it on, wear it overnight, then plug it in in the morning and open the app. Plugging it in and opening the app prompts it to sync the data so you can see what it collected in the app (since the bracelet itself has no screen or anything). 

Because I've been wearing a fitbit for a couple years, I'm already familiar with how my heart rate correlates to my cycle (typically lowest in the follicular phase, increases during FW and increases again post  O until it starts to decrease shortly before AF - I think this is pretty normal for most women). The problem with tracking it this way is that I constantly had to flip back and forth between my fertility apps and my fitbit app to figure all that out. I just like the ease of having it all graphed out for me easily, and I'm hoping that the other data it collects really will help it predict more accurately (though I can only speak to how the RHR predicts my window as I've never tracked all the other stuff AVA does). I tried tracking temp for a while but because I struggle with some insomnia and wake up a lot at night, I could never find a useful trend. Also crossing my fingers AVA is able to give me useful temperature data. 

Once AF makes an appearance and AVA starts making predictions, I'll update about how it's going. I plan to continue to OPK the first month or two just to ensure I can trust AVA.

If I can figure out how to upload photos here, I would be happy to share some screen caps of what the app looks like with data in it. 

Had to create a tapatalk account to upload photos, but here we are. Obviously the homepage has nothing because it didn't know my CD yet, but you can see in the second screen cap how it tracks and graphs all the other stuff it does. There is also a calendar view where you can input things like when you BD, period, CM.

[sammysam]

MsG Thanks for the info! A friend of mine bought one but never used it so I just bought it off her (they don't sell them here in Canada yet so she's shipping it to me from the US). I'm glad you like it. I think if nothing else it will at least make me feel like I have some control over TTC;)

[MsG]

Nov 20, 2017 7:11:10 GMT -6 sammysam said:

MsG Thanks for the info! A friend of mine bought one but never used it so I just bought it off her (they don't sell them here in Canada yet so she's shipping it to me from the US). I'm glad you like it. I think if nothing else it will at least make me feel like I have some control over TTC;)

Definitely part of the appeal for me! The whole process is so frustrating and any extra bit of info is helpful at this point.