Daycare Drama Enters Final Inning

[45thparallel]

Pasted from Monday randoms:

So I have been MIA too. Work stress and life stress combined. I’m not usually one to talk about myself, but I need to vent. I’ve hit a point where I’m feeling defeated and not sure if I’m too involved to see another perspective (likely?). I’m not sure if anyone remembers but DS was put on probabtion at daycare for behaviour - doesn’t listen yada yada all the things two years old do.

So we met with daycare this morning to touch base. The past 3-4 weeks DS has been doing really well at daycare. Our book that the provider fills out didn’t raise any flags - quite the opposite in fact he’s turned a point and has stopped doing what she didn’t like. Most days at pick up she would say no issues. This morning she told us he is kicked out at the end of the month and if we can find a place sooner we should take it. We told her DD will be pulled as well, no way I’ll continue dropping one kid there after the other is booted. I’m just defeated. She said she is feeling tired and less patient - I respect her for being honest. But also she said her H has been taking time off bc he’s also tired of the daycare (which leaves her alone with 9 kids under 4). Asshole me wants to report her for this, but then is it out of spite bc she seems to be focusing everything on DS. But the bigger issue how do I find a place for them both in less than 3 weeks. Stress on max here.

Im beat, I need you wise ladies to tell me what to do moving forward.

[RunsforWineandCarbs]

Well if she is exceeding her limit of kids, then yes report her. and she shouldn't be taking it out on a 2year old.

I am not sure what to say about what to do differently. Seems you did everything correct. And his behavior changed, so I am confused to why she is "kicking him out". I also have no problems with daycares - the ones i have looked at don't have wait lists.

I am sorry you are going thru this. So many hugs.

[45thparallel]

RunsforWineandCarbs maybe that’s what I’m feeling, confused. I feel blind sided by him being kicked out after the way the past fews have gone. I mean I realized it was possible, but everything seemed so good recently. Nothing she said lead me to think this was the outcome.

Now I’m wondering if everything seeming to improve was because she internally made the decision to boot him and she was relieved that she would be done with him soon.

[45thparallel]

I’ll reply in here skinandbones. Thank you for that response. Not at all rambling. It was truly helpful to help get into perspective the embarrassment I feel about this bc I feel like I’m the only one it’s ever happened to. Like my kid is just so awful he’s beyond help. And the concrete plan of action was needed. It sounds silly but I wrote down a to do list from your post.

[Betweenthelines]

I will second everything RunsforWineandCarbs said.

And it's not a spite thing- if she's going out of the child to teacher ratio, she needs to be reported. That is putting OTHER kids in danger, whether your kids are there or not.

[taketheshot]

Nov 6, 2017 8:23:21 GMT -6 45thparallel said:

RunsforWineandCarbs maybe that’s what I’m feeling, confused. I feel blind sided by him being kicked out after the way the past fews have gone. I mean I realized it was possible, but everything seemed so good recently. Nothing she said lead me to think this was the outcome.

Now I’m wondering if everything seeming to improve was because she internally made the decision to boot him and she was relieved that she would be done with him soon.

The second paragraph you wrote here is exactly what I think happened.

I will admit that I am recently guilty of this as well. I was watching another girl on Mondays and Wednesdays and she and I just did not mesh well. I had no patience for her and was literally dreading the days she was here. My whole demeanor was negative and I hated it. But I made my mind up to tell her mom by a certain date, which kind of gave me a calmness, knowing that this was going to come to an end soon, and things got better in a way... Just knowing there was an end.

I am so sorry you have to deal with this now... Not only for your DS but your DD, too.

[CestLaVie]

ahh I'm sorry this is happening. I worry about this sometimes with DD since she throws down every damn day (and is nothing like DS- laid back).
To put it in perspective, every day I leave her there she is throwing a tantrum about her damn boots. She doesn't want to take them off. Today her daycare lady told me "She's 2 this is what 2 year olds do, just slip out and we'll give her some space." I do think you want to know if they are resenting him because it's not a good atmosphere for him at all.


I do think the numbers thing is reportable. I didn't report a daycare back in the day for walking her kid to the bus and leaving the kids in the house. I yanked DS and disappeared. I regretted it and I heard from a kid on his hockey team recently that they had the same issue and reported it so I do wish I reported it earlier.

[skinandbones]

45thparallel, I'm agreeing she made the decision to boot him despite his improvements.

This isn't your fault or your son's fault. Your son is not beyond help- he's two, acting two. You know this. Don't let your babysitter get in your head and make you question this.

She set you to fail on this one. He could have been the best behaved child that ever walked the earth and you would still be in this position.

[jedi]

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. If you remember, s1 was kicked out when he was 3 because he was to impulsive for them. Looking back now, our initial meeting was the start of the process. They had no intention of wanting to work with him but wanted to cover their bases. When we went into our final meeting, I thought we were checking in. I was kinda blindsided. Their plan all along was to kick us out.

My take is this. Weather there are true behavioral issues or not (doesn’t sound like there is IMO) Your DS probably is feeling that negative energy (DD too) and they don’t need that. You don’t need that. Your SO doesn’t need that. I know I had so much anxiety at drop offs and pick ups wondering what report I would get. I’m guessing that this is a blessing in disguise. You might not feel that way right now but I bet you will.

As far as finding some place. I feel like this will fall into place for you (it did for us). We found a place within a few days and he was gone within a week.

Sending hugs.

[Peekaru]

If she’s exceeding her limit, it’s a safety issue for the kids.

I know it’s stressful, but this might be good for you and the kids, she’s taking it out on your kid. You and he don’t deserve that!

Also, big hugs and virtual wine.

[aydee]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Child care issues are incredibly stressful. It sounds like one of the most stressful aspects of this is needing to find a new place in 3 weeks. Before you burn bridges with the current care provider, could you see if she would be willing to give you an extra few weeks if you just can't find anything? Is there any family nearby who could help out temporarily? Also, am I remembering correctly that you are on an academic calendar? If so, having an extra couple of weeks to get you through the rest of the semester might really help. If you're off over the holidays that might even buy you time until January.

This stinks. I also agree that things have seemed "better" because she already internally decided she was done.

[jedi]

I just saw @skimandbones post and I would just like to add that it’s something I still haven’t gotten over either. It’s been a little over 2 yrs for us as well.

[Pizzaslut]

I skimmed responses but it sounds like she overwhelmed and is not equipped right now to handle (totally common) 2-year old behaviors. Some toddlers are (idk how to say this) "more spirited" than others. That does not mean they are bad or that something is wrong. Again, I think she cannot handle this stress. If this is a licensed dcp, I would report, because I would be so upset my kid got kicked out for pretty normal behavior.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope you realize that this is on her and not your DS.

[armpants]

Just wanted to add in that I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I hope you find a better solution quickly. I would also report the improper ratios.

[layloo]

I'm really sorry you're dealing with this and hope you find another daycRe soon. Hugs and wine

[45thparallel]

Nov 6, 2017 8:46:22 GMT -6 skinandbones said:

45thparallel , I'm agreeing she made the decision to boot him despite his improvements.

This isn't your fault or your son's fault. Your son is not beyond help- he's two, acting two. You know this. Don't let your babysitter get in your head and make you question this.

She set you to fail on this one. He could have been the best behaved child that ever walked the earth and you would still be in this position.

I think this will be my new mantra for the time being. 

[45thparallel]

jedi I didn’t realize but I am totally anxious each pickup hoping she doesn’t groan and say it was an aweful day. That’s for your perspective.

[45thparallel]

aydee I am on an academic schedule so in reality we just need something until Dec 5th then I’m “off” until Jan and my BF has vacation most of Dec. Ok anxiety is subsiding a bit, I’m sure it will come back soon enough haha.

[45thparallel]

I truely appreciate and value all of you ladies and your replies. I’m in a much better headspace now than I was a few hours ago.

[mrspiatt]

I don’t really have anything to add that hasn’t already been said. I just wanted to say I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I would definitely report her if she is over her kid limit. It’s not being spiteful, it’s in the best interest of the kids.
I hope you find a solution that works for you guys. Big Hugs, this is absolutely all on her and not a reflection of DS.

[coconutbacon]

Nothing too add 45thparallel. Everyone’s given you great advice. Just want to send you virtual hugs and wine. I can definitely relate to how stressful the idea of searching for new daycare is, but I think that ultimately, you’re going to find a much better solution for your family.

[redandblue]

Late to the party here, and I agree with all the PP. This happened to me with DS1, but we got dropped one day (happened to be September 11, 2001...I started talking to his provider about toilet training him, she didn't want to discuss different scenarios...long story, she ended up quitting on me later that day. I will never forget that day for many reasons). She offered to take him for one week (only in response to me saying "well what am I supposed to do?"). I ended up having to take him one more day, before I found some band aid solutions until I could get a different regular spot. I 100% agree that most children are resilient and your kids will get through the transition. It is an awful feeling, and your emotions will be all over the place. I hope you are able to find something soon, but know that you are absolutely doing the best for your kids, and you will get past this. It's good that you will be off for most of December, so hopefully that can buy you some time.

But I would definitely be reporting her for having ratios like that. It is completely unacceptable, and most likely the sole reason she is experiencing higher stress, and difficulties managing the children. It is definitely putting all the children at risk. I'm not sure what the ratios are in your province, but in ON providers are only able to have 6 children (and no more than 2 under the age of 2 included in those numbers). With our new childcare and early years act, licensed and unlicensed providers are expected to follow the guidelines. I would definitely be making the call.

Big hugs and lots of wine for you!

[librarylady]

I know I don't post a lot, but I just wanted to give you virtual hugs for your situation! Your son is perfect and there is nothing wrong with him or you. This lady had some stuff going on in her life and it sounds like your kids needed to get out of there. So, I would report them. It isn't out of spite, it is out of being a decent human being. Those kids are not safe with that ratio.

[45thparallel]

The drama piled on last night. DD has been talking about a “baby” at daycare for a long time but we assumed a toy baby she played with. For example she’d often say she had to be quiet while the baby napped throughout the day.

Turns out, the daycare took on a new baby (10 months) putting the # of kids at 10 for the two provides (which is sometimes only 1 provider). It’s the sibling of a older kid at daycare but it puts the care care over it’s limit. We called the daycare out on this and they said the baby has been coming part time for just over 2 months - so around when DS was put on probation. Basically she was booting us to take on a baby. Rage. Now I’m wondering if the “problem behaviour” was just an excuse to boot him. Rage more.

We pulled the kids completely. I don’t trust the environment. BF is Home today with the kids. We arranged with BFs schedule and his mom to watch the kids until I’m off in Dec and we are on the hunt for a day care immediately.

I’m glad this chapter is done and I agree with many of your comments that’s not an environment i want my kids in or a headspace I need to maintain.

[RunsforWineandCarbs]

45thparallel, that's rough to find out but i think you did the right thing. Now please tell me it's on your to-do list for today to report her....

[jedi]

Yikes! Glad you for a temporary solution. I hope you find a new daycare soon!

[45thparallel]

Nov 7, 2017 8:11:44 GMT -6 RunsforWineandCarbs said:

45thparallel, that's rough to find out but i think you did the right thing. Now please tell me it's on your to-do list for today to report her....

Oh 100%!! My BF will look into how during nap time today.

[aydee]

Your rage feelings are totally justified. That is really unprofessional and unethical on her part. I'm glad you're able to juggle care arrangements so your kids don't have to go back there. Yikes!

[armpants]

So glad you got the kids out of there! Fx you find a place you feel comfortable with soon. I would be in such a rage in your place!

[easternshoregirl]

So sorry to read about this. I'm glad some of the other ladies chimed in with some good advice. I am glad to hear the kids aren't there anymore and it just sounds super sketchy when you add in the stuff about the new baby. WTH!?!?